C'est La Vie~!

Just keeping this for future references.. :)

2011-06-24T18:00:00.000+08:00

Q. What about testimonials? Can’t personal experience demonstrate what works?

A. “Testimonials” are personal accounts of someone’s experiences with a therapy. They are generally subjective: “I felt better,” “I had more energy,” “I wasn’t as nauseated,” “The pain went away,” and so on. Testimonials are inherently selective. People are much more likely to talk about their “amazing cure” than about something that didn’t work for them. The proponents of “alternative” methods can, of course, pick which testimonials they use. For example, let’s suppose that if 100 people are sick, 50 of them will recover on their own even if they do nothing. So, if all 100 people use a certain therapy, half will get better even if the treatment doesn’t do anything. These people could say “I took therapy X and my disease went away!” This would be completely honest, even though the therapy had done nothing for them. So, testimonials are useless for judging treatment effectiveness. For all we know, those giving the testimonial might be the only people who felt better. Or, suppose that of 100 patients trying a therapy, 10 experienced no change, 85 felt worse, and 5 felt better. The five who improved could quite honestly say that they felt better, even though nearly everyone who tried the remedy stayed the same or got worse!

Tanpa dirimu aku merasa hilang..

2011-03-14T17:07:00.004+08:00

Dedicated to the loves of my life.. Azmi & Alysha..

Aku ingin menjadi mimpi indah dalam tidurmu
Aku ingin menjadi sesuatu yg mungkin bisa kau rindu
Karena langkah merapuh tanpa dirimu
Oh karena hati tlah letih

Aku ingin menjadi sesuatu yg selalu bisa kau sentuh
Aku ingin kau tahu bahwa ku selalu memujamu
Tanpamu sepinya waktu merantai hati
Oh bayangmu seakan-akan

Kau seperti nyanyian dalam hatiku
Yang memanggil rinduku padamu
Seperti udara yg kuhela kau selalu ada
Hanya dirimu yg bisa membuatku tenang
Tanpa dirimu aku merasa hilang
Dan sepi, dan sepi

Selalu ada, kau selalu ada
Selalu ada, kau selalu ada

Islam is AWESOME!

2010-12-31T16:45:00.005+08:00

Ermm hello..

Hehehehe.. It's been so long since I last post anything here.
Again, so many things had happened in my life. In the last hours of 2010, I have decided that it's time to move on and not dwell on it. Pfft.. Like real. Maybe I'll just blog about it some other time. ;p~
Some of you may know me as an avid reader. To me, there's nothing I love most than to just curl up in bed and spend it reading a good book. Ok ok.. I also love spending time with my family.. and.. I love food.. and sleeping.. and doing nothing.. and playing games..

Fine.. Reading is one of my most favouritest thing to do.. OK?

Anyway, in the office, when there's nothing to do.. I love to surf the web for something to read. It makes me look like I am busy researching work-related stuffs. Especially when I grimaced my face while reading something gross.

At this moment, my favourite haunt is Cracked.com. --> http://www.cracked.com/
In the untrained eye, at first glance, it may appear tacky and sort of obscene. But as I dived further, I found out that it is really informative, in a funny-sarcastic-inyourface kinda way. I am addicted to it.

Here is one of the articles that I had just read and I am dying to share it with you guys.

5 Ridiculous Things You Probably Believe About Islam

Warning: Ok, I know there are a lot of 'F' words in there. Sorry. :)

Excerpt from the article :

Muhammad laid out some pretty progressive rules of warfare, and medieval Muslims out-niced the Christians in battle by a landslide.
Especially since Muhammad personally issued "a distinct code of conduct among
Islamic warriors" that included:
No killing of women, children or innocents
-- these might include hermits, monks or other religious leaders who were deemed
noncombatants;
No wanton killing of livestock or other animals;
No burning or destruction of trees and orchards; and
No destruction of wells.

Here's another one. (Ok, I had to censor some bit, coz it's my blog and I said so.. Guess which one was it? Kids, if you would like to know, click on that link above to read the whole thing.)

And historically, they have a hell of a track record. Science and math as we know it wouldn't even exist without Islam. The Islamic Golden Age caused a revolution in virtually every field of human thought, during which they freaking invented algebra -- and advanced everything from geography and exploration to the arts, architecture, philosophy, urban development, medicine and health.

A good reminder for me..

2010-08-20T21:57:00.003+08:00

Western Teenage Girl

This is an insightful and personal account of why a Western teenage girl would reject the ‘wonders’ of fashion, and want to cover herself in the hijab (veil).

I probably do not fit into the preconceived notion of a “rebel”. I have no visible tattoos and minimal piercing. I do not possess a leather jacket. In fact, when most people look at me, their first thought usually is something along the lines of “oppressed female”. The brave individuals who have mustered the courage to ask me about the way I dress usually have questions like: “Do your parents make you wear that?” or “Don’t you find that really unfair?”

A while back, a couple of girls in Montreal were kicked out of school for dressing like I do. It seems strange that a little piece of cloth would make for such a controversy. Perhaps the fear is that I am harboring an Uzi machine gun underneath it! Of course, the issue at hand is more than a mere piece of cloth. I am a Muslim woman who, like millions of other Muslim women across the globe, chooses to wear a hijab. And the concept of the hijab, contrary to popular opinion, is actually one of the most fundamental aspects of female empowerment. When I cover myself, I make it virtually impossible for people to judge me according to the way I look. I cannot be categorized because of my attractiveness or lack thereof. Compare this to life in today’s society: We are constantly sizing one another up on the basis of our clothing, jewelry, hair and makeup. What kind of depth can there be in a world like this?

Yes, I have a body, a physical manifestation upon this Earth. But it is the vessel of an intelligent mind and a strong spirit. It is not for the beholder to leer at or to use in advertisements to sell everything from beer to cars. Because of the superficiality of the world in which we live, external appearances are so stressed that the value of the individual counts for almost nothing. It is a myth that women in today’s society are liberated. What kind of freedom can there be when a woman cannot walk down the street without every aspect of her physical self being “checked out”? When I wear the hijab I feel safe from all of this. I can rest assured that no one is looking at me and making assumptions about my character from the length of my skirt. There is a barrier between me and those who would exploit me.

I am first and foremost a human being, one of the saddest truths of our time is the question of the beauty myth and female self-image. Reading popular teenage magazines, you can instantly find out what kind of body image is “in” or “out” . And if you have the “wrong” body type, well, then, you’re just going to change it, aren’t you? After all, there is no way you can be overweight and still be beautiful. Look at any advertisement. Is a woman being used to sell the product? How old is she? How attractive is she? What is she wearing? More often than not, that woman will be no older than her early 20s, taller, slimmer, and more attractive than average, and dressed in skimpy clothing. Why do we allow ourselves to be manipulated like this? Whether the 90s woman wishes to believe it or not, she is being forced into a mould. She is being coerced into selling herself, into compromising herself. This is why we have 13-year-old girls sticking their fingers down their throats to vomit and overweight adolescents hanging themselves.

When people ask me if I feel oppressed, I can honestly say no. I made this decision of my own free will. I like the fact that I am taking control of the way other people perceive me. I enjoy the fact that I don’t give anyone anything to look at and that I have released myself from the bondage of the swinging pendulum of the fashion industry and other institutions that exploit females. My body is my own business. Nobody can tell me how I should look or whether or not I am beautiful. I know that there is more to me than that. I am also able to say no comfortably when people ask me if I feel as if my sexuality is being repressed. I have taken control of my sexuality. I am thankful I will never have to suffer the fate of trying to lose / gain weight or trying to find the exact lipstick shade that will go with my skin colour. I have made choices about what my priorities are and these are not among them.

So next time you see me, don’t look at me sympathetically. I am not under duress or a male-worshiping female captive from those barbarous Arab deserts. I’ve been liberated!

By Sultana Yusufali (a 17-year-old high school student)

Published in Toronto Star Young People’s Press

Copied frm
http://islam4parents.com/2008/09/western-teenage-girl/#more-114

Hey lil sister~

2010-08-17T23:46:00.002+08:00

It's almost 12am now. I tried going to sleep, tossing around on my bed but my head was so full of.. stuffs.. I used to keep a blog to let things out of my chest once in a while. It's just my way to clear out my thoughts.
It's my little psycho-therapy to keep myself sane, because you know what? Once you typed out your problems, it just seems trivial and nonsensical. You don't even have to publish it, just stringing it into sentences and arranging them in little paragraphs can make things look orderly and manageable.
It's so rare nowadays for me to be able to sit down at home to type out my innermost thoughts and feelings. There are always things to do, games to play, books to read and I just get so exhausted, the only thing I want to do is to shut my brain and watch tv. Or just lay on my bed. Sigh.. I can't seem to keep myself awake after 1am too. Gosh.. I'm really getting old.

A couple of months ago, I came across my lil sister's blog and it shocked me beyond words..
There was this post, it was dedicated to me.. It was so sweet and I was so flattered.. Heh.
But there are also others.. Well, let's just say that I was glad she cancelled her blog. And I can also read her Facebook even though she put it as private. Don't ask me how. It's a trade secret~

My sweet little sister. She's the youngest and the fairest. You know how in the fairy tales, the last prince or princess was always the prettiest or the handsomest or the fairest blah blah blah.. Errmm.. Yeah.. That kinda happen in our family. Bleah~ Must be due to some diluted royal blood in us or something. Hehehe..

Anyway, the reason for tossing and turning this evening was because I kept remembering the time I consoled my lil sister when she dropped Abg Ngah's camera. I can't remember when but I think she was very young. You see, Abg Ngah lend his camera to her and told her to really take care of it. And Abg Ngah can be kinda uptight when it comes to the wellbeing of his property. I am a bit vague when it comes to what made it fall but I was probably involved in it. The camera dropped, I laughed evilly, picked it up and shake it. There was some weird rattling sound and I was just about to say, 'Padan muka!' (Serves you right!) when I saw the look on her face.
Oh man.. She looked so crushed and so scared, my sisterly love just welled up. I hugged her and told her that it's ok, everything will be alright. I promised her that I won't tell Abg Ngah and I will help her to cover it up. Hehehe.. You see, the lies I was willing to tell because I just couldn't bear seeing her so scared and hurt.

All those years flown by. We have grown apart, went our separate ways. Only talking when necessary.
It was years later when I hugged her again. This time was when Arwah Mak passed away. While I was being consoled by my hubby, in the midst of my tears and sadness, I saw the same little girl that I used to hug and console her. Her face looked so crushed and scared, her whole life has just came crashing down.
I know her life will never be the same again and I had to do something to save her. At that time, she was about to start on her nursing course in NYP. If she has the same problem I had with Ayah when I was her age, I can't let her be. So I talked to hubby, Alhamdulillah, he gave me the green light to ask her to stay with us. At least she can concentrate on her studies and her school is nearer to my home. She really just need to concentrate on her studies. Nothing else.

So it hurt me really bad when people started asking me, why don't I let her stay with Ayah? Or 'Why let Ayah stay alone?'. I have reasons for doing things the way it is. There is really no need for outsiders to come and question our decisions. It's already hard enough as it is, please don't come and make it even harder.

Now she's here for more than a year. We are back to square one again. Hubby asked me the other day, why can't I just talk to her. I was stumped. Ermm.. I am really bad at conversations (really really bad.. think 'really long uncomfortable silences'). Especially with her. All the time when I start to open my mouth to talk, I'll end up being so tense and it's so awkward. Sigh.
I just wish that she will open up more with us, you know, like the way she is with her friends. I guess I am guilty too, all the uncomfortable silences that we have. But one thing for sure, although I don't show it, I do love her.. very much. I just want her to know that every action that I do now, is because I care for her and also for her own good. Try not to hate us so much. :)

Ya Allah, please guide her to the right path and protect her from harm.

I seriously need to go for a vacation!!!!!!!!!!

2010-06-16T15:52:00.003+08:00

My work is so stressful now that I just got promoted (twice in less than 2 months!!) in NCS. I get to lead an awesome team of 12 people and I am now handling government projects, one of them will probably cause me sleepless nights.
I get to train newbies, go for onsite meetings, interview candidates.. etc etc..

I can't divulge further details as these are all classified information. Signed the Official Secret Act and all that.. ;p Hehehe.. Sound mysterious, no? LoL~ I love new challenges!

I am just waiting for my assistant to return from his 3-week reservist, and then I can finally go for my break.. Question now is.. WHERE TO GO? I have Jetstar vouchers that I have to utilise within 3 months. Hmm.. Decision decision..

Why I don't believe in ghosts..

2010-04-10T20:00:00.003+08:00

Most people close to me will know that I am scared to watch scary movies. Normally I'll try to avoid it as much as I can, but it's Azmi's favourite kinda movie. So sometimes, I have no choice. ;p

I will probably just watch it in a small screen or with most of my face being hidden behind something soft like my hubby's hand or a cushion. It's degrading, but I really don't care.

And then after that, I will probably have nightmares and sleepless nights because of that stupid movie.

But..

In real life, I know that ghosts doesn't exist. Yeah, in Islam, there's no such thing as a soul of a person getting revenge on his murderer. It is even impermissible to believe in such a thing. Because, when a person passed away, he will enter a different world known as Alam Al-Barzakh, preparing to account for all his deeds. It's a place in transition before the coming of the Day of Reckoning.. jeng jeng jeng..
So it will be hard to believe that the soul have time to take revenge or settle his unfinished business.

So there.. I've said it. Dear Muslim Brothers and Sisters, it is now up to you to stop this nonsense. I have had enough of listening to true ghost stories based on your own encounter or friend's friend's brother-in-law's sister's experience.

I am not finished yet....

In Islam, there exist the realm of the unseen. This is the place where jinn, creations of Allah, live in a world parallel to us.

Regarding the jinn’s origin, it is mentioned that:

“Indeed, We have created man from dried clay of black smooth mud. And We have
created the jinn before that from the smokeless flame of the fire.” [Al Hijr
15:26-27]

Like ourselves, Allah has created and has required the jinn to worship Him.

“I did not create the jinn and mankind except to worship Me.” [Al Dhariyat 51:56]

However, jinn do possess some powers and abilities that distinguish them from us, which include taking on a different physical form, like that of a human, for instance. Some jinn, like us, abuse the powers and capabilities given to them by Allah. One of the several ways that these jinn manipulate their powers is through visions.

Some people possess abilities to see them. Some, like me, goes on with our daily activities, blissfully unaware of their existence. Even if they are in the same room. Those who can see them may be convinced that this vision are real and are indeed the souls of the departed, trying to tell us something. And this is exactly what the jinn is trying to do: lead us astray – from our beliefs and the truth.

So how to we deal with this creation of Allah?

It is recommended that we recite the Holy Quran regularly in our homes and keep ourselves clean. The prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said:

“Indeed, the shaytan flees from the house in which Surah Al Baqarah is recited.” [Tirmidhi]

“Cover your utensils and tie your water skins, close your doors, and keep your children close to you at night, as the jinn spread out at such times.” [Bukhari]

Of course not all jinn are naughty and mischievous in nature. There also exist those whom we call, jinn Islam. Because just like us, jinn will also be held accountable for their deeds on the Day of Judgment.

My next blog topic will be about dreams.. Insyallah..

Alysha's hair

2010-03-22T21:14:00.003+08:00

We spent countless months.. agonizing over the fate of her hair.
We wondered.. will it ever grow?
We shield our baby from mean and cruel comments about her hair.. Sigh..

And when it does grow, it was well worth it!
Her hair was perfect! It looks like Mak Busu's hair when she was a baby, with her dark golden curls..
It has little springs in there, that just reminds me of her bubbly personality.
It's fine and delicate.. it's shiny and smells so good..

That's Alysha Nadya.. My baby and my life..

* 3 blog posts in a day! Hehehe.. *

Alysha Nadya at 27 months..

2010-03-22T20:42:00.004+08:00

Alysha has been such a joy to play with and talk to nowadays.
Sometimes we have no idea what she is blabbering about and will just make things up on our own.
Hehehe..

Having her has changed my life tremendously. When I was childless, you can say that I was fearless and full of nonsense. But now, I see life so full of danger and difficulties.
It is such a huge challenge, trying to balance things up so that she will grow up to be a smart and independent being!
Like, you can't help feeling protective and running to smother her with hugs and kisses for every little thing that she encounters. Or knowing when to stand my ground and not let her have that little snack before her dinner.
Being a mother, oooh.. it can make me tear out my hair in frustration! On one side, am I being a bad mother for letting her learn that it hurts if she place her hands near the hot mug OR should I stop her from touching the hot mug?

I am trying my best to be a good mother. It's really hard.. I want to give her the best clothes and expensive branded stuffs but I know that she will just wear it for a couple of months and all will just go to waste.
Anyway, my parents didn't indulge us in branded goods when we were young. And we grew up a-OK. We let Alysha wear hand me downs clothes because it helps us save loads of $$. To tell you the truth, the branded stuffs that Alysha has was gifts from other people! Yikes! Double-income parents NOT buying branded items? Are you kidding me? LoL~ Yeah, we just buy normal clothes for her. She's gorgeous, she looks perfect just wearing a $10 dress.. and yeah.. we are cheapskate parents.

I rather invest on books, toys and educational videos for her. I rather that we plant this feeling of being simple & sensible instead of hungering for these unnecessary branded goods, unless, of course if it is worth your $$. I hope we are doing it right, though.
You see, when it comes to children, buying them clothes that they are going to outgrow in 2 months are just not worth it. It's not like adults, where $200 shoes is going to last for yeaaaaaars..

Take me for example, the only branded bag that I have was from hubby. It was a wedding gift, 4 years ago. A wallet that was also a gift is still being used. A little worn out, but it's going to be good for a couple more years. I hope.

Yes, I am a little boring. I tried to jump into the branded bandwagon, but the sensible person in me just hate spending $400 for a bag that look like the $40 counterfeit one at pasar malam.

We may look for branded names in electronic gadgets, but to spend $200 with a huge brand plastered on my shirt, bleah.. What? I am spending $$ to advertise for you?
*roll eyes*

Random~

2010-03-22T20:34:00.003+08:00

We keep hitting speedbumps.. one after another.. Sigh..
Well, the road to success is never easy..
Insyallah, we are going to make it.

I just remembered something that someone said.. loooong time ago.

A good and honorable man would never let his mom, daughter, sister, girlfriend or wife wear slutty, revealing clothes.

Food for thought, eh?

Meoooooooow~

2010-03-22T05:47:00.003+08:00

Just a few days ago..

Ibu: What do you wanna be when you grow up?
Alysha: *full of confidence* CAT!
Ibu trying to hold in her laughter..

Ibu: So what does cat eat?
Alysha: Bread..
Ibu: Where does cat lives?
Alysha: Trees..
I guess it's because she saw a few stray cats lounging near the trees when we go visit Atok's house at Kallang.

Hehehehe.. Cute..

Life is so unpredictable..

2010-03-13T07:29:00.009+08:00

Life is so unpredictable.. One moment you are sad, then another moment you are bouncing off the walls with happiness.
One day you are down with love and then the next day you are on cloud nine. Or when you feel so exhausted from work that all you want to do is just to shutdown, but the moment you see your daughter's face, you decided that you are not that tired after all.
Another good example is when you feel so full of hope and inspired by the goodness of this particular human this week, and then when you read about other monsters that existed in the world, you just feel so homicidal.
Life is just funny that way and sometimes, I can't help but laugh along with it or cry at the helplessness of it all..
Last year, Allah tested me with so many things. I lost Arwah mak, my good health and my job. Things just got from bad to worst because I indulged myself in self-pity.
Alhamdullilah.. Things got better for me this year. Whatever that doesn't kill me, will just make me stronger. What is life without challenges, eh?

Islam is wonderful, but I can't stand the Muslims

2010-01-26T18:47:00.004+08:00

I have Christian colleague who is currently facing a problem.

Well.. It is a huge problem to him but I was kinda happy when he told me of his problem.
Now, don't think of me as a sadistic person who likes to hear of people's misfortune.. His wife who was working in Dubai became a Muslim a couple of months back. I am happy because we have a new ummah joining our growing religion but a little sad because this means that their marriage will be voided. The wife don't even want to think about 'Civil Marriage' which is of course not recognised in Islam.
What will happen to their little son?
I gently proded him to read about Islam, maybe this will open his heart to join us but he turned the question back to me 'Would you convert to Christianity?'
Astarghfirullah!
Of course not! So he calmly replied back,'Then how can I?' And also I don't blame him..
You see, whenever he asked about Islam, he will normally asked about the part where it is permissible for a Muslim men to beat his wife. Or the part where Muslim men are allowed to have 4 wives. Or why Muslim women have to wear tudung. I tried my best to explain to him but usually the questions asked would made me feel defensive. Can you imagine explaining 'siwak' to someone who don't understand what that is? A wooden toothbrush?
The recent news of burning Churches and Mosques in Malaysia just made it worst for me.
'Why do the Muslims in Malaysia don't want other religions uses Allah?' He asked me the other day.
Because they don't want the Muslims to be confused and accidentally convert to Christianity was the answer given in the news.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A quick google search in Wikipedia - Allah

Allah (Arabic: الله‎, Allāh, Turkish: Allah, IPA: [ʔalˤːɑːh] ( listen)) is the standard Arabic word for God.^[1] While the term is best known in the West for its use by Muslims as a reference to God, it is used by Arabic-speakers of all Abrahamic faiths, including Christians and Jews, in reference to "God".^[1]^[2]^[3] The term was also used by pagan Meccans as a reference to the creator-god, possibly the supreme deity in pre-Islamic Arabia.^[4]

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Wouldn't it be nice if they have thought that by using the word 'Allah' in other religions will in turn make even more people convert to Islam?

Anyway.. While searching for more articles to show my colleagues about the beauty in Islam, I stumbled upon this website.
Masyallah.. These are the 2 paragraphs that will describe my predicament exactly

'My Islam sees in the prophet endless examples of forgiveness and tolerance, yet my friends see the mindless enforcement of rigid laws and eccentric punishments. I sometimes explain, but could just as well tell tales of Shari'a court corruption and injustice. My Islam insists on individual freedom, there is no compulsion, no priests are needed, and except for piety all men are equal. I kneel before no man, though I will kneel in prayer beside any, and my wealth and privilege is permitted, though charity is to be preferred, and the prophet chose to die a pauper.

My friends can understand and be drawn to such principles, but unless they can see this utopia in a more tangible form than my theories they are surely destined to remain cynical about their possible fulfillment. As long as I can't show them examples of Muslims living in a way they consider preferable to their own, I won't worry too much about their conversion. They see my Islam as a pipe dream, and who knows, perhaps they are right. The task is of course even harder when the friends concerned are women, as the clichéd platitudes of Islamic freedom and equality mean nothing when such highly visible inequities and oppression are impossible to hide.'

Please.. Let me cut and paste the whole thing here so that you can enjoy it as much as I did..
Here's the link --> http://www.islamfortoday.com/malik01.htm

Islam is wonderful, but I can't stand the Muslims
"Why should I try to convert my non-Muslim friends when I often prefer them to the Muslims that I know? How will being Muslim change their lives for the better if they already display more of the Islamic virtues than most of the Muslims they are likely to meet?"
By British convert to Islam, Michael A. Malik.

There was a white face in the mosque. You don't see very many, so I went over and asked if he was a Muslim, “I used to be, but not any more.” he said, “I thought Islam was wonderful, but I couldn't stand the Muslims”. What could I say except “I know how you feel”;. Most converts do.

Of course one meets some special individuals in encounters with the ummah, but how is it possible that in the Muslim world they seem so few and far between? Does my being a cultural alien mean that I am inherently less capable of understanding Islam, or is it just that I don't understand my fellow Muslims? Why is it that a trip to the mosque so often leaves me closer to despair than hope? Why do I so rarely feel enlightened and uplifted after conversation with my fellow Muslims, yet so often offended by their behaviour, frustrated by their mindless approach to truth, and enraged by the inadequacy of the Islam they expect me to accept? How often I have felt like giving it all up.

Fortunately I was a Muslim for four years before going to the Muslim world and meeting those who feel that Islam belongs to them by birthright, so I early on formed a relationship with God which served to armour me against the ummah. The first time I went into a mosque in a Muslim country, the first thing to happen was that someone tried to throw me out. Now they weren’t to know that I was a Muslim but they didn't even ask. When I told them, in fact, the first thing they did ask was “Sunni or Shi’a?”, so if I'd picked the wrong one they would probably have thrown me out anyway. I thoroughly confused them when I said I didn't care, however, and eventually they let me stop and pray.

First impressions last a long time, they say, but many years after having learned by experience the best way to get in, pray, and get out without harassment, it still seems that in a strange mosque a strange face is more likely to be greeted with hostility than welcome.

The man in the editor's office was obviously a Muslim, so the brusque arrogance of his manner should not have come as a surprise. It did little, however, to incline me towards composing a careful answer, too much effort was required to remain courteous, and it seemed more like a challenge than a question. “And how many of your people have you converted?” he said, but I suspect the answer was more complex than he really wanted to hear.

“Converted to what?” is the first response. Islam presumably, yet here we have a huge assumption that we both agree on what that is. Why should I try to convert my non-Muslim friends when I often prefer them to the Muslims that I know? How will being Muslim change their lives for the better if they already display more of the Islamic virtues than most of the Muslims they are likely to meet? I share what I have found when they show Interest, but like me they often look at the Muslim world and wonder what we have in common. They find it hard to see living examples of the principles of which I speak.

I came to Islam through a search for Truth, but I found that in practice most Muslims give the truth a very low priority, and I can still be shocked by their facility for saying whatever they think suits the conversation best. Along with truth goes trustworthiness, surely an Islamic virtue, yet travelling through the Muslim world I met Muslims eager to sit down and discuss breaking an agreement not two minutes after sealing it with a pious recitation of Al Fatiha [first chapter of the Quran]. And closer to home how distasteful it is to belong to a community so notorious with regard to paying bills.

How about Mercy and Compassion - those words now repeatedly on my Muslim lips. In three years of travelling through the Muslim world, hardly a day passed without some stranger feeling he ought to instruct me in the principles of Islam. In all that time, in all these casual encounters, not only was mercy never given pride of place, but I actually don't recall it ever having been given a place at all. It is not necessary for my friends to look to the Muslim heartlands, when at home the Muslim example can be confused with “My Beautiful Launderette”.

But they see the Muslim heartlands every evening an TV, with their dictators and demagogues thick on the ground, oppressive and unjust societies, poverty and ignorance. There is no point in telling friends that Islam is a complete way of life. That it is a way to achieve joy and fulfillment in this life, hope and trust when approaching the next, and the perfect basis for a tolerant and peaceful society for all humanity. What can I answer when someone says “Show me!” - “Point to a Muslim country you can use as an example.”

My Islam sees in the prophet endless examples of forgiveness and tolerance, yet my friends see the mindless enforcement of rigid laws and eccentric punishments. I sometimes explain, but could just as well tell tales of Shari'a court corruption and injustice. My Islam insists on individual freedom, there is no compulsion, no priests are needed, and except for piety all men are equal. I kneel before no man, though I will kneel in prayer beside any, and my wealth and privilege is permitted, though charity is to be preferred, and the prophet chose to die a pauper.

My friends can understand and be drawn to such principles, but unless they can see this utopia in a more tangible form than my theories they are surely destined to remain cynical about their possible fulfillment. As long as I can't show them examples of Muslims living in a way they consider preferable to their own, I won't worry too much about their conversion. They see my Islam as a pipe dream, and who knows, perhaps they are right. The task is of course even harder when the friends concerned are women, as the clichéd platitudes of Islamic freedom and equality mean nothing when such highly visible inequities and oppression are impossible to hide.

Since I came back to this country there has been much talk in the Muslim community about an “identity crisis”. But the business successes of their family networks show that Muslims have no problem in identifying themselves with other Muslims, they just have trouble in identifying themselves with anything recognisable as Islam. In fact it seems that most Muslims would rather have as little to do with Islam as possible from the moment they are old enough to avoid it.

“Brother, let me tell you the most important thing in Islam”, said the stranger who had cornered me in a Lahore coffee bar. Far from agog, I waited to hear what it might be, though experience had taught me that it was unlikely to include any of the five pillars, truth or tolerance, or the like. “The most important thing in Islam” he said “is that your wife covers her head”, a view of Islam which I had heard often from many Muslim men. In other words the most important thing in the practice of Islam is to get your wife to do it, or your children, or your grandfather, or anybody but yourself!

Back in Britain I listened to the Muslim wails. “We are losing our children! By the time they leave school they are strangers, lost to us and to Islam! What can we do?” My usual response was often faced with dismay – “I can say what I think you should do, but it's unlikely that you will do it, because it involves changing yourselves. It involves changing the way you understand your Islam”. This is not suggesting wholesale innovation, as it might seem to imply, but quite the reverse. “It is necessary to revive that Muslim community which is buried under the debris of the manmade traditions of several generations, and which is crushed under the weight of those false laws and customs which are not remotely related to Islamic teachings, and which, in spite of all this, calls itself the ‘world of Islam’” (Qutb - Milestones). It's time to get back to the real thing - and I don't mean coca cola.

As I waited to begin my talk to the gathering of young Muslims I engaged in conversation with the group. A nice, quiet, attentive, well-mannered lot I thought. Then time to begin, but the mike wasn't working, and they waited “Testing! Testing! 123...” for while. Rather than just read numbers, it seemed more appropriate to read some Qur’an - after all, I was going to be talking about prayer. To my amazement, the first words of Fatihah seemed to fall in the room like a grenade, turning the group into a rabble. Punches flew, people rolled on the floor, conversations were attempted back and forth across the room, and Fatihah was generally taken as Time Out. If these were the ones at a Muslim conference, what on earth would the Muslim youth who weren't there have been like?

Now it's not that I'm a one for excessive displays of reverence, I see my religion more in a practical kind of way, but this was , which the Prophet called the best of the chapters of the Qur'an, and which Al-Ghazali called the key to Paradise. These words are not recited in every rakat of prayer without good reason. The outward displays of reverence, such as venerating a Qur'an, placing it high up and wrapped away, cannot do justice to the awe and wonder this surah deserves. But if a Muslim does not have a reason for this reverence which satisfies his understanding, the outward displays become hollow and easy to discard.

At the exhibition, the school kids of all ages were milling around looking at the World of Islam. As they tried to find the answers for their question sheets it was clear that Muslim kids knew little more than all the rest. No wonder our young people are losing their Islam. They have received so little to start off with. From out of the crowd around the Qur'an, one boy said to the teacher “I can read that!”, and proceeded to do so - more fluently than I could have done myself. The teacher was obviously highly impressed, but then asked the obvious question, “What does it mean?”, and the boys satisfaction turned to wry embarrassment. “I don't know”, he shrugged, and that was the end of that.

Now our young people are not stupid. Muslims have a better academic record than most groupings, as a glance at the honours board of your local school will show. The teacher's response was a common sense question, one that anyone might have expected in the situation. The embarrassment came from the common sense questions that remained unspoken, “Then why did you learn it?”, “What use is it to you?”, “Is this a skill without a purpose?” The teacher implicitly understood that these are questions you do not ask, and neither it seems do Muslims. It is as though Muslims are afraid that Islam can't stand up to common sense questions, yet Fatihah alone can satisfy whatever intellectual demands are put upon it and still remain inexhaustible. Are we passing on the key to the door of paradise, and forgetting to explain how you use it to open the lock.

If young Muslims are not shown the full richness of Islamic knowledge, we must not be surprised if they show more interest in fields where there seems further to explore. It will take some time before mosques are again centres of learning in all its aspects, places of research, experimentation and debate concerning our understanding of God and Creation. But when western educated young Muslim adults begin to search for their spiritual roots, God willing, they will uncover the means of reinvigorating the ummah, and leading them in the example of the Companions. If our Islam is not like theirs, filled with a sense of awe, wonder and excitement, can we really be doing justice to the service of Allah.

In such a situation, we will find new Muslims drawn towards the mosque. At the moment, amidst the ummah they are more likely to find Islam expressed as a cultural adjunct, where even the five pillars are avoided. But if the pillars are treated as unnecessary then what is needed to be Muslim, and if they are necessary how many Muslims are there in the ummah?

This goes to the heart of the conversation question, as we need to know what is essential for a person to be considered Muslim. Do Muslims in fact expect more from a convert than they do from those born in their cultures? How little does a westerner have to do before Muslims accept him as Muslim, and how far can he stray from their cultural norm before they consider him a disturbing intrusion and would rather that he stayed away? Is the reason there are not more converts because they would disturb the status quo?

But our effect on our surrounding society is a mirror to our behaviour and how well we represent Islam. We must live in a way that seems preferable and then at least partially satisfy the expectations of the inquisitive. Once upon a time, Islam spread like wildfire. In a few short years the Message spread to Morocco and to China. Millions welcomed the good news, and quickly shaped their lives around it.

Now Islam may be fast growing in the third world regions, but here in the West Muslims face a peculiar reaction to their invitations to join them in their faith, as almost nobody wants anything to do with it. If the message we are passing on no longer seems to have the same effect, is it not time to consider if we just have a communications problem, or whether we ourselves are abusing the message? Fortunately we still have the original - all we have to do is understand it!

Pwincess Alysha's first day of school..

2010-01-24T23:12:00.005+08:00

Sometimes you just got to stop and smell the crayon..

Hubby drew a picture of her on the left but Alysha decided that she wanted blue eyes.. and with matching blue lipsticks.. LoL~

She started her PCF pre-nursery class on 4th January 2010. Here are some pictures of her in class.. The main reason we didn't enrol her in madrasah classes is because it's so far away and we would have to hire a transport for her. Personally, I don't think that is safe. What if the bus-driver is a pedophile, who will molest kids on the bus? What if his assistance is also his partner in crime?
I don't know, people might think that I am over-reacting but I have heard too many stories of young children in the news.. As much as possible I am trying to minimize such things from occurring in my life.
As you can see, her uniform is still not ready yet so she's wearing home clothes instead.

'What's going on?'..

Just took off her shoes and getting comfortable in class..

Playing with colourful wooden blocks..

Learning how to share toys with her new classmates..

'Eh eh.. Lahapnyer kau makan telur tu..'

So far so good... Yay~
We have been very happy and excited with her progress in school. One thing for sure is that she's very independent now.
Almost every task, she will wanna do it on her own.. When washing her hand, she wants to do it herself. She can put on her own shoes and socks (Although sometimes it's incorrect.)
Wanna feed herself, can be relied to throw stuffs into the dustbin (very useful for me)
The good thing about kids her age is that they WANT to be helpful.. Hehe.. I can use her to pass msg to other ppl in the family when I am too lazy to go out of the room (Sometimes it's the wrong msg so I still have to walk out and do it myself).. I can ask her to take my HP in my living room.. So in a way, it kinda negate the whining part..

Yes I know I know.. I am using her but I am also trying to cultivate helpful characteristics into her. Just make sure that you say 'Please' and 'Thank you' after every order..

AN OPEN LETTER TO HER PARENTS By Maryam Jameelah

2010-01-02T23:21:00.001+08:00

My New Year resolution is to be a better Muslim.. which will automatically make me a better person, a better wife, a better daughter, a better mother, a better sister, a better friend, a better employee and a better neighbour.. Insyallah..

Here's something to start the year with..

AN OPEN LETTER TO HER PARENTS
By Maryam Jameelah

[Maryam Jameelah, a well-known convert from Judaism to Islam wrote an open letter to her parents.]

Dear Mother and Father,

I have now been living in Pakistan for more than twenty years during which time you have acquired an entire additional family of loved-ones there, adding much to your happiness. You have reached a ripe age, thank God, living longer in good health than I had ever expected. You have read all my books and Islamic literature I have sent you with a broad and open mind. Therefore you need no introduction to the subject I wish to discuss with you now and nothing I have to say will seem strange and new to you.

I wonder if you realize fully how very fortunate you are. So long as you can keep in reasonable health and are able to take care of yourselves, you can continue to enjoy a pleasant life. But do you ever think of the tragic faith of those hundreds of thousands of other older Americans, the victims of chronic illness and infirmities, who crowd to over-flowing hospitals and nursing homes (which are really charnel houses), the old-age homes and the senile wards of mental institutions? And do you ever think of those still greater numbers of older people who are widowed and live their lonely lives confined to their dingy rooms in constant fear of muggings, physical attacks and robberies by juvenile delinquents who prey on the old and infirm with no remorse or fear of punishment? The maltreatment of older people is a direct result of the collapse of the home and extended family. Does your elder sister - my aunt Rosalyn, a great-grandmother lovingly sheltered in a close and adoring family and a happy home, ever think how lucky she is and how few of her advanced age in America are left like her?

You must know that society in which you were brought up and have lived all your life is in a state of rapid disintegration on the brink of collapse. Actually the decline in our civilization was evident as far back as World War I but at that time few people except some intellectuals and artists were aware of what was happening. But since the end of World War II and especially during the last two decades, the rot has reached such a stage of advanced decay that nobody can any longer ignore it.

The moral anarchy in the absence of any respected, fixed standards of behavior and conduct, the obsession with perverted sex over the entertainment media, the mistreatment of older people, the divorce rate which has climbed so high that among the new generation, an enduring, happy marriage is becoming rare, child abuse, the destruction of the natural environment, the prodigious waste of scarce and valuable resources, the epidemic of veneral diseases and mental disorders, drug addiction, alcoholism, suicides as leading cause of death, crime, vandalism, corruption in the government and contempt for the law in general - all of this has a cause.

The cause of this is the failure of secularism and materialism and the absence of absolute, transcendental theological and moral values. Deed does in the final analysis depend upon creed because if the intention is wrong, the work always suffers.

No doubt that it may bore you to read this. You will protest that if you are not theologians, philosophers or sociologists, then why bother about such "deep" matters when they do not seem to be of any direct concern to you? After all, you are happy and content living just as you are. You only wish to enjoy life right now, live entirely in the present and accept each day as it comes. If life is a journey, is it not foolhardy only to be concerned with pleasant and comfortable accommodations along the way and never to think about the journey's end? Why were we born? What is the meaning and purpose of life, why must we die and what will happen to each of us after death?

Father you have told me more than once that you cannot accept any traditional religion because you are convinced that theology conflicts with modern science. Science and technology have indeed given us much information about the physical world, provided us with abundant comforts and conveniences, increased efficiency and discovered remedies for many diseases that used to be fatal. But science does not and cannot tell us about the meaning of life and death. Science tells us "how" but it never answers the question "why"?. Can science ever tell us what is right and what is wrong? What is good and what is evil? What is beautiful and what is ugly? And to whom are we accountable for what we do? Religion does.

Today America is in many ways a repetition of ancient Rome in the terminal stages of her decline and fall. Thinking people know that secularism has failed to be a sound foundation of our social order. They are anxiously searching in other directions for a solution to the crisis but do not know yet where to find it. This is not of concern only to a few sociologists. The disease of national disintegration directly affects you and me and each one of us.

During its most critical period, ancient Rome adopted Christianity as its salvation and henceforth the Church dominated Europe for more than a thousand years. This put an end to many of the worst social and moral evils of decadent Rome and greatly raised the moral and spiritual standards of the people. Unfortunately during the formative period of its history, the Church compromised with paganism and secularism, adopting an elaborate priesthood and incomprehensive theology which could not resist the impact of the renaissance, the revival of the natural sciences and the radical secularism of the French Revolution. While Christians in Europe and America have deserted their faith wholesale leaving the churches almost empty, the missionaries continue to represent the vanguard of western imperialism and exploitation in Asia and Africa.

After Christianity, the Jews comprise the second largest religious group in America who dominate politically, and economically, as well exercising considerable control over the media. But Judaism has always been parochial and tribal, seldom welcoming converts. It is not and has never been a universal faith. The Zionist movement which resulted in the establishment of the state of Israel, is the secular expression of Jewish nationalism and tribalism. The dreadful atrocities committed by the Israelis in occupied Palestine, the unprovoked aggression in Lebanon and adjacent areas and attempted genocide of the Palestine Arabs, depriving them of all human and political rights, is the logical result of this same narrow parochial outlook. This is the reason why even the most orthodox of the rabbis refuse to believe that Israel can do any wrong and uncritically support everything she does. These glaring moral and spiritual defects automatically disqualify Judaism as the faith of the future.

The Muslims comprise the third and fastest growing faith in America today. No longer is Islam confined to remote regions of the deserts and jungles of Asia and Africa. No longer is Islam foreign to the American scene. There are more than three million Muslims in America today and their numbers are increasing fast. There are thousands of students from all Muslim countries studying in American universities, and well-educated, highly-trained Muslims are busily at work in all professions. In the last two decades, hundreds of native-born American converts have swelled their ranks. At first most of the converts were black people who found in Islam, dignity, honor, self-respect and racial brotherhood as did Malcolm-X, but in recent years more and more white converts of European origin, searching for guidance in all the affairs of their formally chaotic lives, have also embraced Islam, making many sacrifices and enduring much hardships to do so. Few of them are fortunate as I am to have loving parent like you. Most of them suffer severe frictions with their non-Muslim parents and relatives. Today churches and synagogues are almost deserted but the newly-built mosques and Islamic centers, springing up in every important American city and town, are attracting rapidly growing numbers. Most of the new Muslims in America are young, intelligent and well-educated. What attracts so many young Americans to Islam?

Americans today, both young and old, are desperately searching for guidance. They know from bitter experience that the personal freedom and opportunities they as Americans enjoy are meaningless and self-destructive without reliable guidance, direction and purpose. Secularism and materialism are powerless to provide any positive or constructive moral values for Americans either individually or collectively. That is why after Christianity and Judaism have failed them, more and more people in America today are turning towards Islam. In Islam as new Muslims, they find a sane, healthy, clean and honest life. And for Muslims, everything does not come to an end at death. They look forward to an Eternity of bliss, peace and perfect happiness (in the Hereafter).

This Guidance found in the Holy Qur'an and the recorded words and deeds of the Holy Prophet Muhammad, upon whom be peace, is not only for foreign races in some far-away corner of the East, centuries ago. Here are to be found the solutions to all economic, social, moral and political problems which face us right here in the West today. Furthermore, Islam is not cold, remote and impersonal. Muslims have complete faith in a very personal God who not only created, sustains and rules the universe but also loves and deeply cares about the fate of each of us. The Holy Qur'an tells us that God is nearer to everyone of us than our jugular veins!

Since the Holy Qur'an is divine revelation, it cannot and will never be changed. Because it is perfect, it cannot be improved, revised or reformed. Since Muhammad, upon whom be peace, is the final Prophet, his guidance can never be superseded by any other. The Qur'an and Sunnah are addressed to all peoples, in every country of the West as well as the East. Since it is relevant for all times, in all places, it can never become obsolete or out-of-date.

You are both of very advanced age and there is so little time left. Yet it is not too late if you act now. If your decision is positive, your ties with your loved ones in Pakistan will not only be by blood but also in faith. You cannot only love them in this world but be all together with us forever in eternity.

If your decision is negative, I am very much afraid that your happy, comfortable and pleasant life will very shortly come to an end. As soon as the inevitable occurs, it is too late for remorse and regrets. The punishment will be terrible from which there is no refuge and no escape.

It is as your daughter who loves you and hopes to the end that you will be spared this fate. But the decision rests entirely with you. You have complete freedom to accept or reject: Your future depends upon the choice you make now.

All my love and best wishes.

Your devoted daughter,
Sd/-

(Maryam Jameelah).

(Courtesy: The Universal Message). Also see Iqra: The Islamic Journal, Nairobi, Rabi-ul-Awwal 1407, November 1986, p35-37.

Will be continued..

2009-12-22T21:43:00.002+08:00

To my dearest and loving readers out there..

Please please please bear with me. I know that I have been neglecting to update this blog for so long. The reason is that my home PC is down at the moment and we are still putting in $$ to buy a new one.. :)

Blogging on Azmi's work laptop is no fun and he kept wanting to see what I am typing about him, so yeah, no privacy at all. Urrghh..

Will resume the not-so-normal transmission in a while.
Stay tune.

Sorry~

** Fyi, I am looking at Alysha right now. She's pasting blue shiny little stars onto her face.. LoL~ **

About Ayah..

2009-08-02T21:46:00.000+08:00

The man who I used to dislike in my teenage years is now breaking my heart.. Him who had to put up with me, clothe and fed me is now making me cry again.. Just by saying 'Ayah dah makan maggi tadi sebelom datang sini..'
Sigh.. Ayah is now staying alone in Kallang coz I took Suhaila to live with me. It's just my way of helping him so that he won't be so stressed with Suhaila alone at home all the time.
He's been very quiet yesterday during kenduri tahlil for arwah Mak. I wonder what was he thinking about.. Kinda worried though.. I really wish that I could take care of him. :(

Vacation in Malaysia.. 13th June to 17th June (Part 1)

2009-07-16T19:51:00.040+08:00

I haven't been blogging for a while. It seems that nowadays I don't feel like writing anything anymore. So many things have been happening to me, but I think now is not a good time to write about them all. Anyway, my blog is being read by a lot of people and I might risk hurting their feelings.

Well.. Let's talk about something light.. Shall we?

Last June school holidays, we had a vacation in Malaysia. Ayah & Suhaila, Along & family, Abg Ngah & family and us had a blast of a time there.
I never would have thought that I would have so much fun vacationing with my family. It was one of the best vacation ever. Surely one for the memory book!

We booked a villa in A'Farmosa waaaaaaaay in advance, hoping & praying that arwah Mak would be able to enjoy this with us.. probably we had this nagging feeling that it would be her last as she has not been in her best of health for the past few months before she passed away. We even planned the vacation to fit nicely into her dialysis schedule.

So the villa was already booked and paid in full. I was glad that we carried on with our plan instead of cancelling it as it showed that we really really needed it because there was that much needed bonding between our family members. We are also trying to keep Ayah's mind occupied as much as possible, not only during our vacation, but even now..

Hmm.. I wanted to talk about something light.. :) But I can't stop thinking about our loss..

Before I started crying again.. Here are our vacation photos.. Courtesy of Along & Family..
Oh ya.. I've been bugging Abg Yunos to snap a studio shot of Alysha for sooo long and he offered to take outdoor shots of my lil pwincess during our trip.. I think it's not ready yet.. I can't wait to see the result!

Without further ado..

Here we are.. The very first photo at our meetup point..

Here is a pic of Zafir drooling.. So cute.. I am sooooo gonna show this photo to his future gf.. Hahaha..

Ayah dozing off..

Here's a picture of our villa and the private pool.. I miss soaking in that pool!

Here's another shot of the villa..

Alysha staring at nothing.. LoL~

The 2 'A's in their own private world.. Alysha & Aiman..

Huda and Nabila..

Getting ready to play Captain Ball in the pool.. We made up our own rules as we play along and that includes pulling each others' shirts, splashing water on the face continuously so that the player can't see what's going on, trying to bribe the referee (Nabila)... Haha.. It was the best! After the game, our eyes were red because of splashing.. Poor Abg Yunos got kicked in the face and hit his rib by the side of the pool..

Here we are.. Getting ready for our seafood dinner at..........

.. Ikan Bakar Anjung Muara, Sungai Duyong Melaka..

Here's Abg Ngah.. just being his usual 'normal' self.. :)

From left : Huda, Lolong, Aiman, Alysha and Ngangah..

After our dinner, we went to Mak Bibik's house..

Ayah and his cucus..

The little stowaway sneaking into the back of Along's car..

Alysha and Kak Uda..

The next night, we went to the fun fair.. Located within the resort itself..
Here's a picture of Mak Busu trying out rodeo..

Ibu & Alysha riding into the sunset..

Along & Abg Long in the buggy. Yeah, we had to wear rubbish bags over our clothes to protect it from being dirty. The tracks were suspiciously muddy coz it hadn't been raining that day..

That's a picture of me & Azmi taken by Along.. She turned around and managed to snap it.. Both of us were trying to overtake the slowpokes in front of us.. Heh..

We managed to cut through them when my crazy hubby drove onto the huge puddle of water.. Yeah, we got totally drenched.. It was my first mud-bath experience and I don't even have to go to the spa to get it.. ;p.. It was craaaaaaazy but totally totally FUN!!

One of the most memorable part of our vacation.. Playing War Game using PaintBall!!
This is a picture of us doing the 'Oh-Som' (I don't know how to translate that.. But it's a way of splitting team by showing our palm or the back of our hands to divide a group of even number of players equally into 2).. Look at Azmi! Look at the excitement on his face.. LoL~ The result is that me, Azmi and Abg Yunos is in 1 group. Suhaila, Abg Ngah and Ayah as our opposing team.

Me, Azmi and Abg Yunos were wearing black on the left.. Look at Abu Sayyaf in the middle.. LoL~ The little group pose before killing each other off in the battle field..

Taking our positions before the war starts..

Ready.. 3.. 2.. 1.. GO!!

.. And then the blood (well.. it's just paint lah) started to flow.. (Yeap.. That's me taking cover behind the barrel on the left side of the picture)

That's Abg Ngah.. running to grab the flag before getting shot down by us!

Hahahahaha.. That's my team.. In black.. In various poses.. Priceless!!

The black team WON the war!!..

Battle weary, we started exiting the battle field. Full of bruises, but it doesn't matter.. coz we WON!

Me and my darling hubby~

Ayah tersayang..

A picture of us..

I'll post the rest soon.. There's a part 2 to this post..

Still trying to pick up the pieces..

2009-04-24T11:45:00.001+08:00

It still hurt a lot to talk about Arwah Mak..

I really wanted to type about what had happened coz blogging for me is some sort of a therapy. Writing about things that had happened in my life seems to help me make sense of it all..

But this event, it’s like picking on a scab of a wound that is trying to heal.

I miss her so much..

Do me a favour.. If you still have a mother, give her a kiss for me.. A real kiss with a solid hug. Shower her with love even if you don’t normally do that..

Do this for me coz I can’t do it anymore. :’(

Thank you.

I miss her..

2009-04-16T23:32:00.002+08:00

Mak passed away on the 14/04/09 at 11.54am. We are still coping with her not being around anymore. Missed her so much and I managed to secure the head scarf that she used on the day that we sent her to the hospital. Her scent still lingers on it and I've been taking deep whiff of it whenever I miss her. I have to accept that she is finally at peace.

Innalillahi Wainnalillahi Rojiun..

I redha..

On 16 May 2006, I posted this blog entry. It was typed especially with Mak on my mind.

The 3-letter word that means so much to me..

She goes by many names..

You can call her Aminah, Mazni, Ani, Mak Ngah or Mak Long..

But I am just glad and lucky to call her Mak..

Not mummy or mama.. Just this 3-letter word that means so much to me..

I was only 14.

As a teenager, I know that I was a constant pain in your neck..

Not only was I rebellious.. I was a petulant kid and full of angst.

I was angry with the whole world and the pressure to conform to my so-called bestfriends' expectations drove me crazy.

I was unhappy with everything.. My allowance, my homeworks, my teachers, my siblings, my body, my face, my tiny little 3-room flat..

And I thought I was being cool, hating everybody and everything..

I can still vividly recall the day when we had a fight..

The day when you tried to discipline me, I screamed,'I hate it! I am so fed-up! Why did you even give birth to me?!!'..

The look on your face made me think twice of what I'd just said. Your face crumpled up but no tears came out. You just kept quiet and walked away, leaving me speechless and remorseful..

Later on when everything had calmed down, you came to me and explained that every child that came out from your womb is a product of love from both you and Ayah. You said that every parents hope to give their child a better life. Giving birth to us was a joyful thing for you. You proudly said that you will be happy to go through all of it again if you have to. You painstakingly explained to me that the life that we are living right now are what both of you can afford to give to us at that moment....

I didn't take into account that you'd taken up a part-time job to clean rich people's house to help Ayah with the bills and also to make our life a little better with the extra income.

I didn't realised at that time that the smaller the house, the closer our family became. And being middle-income doesn't mean that the quality of life I am living is third-class. In fact, it was a gold-class standard of living that made me into what I am right now. But I was too blind to see. A blind and an ignorant teenager who only cared about herself.

I hate to admit it but I was a messed-up little girl..

When I was a toddler, I was diagnosed with a skin disease that made some areas of my skin to be white. White as snow...

The doctor said that it was due to lack of pigmentation.. I was like an unfinished portrait because the artist had ran out of paint.

My brother used to poke fun of me by saying that I've contracted the disease from Michael Jackson.

But Mak, you were the one who brought me to a skin specialist, trying to get rid of the disease to make your daughter whole again. No matter how hard I tried to resist the treatments, you still persevere and coaxed me gently.

I hated the alcohol solution that you rubbed on my white skin. I hated the time when I had to sit still and sun myself in the kitchen after school as adviced by the doctor. I hated the huge blisters that formed on my skin when I overexposed it to the sun. I hated the ugly scars that were left behind when the blisters have healed. I hated the sleepless nights that I've endured because of the pain. I hated the days when I was unable to walk because of the pain. I hated all the years when I was ridiculed & abused by my schoolmates due to my funny skin disease. How I hated it when I heard paranoid mothers telling their kids not to play with me, because they are afraid their kids might contract my disease. I hated it so much that I didn't think twice when I gulped down 8 panadols to kill myself when I was only 6!

But what I didn't remember was that you were there beside me.. patiently & tirelessly nursing me back to health. And I've somehow forgotten how hard you have tried to console me when I came home crying, unable to take it anymore.. I've forgotten how you yourself had sleepless nights when I was in pain. How you'd wrung your hand in despair, not knowing how to lessen your daughter's agony and tears.. It was a futile attempt to treat my skin problem and seeing how much money was wasted on those treatments that were not working, I just give up. Now I am more in peace with myself and accepted my condition as it is. And I am extremely lucky to have an understanding husband who loves me unconditionally, just like you did..

Mak.. I've read countless sad poems & stories, telling me how they've regretted not cherishing their own mothers when they were still alive. And I just can't stop the tears welling up in my eyes when I read them, reminding me time & time again not to take you for granted.

The fact that you are living on borrowed time and the fact that I am now a married woman, busy with my own daily tasks only made it worst for me.

I miss you, Mak.. And I love you even more..

If only you knew.. If only you can feel how much I love you by the way I kissed you goodbye everytime I am leaving for my new home in Ubi.

I wished that I can turn back the time and take back all the tears & heartaches I've caused you and replace it with your smiles & laughter, day after day..

I wished that I can shoulder the burden that you are carrying right now because of both of your kidneys.

I wished that I can drop all my current responsibilities and be there for you like the way you have been there for me previously but I can't. I am really sorry..

Mak, no matter how hard you mask your pain, I can clearly see through you. I know that you are hiding all these because you don't want us to worry about you. Now I am the one wringing my hand, trying to find ways to make you comfortable while you are plugged to that machine that is helping me prolong your life..

Mak, I want you to know that I admire your strength, your willfulness, your silent dignity, your beauty, your independence, your resourcefulness, your selflessness, your wisdom and your ability to accept and endure what life have thrown in your path.

If one day I may become a mother myself, I know it will be hard for me to stand as equal as you.

I prayed fervently that you will be by my side forever but I know that it's just wishful thinking. A fool's hope.

What I can do right now is pray for God to grant me more time to undo all the damages that I'd done in the past. And the strength to carry on when you are finally at peace..

PS: I took 1 whole day to type the post above because I have to stop once in a while to stop the tears from welling up in my eyes. And in the middle of it, I gave my mom a call to ask how she's been and promise her that I will be going to pay her a visit this Saturday.

Sigh.. Miss her so much~

Mak in MICU

2009-04-12T23:55:00.002+08:00

Friends, please help pray for my mom. Her condition has worsened and she's currently residing in SGH MICU.
Mak's heart stopped this afternoon but the doctors in SGH A & E managed to resuscitate her. She's breathing with the help of machines, her blood pressure is so low even with medications and they are monitoring her situation closely.

The doctors just asked us to be prepared.

Ya Allah.. Please give us strength to go through with this.

'Ayah Bu too..'

2009-02-27T10:52:00.001+08:00

I was ecstatic last night. Something wonderful happened.. I wish that I've recorded that precious moment on the video..

It got me floating on cloud nine the whole night..

Sigh.. You must have been thinking what the heck am I rambling on about. Heh.. Well.. Yesterday as I was playing with Alysha, I asked her for a hug.

'Come Alysha, come and hug Ibu.'

As usual, she gave me a tight hug and pat me gently on my back. And as usual too, I will give her a big kiss and said, 'I love you' to her.. Normally, she will reply with some baby talk..

But this time, she replied with 'Ayah bu..'

I was kinda surprised, so I said, 'Oh.. Alysha cakap (said) 'Ayah' and 'Ibu'?.. So clever..'

But suddenly I felt it and then I realised that she had just said, 'I love you'!!!

I was so shocked at this that I just carried her off her feet and twirl her around the room while laughing out loud. Oh baby.. Did you just said 'I love you' to Ibu?

Ayah bu too, darling..

Just blogging about this again today got me so high on love.. I think today is going to be a wonderful day..

PS: Hubby was quite unhappy to miss out on this. And I didn't manage to get Alysha to repeat her performance again for his viewing pleasure. Serve him right for choosing to watch the TV instead of spending time with us. ;p~ Haha..

Alysha Nadya

2009-02-12T13:50:00.001+08:00

It's been quite a long time since I blog about my lil Alysha.. It's just that I am having difficulty putting all my thoughts into words right now. She went through a lot of milestones and I am having problems catching up with her.

Every day, she always comes up with something new to surprise me. But there is a little part of me that is asking her to slow down and then there will be other parts of me that just can't wait to see what else she will do tomorrow.

Sigh.. My little baby.. Looking at the past videos when she was just a helpless little bud brought tears to my eyes (It's so easy to make me cry nowadays..). She's blooming so beautifully into a flower. It's happening too fast..

This is the latest video of her creating one of her famous masterpiece on mahjong paper.. Hehehe..

She's wearing a sweet little pink tudung.. with shorts..

Lol~

The things you can get away with if you are just a 15 mth old toddler..

And then here's another picture of the lil makcik in the trolley basket. We were on the way to the supermarket to buy some groceries. Heeehee..

It was our 3rd year anniversary yesterday.. and we didn't get much sleep. And here's why..

Alysha gave us an unforgettable anniversary present. The night before the big day, actually, now that I have time to think about it, it was ON the big day itself as I remembered the time was 12 am. I was just about to go to bed when I heard her coughing. It's the kind of cough that every mother dread to hear, where it always end with a dry heave (I am not sure how to describe it but it's the action that you normally do when you are about to throw up). And then she will cough some more and if I am fast enough, I will be able to get her to the toilet in time.

I didn't.

She vomited out the content of her stomach on her pillows and mattress. Just when I thought that it was over and wanted to carry her to the bathroom, she let out the rest of it on the way there.. There was half digested food on Alysha, on the bed, pillows, floor, bath mat, laundry basket.. and on me.. yay~!

Hubby (he was watching TV in the living room) came to the rescue and helped clean up the mess while I tried to calm myself down. My baby seems to look relieved instead of sick. Temperature was normal. She was not fussy. Instead, she was cheerful. Phew~

So off we went to the kitchen so that I will be able to fill her tiny tummy again with food. I fed her with nestum and gave her a little milk so that she won't feel hungry in the middle of the night. By this time, both me and hubby was exhausted and the bedroom smell a bit funky. But little miss chatterbox decided that she wanted to play instead. Bleah~

I think it was only after 2am then she was able to wind down and get back to sleep.

Yawn.. Zzzzz..

Does Coca-Cola supports Israel?

2009-01-30T13:39:00.002+08:00

Another rumour..

'This information is not true, but has been circulated by ill-informed or ill-intentioned third parties. The Coca-Cola Company is not political, and does not support individual countries, governments or political or religious causes.'

Coca-Cola - Contact Us - Middle East Rumors

Rumor Response: Starbucks Statement re: Support of Israel

2009-01-30T11:19:00.001+08:00

See..! It's just a rumour.. And this article is quite recent as it is dated 5th Jan 2009..

Rumor Response: Starbucks Statement re: Support of Israel

Boycott Watch - Breaking a myth: McDonald's does not support terrorists

2009-01-30T11:10:00.002+08:00

This article is dated 7th Oct 2004 but I guess it's still the same. It would be crazy for them to go back and support the Israel now since the rest of the world is watching them.

Boycott Watch - Breaking a myth: McDonald's does not support terrorists

To boycott or not to boycott.. That is the question..

2009-01-08T15:40:00.001+08:00

War.. All these while I try not to think about the Israeli-Palestinian conflict. Tried to avoid reading the papers about it and trying my best to avoid watching the news about it.

Until that faithful day, someone else was holding up the newspaper in front of me.. The image of a man carrying a dead baby girl in his arms, running away from a smoke-covered building was on the front page.. It felt like someone had punched me in the face. That girl! She must have been Alysha's age. I could have cried right there and then if I was not in a crowded MRT.

I can't get the image out of my head. The baby was covered in blood. The look on the man's face. It was so heartbreaking. Is she his daughter? What if that happens to me? How would I had reacted if I were to be in that position?

Ya Allah.. I don't think I will be able to take it.

And then it struck me. If it were to happen to me.. If I were to lose my family members in these atrocities.. To lose everything and everyone whom I love.. To have nothing else to live for.. I would be totally devastated and would never think twice about strapping a bomb to my body.. What else is there in store for me?

It's so simple to stand back and say, 'Peace, No War' with your fingers showing the peace sign and a silly grin on your face. But it's another thing when you are the one who is facing all these.

To others, they are terrorist..

To themselves, they are freedom fighters..

-------------------------------------------------------

Someone sent me an SMS to boycott US products (McDonald's & Starbucks).. But I work for a US company.. How? Resign? In this bad economy climate? Go on a strike? What if I get jailed? And then fired from my job? Am I a lesser Muslim for working in a US company? Taking my monthly paycheck from them?

And wait a minute.. Why the sms stresses on McDonald's & Starbucks only? Isn't this for all American companies? How about Coke? Pepsi? Maybelline? Johnson & Johnson? Microsoft? Nestle? Just to name a few.

And how do I go about with this boycott? Stop using and buying their products? But my PC is currently running on Windows which is by Microsoft. How can I function like this? How How How?

Is this boycott really helping? Or will I just be a drop of water in the ocean?

I read further and saw that in Malaysia, some 2000 Muslim restaurants will remove Coca-cola from their menus as a boycott. Ok, hopefully the upper management in Coca-cola will wake up because of this boycott as they see their profits start plummeting down. And then what? Will this start a chain of event that will get the US to stop supporting Israel? Let me just tell you this --> Somebody is probably sneaking off to the 7-Eleven store in order to get their coke 'fix'.

Well.. Maybe we feel better if we are doing something for our brethren in Palestine by boycotting these companies. It helps to provide a nice warm glow to our hearts and we can safely say, 'At least I am doing something!'..

But alas.. The reality is that these boycotts never really work. And I not pulling your leg.. Go on.. Go and Google about this boycotting business and see if it is able to bring in any changes at all other than to hit these companies at their pocket.

Not only that, if this boycott seems to continue, then these companies bottomline are gonna get hit, then jobs are at risk. So, who gets the crap? It's ordinary people like me (who is working in a US company, let me remind you again..) who will probably get laid off.

So.. Spare a thought for our friends, relatives who are working in the companies that you are boycotting. Unless you are ready to spare a change for them in the future..

What if..

2009-01-08T13:06:00.001+08:00

A few nights ago, I asked Azmi, 'What if I gave birth to Alsyha in a remote kampung last year? I could have died!'

Then I jokingly added, 'And become a pontianak.. ' Because I can't stand the look of his face when I asked him that. Hehe..

You see.. A friend of mine, Shamsaath, gave birth to a beautiful son last month.

When we (Suba was there too) came for a visit, she relate her labour stories to all of us. There was a part when the topic was about epidural (coz Sham was saying that she didn't take it.. Hurray for her!) and someone chipped in and said 'It's all mind over body..' As if we asked for his opinion. Bleah~

Note : All the pictures that was taken by hubby during this visit are all blurry, so no pictures are available...

I can't stop thinking about this. Again and again, the image of me lying there on the bed, thrashing and praying as the pain just kept on coming every minute.. Willing myself not to give in and take the dreaded epidural injection.

Then the midwife came and told me that the baby is in distress and that I have to go through emergency c-section if my cervix refuse to open. She advised me to take the epidural injection as the last resort..

So there you go.. If on 23rd October 2007, I were to 'mind over body' and refuse to take that injection, I would have a scar on my tummy right now. Even worst, if I were to give birth a 100 years ago, I could have died because of my non-cooperative cervix, the midwife have to cut open my tummy to save my baby and my hubby will have to re-marry. To think that the 'mind over body' comment comes from a man who have never given birth before is completely and utterly insensitive. You are lucky that you are not my hubby coz you'll never hear the end of it.. Lol~

It's time to take your medicine.. Say 'Aaah...'

2008-11-29T19:45:00.001+08:00

I got this from theonlinecitizen.com

PM Lee prescribes bitter medicine - again

Saturday, 29 November 2008, 7:53 am 1,798 views

Andrew Loh / Deputy Editor

In February this year, I wrote a piece titled, Bitter medicine prescription - with a little spin thrown in. It was in response to the Parliamentary debate on the budget. Nine months later, we revisit the comments and remarks by some People’s Action Party (PAP) Members of Parliament (MP) made in February and in 2007.

In the earlier article, I asked:

With the cost of living increasing at an alarming rate and inflation breaching record levels, one wonders when Singaporeans will get to “enjoy” the fruits of this so-called “golden era”.

Well, it looks like we will have to wait a little while longer because, just today – 28 November – Prime Minister Lee Hsien Loong said that “there is still bitter medicine to be taken” (CNA), echoing what he said in 2007 with regards to the GST hike:

“Is it better to take your medicine sooner or stretch it out? Take medicine once or two times? I prefer to take my medicine early…” he said then. (CNA)

Then as now, he did not say how long more Singaporeans will have to swallow such “bitter medicine”, of course. But all projections say that the current downturn will last between two to three years. So, that gives us an idea of how much longer the “doctor” will have to prescribe his everlasting “bitter pills”.

But wait.

Were we not told of all the nice things that will happen to us if we took our “bitter medicine” in 2007? During the debate in Parliament on the Budget (and the GST hike) that year, various PAP MPs defended the Government.

MP for Ang Mo Kio GRC, Lee Bee Wah, was reported by the Straits Times thus:

On Ms Lim’s criticism of the timing of the GST hike, she said it was better to raise the tax now while the economy was doing well, rather then wait till things took a turn for the worse. Using a Hokkien phrase, she warned against ‘looking for a toilet only when one needs to pass motion’, a comment that evoked laughter from the House. (Link)

I think Singaporeans are the ones looking for the toilet now, with the bitter pill seemingly a laxative, rather than any actual relief.

Various PAP MPs all had very high praises for the budget then – calling it ‘comprehensive and forward-thinking’, ‘good-intentioned’, one which was ‘made in heaven’, ‘inclusive and a landmark Budget’, ‘pragmatic, innovative and exemplary’, a ‘viable alternative to welfare’, ‘generous and forward-looking’.

Dr Fatimah Lateef was ecstatic, almost in a trance, one would think, in her praise:

Let me share with her (NCMP Sylvia Lim) that nowhere else in the world can you get a Budget which includes love and compassion in abundance as this one.

Well, as they say, love and compassion won’t fill your stomachs.

And so more “bitter medicine” is needed – even after more than a year.

More “bitter medicine” and “bitter pills” for Singaporeans, of course, in case you’re still wondering. For the ministers, they have not-so-bitter medicine for themselves. In fact, just two months after that Parliamentary debate, ministers had the first of their scheduled 3-step pay hike in April 2007. The second rise came in January this year (2008).

What about Singaporeans?

Well, we saw record inflation – and a whole host of costs increases across the board; everything from rice to petrol, bus fares to milk powder. What Singaporeans experienced was a relentless rising cost of living in Singapore. Have a look at the list here but be careful, it might make you puke out the bitter medicine our white-shirted doctors are prescribing.

But lets be serious.

Dear Prime Minister, Singaporeans have taken bitter medicine for more than a year now – since you yourself prescribed it in Parliament in 2007 and you said that “once we have done it, we can move on.” (CNA)

Well, where are we moving on to now? More bitter pills?

Channel NewsAsia, on November 2008, reported you as having said:

Mr Lee said that while there is still bitter medicine to be taken, the Singapore government has put a bit more sugar coating on the pill. (CNA)

Dear Prime Minister, “sugar coating”?

You asked in 2007:

Is it better to take your medicine sooner or stretch it out? Take medicine once or two times?

Dear Prime Minister, I am beginning to feel that your medicine is not very good – or effective. They only seem to make your “patients” dependent on your prescriptions. You seem to take some morbid pleasure in using the term “bitter medicine” too. You have used it twice in two years.

Prime Minister, the very fact that you keep using the terms “bitter medicine” and “bitter pills” show me the insensitivity which you seem to display towards what Singaporeans are going through.

Perhaps you and your team should try and taste some of the bitter medicine you dish out so happily to Singaporeans.

Or perhaps Singaporeans should prescribe some bitter pills for you and your team – at the next General Elections.

Perhaps then, we can all be rid of such neverending sugar-coated bitter pills.

After all, under your leadership, all that Singaporeans seem to be doing these past years is swallowing bitter stuff – while at the same time, being told by you and your Government how exceptional a government you are and how Singapore is in a ‘golden period’.

Someone, certainly, is being fooled.

PM Lee prescribes bitter medicine - again : The Online Citizen - a community of singaporeans

Phewww...

2008-11-14T17:14:00.001+08:00

Udah selesai semuanyaaaaa... Hehehe.. This is what my helper will say..

It has been really hectic this past couple of months. What with the moving to a new house, Hari Raya, Alsyha's 1st birthday bash, open house, housewarming, Nor's wedding and getting a helper.

All of the above went pretty well.. Alhamdulillah.. Of course there are hiccups along the way, but it was promptly dealt with..

I hope I did not offend anybody while I was out buzzing about. Honestly, I was soooooooooooooooooooo busy that there are days I just feel like hugging my baby all day instead of going to work. I needed 4-5 cups of coffee to keep me vertical all day. And once I hit the bed, nothing can wake me up.

I really miss doing nothing all day. I miss waking up at 11am. I miss going out with my family for fun. I miss watching movie uninterrupted. I miss hanging out with my friends and talk nonsense all day.

Now it's all work work work, chores, cooking, cleaning, laundry.. But sometimes, Alysha help to keep me grounded and keep me sane. She forces me to drop what I am doing and play with her. Or put her to sleep. We sang songs, read books, splash water while bathing even though I have 150 lines report to complete. In my mind, these moments are only going to be here for a while, the report can always be done later while she's asleep. So that explains the amount of coffee I drank per day.

You see, my sweet boss allow me to work from home whenever it is inconvenient to come to the office. The perks will be that I can wake up a little later, no mad peak hour rush, do my work in my pajamas, pray in the comfort of my bedroom.. But with Alysha around, she insists that I focus on her instead. So I get most of my work done while she takes her nap.

Here is the link to the pictures that Along took on Alysha's birthday party ----> http://thenurlibrary.fotopages.com/?entry=1714535&back=http://thenurlibrary.fotopages.com/?page=0

I didn't manage to snap any picture at all since I kept getting distracted throughout the event. I still can't believe that she is already ONE! It seems like only yesterday I brought her home from KKH. **sob** **sob**

The birthday girl..

Thanks for all who attended to Alysha's birthday party cum Hari Raya Open house cum Housewarming bringing cool gifts.. I hope you guys had fun on that day. But it sure can't beat Along's prezies.. She made a 2009 Calendar using Alysha's pictures from the day she was born till recently and a Winnie the Pooh bear bag. With sweet captions on those pictures. It was the sweetest and most thoughtful gift Alysha had ever received.. Thanks kak!! Gonna bring it to the office to use (and showoff) since Alysha is still too young to understand the concept of months.. Heehee..

On to Nor's wedding, it went smoothly.. Alhamdulillah.. She's still in Bali.. Honeymooning.. hehehe..Will be back this Sunday. There are some glitches on those 2 days but it was not so bad. The pictures aren't ready yet.. will share it here with you all once it is ready..

Previously whenever people asked me when I am going for number 2, I just stare at them like as if they are from another planet. Now? I'll just ask them to ask Nor when she's gonna have her numero UNO! Muahahaha.. Now it's her turn to stare at me like I am 1 crazy woman. Bleah~

Ok, I've finally gotten a domestic helper. Ya ya.. I know, I used to be against the idea of getting a maid. Especially after watching the youtube video of a maid abusing a baby. Ish.. scary lah.

But after weighing all the options, pros & cons.. I am left with no choice. It took me & Azmi such a long time, surveying for a suitable agent and maid till at last we found one. Kak Ogy has been really helpful to me. Even her payment terms are very flexible after I've confided in her about my current predicament. So off she went to Malang in East Java and got me a maid who had worked in Saudi Arabia.

So far so good.. Alhamdulillah.. She's worked with me for the past 1 week. Alysha has yet to bond with her but I can see that it's improving. Her main priority is to take care of Alysha and secondly is to do household chores. Since I am someone who is not so particular in doing chores, I tend to close one eye when it comes to how she does it. As long as it's clean, I am fine. A lot of people seems to be disagreeing with the way I am handling my helper. But come on.. Would you like to be treated that way in a foreign country? Someone mentioned that I shouldn't allow her into my bedroom, but in my house, my bedroom is connected to Alysha's room. So it doesn't make any sense for me to tell her not to come into my room. Moreover, she bathe Alysha in my bathroom, which is convenient since all of the stuffs is in there. She has enough sense in her NOT to come into my bedroom when Azmi is in there. And I do not see the logic that she would not respect me if I let her come into the masterbedroom. How is it that her respect for me will be gone once I let her step into my boudoir? What's the connection?

Sigh.. So I make sure that I treat her with as much kindness, respect and concern as I would like to be treated if I were to be in her shoes. If she betrayed my trust, there will be counseling. If that fails, then it's goodbye..

The reason she came here to work is because her dad is seriously ill. I can empathise with her situation. When she looked at Mak, she said Mak reminds her of her dad. Anyway, I am too soft-hearted to be cruel. Hehehe.. It's probably genetically coded into my DNA.

Ok lah. I don't want to jinx it all by saying too much. This has been a very long post. Hope to start updating it frequently again. Till then, au revoir~

Happiness is being married to your best friend..

2008-10-08T15:15:00.001+08:00

I am truly happy.. Alhamdulillah..

You are my super duper BFF.. A place where I am 1000% comfortable and just be myself.. No pressure, stress-free.. And now we are blessed with a lovely daughter..

I love you.. shoooooooo much~

Muacks~

Melayu oh melayu..

2008-09-28T16:33:00.000+08:00

In the forum, I debated with a lot of forummers pasal Malaysian politics. Tapi disebabkan I sokong the opposition party, naturally, I was almost beaten to death by UMNO supporters over there. Even my intellectual friend, Deviant, has abandoned me there.. he told me that he has given up coz dia dah penat. And he is someone who has a Master Degree in 'some socio-politic thingie'!

Let me set this straight. I took an interest purely as a form of amusing myself while at work. But I was hooked on it as things started getting so complicated and so interesting. I started engaging people on a debate, especially when I know that they are staunch UMNO supporters. Most of the time, I let things slide off because the debate started getting too heated up and too emotional (we are talking about Ayah, Mak, Mak Long -- all of them support UMNO when it was led by Mahathir Mohamed). They don't understand why I keep on promoting Anwar Ibrahim. Hahaha..

But I realised, a lot of Malays are like this. They love to follow.. 'Ikut-ikutan'.. Bila tanya kenapa tak mahu sokong Anwar, they tell me that dia ni ejen yahudi lah, ejen US lah, Anwar gila kuasa, Anwar is the reason why Malaysia tengah huru-hara sekarang. Bleah~

Tapi mereka cuma cakap ajer, takde bukti.. Bila suruh tunjuk bukti, they will melencong to other topics or show examples from other countries that have nothing to do with whatever that is being discussed. Whereas, I, will do my darndest to prove them otherwise with paragraphs from newspaper articles, reputable blogs.

Ketuanan Melayu tu salah. This so-called rights has only benefit people on the top. Yang golongan2 miskin, papa kedana masih juga ketinggalan.

Universiti untuk kaum Bumiputera? This will only churn out graduates (yang dah naik lemak sebab asik kena spoon-fed) who are unable to compete in the real world with bangsa lain.

Cubalah berfikiran terbuka.. think outside the box.. even if that means you have to move out of you comfort zone.. Jangan senang sangat diperbodoh2kan.

Ok.. this brings me to one of my pet peeves.. Bila orang hantar email, baca dan pahamkan kandungannya. Lepas tu, check sahih atau pun tidak sebelum email itu di'forward'kan.

I can't believe that even now, we still have people forwarding emails that have already been proven to be hoax! Why can't you just do a simple search using Google before pressing that 'Forward' button? Do you see Hotmail closing down? Friendster? Or Bill Gate claiming to give thousands of dollars to people who forward emails to their friends?

Masyallah..

AND pleaseeeeeee... don't forward me any chain letters.. coz I've never forwarded any of these emails before and nothing bad had happened to me because of that. I believe that Allah would never let bad luck to happen to me just because I did not forward that 'sad love story' to 5 people in my mailing list.

I think they've confused it with another religion..

2008-08-19T17:54:00.001+08:00

You know, I was referring to the one that is always being portrayed in court TV where a witness will have to say with his/her hands on a Bible and say 'I swear to tell the truth, the whole truth.. blah blah blah..'?

Apa dah jadi dah.. This practice of swearing on the Quran has degraded the Quran into another plaything for Muslims in Malaysia. Allah did not bring down the Quran for such purpose but for mankind to seek guidance and learn from it.

A quote from Malaysia Today -->

'Nevertheless, how valid is this swearing on the Quran, which Saiful conducted in the Federal Territory Mosque? Does such a thing exist in Islam? Apparently not, according to Perlis Mufti Dr. Mohd Asri Zainul Abidin, PAS President Abdul Hadi Awang, PAS Spiritual Leader Nik Aziz Nik Mat, PAS Deputy Spiritual Leader Dr Haron Din, and the host of other Islamic scholars regarded as authorities on Islam by most Malays. Anyway, even before Saiful pulled off his little circus stunt, and even before these scholars commented on the spectacle, I had already said that there is no such thing in Islam and is the act of deviant Muslims.'

In case you are wondering what I am blabbering about, it's about what's going on in Malaysia right now. There is this university dropout, Saiful Bukhari, who has accused Anwar Ibrahim of sodomy and the de facto leader of PKR has been charged in court. In 1998, he was accused of the same thing, get beaten up by a POLICEMAN while being detained, got severe back injury due to that and THEN in the end, the court threw out the sodomy charge because of lack of evidence.

In Saiful's sumpah, he said that he was forcefully sodomised. What I don't understand is how 61-year old man with a bad back who can force himself on a 23-year old man who is bigger and stronger than him? Not once, but a few times.. on days that Anwar Ibrahim was having a meeting with 5 people.. And a report leaked from a private hospital showed that Saiful was checked and the doctor has stated that no penetration has occurred..

It.simply.defy.logic.

Hitler & ERP woes..

2008-08-16T12:13:00.001+08:00

This video got me laughing histerically..

9 months, 2 weeks and 6 days old..

2008-08-12T17:51:00.002+08:00

How time flies when you are having fun! I still can't believe that she's going to be 1 year old in 2 months time..

Milestone :

- Alysha was tricked into standing on her own when I handed her a toy while she was standing by the bed. At first she hold the toy with one hand, but she got curious and let go of the other hand that was holding onto the bed to hold the toy with 2 hands. Naturally, I was so ecstatic by this and I started clapping my hands and exclaimed,'Woah.. Pandai lah anak ibu diri sendiri!' When she realised what happened, she got excited, laughed and then fall on her butt. Lol~!

- Another time she did that, I called her from a few feet away, she tried to move her feet to walk to me but fall flat on her butt again. ;p~

- One tiny little teeth peeking out below. That explains the crankiness and her excessive droolings which she generously shared it with us by wiping it on our shirts when she was carried.

- Can wave bye-bye, make kissing noises and other baby talk like 'babababa'.. etc etc, pout her lips and wrinkle her nose when I say 'Busyuk ah!'..

- Azmi was so happy when Alysha said 'Ayayayaya' (Ayah means Father in Malay).. Well, that was until she started referring everything and everyone with that.. Hahahaha.. I am still trying to teach her 'Ibu'.. There was once she started with 'I' and ended with a raspberry 'buuuuuuuu'.. Still work in progress..

- Points at stuffs/people that she knows. When we ask 'Alysha, mana bird?', she will look up and point to the bird that my father in law keep in the cage in the living room. When I make cat sound, 'Meow', she will look down and try to find a cat. Same goes for her Ayah, Nenek, Atok and Pak Bucu.. When we ask her, she will try to find and point at the person.

- I always play flashcard with her. Now she can differentiate which one is 'Cat', 'Dog' and 'Ball'.. So clever~!

- Will comfort us when we pretend to cry by lovingly placing her head next to our cheeks. Sometimes she will also use her hands to 'sayang-sayang' our face and babble some baby talks. I can't resist kissing her when she do this.

- She's quite sociable. When we were out shopping, she had no qualms at being carried by a friendly salesman who adores her. While waiting to be checked at polyclinic, she will cheekily smile or poke at the bangla sitting in front of us.

One incident that I can never forget, we were sitting in the doctor's office and I was holding her, the doctor was writing stuffs in Alysha's file when my baby used her finger to poke at the doctor. When the doctor turned to look at her, Alysha laughed so happily that the doctor can't help but to also laughed at her playfulness (she was quite stern when we first came in but after that, the doctor can't stop smiling. She said that Alysha is a very friendly baby). Not only that, in that same moment, Alysha turned and plant me a big sloppy kiss on my left cheek. I was floored by her performance on that day. If only I can record it. Since Azmi was waiting outside the doctor's office, he was extremely jealous when I told him what happened inside. Until now, he kept asking Alysha to give him a kiss but she have not given him yet. Bleah~

But she's not always friendly to stranger. I don't know what she looked for, but she will cry if some people try to carry her. E.g., she will cry when Azmi's aunt tried to carry her but she won't cry when it was the uncle's turn. I notice that she is more willing to be with male stranger than with female stranger. But not all the time.

Here are some pictures of my chubby cheeks..

Ok.. Now on to other stuffs. My house is now 40% complete. We will be moving to our new home on 30 Aug 2008.. Just 2 days before the fasting month. And then we will have only 1 month to unpack before Raya comes..

Pressure seh..

I am fat.. but you're ugly.. and I can diet..

2008-06-27T18:40:00.001+08:00

I know there's a flaw on the above statement. Coz I can imagine the person will retort back with 'There's such thing as plastic surgery, you know?'... *rofl*

I mean, so what if you are skinny? Are you putting me down so that you can feel better about yourself?

And whatever happen to being voluptuously sexy? Curves in the right places? Remember black & white movies used to show sex sirens with hourglass silhouettes? The kind that men used to drool after? Marilyn Monroe, Normadiah, Saloma used to grace our TV sets with their tight-fitting dress, figure hugging kebayas that flaunted their assets. Teenage girls aspired to be like them. What happen to all that?

And look at Salma Hayek, see how NOT skinny she look? (Some folks would probably call her fat.. But I have lots of male friends who adore her..)

Or you can google out Monica Belucci..

Anyway, let me define myself. I am not FAT. I am rubenesque (go check that word out in a dictionary). My BMI index is NORMAL which means I am a healthy and NORMAL woman. You skinny people are the ones who should be ashame of yourself for being abnormal. Hahaha.. Just kidding! Besides, I have big bone. When I starve myself to lose weight, I will look gaunt and unhealthy with bones sticking out of my body. Believe me, I've been there and done that. Just take a look at my wedding pictures. I was at my skinniest. My cheeks were sunken in and pale, feeling tired and faint all the time because of the lack of food and I was always sick. The reason for me to go through all that misery? To ensure that I can fit into my wedding costumes. I was such a silly girl. ;p~

Even Azmi was very unhappy about it at that time. Perhaps that was why he kept putting food into my plate after we are married. Or insisted that we eat heavy meals after 10pm. *chuckles* So at that time when I put on weight and people commented on me, my usual reply was, 'Aku gemok pasal laki aku kasi aku makan banyak2' LOL! Alhamdulillah! I am blessed to have such a loving husband who doesn't have a skewed perspective of beauty. Whenever I confided in him that so and so called me fat, he laughed out loud and pointed out the flaws in that person's character or physical appearance to cheer me up. For e.g, 'At least your mouth doesn't smell as bad as his!'..

I used to ask myself why I can't look like Kate Moss. You know, waif-like, very fragile-looking little thing. Then I realised, human being comes in all sizes.. Like big bone, broad shoulder, small waisted (aka hourglass), pear shaped, ruler shaped, etc etc.. So due to my big bone structure, if I were work out like crazy, I'll probably end-up looking like the Amazon women. Heh.

I worry for my daughter's self-esteem in the future. Already, there are so many people saying that she's fat or she's going to be fat when she grows up. They poke fun at her and she's only 8 months old. *roll eyes*

Judging from the comments that I've gotten from this website ---> http://www.bfdblog.com/page/3/

'Forty-two percent of girls ages 13-17 and 27 percent of women ages 35-49 answered they would rather be thin and stupid than overweight and smart.'

I can't help but wonder.. Will Alysha be able to take all the ridicules, rude comments and crude fat jokes if she turns out to be overweight in the future. As I've said in my previous post, I love chubby babies. Before I had a Alysha, I was always looking forward to meet Huda (Along's fourth daughter) coz she was such a cute, chubby baby! I love to take a deep sniff on their neck and hair. The smell is simply awesome! Alas~~~ my chubby Alysha had lost some of her chubbiness due to her being so active. Tapi pipi tetap maintain.. Hehehehe.. Oh darling, ibu misses you so much. Can't wait to fly back home..

Judging Ayu..

2008-06-25T15:34:00.001+08:00

This is for a certain someone..

Some people thought that they are wise enough to judge me after knowing me for a short period of time. Hah! Even my bestfriends who had known me for almost 15 years, barely scratched the surface.. same goes to my hubby who had known me for almost 10 years.

A few years ago, someone called me an enigma. I am not sure if that counts as a compliment or an insult but I am sure it is true since it came out from the mouth of a very wise old man.

So... Darling, I can only say this to you.. --> There are so many things about me that you don't know. I doubt if you even WANT to know. Therefore you can stop being such a 'know-it-all' and stop spewing things about me coz you do not have a clue of who I am. You are just making a fool of yourself. You are still young, you have lots to learn.. and judging a book just by it's cover can only get you into trouble. Open up your mind.. Go and explore the world. And then you will realise that you are just being childish and silly.

:P~

What does 'Gedegeng' means, Alysha?

2008-06-13T13:59:00.001+08:00

Watch the video with the volume on..

Seriously, what does it mean?

And why is it so funny?

Why oh WHY!!! The suspense is killing me..

Precious moments..

2008-06-13T13:38:00.001+08:00

Yo what's up~

Another nice picture of the 3 of us..

So serene.. So peaceful.. This is what you call 'Calm before the storm' moments.. Which means 'a peaceful and quiet period before a period of activity or trouble.' Hahaha.. Get the drift?

Caught in the act~
She gets super excited whenever we set up the laptop on the bed.. or when we were surfing the Internet on the desktop. Check out the video below..

Alysha and Pak Bucu aka '5 mins Babysitter'

Probably thinking of something mischievous to do..

Here I am again..

2008-06-05T14:58:00.001+08:00

I am in a new working environment.. AGAIN! Hahaha..

There goes my plan to be a SAHM. But Alhamdulillah my new workplace is like a million times much better than my previous one. Nah.. I am not exaggerating at all. It's true! I can list out the comparisons BUT I don't want to be sued by TDS. Bleah~

It was so unplanned. I just submitted my resume after my resignation from TDS and thought that it will be a few months before anyone would call me since everyone around me were having problem looking for a new job.

So you can imagine my surprise when I got a call to attend an interview. Followed by a second interview and negotiating of my current salary. I was quite adamant that my salary cannot fall below the 'Expected' salary range and was quite prepared to walk away empty-handed but *gasp*.. They offered an even HIGHER salary than what I had expected!! After that interview, I walked out of the room, feeling a little shaken.. Hahaha.. I thought I had dreamt it all. Can't believe that I am earning more than my own TL. Hahahahahahaha.. Sweeeeeeeeeeet~!

So here I am.. Finally earning good $$ based on my work qualification and experience. No more working for cheapskate local companies with ridiculous company policies. Yay!

No more rushing through stupid 45 mins lunches! I don't get penalised when I am late for even 1 minute. I don't have to put up with petty office politics, emotional/sensitive colleagues, backstabbers, two-faced bootlickers and malicious gossipers. And there's wider varieties of food for lunch.. On Mon, Wed and Fri, there are a few free shuttle buses that will take us to and fro Bedok Central for lunch. And then on Tues and Thurs, that same shuttle service will take us to Simei Eastpoint. So my lunch is not only limited to Nasi Padang, Mamak food and fast food deliveries. ;p~

The only thing that I miss from TDS are my friends!! Siti, Ramon, Debbie, Naz and Fizah.. These are the people who made my stay there bearable and I miss them all! *sob* *sob* Just hang on there people. Don't hate me for abandoning the TDS ship.. Hehehe..

Okay............

So many things are happening now. We got the key to our very own flat in Thomson. Will be moving there soon, hopefully before the fasting month. We will be living on our own. Yay! Nor will probably be coming along with us. Alysha will have her own room! I have MY VERY OWN KITCHEN!! Can't wait!!!

And.............

I finally passed my driving test and got the coveted driving license. Yay!

About my lil chubby cheeks..

From her last check up, she is already 8 kg. She can crawl forward and from sitting position. Dah macam ulat nangka because she can't sit still.

I can see from her hands and thighs that she had lost some of her baby fats. :( Maybe because she's very active, terrorising our lives with her laughable antics and are more interested in playing than drinking her milk or eating her meals. I've always love chubby babies and I can't thank Allah enough for giving me Alysha. Syukur Alhamdulillah!!

She's a joy to be with and filled my life with so much happiness, fun and laughter. It's been a tiring journey but I am enjoying every minute of being a mother..

Testing!

2008-06-04T15:46:00.001+08:00

Testing!

Blah blah blah..

bang head on table

2008-03-31T22:12:00.004+08:00

Sigh..

There are so many things that I want to talk about.. But my lips are sealed..

Bottling up all my feelings.. One day I might just explode and say things that will hurt the people who I care about..

Sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.....................

Let me just shout out something..

YOU OWE US MONEY!!! WHY ISSIT SO DIFFICULT FOR YOU TO PAY US BACK???

WHY??!! WHY??!! WHY??!!

WHY MUST WE KEEP CHASING YOU FOR IT???!!!

ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRGHHHH!!!

It's so F&^*ing frustrating to keep hearing lame excuses from you day after day after day..

This had been a very expensive lesson for me and Azmi.. Be rest assured that we've learnt NOT to lend money to people..

Once bitten., twice shy..

Alysha's 1st trip to the zoo..

2008-03-31T21:41:00.016+08:00

We got free tickets to the zoo.. thanks to Abg Ngah..

Well.. It wasn't as exciting as I thought it will be. Alysha slept half the time when we were there.. ;p~ and it started to rain very heavily at 2pm so we decided to pack up and leave..

Some pics that we manage to snap before it started pouring..

Awww.. she looked shoooooooo shweeeet..

Curious lil girl..

This is a priceless picture of Pak Busu next to Inuka the polar bear.. Hehehe..

It's waaaaaaaaay past her nap time and she started to get cranky..

When she's back home..

Laughing Fart..

2008-03-15T21:07:00.013+08:00

Hehehe.. Wanna know why I call her that? Coz whenever she farts, it is kinda loud (Yeah I know.. So unladylike.. ;p~) and when we tease her about it, she will laugh cheekily..

Here's a video of my lil farting pwincess..

another one..

And here is an embarrassing naked photo of her.. Hehehe..

Ok ok.. enough of that..

We went to a relative's wedding last Sunday and met up with so many people that I have not met in almost a decade.. Manage to introduce Azmi to these people although I was having difficulties with their names.. Bleah~

Anyway, we manage to take picture together.. This is one rare moment when it satisfy all these criteria
- I look good
- Azmi look good
- Alysha look good
- We are outside looking good as a family
And someone is there to snap a picture of us..

But Alysha refused to cooperate and looked at everywhere else instead of at the camera..

Look at the camera, darling..

Come on sweetheart.. look at Ayah holding the camera..

And when she finally looked at the camera, her facial expression is priceless..

She looked as if she's gonna dig out your eyes and have it as a pacifier..

Garangnyer anak ibu..

Alysha Nadya @ 3 months 3 weeks and 3 days old..

2008-02-16T22:26:00.013+08:00

Ta da~~~.........

Hehehe.. Cute?

She can now roll on her tummy! Yay~ And her laughter! Ya Allah~.. It's the purest sound ever! The first time I heard her laughed out loud, I nearly peed in my pants..

Such joy.. such happiness..

And now Azmi and I can't seem to get enough of it. It's like an addictive drug that we keep asking for more and more.. It's a good thing that Alysha's been dispensing it freely..
Hehehehe..

It's hard to take a non-blurry picture of her now, unless when she's sleeping.
My lil chubby cheeks is always on the move and she can't keep still for a few seconds. So here are the few rare moments of her posing for the camera..

Some thoughtful pose.. Hmm...

2026 Featherweight Boxing Champion..

2008-01-20T13:18:00.000+08:00

Float like a butterfly.. Sting like a bee..

Caught my lil babe trying out her punching moves..

Anak Ayah~

2008-01-15T11:52:00.000+08:00

She simply adores her father.. Hmmphh! I can't help feeling jealous sometimes especially since it was me who's doing all the dirty jobs like changing her diaper, bathing and feeding her. Now that I've started bottlefeeding her, Azmi gets to feed her as well.. Yay!

Whenever her father comes home from work in the evening and she hears his voice,
she will become very excited and start kicking her legs while turning
her head this way and that, trying to find him.

Some beautiful father-daughter moments..

I will be getting back to work tomorrow. Uwaaaaaaaaaaaaa~~~!!!!

Stress Reliever II

2007-12-15T22:14:00.000+08:00

Specially for Subathra..

2007-12-14T21:29:00.000+08:00

........................ who wanted to see the picture of an extremely pregnant and bloated me......

Ta da~~~

Baby Alysha @ 1 month, 2 weeks and 4 days old..

2007-12-11T13:31:00.000+08:00

Chubby Cheeks latest development :

- She's very vocal during nursing. It's like she's grumbling about something in between swallowing the milk. I can imagine her saying, 'See lah Ibu.. Who ask you to eat assam pedas just now? Your milk taste spicy, you know. I don't like.' or 'Mmm..
Did you just ate Oreo just now? You shouldn't eat so much junk food. Later become fat, then how?' or 'Where's Ayah? Why he always disappear in the morning
and come back in the evening? Can you turn off the air-con? It's freezing!' Hehehhe.. Grumble grumble grumble..

- Loves sticking out her tongue. And like to engage us in a one-sided conversation. She doesn't talk much when she's not nursing
although I can see her trying to move her mouth to copy our
mouth movement.

- She loves to be placed on her tummy. Then she will hold her head up all by herself. I am so proud! But not for long.. After a while, she will get tired and lay her head down on one side and look at me with her pityful face.. Heh.. MIL said that Alysha would sleep for a longer period if I let her sleep on her tummy but I wouldn't dream of doing that when she's still so young. Perhaps when she can roll on her own.

- Making her go to sleep is easy when we cuddle her in our arms. It's when we tried to put her down on her bed. Now THAT's the challenging part! Hubby had been comparing it to 'like detonating a bomb'.. It's a very tricky maneuver and has to be done skillfully. Once her body touches the mattress, if she start squirming, wriggling and stretching then we have to do it all over again. Sometimes in the afternoon, I'll just let her sleep in my arms and I'll continue doing my stuffs (like typing this blog) using my other arm. Ya I know, I am spoiling my lil baby by doing that! ;p~

- Her smile! She loves to smile at me in the early hours in the morning when she wake me up for a feed. She'll give me that cheeky smile after she regurgitate her milk on my newly changed shirt or when she let out a poop or pee on my hand while changing her diaper.. Hai.. And sometimes, when she's alone, she'll smile and smile..
as if some invisible person is playing with her. Used to creep me out but now I am used to it. Well.. at least she's smiling and
not screaming her lungs out.
I ought to thank that invisible being for entertaining my daughter..
Hehehe..

- Loves her little froggy rattle. Whenever she's cranky, I use that rattle to distract her, albeit temporarily.. at least it helps..

- For someone who is so little, she can be quite strong. She'll put up quite a fight if you try to swaddle her when she's awake. And I really have to hold on to her when she's cranky coz
she can really kick and throw her body to the back.

- She's filling out quite nicely. Maybe too nicely. Hee.. Alhamdulillah. So many people loves her 'KFC' thighs.. Feel like biting it.
And she has cellulite on her butt! Tsk tsk tsk..
It's only visible when she stretches her muscles while I am changing
her diaper.

Hmm.. what else eh? I guess that's it then..

You can stand under my umbrella..ella ella ella eh eh eh..

2007-12-10T18:27:00.000+08:00

It's been raining almost everyday here in Ubi.. Feeling kinda down at the moment since I can't take Baby Alysha out for a walk.. Oh well.. We'll wait for this coming weekend and drag Ayah to the park.. Okie baby? Hehehe..

Oh ya.. Baby Alysha is officially a 'skinhead' now.. Here's a recent photo of Alysha with her new hairdo.. So bulat..
So cuteeeeeeeeee....

Anyway.. On to the title of today's post..
I've been hearing this song a lot of times and today is the 1st time I took the time and read the lyric. Decided to dedicate this song to my beloved hubby.. Muacks~! (Now that it's raining more than ever.. Know that we'll still have each other..)

You have my heart
And we'll never be worlds apart
Maybe in magazines
But you'll still be my star
Baby cause in the dark
You can't see shiny cars
And that's when you need me there
With you I'll always share
Because

[Chorus]
When the sun shines, we’ll shine together
Told you I'll be here forever
Said I'll always be a friend
Took an oath I'ma stick it out till the end
Now that it's raining more than ever
Know that we'll still have each other
You can stand under my umbrella
You can stand under my umbrella
(Ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella
(Ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella
(Ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella
(Ella ella eh eh eh eh eh eh)

These fancy things, will never come in between
You're part of my entity, here for Infinity
When the war has took it's part
When the world has dealt it's cards
If the hand is hard, together we'll mend your heart
Because

[Chorus]

You can run into my arms
It's okay don't be alarmed
Come into me
There's no distance in between our love
So go on and let the rain pour
I'll be all you need and more
Because

[Chorus]

It's raining
Ooh baby it's raining
Baby come into me
Come into me
It's raining
Oh baby it's raining

Here's the music video of the song..
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a4X7eFbP3u4

Government by taxation..

2007-12-09T20:36:00.000+08:00

This is just sad.. :(

To conclude, the PAP has slipped, deliberately or unknowingly, into an unthinking mindset that automatically employs money as the main solution to all problems they encounter. If car ownership is too high, tax car ownership. If roads are too crowded, tax road use. If flat-building is limited, make flats expensive. If too many people want maids, tax them. If too many people smoke, tax cigarettes. If too many patients cancel their appointments at government hospitals, penalise them monetarily.

A nice little quote from the link below -> The state must be rich while the people must be poor..

http://i-came-i-saw-i-wrote-it.blogspot.com/search/label/Government%20by%20taxation

Merdeka!!

2007-12-07T12:05:00.000+08:00

Today mark the last day of my pantang.. And Baby Alysha pun dah lepas hari..

Yay~! Dah bleh merayap!!!

Woah.. Anak ibu dah siap nak pergi mana tu??

My stress reliever..

2007-12-06T16:58:00.000+08:00

Chubby cheeks..

2007-11-23T11:52:00.000+08:00

Baby Alysha at 1 month old.. How time flies..

It felt like I just brought her home yesterday..

Take your time, sweetheart.. No rush..

Every moment is precious, how I wish that I can just be with her 24/7 and don't have to go to work..
To be there for her first laugh.. first crawl.. first step.. first word..

Sigh..

Breastfeeding benefits

2007-11-16T13:25:00.000+08:00

Whenever I feel tired or drained from breastfeeding my daughter, I have this article to look back on.. to prevent myself from reaching that can of formula milk.. ;p~

Breastfeeding has numerous health benefits both for you and your baby.

You have spent nine months nourishing your precious baby in your womb; why start feeding him nutritionally inferior cows' milk when you have your own wonderful breastmilk?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

BEST CHOICE FOR BABY:

1. Your breastmilk is organic and tailormade for your baby. A living substance, it is much superior to formula milk.

Your breastmilk is specific to your baby’s requirements.

In the first few days of breastfeeding, colostrum, is produced. A creamy, yellowish formula, rich in antibodies, it protects your baby from illness whilst his own immune system develops.

Mature breastmilk replaces colostrum within a few days. This milk has two distinct qualities. At the beginning of a feed the baby receives light thirst-quenching fore-milk. Shortly afterwards hind-milk is produced. Hind-milk is thick, creamy and nourishing and satisfies the baby’s hunger.

Breastmilk changes consistency according to such things as hot weather - when it will be more thirst-quenching. Breastfed babies do not require water between feeds.

2. Breastmilk prepares the baby for the variety of tastes he will come across in later life. Constantly changing flavour it is sometimes sweet, spicy, nutty and so on. Therefore, it is a gentle introduction to the outside world.

3. Breastmilk is nutritionally superior to cows milk; and easier to digest. So it allows the baby’s digestive system a chance to develop - making intolerances and allergies less likely. UNICEF states that breastmilk:

‘contains all the nutrients, antibodies, hormones, antioxidants and other factors an infant needs to thrive.'

Breastfed babies are less likely to suffer from childhood cancers, eczema and asthma. And if a breastfed baby does get ill, the illness is often less severe than it would otherwise have been.

4. Breastfeeding reduces the likelihood of inner ear infections, such as glue ear. A breastfed baby's sucking action is different to that of a bottle-fed baby. So, it helps to keep the ears healthy.

5. Breastfed babies brains develop more quickly.They have higher IQ's. Jaws and teeth develop with fewer problems than bottlefed babies. Speech development is also more advanced.

6. Mum's immune system is constantly on the look out for infection and illness. When it detects anything white blood cells flood her milk and therefore baby has an improved immune response. As a result gastroenteritis, a nasty tummy bug, is much less prevalent in breastfed babies.

7. Breastmilk is always available on demand and is always the correct temperature and consistency for the baby.

8. No sterilising is required!

9. Baby can always be comforted when distressed or ill. Sucking on a lovely soft mummy-smelling breast is extremely comforting. It is also much less harmful to teeth than a sugary drink or feed.

10. No packaging or processing is involved in supplying breastmilk; so breastfeeding protects the environment. Baby will grow up in a cleaner world!

Alysha Nadya Bte Muhammad Azmi..

2007-11-12T16:36:00.000+08:00

Well.. Finally she's here.. Took me quite some time to post coz I was extremely busy with the little one..

Loving every minute of being a mother. Seriously, motherhood is not for the wimps.. I dun think that sentence needs any explanation at all. It speaks for itself. Sometimes I wonder what will happen if men can experience the joy of giving birth. *chuckles* And I've asked hubby, why there are some men who cheated/lied/'whatever' to their wives even after witnessing her going through the pain of labour. Jerks!!

Anyway, here's my labour experience.. I posted it in a forum and will just cut and paste it here. It's in a mixture of malay and english. Heh.. sorry for those who don't understand it.

22 Oct 07
ard 8am hubby tgh siap2 nak gi kerja. My perut dari semalam rasa tak sedap. asik memulas and contractions is regular enuff to make me panic. nak buang air besar pun takut pasal takut teran2 and benda lain yg kluar. so juz baring atas katil and hope that it's juz false alarm. lagipun i dunnoe if i should err on the side of caution and juz go KK to serah diri.

finally i discuss with hubby and he said better go KK and check.

sebelom kluar, hubby suruh minum air kelapa, susu and then MIL siapkan air milo dgn telur mentah. mak ai.. sebelom sampai hospital dah rasa nak terkucil2..

went to labour ward and coincidentally, my gynae Dr KT Tan pun ada kat situ. she seluk me and said pintu blom bukak and ask if i want to induce. CTG reading shows contraction is regular tapi not so strong. Dr cakap kalau induce and pintu tak bukak2, then must c-section.
called hubby over the phone as he was not allowed to be with me. i told him that i want to induce and just get it over with sebab dah tak sabar. i have been having sleepless nites the past couple of days, my nose bleeding everyday and my lutut sakit. lagipun kalau i balik and wait, on the 25th pun kena induce jugak. so mite as well do it on that day itself.

i was moved to delivery suite and the prostin tablet was inserted. Blue sms me and said that she's on the way to KK as her back dah start sakit2. excited giler seh masa tu pasal tak sangka that we are really going to giv birth together on the same day! then the waiting game started. sempat posing amik gambar and hantar to my sis.. hehehe.. then dinner was served. makan pun tak selera pasal too excited.

bila dah move to normal ward, me and hub jalan2 kat bawah hoping to make my cervix dilate faster. masa ni masih bleh gurau2 ketawa2 senyum2.. i was completely unaware of the extreme pain in store for me at that time. bila dah kul 8 lebih, hub terpaksa balik. sms blue and ask her if i can visit her since i am at ward 81 and she's at ward 82. tapi nurse tak kasi jalan2. bleah..

bit by bit the pain start getting more intense. my sis sms me to ask if i dah beranak. ish.. apalah punya soalan. tried to watch tv to distract myself from the pain. pusing kiri, kanan, duduk, diri.. nyangkung.. semua nyer tak selesa. mata ngantuk sangat tapi tak bleh tido coz of the pain. at that point of time, i dah almost 48 hrs tak tido.

dr on duty came in and ask how i am coping with the pain. he said that if i dah tak tahan, let the nurses know and they will wheel me to the delivery suite to giv me painkiller. masa tu i masih rasa gagah and told him that the pain still bearable.

kul 2.30am, dah tak tahan sakit. picit bell and told the nurse that the pain is keeping me awake. nurse cakap,'the tablet is supposed to make u feel like that. i can't give you any sleeping pills.' sigh.. then i said,'i never ask for any sleeping pills....' terus i macam giv up nak bobual ngan nurse tu and just tell her that i want to go to delivery suite and get pain reliever. she said she will prepare it for me. called hubby and tell him to come down now.

tunggu punya tunggu.. nurse tu tak tiba2.. darah pun dah up up and away..

kul 2.50am. suddenly, my waterbag pun burst. i picit butang tu lagi and the same nurse yg datang. i told her that my waterbag dah burst barulah dia kelam kabut buat kerja. it was a weird feeling being wheeled away to the delivery suite with water trickling down. nasib baik tgh pagi2 buta. kalau tgh hari, mesti malu seh coz i left a trail of water. macam non-stop gitu.

nurse chk my cervix and said only 1.5cm dilate. alamak.. bila nak game ni. dlm 15 min gitu, hubby pun sampai. blue sms and said that she's been in delivery suite since 2.30am and dia kat bilik sebelah jer. nurse ajar macam mana nak pakai gas mask but idong ni tersumbat so i can't feel the full effect. tapi bila dapat sedut gas mask tu betul2, barulah i relak sikit. berterbangan kat awangan2 then bila hubby buat joke sikit, me ketawa melebih2.. sempat offer tu gas mask to hubby for him to try.. hahahaha..

dapat tido sekejap. then nurse masok and put on the oxytoxin drip to make the contraction stronger. from here on, i dah tak take note of the time sangat. dia punya sakit, macam nak patah pinggang. told hubby,'the next time i complain abt my menses cramp, pls remind me of my labour pain.'

orang sms for my labour progress pun i tak layan sangat. sebok sedut itu gas mask tapi once in a while kena clear the hingus in my nose first b4 i can get the syiok feeling. abis tu, the nurse tu asik increase the dosage for the drip. i was beginning to hate that oxytoxin thing. dah start bobual nonsense ngan hubby. teringat one of them was for him to get a good step-mother for my daughter kalau i cannot make it today pasal teringat citer ratapan anak tiri.. hubby pun malas nak layan. his mulut kumat kamit baca doa and hembus on my face.

asked the nurse for pethidine. lepas inject, still rasa pain but a bit bearable. i tink by this time dah lunch time and i asked hubby to go hav his lunch first since my cervix baru dilate 2.5 cm. nurse naik kan the dosage lagi to the maximum level. rasa macam nak cabut jer the tube on my hand. while alone, i zikir and baca doa to distract from the pain.

bila hubby balik, dia tgk me dah meronta2 kat atas katil. rasa macam nak tercabut nyawa and i begged the nurse to lower the dosage. nurse tu explained that my progress is very slow and if she lowered it, chances are that my cervix will not dilate any further. by this time, the contraction is only 1 min apart.

at 3pm, midwife chk my cervix again and see that i only dilate 3cm. she said that if my 6pm, my cervix tak dilate fully, they will hav to perform c-section on me pasal the baby kat dalam dah kering. she advice me to take epidural coz she tgk me tense up my muscle everytime a contraction comes and it kinda prevents my cervix from dilating. in my mind dah buat calculation. lagi 3 more hrs to 6pm. 3hrs = 180 mins. that means i will hav to endure almost 180 times of this pain till 6pm and then kalau tak bukak2, kena operate. told hubby abt this and he said to go ahead and take the epi. i rather have something up my spine then go thru a major operation.

so they pun kasi i epidural. the pain was still there and the dr pun heran sebab i told her that my legs are not numb at all. they increase the epi pun sama. i tink they masuk kan ard 3 bottles of epidural barulah i rasa the numbness in my legs but the contraction pain is still there cuma tak teruk sangat lah.

dah lepas 30 min, nurse chk and see that i dah 5cm dilate. alhamdulillah, syukur tak terhingga. she can feel my baby's head already. asked the midwife abt blue's progress next door and she said that her doc was chkin on her. dia pun excited when i told her that both of us know each other. then lepas tak berapa min gitu, i told the nurse that i feel like passing motion. she chked again and said that i dah fully dilate!

punyer lah happy at that time. so she prepared me for the pushing part. hubby hold my left leg and bila contraction datang, she asked me to push. another midwife masuk to assist and jadi cheerleader. bila tgh push tu, teringat that someone kat PDC suruh push macam nak buang air besar. so i just push sekuat ati tapi takut jugak nanti bukan baby yg kluar. hehehe..

bila hubby cakap he can see the head already, fuh, makin bersemangat lah i teran. then my gynae masuk and marah me,'see... if u take epidural siang2, dah beranak agaknyer.' she ask me to giv 1 mighty push, then she gunting my 'ehem' and pull the baby out. punyerlah lega and happy when she hold the baby out for me to see and pass it to hubby utk dia azankan. bila the placenta dah kluar, sakit semua ilang and when she stitched me, i distracted myself by admiring my baby. macam tak percaya that she came out from me. Alysha Nadya Bte Muhd Azmi was born on 23/10/07 at 6.07pm. height 47cm and weight 3.330kg.

PS: in case u r wondering who is 'blue', she's actually another forummer who has the same EDD as me n gav birth in the delivery suite next to mine..

after Baby Alysha was cleaned, the midwife passed her to me to
be breastfed. It was the best feeling in the world! it didn't really
matter that it hurt and it still hurt when i try to breastfeed here
now. the feeling is like having ur nipple pierced, everytime she
wants to suckle..

and that is why, motherhood is not for the wimps.. hehehhee..

here's some pic of my little angel.. (who kept me up all nite with her voracious appetite.. but i still love her soooo much!)

Tick tock tick tock..

2007-10-17T20:07:00.001+08:00

9 days to gooooooooooo....

Woo hoooooooooooooo!!!

Where's the Fast Forward button?

2007-10-03T00:28:00.001+08:00

This has got to be the longest 9 months of my life.. And this is what I feel
like doing every day..

Kept waking up in the middle of the night to pee.. or I'll just be wide awake, and be entertained by my dancing little baby in my tummy.. Hee hee.. Lil Junior can really kick and sometimes I just wished that my babe will just leave my poor bladder alone..

There are times when I am walking (or waddling if you prefer to be accurate) and will just feel like my bladder is gonna burst..
Then I will quickly waddle waddle waddle
to the nearest toilet, only to be disappointed by the tiny amount..
Geez.. It sure felt like it was filled to the brim.. Hurhur..

I'll be starting my maternity leave on the 15/10/07. Can't wait..

Oh ya.. I will be staying with my parents in Kallang during my confinement period.. Mak will be taking care of me since MIL said she won't be able to.. So if my baby decides to come out early, I'll be celebrating raya in Kallang this year.. Yay~!

Else? I think I'll just visit my close relatives.. Itu pun kalau masih bleh jalan.. Hahahah..
Hope my friends don't get offended if I can't visit their house this year but my house is always open for them to visit..
I did tempah baju kurung for raya but I can only wear the top.. Maybe I'll wear it with my maternity pants? ;p~
Or just reuse some of the jubahs that I bought previously? We tried to go shopping in Bazaar Geylang, but I gave up half way because my feet and my poor aching back threatened to shut down and go on a strike while I was window-shopping. So I guess I'll just have to find a nice black tudung that can go with everything in my closet.

Hmm.. What else to update? I think that's about it..

To my dearest online (and some offline) friends, I hope you all don't think that I am 'tao' or sombong.. It's just that my new workplace has no internet access and the only time I can access is at home.. and since I am always tired, I prefer catching up on my beauty sleep than going online. Hope you lovely people understand..

That's all.. Au revoir.. and to all my muslim friends, Eid Mubarak~ Jangan posa yok yok..

Muacks~!

A rant from an emotionally-charged pregnant woman..

2007-07-06T19:36:00.000+08:00

Bear with me.. This is just a rant from an emotionally-charged pregnant woman..

To a certain someone.. I know that you are a regular reader of my blog, that is why I decided to place my thoughts in here..

If you've noticed, I've been distancing myself from you. I can't seem to help myself, knowing that in less than 2 weeks time, you are going to terminate your pregnancy. I just have this feeling of resentment towards you right now that I really really can't control. Blame it on the hormones, if you want. I even cried on the day that you told me about your decision and had nightmares about losing my own baby. :`(
Remember I told you about my wayward girlfriend who aborted her babies and confided in me? I am not a judgmental person. She's still my friend but there will be times that I wonder to myself, "What the heck is wrong with her?" and feel like giving her a tight slap. But since I don't see her on a regular basis, it kinda make it easier for me. On the other hand, I see you almost everyday. My heart will just break, seeing you staring aimlessly and unconsciously caressing your belly. You have this sad look on your face and it made me feel so crappy.

Sigh~

If my calculation is correct, your baby would be almost 2 mths by then and his/her heart would have already started beating.

It's not my intention to make you feel even worst at this moment since you really wanted to keep the baby but your hubby was the one who is against it. After asking around, I was told that if a husband forced a wife to do something that is against Islam, the wife have the right NOT to listen to him and it's not counted as a sin.

Every child that Allah bestowed upon us is a gift that we should treasure it. In my opinion, if you don't want to be pregnant, then protect yourself with contraceptives. If you ARE using contraceptives, and STILL conceive, then say "Alhamdulillah! Allah has decided to bless me with this baby.."

Who are we to play GOD and decide the faith of the baby by killing it??!!

For me, the only reason why a pregnancy can be aborted is when the mother's health is at risk or the baby has serious abnormalities (e.g. without a head/heart). Other than that, it's just an excuse from the parents for being irresponsible. Whatever it is, dearie~ you will be reunited with your baby on judgment day and you will be questioned. I have no doubt about that~

I've already told you not to worry about financial problem because Allah will surely provide. Setiap anak tu ada rezeki dia sendiri..

Oh well.. Suka hati kau lah, nak.. Kau pun dah besar panjang..

C'est La Vie~! That's Life..
:`(
________________________________________________________________

A brief update on the little gymnast living in my belly :

My baby is soooooooooooo active nowadays.. tickling me from the inside and making me chuckle by myself every now and then. My tummy can now move by itself and I now look visibly pregnant.. So many of my new colleagues love to touch my tummy. One of them is so lucky to have felt the baby move. It's the best feeling in the world.. I can tell that hubby is very jealous of me right now.. Heh.. He kept touching my belly and wants to know where the head is.. or the baby is in which position.. Heehee.. It's not as if I know, right? Duh~

I feel so blessed nowadays. Alhamdulillah.. I've been transferred to a less stressful environment with a lovely group of people. I have a cool and flexible team leader who gave us a treat yesterday at Kampung Chai Chee restaurant.. Mmmm.. Butter prawns.. * Droolz *
Strangers has been treating me extra nice once they saw my bulging tummy by offering their seats or opening doors for me. Best kan? There was one time, I boarded a crowded bus and was feeling rather sickly. There was this nice gentleman who quickly offered me his seat at once when he saw me, just as I was about to faint. I think it was because of the low blood count that causes me to see stars nowadays.

Current Cravings : Doner Sandwich from Anatolia Turkish Restaurant (Far East Plaza). Been bugging hubby to bring me there since last week.. :(

Funny..

2007-06-29T13:47:00.001+08:00

Toughest job in the world~

2007-06-23T14:23:00.000+08:00

Funny post about parenting.. LOL~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

POSITION :
Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma
Dad, Daddy, Dada, Pa, Pop

JOB DESCRIPTION : Long term, team players needed, for challenging permanent work in an often chaotic environment. Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call. Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in faraway cities! Travel expenses not reimbursed. Extensive courier duties also required.

RESPONSIBILITIES : The rest of your life. Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, until someone needs $5. Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly. Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this time, the screams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf. Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers. Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects. Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks. Must be willing to be indispensable one minute, an embarrassment the next. Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices. Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product. Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility.

POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION : None. Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you.

PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE : None required, unfortunately. On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.

WAGES AND COMPENSATION : Get this! You pay them! Offering frequent raises and bonuses. A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption that college will help them become financially independent. When you die, you give them whatever is left. The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.

BENEFITS : While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered; this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth and free hugs and kisses for life if you play your cards right.

;p~

Hello world~~~!

2007-06-04T21:40:00.000+08:00

Here's a snap of our baby taken this morning.. Nice pose eh? Heh.. I was surprised at how much movements our baby make till it was shown on the monitor, hiccuping away. Both the hands were in front as if in a praying position (baca doa).. So cute~

Everything seems to be ok, no complications so far. I have to take the dreaded glucose test next month due to family history in diabetes. Bleah~

Sweet reminiscence..

2007-05-19T11:27:00.000+08:00

Reading this list puts a smile on my face.. :)

"50 things, Singaporeans aged 20 to 30 something would identify with.” Source Unknown

1. You grew up watching He-man, Transformers, Silverhawk, Ultraman, Super Friends, Woody WoodPecker, Tom & Jerry,Care Bears, My Little Pony, Smurf and Mickey Mouse. Not to forget, maybe Ninja turtles too.

2. You grew up brushing your teeth with a mug in Primary school during recess time. You will squat by a drain with all your classmates beside you,and brush your teeth with a coloured mug. The teachers said you must brush each side 10 times too. Not forgetting the silly red tablet which you know not the purpose for.

3. You know what SBC stands for.

4. You know in school, you could subscribe for the milk which will come before you go back home. Somedays you could get Chocolate milk, other days strawberry. The old magnolia fresh milk came in a triangular packet.

5. You were there when the first chinese serial, the Awakening was shown on TV.

6. Everyone in class would tremble in fear when someone with a gauze stuck in the mouth would go to your class and ask for someone’s name to go to visit the school dentist.

7. You find your friends with pagers and handphone cool in Secondary school.

8. SBS buses used to be non-airconditioned. The bus seats were made of wood and the cushion was red. The big red bell gave a loud BEEEP! when pressed. There were colourful tickets for CSS buses. The conductor will check for tickets by using a machine which punches a hole on the ticket. All SBS buses used to be manually operated, with a huge gigantic gearstick to the left of the driver.

9. Your favourite actor and actress were Huang Wenyong and Xiangyun. Next were Li Nanxing and Zoe Tay and the Aiyoyo woman (Chen Liping).

10. You’ve probably read Young Generation magazine. You know who’s Vinny the little vampire and Constable Acai. For some, cikgu will always ask to buy the “Dewan Bahasa” magazine.

11. You were there when they first introduced MRT here (Yio Chu Kang to Toa Payoh). You went for the first ride with your parents and you would kneel on the seat to see the scenery.

12. Movie tickets used to cost only $3.50. Tickets were scrawled across using big red pencils. Ushers brought you into the cinemas using big metallic torchlights.

13. Gals were fascinated by Strawberry Short Cake and Barbie Dolls. You also collected sticker books of things like Street fighter, The Semi-Pro Soccer League(For Boys) and carebears (For girls) by Panini, trying to complete the impossible task of filling up the sticker book.

14. You remember some taxis were green in colour. Taxis had gearsticks behind the steering wheel, with a transparent knob and little colourful flowers inside the knobs.

15. You longed to buy tibits called Kaka(20 cents per pack), and Ding Dang(50 cents per box), that had a toy in it and it changes every week not forgetting the 15 cents animal crackers and the ringpop, where the lollipop is the diamond on the ring. There were such things like the 20 cents dinosaur eggs, The 10 cents satay, Choki Choki Chocolate stick and not forgetting the all favourite 10 cents “Air batu” broken into 2 parts and shared amongst friends.

16. You watched TV2(also known as Channel 10) cartoons because Channel 5 never had enough cartoons for you.

17. All that you know about Cantonese is from the Hong Kong serials you watched on TV2. You probably would remember George Lam as the mustached man whose line was “ Are you OK?” in the Guiness Stout Advertisement.

18. You grew up reading ladybird books “READ IT YOURSELF”. Hardy Boys,Nancy Drew, The Three Investigators, Famous Five and Secret Seven were probably the thickest story books you ever thought you had. Even SweetValley High and Malory Towers. You also love Enid Blyton’s Enchanted Wood, Magic Faraway tree...and the 5 dollars Bookworm book you bought when there was the Book Fair in School.

19. The only food you bought from Macdonalds was fish fillet burger and French Fries as it wasnt halal back then and your parents didnt allow you to buy other stuff.

20. KFC used to be a high class place and let you use metal forks and knives.

21. The most vulgar thing you said was asshole and idiot and...you just couldn’t bring yourself to say the hokkien relative.

22. Catching was the IN thing (aka Police and Thief) and twist or “choap” was the magic word. For the ones who always frequented the void decks, there was the “rumah dayak”, Octopus and “Goli Duit”

23. Your English workbooks was made of some damn poor quality paper that was smooth and yellow. And the textbooks were striped in colour with different coloured stripes for different levels.

24. Some part of your school was ALWAYS haunted, like the toilet or clock tower or a certain block. You walk fast to avoid them.

25. The only computer lessons in school involved funny pixellised characters in 16 colours walking about trying to teach you maths. You printed with noisy dot matrix printers and use computer papers with two rows of holes at the sides. Mouse? What’s that?

26. Waterbottles, with your favourite cartoon character on it,were slinged around your neck and a must everywhere you go.

27. Boys loved to play soccer with small tennis balls in the basketball court.

28. Hopskotch, five stones,chapteh and zero point were all the rage with the girls and boys too… Remember 5 times, highest, one-inch…

29. Science was fun with the balsam and the angsana being the most important plants of our lives. Remember the “Young Scientist” badge you got when you completed the set of tasks in written on the Blue Booklet for Young Ecologist, Young Botanist etc etc? The 1st excursion to the Science Centre was the best day of your life.

30. Who could forget Ahmad, Bala, Gopal, Sumei, Peihua and John, eternalised in the textbooks. Even Mr Wolly, Mr Yakki.

31. You did stupid exercises like seal crawl and frog jumps.

32. Every children’s day and national day you either get pencils or pens with ‘Happy Children’s Day 1983’ or dumb files with Happy National Day 1984’.

33. In Primary six you had to play buddy for the younger kids like big sister and brother.

34. There was a day called ACES day where you would get this stupid hat and do the Great Singapore Workout.

35. The Scouts used to wear shorts, and the NCC uniform was a plain green colour without camouflage.

36. The worksheets were made of brown rough paper of poor quality. During art and craft, you were made to do your own art folio with the vanguard sheet.

37. You went to school in slippers and a raincoat when it rained,and you find a dry spot in the school to sit and wipe yourself dry. Then you wear your dry and warm socks and shoes.

38. During National Day, you would have to do and decorate your own shakers, usually using a cassette tape container, or an empty aluminium can with green beans inside all taped up and decorated with white and red paper. Who could forget the all-time favourite recorder you played during music lesson?

39. After exams, you brought Game & Watch to school, and play card games like ‘Snap’ and ‘Donkey’ and ‘Old Maid’ and you also play pick up sticks and Snake & Ladder and the aeroplane board game. The erasers with the flags were also a popular game. Either this or you would play those cards comparing aeroplanes, warships, or tanks; who would have more firepower or speed or weight, etc.

40. You remember you uncles, big brothers and father screaming and shouting in front of the TV when the S’pore soccer team (always in blue jerseys) play against the Malaysians.

41. Your friends considered you lucky and rich if your parents gave you $3 or more for pocket money everyday.

42. During class gatherings, parents always tag along in case someone gets lost at Orchard Road.

43. You freak out when the teacher tells you to line up according to height and hold hands with the corresponding boy or girl.

44. Handkerchieves were a must for both genders

45. Collecting notebooks, erasers and all kinds of stationery was a popular thing. The bookshop was a favourite place to go to get all those stuff during recess.

46. Autograph books were loaded with “Best Wishes”, “Forget Me Not”, and small poems like ‘Birds fly high, hard to catch. Friend like you,hard to forget’, ‘stay funky always”

47. Class monitors and prefects loved to say ‘You talk somemore, I write your name ah!’

48. You remember songs sung by a huge group of people, like 4U2C, Feminin, Nico (Malay) and the English “We Are The World”. In Sec Sch, you listen to Bananarama, Jason Donavan, Kylie Minogue, New Kids on the Block, ABBA, and Tommy Page (Remember ‘A Shoulder to Cry On’?)

49. Large, colourful schoolbags were carried. And fanciful pencil cases with lots of small tiny drawers, trays, sharpener or thermometer, that pop out at the push of a button were the ‘in’ thing.

50. You brought every single book to school, even though there was one thing called the timetable, written on the inside cover of your little blue notebook.

Hubby's 2nd wife.. Uhuhuhu

2007-05-07T15:55:00.000+08:00

Here's the picture of his 2nd wife. *sob* *sob*

Ok.. Here's a picture of Aiman to cheer me up~

The msg on the bib is so apt.. ;p~

Still under house-arrest..

2007-05-05T14:59:00.000+08:00

I am bored.. really really really boredddddddddddddd....

My favourite cartoon shows on cable are showing re-runs now. Arrghh..

I was watching Spongebob with hubby and I can say out aloud what the characters are going to say next, complete with the funny accent. Heh.. Sampai dah hafal script tau, are they hiring? ;p~ Because of that, hubby looked at me kinda funny and commented that I should go out more but I am happy right where I am. I love to annoy him with my annoying Spongebob accent while he love to annoy me with his endless 'makcik questions'.. ermm.. okie.. that came out somewhat wrong. You'll understand it better if you watch this youtube video. Hehehe.. Hubby will ask questions exactly like the way that makcik do. It's funny in the beginning but can be darn irritating after a while.

Well.. Here's a list of my fav cartoon shows :
Spongebob Squarepants (Ohhh.. Who lives in a pineapple under the sea?)
Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends
Dexter's Laboratory
Camp Lazlo (The character Lazlo sound & act like Spongebob)
Fairly Odd Parents
The Angry Beavers
The Wild Thornberries (Ooh.. I wish I can talk to animals)
Hey Arnold! (Character Olga reminds me of me when I was young..)

I am really looking forward to that gynae appointment on 10/5/07!

Hahahahahahahahaha..

2007-05-04T18:05:00.000+08:00

I was bored out of my mind, so I thought that maybe I'll do some read up on the net regarding MM LKY.. Yeap, I was that bored~..

I opened up my IE and typed out Lee Kuan Yew on the Google search bar..

And voila~ I nearly fall off the chair laughing when I saw the search result..

Wakakakakakakakakakakakaka~~~~

I know the image is too small, so I'll paste it here for you to see..
"We're sorry...... but your query looks similar to automated requests from a computer virus or spyware application. To protect our users, we can't process your request right now. We'll restore your access as quickly as possible, so try again soon. In the meantime, if you suspect that your computer or network has been infected, you might want to run a virus checker or spyware remover to make sure that your systems are free of viruses and other spurious software. We apologize for the inconvenience, and hope we'll see you again on Google."

Wakakakakaka.. I know it sounds silly to laugh at this kinda thing but.. ermm.. kakakakakakakak... I don't care~

Hahahahahahaha.. Ketawa besau aku hari ni..

Goodbye first trimester..

2007-04-18T13:51:00.000+08:00

Hallo second trimester.. Been looking forward to see you since I heard that you come bearing good news..

You know.. Good news like 'My hormones have now stabilised and my morning sickness should disappear by now'.. or 'I should expect a spike in my energy levels and won't feel so sluggish'..

Gosh.. I would even have settled for 'Your nose would be less sensitive by now and you can kiss your husband without gagging or going to the kitchen without wretching your guts out'..

Huh??!

What do you mean I have to wait for another 2 weeks??!!

Arrrghhhhhhhhh...

&^%$#!!!!

Takpe.. Sabar Ayu.. Sabar~~~

;p~

Your security will be at risk and our women will become maids in other people's countries..

2007-04-17T14:26:00.000+08:00

Believe it or not, the sentence above was uttered by our 'beloved' MM Lee Kuan Yew. It was one of the reasons he gave for the recent ministerial payhike.

Logical tak?

We are not paying to get better leaders.. we are just paying our leaders better.. :(

I came across this hilarious blogger while bloghopping. Very crude but to the point. Uses lots of vulgarities so readers discretion is advised.
http://www.insanepoly.com/blog/?p=325

Someone in perkahwinan.com mentioned my favourite book, Animal Farm by George Orwell..

Here's a link to the free online book --> http://www.george-orwell.org/Animal_Farm/0.html

Go read it..

All-Day Sickness..

2007-04-09T09:20:00.000+08:00

I swear I will never take 'feeling normal' for granted ever again..

I used to be angry when I hear women complaining about how bad their morning sickness are or when I hear them complaining about how difficult their pregnancies are because I was badly trying to conceive. Sekarang dah terkena batang idong sendiri baru padan muka hang.. Hahaha..

Anyway, for those who are not in the know, I am now 11 weeks pregnant. Yay! I thought I wanted to wait till the 1st trimester is over to make this special announcement but I simply can't wait! I've been vomitting non-stop and admitted to the hospital for 3 days due to dehydration.

Sigh.. The joy of motherhood.. ;p~

Here's something funny to share with you all :

Some women are lucky; they don’t get morning sickness. There are some that have a little less luck; they get some morning sickness. Then there are the rest of us, the women with weeks of non-stop vomiting.

All that non-stop vomiting has a name: Hyperemesis. I have a feeling that hyperemesis is Latin for “Poor woman that vomits everything in sight.”

Since hyperemesis isn’t that well known, most people tend to ask questions such as “have you tried crackers?” or “I hear that ginger works.”

For many women, the only thing that works is having an 8-pound baby shoot out of her crotch.

I know that people are trying to be helpful, but it is really hard not to go postal on someone offering “advice,” especially if you spent the night before in the emergency room, getting IV fluids for dehydration.

I can’t tell you how many times I wanted to say “Crackers? Really? That’s all it takes? Eating a few stinking crackers? I’ve been vomiting for five months straight and all I needed to do was eat a stinking cracker?”

Hahaha.. Trust me. I've tried everything from crackers, kurma, asam masin, preserved ginger, ginger drink etc etc.. It didn't work! I've shunned all my friends, stayed in my room feeling so sorry for myself and 90% dependent on my hubby. It's so hard to stay chirpy and happy about this pregnancy when you have to run to the bathroom every hour or so.

Oh well.. Just another 1 more week.. Let's hope that this 'sickness' will disappear.. InsyaAllah~

Hee Hee..

2007-01-08T14:53:00.000+08:00

;p~

I am back~~

Nah.. Didn't really go anywhere..

Am still here..

.. Boring old Singapore..

At work...

On Monday!!!

..:: ARGGHHH!!!!! ::..

Sipping a cup of warm water.. How exciting! Bleah~~~~

Sitting in this cold office.. after LUNCH!

Eyes half close..

Ok ok.. Enough of all these half-hearted updating one-line thingie.. ;p~

Let me see.. What's been happening in my life so far?? Hmm..

My cousin finally got engaged! Congrats Salimah..

Here's the picture of the radiant bride-to-be in red, Mashita in the middle and yours truely in blue..

Wedding would be held sometime in November.. Insyallah~
A word of advice for her : Cherish and treasure every moment with your family.. Especially your mom.. *sob* *sob* Coz I really miss mine badly~~ That's why when I see Mak nowadays, ada sikit nyer menjeng.. Sakit kepala pun telipon Mak.. Sakit lutut, ngadu kat Mak.. Then Mak pun tolong urutkan.. Sayang Mak~ *sob* *sob*

And here's some picture of me with Mak~! As usual, ada jer yang nak menyelit kat tepi.. Muahahaha..
And then.. Here's Aiman.. Taa Daa~~~~

Can still fit him in my little handbag.. Hur hur~~ Melalak Abg Yunos.. Probably nangis tak berlagu pasal Aiman dah kena kidnap ngan Makcik dia..

Hmm.. What else eh?

Oh ya.. A week ago, I've been experiencing cramp on the left side of my tummy for days. Like period cramp, but it's only one-sided. I was like, OH NO!.. I thought that I got ectopic pregnancy..

But.. Syukur Alhamdulillah, the pain went away after a while.. It's probably muscle cramp. Nevertheless, dear hubby was put on 24hr standby with 30mins respond time, in case the pain worsen and accompanied by bleeding. Heehee.. Never really told anyone about this pasal takut orang ingat kita ni weak sangat.. asik SAKIT jer si Ayu ni..

Sigh.. And I've been declared as the MC Queen in my company..

*stomps feet* NOT FAIR! NOT FAIR! NOT FAIR! Tau takpe~

Well.. Let's look on the bright side. Now they can't complain anymore if I go on long MC..

My excuse?

"I am the MC Queen, right? It's an honour and I will need to maintain my reign, else, it will be usurped by someone less worthy than me!"

Sigh..

That's all..

Feelin' Queasy..

2006-12-07T12:29:00.000+08:00

There are a lot of first-time experience for me this year. Another one to add to the list would be; First time being admitted to a hospital. Hehehe.. here's the story..

Tried to self-medicate myself by taking Lemsip Lemon for flu & fever. Unfortunately, my cough & flu continued to wreak havoc in my system, so I visited another clinic near my workplace. The doctor there prescribed me with flu tablets, cough syrups (I requested for a non-drowsy one) and lozenges for my throat.

That night, we had a meeting with a potential client and I really really do not wish to re-schedule this meeting anymore coz it'll made us looked like some unprofessional hobos, so I took the medication given religiously. Apparently, I wasn't prepared for another attack. When we were at my client's house, my tummy started to sound & feel like ermm.. a war was going on in there. I panicked and my brain started to go through all the crap that I've eaten for the past 12 hours. I nudged my hubby and mouthed the word, 'Stomach problem' to him and pointed to my tummy because I don't want the whole world. Very embarrassing lah dey~

Sigh~

I excused myself and dived into the bathroom.

Twice.

When the feeling came again for the third time, I quickly nudged hubby again to quickly wrap the discussion so that we can go home, in an afford to save my waterface. Hahaha.. Apparently, the client had other things on her mind and she still wanted to continue. She went on and on and on and on and on and on and on..

Have you ever had moments when time was moving ever so slowly? When time just crawls to a stop? That was how I felt. I could see the cracks on the ceiling, tiny little ants, hear the second-hand on the clock ticking, hear my heart beating, see the dust on monitor.. I hear everything else, except for the sound of my client's voice. I was on nodding-and-smiling-politely-regardless-of-what-was-said-or-done mode.

And then.. fever started to kick in and I was beginning to feel cold.

When we finally reached the carpark in Ubi, I jumped out of the car before hubby can even park it, ran to the lift, pound on the buttons of the lift, tap my feet continuously while the lift moved, ran all the way to the door, fumbled around with the keys, gritted my teeth in frustration as the keys dropped to the floor, almost laughed out loud when the door finally opened, threw my bags to the floor and skipped to the loo my darling~.. Heh..

Before going to sleep that night, I ate another medicine for diarrhoea, hoping that my sleep won't get disrupted by going to the toilet for a few more times.

Hah~! I was dead wrong.

At 3am, I was rudely woken up by a sharp pain on my upper stomach area. It was excruciating! I thought that the pain was a temporary one, but I was wrong. Hubby got me ready to go to Tan Tock Seng Hospital. I was delirious and asked Hubby for forgiveness in case I am going to die, while he looked at me like I am mad. Hahahah..

We reached the hospital at around 3.30am. The person there asked me if I can point out the scale of the pain that I am having, between 1 - 10. I almost said 20, but knowing that they usually have no sense of humour (like airport staff lah), stopped myself and said between 7-8 instead. Bleah~ Ya lah.. What if he quickly paged for his top surgeon and wheeled me into the operating room? Then they will open me up and see what was the thing that can cause such unspeakable horror in me. Heehee..

At last, when I finally get to see the doctor (which was pretty fast. They gave priority to me first, I think because they can see the agony in my eyes), he asked me if this is the same pain as period cramp because coincidently, yesterday was also the 1st day of my menses (Yeah, I know.. Tripple whammy!!!!). I said no, the pain is unlike the kind that I've ever had. I have never experienced such pain in that region before. After he injected painkiller into me, I felt light-headed and can feel the pain slowly disappear but it was replaced by a tight pulling sensation. My breathing was back to normal and I was wheeled to the observation room.

At 6++am, the pain returned with a vengeance. It striked me with double the force and Hubby had to run to a staff nurse for help while I writhed in agony on the bed. The doctor came again with the magic syringe, and a few minutes later I floated into the air once more, seeing rainbows and unicorns. Fortunately, the drama ends there and I was discharged an hour later. Was given a huge dosage of painkiller (tablet form), just in case.

Well, that was my horrendous experience. Surprise surprise, I am back in the office this morning. Tummy still feeling queasy. Apa nak buat.. dah nasib badan..

I don't know what is wrong with the people in the office. I was on MC because I was unwell. Or would they prefer me to go to work, feeling crappy? Spread my virus around? I think Jolly has caught it also because she's on MC today with the same problem I had previously. Hahaha..

Ok lah. I got to get back to work now. Tonnes of things to do.

:'(

Sick~

2006-12-05T13:21:00.000+08:00

I've been feeling a tad under the weather lately.. Boo hoo~

It all started with my throat being infected, which then unleash a series of other health problems onto me. Fever (on and off), incessant coughing (annoying too!!), migraine (arrghhhhhhhhh~) and now.. the grand finale (hopefully) --> Flu.

Ta da~~

All in a space of less than a week.. (and only 1 day MC too!) All my meetings with close friends and clients had to be rescheduled. Honestly, I've never been this sick before. A record had been broken. Hurrah~

Still nursing my flu and cough. There is a slight improvement with my voice now, compared to the past few days. Evil male colleagues had their laughs, poking fun at my super sexy husky voice. Hahahhaa...

Last Saturday, I managed to take a peek at Yanti's cutie pie daughter, Intan Marisha. Sorry, no picture taken because I was too slenger to take out my handphone to snap. Don't blame me, blame it on the various medicines that I've taken, ok? Heh..

Oh yeah~ Did some serious aliens'/floods' butt-kicking in Halo 2 while I was on MC. Power dok~ Can't wait for the ending!

7% GST..

2006-11-14T18:14:00.000+08:00

When I heard the news that the government (the one that 66.6% had voted for in May) wanted to raise the GST to 7%, my initial reaction was I.simply.couldn't.believe.it.

Speechless..

Then after the cloud of disbelief had lifted, my blood started to boil.. I can feel steam coming out of my ears.. Smoke came out of my nose as I huffed and puffed in anger.

So I surfed the Net to get more info.

Reason for the hike? According to PM Lee, "Hike was necessary to finance the enhanced social safety nets, needed to help the lower income group and he emphasised that the offset package would more than counter the rise in GST."
What lah all this bullcrap~! A peasant like me knows that the GST increase is only going to hurt the poor instead of helping them. Unless they are not going to tax on necessity items like groceries, textbooks.. then perhaps it wouldn't be so bad. Tax only the luxury items so that it will hurt the rich's deep pockets. And what offset package is he talking about? Issit like previously when they issue ERS to us to soften the blow of the GST increase? Hah! Kelakar siak!

Here's another one from PM Lee, "I'm not going to tax 15% on income tax, I'm not going to tax 25% from GST the way the Scandanavians do, but I have to make the adjustments of 2% which I think is fair and I think Singaporeans will support."

Why are you NOT going to tax 15% on income tax? Income tax is exactly where you should raise because like Robin Hood, you will be stealing from the rich to give to the poor. Or is it because you YOURSELF are not willing to contribute to the poor since you YOURSELF are among the top of the pile with your million-dollar paycheck??!! And STOP COMPARING SINGAPORE TO OTHER COUNTRIES!! Each country is unique. I heard somewhere that the GST is higher in OTHER COUNTRIES because they HAVE WELLFARE system to help the poor.

Sigh.. How? I am tired. More and more things are being revealed, hinting at me that my government just don't love me anymore. I love Singapore, it's just that I loathe the government that governs it.

I feel like I want to quit being a Singaporean. Tender my resignation. I thought I wanted to blog about this Malay teacher that I had in Secondary school, instead, I rant and rave about my incompetent government. Blah~

19% of paedophiles have images of children 3 years or younger..

2006-11-01T11:40:00.000+08:00

Shocked? Wished that you can do something about it?

"Children sexually abused on Internet pornography sites cannot speak for themselves.

But you can.

With your help, we can eradicate this evil trade.

We DO NOT need your money.

We need you to light a candle of support.

We are aiming to light at least ONE MILLION CANDLES by December 31, 2006.

This petition will be used to encourage governments, politicians, financial institutions, payment organisations, Internet service providers, technology companies and law enforcement agencies to eradicate the commercial viability of online child pornography.

They have the power to work together. You have the power to get them to take action.

Together, we can destroy the commercial viability of Internet child pornography sites that are destroying the lives of innocent children. "

http://www.lightamillioncandles.com/

Up to 20,000 children appears in pornographic images online everyday!!

There's a sick & perverted group of people preying on these innocent kids. A HUGE group. The scariest thing is that they don't look like your average criminal with tattoos.. They look normal. They live a normal life but have hideous online hobby.

So go on.. Go light that candle.. They still need 100,000 ++ more candles.

Kindly forward this to your friends, relatives and work colleagues so that they can light a candle too.

Just some random stuffs...

2006-10-28T13:18:00.001+08:00

- Latest addition to the family

Muhammad Aiman.
Born on 17/10/06 at 2248 in KKH.

I was drowning in a green pool of envy when I saw him.. Hahaha..
Look at this precious bundle of joy.. Please ignore my hideous double-layered eyebags (got such thing?), it's a Ramadhan special.. Hur hur~

Feast your eyes with more of this little dude here
He was fiercely protected by his sisters. I tried to sneak him into my large handbag but was viciously attacked by Nabila.. Gosh! That girl sure know how to pinch.. LOL~~
But I still adore Huda (girl in green tudung).. Look at her.. Geram kan? Heehee..

- “Straits Times keeps No 1 spot, drawing 1.35m readers.”

Oh yeah? And you are competing for the top spot with... ??? Berita Harian? Tamil Murasu? Lianhe Zaobao?

Duh~

That's why I no longer read the local paper anymore. What were they thinking?
Hallo~ I not stupid.. you know!

- ROAD HOGGERS!

2 words for you.. &^%$ OFF!

They didn't even let an ambulance (the lights on the roof was flashing) through. You know what? One fine day, you'll be lying, dying in an ambulance with all the lights flashing and the siren blasting loudly.. and then no one.. ABSOLUTELY no one.. will give way to you..

What goes around, comes around..

Nah.. I am not cursing anyone. Just stating the fact.

- My thoughts on Singapore government

Any of you ever played Simcity before? I have. For those of you who don't know, this game allows you to create your own city. You are in-charge of EVERYTHING! From laying down the water pipes to setting sections of the city for agricultural, commercial and residential. You can build schools, fire departments, police stations and place them according to the needs of your people. It's FUN for a control freak like me. Heh.

In the beginning, I started with a small farming community. With the little money that I have, I started my city slowly. I cared and listened to every little complain that my people have and worked hard to garner their supports. Too much criminal activity in your neighbourhood? Not a problem, I'll try my best to build a police station there, Mam!
This caring little city managed to entice more people to move into the city, which in turn, brought in more money. I gained more and more money as the years goes by. My city was famous! It's growing so well and more importantly, I am RICH! But not rich enough!

Then, I decided that I needed to expand my horizon. Needed more $$ for it, but I don't want to kacau my own pocket! Duh!? So how?

Hah!

I started to squeeze even more $$ from my people.

How else?

From raising tax of course! Road tax lah.. ERP lah (ooops.. Wrong City!).. and a personal favorite --> Transport Hike! Of course they complained.. I'll just turn a deaf ear. Or I pretended to listen and take down their concerns.. BUT I NEVER ACTED ON IT! ** evil laugh ** or give lame excuses justifying my evil deeds..

My population started to dwindle a bit but still, there are loyal supporters who stayed. Those who left are Quitters! I have no use for them. Muahahahaha..

Then, the next big thing was to build a BIG A$$ Casino. I've done my calculations and it shows that my earnings will be doubled as time goes by. So many of my citizens actually protested. I just rolled my eyes and clicked 'Yes'. Crime rate goes up due to the negative aura that the casino has brought in. I couldn't care less. What matters to me was the sweet sound of 'kaching' 'kaching' as the dough starts rolling in.

So.. these are my thoughts. I even named my City - Temasek. I've been dying to share it in my blog but never really find the time. Hehehe..

** Ermm. Provocative post.. I know.. If I go MIA, you know why ah..

- Maiden Voyage (1st time lah)

1st time celebrating as someone's wife. Didn't really see what's the big deal was.. ;p~ It's just different because my parents were not there and was replaced by his parents. Am I sad that I didn't get to celebrate with my parents? Not really, because I know they are just a phone call away and it's not as if I am not going to visit them later..
The only part that was memorable to me was in the morning. After hubby and I were dressed and ready, we salam, asked for forgiveness from each other.. a quick hug and a peck on the cheek.. and that's it! Perhaps we are still new..
But I just felt that it's really redundant, because we do that every morning without fail and sometimes before going to sleep. Outside, his family was waiting. I proceeded to salam and ask for forgiveness from his parents and siblings.

- Am I or am I not?

The last time I checked, I am not pregnant.... yet. It's no biggie..

Really..

I am not just saying this because I want to appear cool and uncaring.. I am just being realistic. Relax lah, I just got married 8 months ago. Azmi kata his commando belom keluar lagik..

Hehehe..

And what's with my mom saying that my womb is out of place (don't ask me, I have no idea that it can move about).
Once we move to a new house (moving to our dream house soon..) and when all the dust has settled.. and if my tummy is still flat (HAHAHA! Yeah right~!).. then we WILL do something about it.
And then, even if 1 of us has fertility problem (Read: Sterile), so? It's not the end of the world lah dey.. Maybe we can be those cool childless couple who travel the world together.. hand in hand, with a Lonely Planet travel guide on the other.. Or maybe, just maybe, we can adopt a few babies (you have no idea how many babies are abandoned/unwanted) and bring them up as our own. Muhrim issues? No problem. We'll work around it. When there's a will, there's a way.. ;p~

Or I can lavish all my attention on my adorable nieces & nephews..

MIL asked me the other day if I was on birth control pills. I told her the truth. I think her relatives have started asking and she's probably worried.
We are not using any contraceptives method at the moment. Well... There are days when I wish I was on it when I came across unruly teenagers or really really naughty toddlers. Bleah~ Babies are all cute and cuddly.. Just you wait.. a few more years and then the next thing you know they'll start going through puberty and have the impression that the world revolves around them.. Hahaha..

Yeah.. I told MIL the truth. Told her how uncomfortable it is when people keep asking me about it. Told her that I felt pressurised. She understands. She knows that some people can be so blunt when asking these questions and unknowingly hurt our feelings. Well, what do you know? They've stopped asking altogether and I highly suspected that my dear MIL has a hand in this. Hur hur hur~

- Bz bz bz..

I've been buzzing around in the office. There are days when I wish I can just sms 'Hi Sam, I am not coming in to work this morning. Or tomorrow either. In fact, I QUIT!' and then just curl up in bed and Zzzz...
I've been busy at home with my new home business.. Too busy to give my blog the regular updates it sorely needed. Sigh..

A quickie~

2006-09-30T23:55:00.000+08:00

Here's a quick update..

Ayah is now able to walk without using the cane. Syukur Alhamdulillah~ I can also see that he is putting on a bit of weight as well as his voice is a tad more audible now..

See? I told you that Ayah's health will improve once he get out of that dreaded and lonely isolation ward. Now we are just waiting for the next appointment so that Mak can highlight the hearing problem to the doctors.

A quick 'HI' to Fauzi as well~
Thanks for the testimonials in Friendster..

Ok~ Back to work~~~ ;p

Have a blessed Ramadan..

2006-09-25T10:30:00.000+08:00

Alhamdulillah syukur~

Ayah had been discharged from the hospital last Friday (22/09/06) and is doing quite well at home under Mak's care. He's just a bit hot-tempered lately due to the fact that he is still having difficulty talking (due to the trachy) and also because he is hard of hearing now. His left ear was badly damaged (he removed a huge blood-clot in his ear all by himself by using a cotton bud~ Yuck~!) and we have to whisper loudly (Yeah I know, it's an oxymoron) to his right ear so that he can hear what we are talking about. Nevertheless, I am still grateful to Allah for his speedy recovery and he was able to return home before Ramadan approaches.
Ayah's b'day was on 21/09/06 but we celebrated on the 23/09/06. Me & hubby bought lots of cheng tng (Ayah's favourite dessert) and a blue baju melayu. Abang Ngah bought cakes and soup tulang (Sigh.. Sesungguhnya aku berpuasa hari ini~ Heehee) while Along contributed soft beancurd for our small party. Mak pulak masak Mee Sua.. Mmm yummy~~
* Note to oneself, must stop blogging about food during Ramadan *

As for the business that we've just started, initially, there was a lot of bad-vibes and negativity. Biasa lah.. Bila orang melayu nak bukak bisnes, ada jer yang menyebok dan suka memburuk2kan kaum mereka sendiri. But among all these flaks that we've received, we are very glad for the support given by our good friends, families and relatives. Hehehehe.. Thanks a lot you guys~

Ramadan is finally here. It's definitely different now from before I was married. Previously, I don't have to wake up earlier to prepare the food because everything was already laid out on the table when I wake up for Sahur. That is if I even bothered to wake up at all! Hahaha..

Now? Although it wasn't expected of me to help MIL in the kitchen (I am blessed with such a lovely MIL), but I still forced my butt out of the bed at 4am to help her. With me being half awake, I can only handle preparing the drinks (last night, the Milo was a bit diluted and this morning the tea was too sweet *chuckles*) while MIL was buzzing about in the kitchen, warming last night's meal. Me so useless, kan? Bleah~

Last Friday, while we were enjoying our meal at Kallang, I found a disturbing show on TV. So sad.. They marred Ramadan by having a concert at Kampong Glam. With women singing and dancing, I can only shake my head and let out a sigh. Even if it's just the opening of a new bazaar in Kampong Glam, why can't they show a more respectable concert? Wouldn't it be more berkat to show nasyid? Or Syarahan? Or invite our local Hafiz for Quran recital?

Ok lah.. That's all I can blog about today..

PS: Lagi sikit nak batal puasa this morning. A &^%@ Lexus driver almost caused us to collide onto another car just because he can't make up his mind whether he wants to enter the CTE or not. Arrghh.. Macam nak kena maki! Hubby floored the brake just in time and I can feel the ABS kicked in. Sigh.. Sabar Ayu sabar.. Sesungguhnya kau puasa hari ini..

See what's been keeping me bz lately..

2006-08-28T17:06:00.000+08:00

Dear beloved readers..

I know I have been ignoring my blog for so long. Heh.. Me busy lah dgn projek..

Nak tahu projek aper?

BeliApa? Dot Com

Jemputlah masok! Jangan malu, jangan segan..

If you have anything to sell, let us know.. We can help you to sell your products more effectively!

Terima kasih~ Thank you~ Arigato~ Gracias~ Merci Beaucoup~ (etc.. etc.. etc.. you get the drift.. ;p~)

"Real Man's Barbecue"

2006-08-15T10:56:00.000+08:00

Let's take a break and chill with this joke.. ** munching Kit Kat **

Enjoy~~

"Real Man's Barbecue"
When a man volunteers to do such cooking, the following chain of events is put into motion.

(1) The woman goes to the store.
(2) The woman fixes the salad, vegetables, and dessert.
(3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils, and takes it to the man, who is lounging beside the grill, drinking a beer.
(4) The man places the meat on the grill.
(5) The woman goes inside to set the table and check the vegetables.
(6) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is burning.
(7) The man takes the meat off the grill and hands it to thewoman.
(8) The woman prepares the plates and brings them to the table.
(9) After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes.
(10) The man asks the woman how she enjoyed "her night off."

And, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there's just no pleasing some women.

Alhamdulillah..

2006-08-14T14:55:00.000+08:00

At 9.59am this morning, I received this sms from Abg Ngah..

"Dr cakap Ayah makin pulih. Alhamdulillah. Tapi masih perlukan oxygen. Dah boleh bedah masukan kat tekak. Hari ni tengah hari dibedah."
- Syahril -

Syukran Alhamdulillah!

For those who are not in the know, the doctors wanted to perform an operation to make a hole on his throat so that they don't have to go through the mouth. Because of the frequent insertion of the tube into his lungs, his throat is swollen and it's very painful for him. This operation will allow the tube to have shorter route to his lungs, thus delivering more oxygen and he will heal faster. InsyaAllah.. But the last few days, his condition had worsen, so the doctors had to postpone the operation until he is well.

Let's hope that this operation will go on smoothly..

Al-Fateha buat Atok tersayang..

2006-08-11T14:47:00.000+08:00

Atok passed away yesterday. Innalillahi Wainnalillahi Rojioun~

As I sat in the next room while reciting Surah Yaseen for him, my mind kept on playing scenes that happened yonks ago.. One of them was when he was still working in Singapore. Last time, whenever he came by for a visit, he would always brought along chocolates for his granddaughters (Salimah, Mashita & me of course).

I also remembered one time when we were in the kampong, he brought us along to the back (there's a small patch of land next to Cik Munah's house) to plant a durian seed. He said that in order for that seed to grow, he needs to 'sunatkan'.. that is to remove a certain part of the seed. *chuckles*

He said that we can eat it in the future but he's not sure if he is still alive by then to even have a taste. When my late grandmother (We called her 'Nenek Wa') passed away, he suffered from a stroke and it affected the right part of his body. His right hand was in a permanently 'clawing' position and when he walked with his walking stick, he had to drag his right feet forward.

In the last few months of his life on earth, he just refused to get up and preferred to lie down on the bed to sleep. When he ate, it can get so messy that Mak Lang decided to spoonfeed him instead. Such was the dedication shown by Atok's children.

But when Cik Dol & Bibik from Melaka came to see my dad in SGH last month, they went and visit Atok as well. To everyone's surprised, Atok was able to sit and wanted to eat by himself when he saw that his children actually came to pay him a visit for afar. I was glad to actually get to see him at that time and salam his hand.

Yesterday, after he was bathed and was already shrouded, I get to give him my final farewell by kissing him on his forehead.. and I took great care not to let my tears touch his skin. I also took part in the special prayer for him in the masjid. We were very lucky because the masjid was only a stone's throw away. It's special for me because it was my first time sembahyangkan jenazah. Thanks to Mak Teh for teaching me the niat and how to go about performing it..

Latest update of Ayah for my relatives in KL..
Ayah's condition seems to be stable although he is still heavily sedated. Syukur Alhamdulillah~

I don't know who to believe. Do I believe the doctor who is always giving me bad news and asking me to be prepared for the worst or the nurses who kept on saying that Ayah's condition is stable?

The doctors are slowly trying to wean him off the respirator and see if Ayah can stop his dependency on that machine. His blood is now on the low side and yesterday I saw that they're transfusing blood into him. Sigh.. His hands & legs are swollen, and we are not sure why. And Mak said that yesterday Ayah looked feverish.

So that's all for today.. Will hop by the hospital to see Ayah after work later and will keep you people updated as well.. Tonight also got kenduri doa selamat in Redhill.

Da~~~

Damage done on Ayah's van..

2006-08-03T11:03:00.000+08:00

As you can see, most of the damage is on the passenger side of the van, which made me so relieved that my mom wasn't there. We haven't done anything yet to this van. Not sure whether we want to scrap it or to repair and sell it away because one thing for sure we don't want to be in this van anymore. I was told that there are 2 workshops eyeing to service this van. Sigh..

My mom said that a few hundreds SGD$$ that was with Ayah hilang since she said that on the morning before he go to JB, she passed to him SGD$500 and now only left SGD$100++.. And we are not sure who took it.. But we had decided that we are not going to pursue it because we can always earn it back.
I also wanted to blog about the horrible way Ayah was treated in Hospital Sultanah Aminah, but it will just make me angry over & over again.. Sigh..

Yesterday, when we wanted to visit Ayah in SGH, we were informed to put on protective clothing to prevent being infected by this contagious virus that is in Ayah's body. Ya Allah! Give us strength for this test that you are putting my family through..

Sometimes I ask why.. And found the reason here..

"Are the people proud of is thinking that they will be left alone because they say, 'We believe and they will not be tested? And undoubtedly We tested those before them, therefore Allah will necessarily, see the truthful and will necessarily, see the liars." Surah Al-Ankabut (1-2)

When I ponder about the things that we are going through right now, I remember that Allah will never test us beyond what we can bear.

"[This is a fact that] God does not burden a person beyond his capacity. [It is His law that] he alone will get what it earned and he alone will pay for what he did – Lord, take us not to task if we forget or lapse into error, and Lord, do not lay on us a burden such as You laid on those before us. And Lord, do not burden us with what we cannot bear. And pardon us, and forgive us our sins, and have mercy upon us. You alone are our Lord and help us against these disbelievers [who are confronting us as enemies]." ~ Excerpts from Surah Al-Baqarah (285-286)

Me & hubby was compiling a CD containing all the Surahs in Quran so that we can play it in the hospital for Ayah to hear and also to mask the horrible sound the ventilator is making at the side of the bed. Hearing the Quran being recited with such a beautiful voice (Sheikh Sa'ad Al-Ghamdi) created such a calming atmosphere that I nearly shed a tear.

Islam is so beautiful..

Perfect..

And I fall in love with it all over again..

Lelong lelong..!!

2006-08-01T18:39:00.001+08:00

Me helping out my sis-in-law with her business..

Here are the pictures of some of the stuffs for sale..
Let me know if you are interested, I will get her to contact you..

I simply love the watches.. Very noice~~~

Thank God for the invention of concealer~~

2006-07-27T09:55:00.000+08:00

Sorry for not updating my blog lately. A lot of things had happened since the past 2 weeks and I am still trying to make sense of it all. To make it worst, hub was on 2 weeks reservist (3 days in camp and then 2 days go back home.. This goes on for 2 weeks!) and he wasn't there to console me and lie to me that it will all be better.. He wasn't there to hold my hands and kissed all the pain away and I kept waking up with puffy eyes..
Well.. there's nothing that the makeup can't cover, really.. Thank God for the invention of concealer~~

Within 1 week, 2 accidents had happened. One was kinda serious but the other one was fatal.
My dad was involved in one of them. Currently he is in the ICU and doing quite well.. Alhamdulillah..
Insyallah by next week, he will be transferred to the normal ward. Special thanks to Kak Mas & Kak Idah for being there for me with their kind words, prayers & encouragements and also for arranging their friends to pray for my dad during the Friday prayers.

As for the fatal accident, it claimed the life of hub's cousin, Saiful Aidil Bin Amin.
Innalillahi wainna lillahi rajioun~
I will always miss his gregarious laughter that always managed to fill up the room. He looked so peaceful when he was being shrouded with kain kafan. Sigh.. Someone said his face is very bersih.. It goes to show that orang nyer baik2..
His departure made me see how fragile life is.. and I keep on reminding (or you can call it nagging~) hub to always always always drive safely and it's simply not worth it to speed or race with other cars. I simply love him too much that I keep telling him that he can only die after I die because I don't think I am strong enough to live without him. So the drama mama kan? Hehehe..

I seriously don't know how to pick up the pieces if any of my loved ones were to leave me. The only one who really reeeeally made an impact on me when they left will be my late maternal grandmother. To me that was the biggest lost ever~ She passed away when I was in secondary 1 and life in kampung have never been the same ever. I missed her so much and I still do. *sob* *sob*

I guess that's all I can blog about for today. Too depressed to continue because while I was typing this, my sister just smsed me and said that the doctors had to re-insert the breathing tube back because the lung infection got worst and my dad is not getting enough oxygen. Sigh.. Anyway, fyi, this post took a few days to update.. It just sat there in the draft column, looking sad and forlorn till I had the time to update it.. ;p~

PS: I have now decided to allow my beloved readers to input comments for my posts.

ROFLMAO~~~

2006-07-11T16:40:00.000+08:00

OMG~! I just saw this picture on her blog and I almost fell off my chair laughing..

Do they have to wear padded bra to prevent unwanted leakage?

Hahahahahahahahaha..

** wipes tear off eyes **

Lets Dad experience the joys of motherhood..
I am just waiting for the Japanese to invent the contraption that will allow Dad to experience the joy of childbirth..
;p~

Here's a man who makes lemonade when life threw him a lemon, stolen his apples and kicked him in the crotch..

2006-07-10T13:08:00.000+08:00

Everytime I get bogged down by the ugliness we all have to live with, I come to mr brown's site, see his family photos, read his funnies, hear his hilarious podcasts and I'll feel so much better.

Despite being victimised ** cough ** bullied ** cough **, mr brown continues to contribute positively to the lives of Singaporeans, very commendable.

Thank you, mr brown..

Keep the Faith~~

So say we all..

PS: Unless you've been following the things that's been going between mr brown & Ministry for Information, Communications and the Arts (MICA), you'll never understand what I am blabbering about~ Heh!

Ehem Betty Crocker in the making.. Or Martha Stewart perhaps~?

2006-07-10T10:02:00.000+08:00

When I was in secondary school, one of the lessons taught in Home Econs class was 'How to bake Chelsea buns'.
I used to love these buns (and still do~) because it's so easy to make and it's versatile. No matter how badly you roll the dough, it still turned out gorgeous.. Heh.. ;p~
No one ever told me that I can substitute the raisins with chocolate chips but voila~ It turned out to be yummylicious! And I simply love the aroma of the buns baking in the oven because I sprinkled a bit of cinnamon powder in it. Mmmm.. Heavenly..

I baked these sinful buns yesterday and I felt like I was transported back into my Home Econs class in Rangoon Secondary. I fondly recall Mrs Ser watchful eyes, eyeing my every move and commenting my postures when I am punching the dough. Hahaha.. She said that I must act like a lady and be demure (She's very persistent, though.. And nobody, absolutely no one can tahan her nagging)..

Anyway, here's a picture of my buns.......................

.......................................................................................

Chelsea buns lah dey~ Chet.. Busuk punyer orang..

Honestly, the picture doesn't seems to do it justice.. Blame it on my crappy 1.3 MegaPixel O2 mini camera.

__________________________________________________________

Ok.. Enough about my hot & gorgeous buns..

I had a terrible, horrible nightmare the other day..
I did something very very very bad in that dream... :(
It was so horrible and so terrible that when I shared it with Hubby, he kinda looked at me funny. But thank God he never judged me. It was just a dream after all~

I am still shocked and bloody terrified of myself right now. And trying very hard to get it out of my head right now because everytime I shut my eyes, I can see snippets of that dream, like a gory trailer of a horror movie. Arrghhh...

** Shudder~ **

A word from our sponsor..

2006-07-07T10:56:00.000+08:00

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We (mostly hubby lah.. Heh~) provide onsite PC repair & troubleshooting. We can also built a customised PC from scratch based on your specification and budget.

Below are the charges:

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- Purchase of new customised computer or upgrading: Pls call to discuss.

Contact: Azmi / Idayu

Handphone: 92714142

Email : pb@azmi.per.sg / idayunor@hotmail.com

~ Sekian Terima Kasih ~

~ The End ~

The silence is broken..

2006-07-06T17:13:00.000+08:00

I was bloghopping while waiting for hubby to fetch me from work and came across something that I think everyone I know should read.

Here's an excerpt from that blog,

“Ahpunehneh” is not a proper word.
It is not a Tamil word. Nor it is an English word. Nor it is a Greek word. Hell, it is NOT even a word. It is gibberish of the purest kind. Yes, yes. I hear all the gasping and “Did you hear that?!” and “Is it true?”. Yes it’s true. If there is one gibberish that is to be flushed down the toilet, this is it.
I am tired. Tired beyond words to explain what this gibberish has done. I am pretty much sure almost all my Indian counterparts will agree. Been called “Ahpunehneh” in a country that calls itself happily multiracial. There is nothing happy about this. I now take it upon myself to give all my clueless Singaporeans a much needed enlightment on this. Read and read well. And pass it on. Because the next time i hear or read that blasted gibberish, I won’t be patient. Anymore.

Next. Repeat after me. Brown is not black. Black is not brown. We have people from different walks of life and somehow in this nationwide disorder, almost all chinese cannot differentiate brown from black. Once again another example that happened to me. This happened in the first year of uni. After one of the lectures, i was waiting at the back of the lecture room, for a couple of my clique guys. This part of the lecture room was not lit but rest assured the rest of the room was. So it is understood the part i was standing wasn’t pitch black. Then another guy from another clique, who was standing near me, turned and said this “Hey TC, why you stand there? You so black, still stand there. Cannot see you lor. *Insert laughter*” The following was the connversation that happened between us after he said this. All my replies were said in a deadpan face and tone... "

(Read more about it here)

I think almost all of us (me included) are guilty of calling other races degrading remarks like for e.g. 'keling', 'cinone', 'ahpuneneh', 'cher'..

This have to stop, people.

Really~

I cringed whenever I hear my friends refer to indians as kelings. Or when it came out of my mouth accidentally. Yikes~

After reading that post, it just make me feel really bad..

Ok lah.. Gotta wash my mouth with soap now.. ;p~

Bye~~

The dawn of a new beginning.. Haha.. Macam real jek~~~

2006-07-04T15:29:00.000+08:00

I haven't blog for a while. Been very busy lately. Sigh..

Oh ya~ I've started donning the hijab and have been receiving lots of unwanted comments from around me. Some of the comments can be a little too insensitive that I really feel like giving them the infamous 'birdie'.. My patience with these people are beginning to stretch a little too thin and I can just explode right there in front of their faces. What some of them need is a good 'bitch-slap' from me! Muahahaha..

Some of them are curious as to why I started wearing them. I just replied to them that it's too personal for any Tom, Dick or Harry to just know about it. And besides, it's really none of their business.

Previously, a lot of people thought that I don't cover my aurat because I am vain. Sigh..
I hate it when people jump to conclusions just like that. Oh come on~ I have frizzy hair that refused to stay the way I desired it to be. Wearing a tudung would be like a relief to me if I were to be vain. It's so easy to just hide my dry, rebellious hair from trying to style it. Arrghh.. Anyway, I know I look good wearing a tudung. What the hell.. I look even better wearing it than NOT wearing it. Nevertheless, I don't want the reason for me to cover my aurat to be a vain one. Because physical beauty never last. It'll fade away and what remains behind will be my faith, inner beauty & my inner strength.

A lot of people close to me have been asking me to wear one for quite sometime but I resisted because I realised that if I were to succumb to such pressure from them, it won't be something that comes from within. It will always be remembered as, "I did it because somebody said I should". So it's not a sincere act on my part.

I know it's compulsory. Like duh~~
The thing is, I've seen a lot of women who made a mockery of wearing a tudung. It's really shameful that I feel embarrassed to be associated with them. It's really hilarious when one of such women actually lectured me about wearing it. Haiz..

They cover their head.. but they still continue to gossip..
They cover their head.. but they still wear tight clothes that show the curves on their bodies..
They cover their head.. but still their heart habour dark intentions..
They cover their head.. but they don't pray..
They cover their head.. but they behave worst than a whore..

And then they feel that it's their God given rights to tell me to wear one. And chastised me when I pointed out all these points to them. Their reply? "Hey, at least I am covered!"

What the &^%$?

Fine..

I admit this is a sensitive issue for muslim women. Some of them like to sweep this under the rug instead of discussing it with me because, the points that I brought up ARE valid. Some even labelled me as old-fashioned for thinking like that~

Some women said that my lifestyle won't change when I start wearing a tudung. They said I can continue going to swimming lah, go roller blading lah.. etc etc.. But when I checked again, I realised that these claims contradict each other.

Yes you can go swimming. But only if the place is only for ladies and it's not in the public where the men can see you.

Why so strict?

Some will say, "Islam tidak memberatkan umatnya.." And then they put on the tudung, long sleeve t-shirt, long pants.. and dive into the mixed public swimming pool..
What they don't know is that, when their clothes are wet, they cling to you like a second skin and every inch of your body is exposed like as if you are naked. Bleah~~ No difference from watching Baywatch.. Really~~~

Then some said, "Islam is moving forward. Mengikut arus kemodenan."
But what was stated in the Quran?

Surah an-Nur verse 31 clearly states,
"And say to the faithful women to lower their gazes, and to guard their private parts, and not to display their adornment except what is apparent of it, and to extend their headcoverings (khimars) to cover their bosoms (jaybs), and not to display their adornment except to their husbands, or their fathers, or their husband's fathers, or their sons, or their husband's sons, or their brothers, or their brothers' sons, or their sisters' sons, or their womenfolk, or what their right hands rule (slaves), or the followers from the men who do not feel sexual desire, or the small children to whom the nakedness of women is not apparent, and not to strike their feet (on the ground) so as to make known what they hide of their adornments. And turn in repentance to Allah together, O you the faithful, in order that you are successful."
(Shamelessly copied from http://www.muhajabah.com/surah-an-nur.htm)

What is it about the verse above that can be modernised? We can't even show the curves on our bodies and have to wear loose clothing. Sigh...

And I haven't even touch on what my non-muslim friends have commented. That would take forever seh~
Most of the time I'll just ignore their questions because some of them are meant to mock me & my religion.
And then ah.. Some people can live all their live side-by-side with a muslim and yet still be ignorant about Islam. I mean, they ask really ignorant questions! Macam nak kena smack~

The reason why I decided to wear tudung is...
It's a long story.. so bear with me..

On 24/06/06, my mom was warded in the ICU in Tan Tock Seng. She had difficulty breathing due to the build-up of fluid in her lungs.
When I saw that sms from Busu, in my heart I panicked. Oh no oh no oh no oh no~
Then the thoughts of losing her seemed so real. I can't help but think about the Lina's mom who passed away while she was in the ICU.
Along and family, Ayah and all of us rushed down to TTSH. Because of state she was in, no one was allowed in to see her. So the rest of them left for home that evening but my in-laws and my hubby stayed with me because the doctor wanted to have a word with me.
It was nearly eight when the doctor came. I also get to see her as well. She was unconcious, with all kinds of tubes inserted into her. It wasn't a sight that I was ready for. I almost broke down in tears seeing her like that.
I kissed her dearly on the forehead and fought back the tears. She was sedated because it would be very painful for her if she's awake. Her hands were cold and she stirred when I tried to massage some warmth into her. I would had traded half my life with God, everything I have.. just so that she won't be in that position.. To make it even worst, the doctor told me that her heart was not beating regularly. It was very weak.

The nurse passed me her belongings to take home. Her blouse and bra was cut open. And there was blood splattered on my mom's bag.
That night, as I washed the blood from my mom's bag in the bathroom, the dam burst. I couldn't stop crying. A million scenarios kept on playing on my head.. What if this.. What if that..
I remembered that I've never prayed so hard in my life. I prayed to God to lessen her burden. I prayed that if she was meant to be taken away from me, I asked God for the strength to let her go.

And then, I made a small niat, that I will start donning the hijab when my mom's condition had stabilised and taken out from that dreaded ICU.

And lo & behold~~
The next morning, my dad called and said that she was taken to a normal ward. I was so relieved with that piece of news that whatever my dad said after that didn't really register in my brain. Hehehe.. I didn't even copied down the location of the ward.

When I told hub of my niat, he seemed pleased with me. He said he supported my decision. That morning, when I wake up feeling so weak and drained but when I heard the news, I feel re-energised. Hub was really amused with my behaviour.

So, that's the story behind the new me~
I know I may not be wearing it perfectly, but I am still in the process of learning.
Everyday I ask for forgiveness from Allah, because although I am covered physically, I have lots of photos that show otherwise. I pray for Allah to understand and give me more time.

And also, if I've offended some of the readers with this post, I am truly sorry..

Tapi kan..

Saper yang makan cili, dia lah yang terasa pedas nyer~

;p~

About moi~

2006-06-13T17:01:00.000+08:00

I think it's time to introduce myself to all my fans out there. It seems that this blog is getting more popular with repeat readers coming back for more of my almost daily rants. Heh..

I was born on the 5th of May 1981 (Which means I am only 24 this year, will still remain to be 24 the year after next and so on and so forth) and my name is Nor Idayu. (Nor = Nur = Light & Ayu = Beautiful. So the meaning behind my name is the 'Light Of Beauty' ROFL!!!). I am a part-time supermodel with an uncanny resemblance to Angelina Jolie. I just joined the X-Men a few months back, and right now I am being trained by Professor X to learn to control my telekinetic power. ;p~ *yeah, it's lame.. I know.. Bleah~~*

I grew up in Kallang Bahru but now I am staying in Ubi with my in-laws. Kallang will always have a special place in my heart because it was my playground and held so much fond childhood memories. Like, whenever it rains heavily and a tiny field next to my block is flooded, I will instantly recall the time when my friends and I collected a few hundreds of tadpoles there. We were hoping to make a few bucks by selling them after they turn into little froggies but they died the next day. I love splashing around barefooted in the mud, without a care in the world. That was until my mom screamed at me from the 3rd floor to go home and shower. Hahahaha..

Remember the old-fashion playground? Not the new colourful wimpy ones that they have now but the real deal. The ones filled with sand and hard concrete shaped like funny looking animals? I love those! There were a few of them around Kallang and my favourite was the one behind my block. There was a lot of tyres hung around the playground for kids to swing around like little Tarzans. We made it even better by putting a long wooded plank in between these tyres to connect them together. This method will create a huge swing, and we all would sat on the planks. Some of the brave ones (i.e me) will sit on the ends of the plank to swing it higher and higher till one of us fall down and die......

Just kidding!

Yes there were lots of bloody bruises and cuts but we just laughed it off. No one came home crying to get their parents to scold us. No parents have to make a big hoo-haa of it in the newspapers. You know why? Because we were tougher and are a lot cooler than the new generations. Hah! But it's really hard to be cool & tough when you are bending down and your mom was trying to remove a wooden splinter from your butt as a result from playing with wooden planks found near a contruction site.

Ok ok.. I've digressed.

Back to my introduction. I am the third child. The eldest is my Sis (Along), followed by my Bro (Abang Ngah), Me and lastly is my Lil Sis (Busu).
My mom is a homemaker cum traditional masseuse. She provides pre & post-natal massages as well. Ladies only. But if men are interested, I can refer you to my Dad. He uses the rolling pin (it's studded with rusty nails for added pleasure) though, so if you are into pain and torture, let me know okay?

My Dad currently works as a security guard in some condominium. He had retired from his another security guard job in Cisco but he can't rest yet. Funny how I used to dislike my father while I was a teenager but now I find him to be very endearing. I do love him very much but of course, it's not shown openly. He is a very hardworking man and selfless, taking overtimes to put all of us through tertiary educations. From the look on his face, I know he is tired from working so hard all his life.

Along, the eldest of us all, is the smallest. Hahaha.. Seriously! She's married, a homemaker and have 4 wonderful daughters. My favourite is Huda, so don't tell the rest, okay. ;p~ Anyway, I love babies. Once a new baby comes along, I will definitely fall in love all over again.
Her hubby is the infamous Abang Yunos from Themephotography. My wedding photos were sponsored by him and it was fantastic! (Mainly because the bride was gorgeous lah). Their princesses are Nadhira (Lolong), Haziqah (Ngangah), Nabila (Kak Cik) & Huda. They are a bunch of makcik kaypo and are so kecohrables & adorable. My eardrums are still ringing from the effect of their shrill voices. I personally think that all three of them can beat the X-Men Siren's superpower anytime anywhere. Hahaha.. I love them to bits! As you can read from my previous post, Along is expecting her 5th child. A son. Syukur Alhamdulillah~ Can't wait to see him in October. InsyaAllah~

Abang Ngah? He is just my annoying & irritating big brother. And he is still the same now even though he is 30 years old. He's the biggest among us and his tummy can rival my Sis (who is currently 4 months pregnant). I used to call him 'Beruang' because he was a big brute and very clumsy which really reminded me of the grizzly bear. He is also married and have a son with Kak Reena. We (as in me and bro) can't seem to see eye-to-eye with each other and will always try to annoy and irritate one another. Heh.. A lot of my girlfriends used to have a crush on him, so I can say that he is good-looking *OMG! I can't believe I just said that!* or they seriously should have their eyes checked. Kak Reena is my sweet sister-in-law who also have helped me a lot. She is very different from me because she is always very organised, well-prepared and uses colour-coordinated stuffs. Unlike me, the unorganised & messy chick.

The last person on my list will be Busu. Presently she's studying in Temasek Poly (my old school) and pursuing an IT diploma. She is 17 years old this year. I used to be close to her when she was in primary school but we drifted apart after that. As much as I wanted her not to end up jaded, cynical and broken like me, I would also like her to go out and explore the world to make her own judgement. I just hope that she will excel in whatever she puts her mind in.

My personal dislikes?
I can't stand stupid people. Let me define what I consider stupid before you people start hollering hokkien expletives to me.

If you can't spell, you are not stupid by default.
If you can't spell and have no intentions to improve yourself, then you are a moron.
If you can't spell and have no intentions in improving yourself and when I pointed out the error to you, you starts to spew weak & stupid reasons to defend your mistakes............... then you are a bloody moron. No one can help you unless you pull yourself out of that sh*thole you've dug up for yourself..
I know the difference between a typo and an obvious spelling error, thank you very much. By the way, I know I am not perfect either, so let me know if I've made any spelling or grammar mistakes in my posts and I'll be eternally grateful.

I can't stand road hoggers who hog the over-taking lane. If you think that by driving on that lane within the legal speed limit of 90kmph is sufficient, then you are dead wrong. Arghhhhh!
OTHER VEHICLES NEED TO USE THAT LANE FOR OVERTAKING! THAT IS WHAT THAT LANE IS FOR, YOU IDIOT! THAT LANE IS NOT FOR YOU TO CRUISE LEISURELY!! STOP HOGGING THAT &^%$ING LANE, YOU OBNOXIOUS MORON!
I will not hesitate to flash my dainty little middle finger at you once my hubby overtakes you dangerously on your left! The usual culprit seems to be taxi drivers and tai-tais driving luxury sedan.

There's also a group of people that I really dislike. I refer to these individuals as 'Toxic Turd' due to the fact that most of the things that came out of their mouth are foul-smelling words that is delivered to hurt the recipient's feeling.
Let me give you a fine example: Aisah gave me this blouse that is black & white, with huge sleeves that kinda look 'Japanesey' (Got such word?). I like it very much, wore it to work a few times and received compliments for it. But there's this toxic turd at work who said, 'Eh, you wear that tablecloth to work again ah?'. Obviously, she's jealous that she can't fit into this tablecloth because of all the disgusting lard hanging around her body. Me, being all so gracious & nice, just smiled at her and looked away. But you can imagine the turmoil going around in my head. I came up with hundreds of witty and sarcastic rebuttals to bombard her and render her speechless. One of my favourites was, 'Gosh [insert toxic turd's name here] , don't tell me you are pregnant AGAIN? How far along are you? 8 months?'. Ouch~
I honestly believe that these toxic individuals are placed on earth with a sole purpose to bash up and crush your self-esteem & self-worth. What to do when you encounter these turds? You can always counter-attack their comments by coming up with an equally painful remarks about their appearance, or you can just ignore them and let them be.

Once again, I got carried away and bore my beloved readers with such a lengthy post.

Au revoir~

Another death within a week..

2006-06-12T12:02:00.000+08:00

Remember when I blogged that someone's mother had fallen down in the bathroom and was warded in the ICU?

Well, she didn't make it. She passed away last Saturday night and her funeral was held on Sunday afternoon.

Inna Lillahi Wa Inna Ilayhi Rajioun~

Sigh.. And it's only the 12th day of June.
Aisah told me that her colleague's daughter's baby died after it was delivered. I am using the term 'it' because I am not sure of the baby's sex.. I can't imagine the mother's anguish after finding out that the baby is dead after delivering it. *sob* *sob* She must have been crushed..

However, here are some good news to cheer me up~
After the funeral yesterday, we drove to Kallang to visit my parents. Mom's left eye have recovered fully. Alhamdulillah~ She can see clearly through it and it's not red anymore. Nor does it hurt any longer.
My sis and nieces were there as well, which made the visit even more joyful. I missed Huda soooooo much~ Hehehe.. She's so cute and so well behave. How on earth did my sis train her to be like that? Hub can just pick her up to cuddle her and she didn't freak out. And I love the way hub handle her.. *Sigh wistfully* I wish I can just bring her home with me. Tempting sia~~ To kidnap my own niece?? Hahaha.. Let's hope she can fit in my purse.

Another good news is that the gender of my sis's baby is known already. IT'S A BOY! Oh boy oh boy oh boy! *chuckles*
I think Abg Yunos must have been jumping for joy once he heard the news. That's because I myself nearly jumped out of my chair last friday when the kids msn me about it! We didn't really say anything much after the news that my sis was pregnant again broke out. When my aunt confided in me that she had a dream that the baby is a girl, she cautioned me not to tell my sister. Everyone had their lips tightly sealed, in case they are going to be disappointed again. It's not that baby boys are better than baby girls, but I can understand why someone who already have 4 daughters would yearn for a son.
But the question is, how my sis is going to handle all the 5 kids? With 2 babies? I'll be glad if she allow me to take care of 1 of it.. Especially Huda.. *grins* She's such a joy to be with!

Another thing.. I don't think it's a good news.. and I don't think it can be categorised under bad news either. It really depends lah..
I think my little sister have a boyfriend. *scratch head* But she denied it and insist that he's just a friend. Like duh~~~ *roll eyes* She must have thought that I was just born yesterday.
.. Been there, done that ..
Me & hub saw them under the block, sitting and talking at the bench downstairs. But she brought along 2 of my nieces as chaperones. Lol!
I am worried. I have tonnes of advices to give to her but I know that if I am not careful, it might fall onto deaf ears.

I hope she reads my blog, though.

Ila, here are my words of wisdom.. Chet! macam betul jer aku ni ;p~

Be smart, gal.. I know that I haven't been the best role model but at least let my painful experiences be a lesson to you.
Men will always say things that you wanted to hear. They'll whisper sweet nothings into your ears that will make you believe things they wanted you to believe. The truth is, they may have other plans in their sick & twisted little minds. There are loads of wolves dressed in sheeps' clothing. Be wary of these wolves, dear~..

But then again, bear in mind that not all men are like that.. There are some who will respect you and will never take advantage of you. Men who will take 1 step at a time, never rushing you and helping you to make sense of strange things that happens in life because they see the world from the other side of the river and they understand things that we women never will. These men are considered to be rare gems and it is up to you to see & judge for yourself.

I can't and will never be able to control what you say or do.
Kau dah besar, nak~ Pepandai lah kau jaga diri..
Because I'd been where you are right now and the more I was controlled, the more I rebelled. And that is the last thing I want you to do.
I just hope that you are smart enough not to repeat my mistakes. I'd wasted a lot of time, energy and money on useless guys who........... are really not worth it at all *Grrr.. those @#$&%!*

Anyway, I am not saying that you can't make any mistakes at all.
Go forth and explore.. It's been historically proven that human learn a lot more from their own errors than from other people's experiences. The trick is, to know why it happens and not to repeat them..
Sis, I want you to know that you can always approach me for help or advices. If you think that by confiding in bestfriends are going to help you, well.. think again. My ex-bestfriends' bad advices were the ones that always landed me into trouble previously. Although I can't blame them 100% because they meant well.

Contrary to what you may have believed, I am actually an easy-going and open-minded sister. I've spent a lot of time being with colourful people from all blocks of life, that nothing you say or do can ever make my jaw drop in awe/disgust/shame/envy. Let's hope that would never happen, ok? It's a different ball game altogether when sh*t happens to your own flesh and blood. Heh~
Oh ya, just want to let you know that talking to you nowadays have become a tad more tolerable ever since we don't live under the same roof anymore.

Hahaha..
Sad but true..

Tata for now~~

Inna Lillahi Wa Inna Ilayhi Rajioun

2006-06-09T10:15:00.000+08:00

~Inna Lillahi Wa Inna Ilayhi Rajioun~
:: We are from Allah and to Allah we shall return ::

A life was lost yesterday..
What a waste.. Such a waste..

I mourn for you..
I mourn for your lost love..
I mourn for your lost son..
I mourn for your lost brother..
I mourn for your lost friend..
I promised myself that I would not cry..
When I see all of you breaking down and cry from the pain and the guilt..
I just couldn't stop myself.. It's only natural..
But all the tears in the world is not going to make him come back again..

I heard so many voices yesterday..
'He's so young..'
'He's so stupid..'
'He's so romantic..'
'He's so brave..'
'What a moron..'
'What he is trying to prove..'
I bite my tongue and reserve my comments..
Who am I to judge your actions?
No one knows what really happened.. only you..
We can only speculate what you'd done to yourself based on the series of events that look like a huge jigsaw puzzle to us..

I just hope that you will finally find the peace that you've been looking for..
I shall pray for you.. May Allah forgive you.
Amin.

:: RIP ::
1978 ~ 2006

Who is afraid of the dark?

2006-06-08T10:47:00.000+08:00

Last night, hub played a mean trick on me. He was acting all creepy and looked at me in a scary way. I was watching Seinfeld on Starworld when he switched the TV off. We were teasing each other earlier on and he had hidden the TV remote control. So I just walked over to the TV and turn it on by using the buttons on it.
After that, he switched the TV off from the main switch, gave me a creepy smile and rolled his eyes (to show the white side of his eyes). I hate it whenever he did that kinda thing because it reminded me of my mean older brother who love to frighten me when I was a little girl.
When I ignored him and went to the toilet, he switched off the lights while I was inside! I quickly ran out of the bathroom and sat on the bed because I was afraid of the dark. He then proceeded to give me that same creepy smile and switched off ALL the lights in the bedroom. The only light that was available came from the PC green LED. The green LED flashes on and off continuously on hub's face and it also gave the dark room a creepy atmosphere. Hub kept on looking at my face with no expression on his face and it really frightened the hell out of me. *faint* I can't believe that I am afraid of my own husband.
I couldn't move my legs. My heart was beating very fast. I panicked so I did the most sensible thing I could think of at that moment...................................................................................

that is to cover my face with a pillow to avoid Azmi's creepy face and ...
....
....
....
cried like a little wussy! Hahahaha.. I felt so silly after everything was over. See, I told you that I am a scaredy cat!

Of course he apologised. His reason for doing that to me? He thought that I can face my fear and get it over with. So that he don't have to accompany me to the kitchen when I have to make myself a cup of milo in the middle of the night. Hahahahaha..

I can't help it lah. I have an hyperactive imagination. In the dark, with my poor night vision, I will imagine that the beige-coloured towel that is draped onto the computer chair is a lady in white looking at me with her bloodshot eyes. The terror can grip me so hard that I couldn't move a single muscle. This new fear started to plague me ever since I move to Ubi. When I was staying in Kallang, I could walk around in the dark even when the whole house was only illuminated by the stars in the sky. I know every bumps and every cracks in every corner of that house. I enjoyed being alone at night and could go to the bathroom without even turning on the lights.

Sigh..

Maybe I haven't really adjusted myself to this Ubi house. It's my first time staying in a big house whereas all my life I am used to a 3-room flat. In Ubi, I feel like I am being watched and I hated the deafening silence when I am all alone. I have to turn on the TV or the mp3 player to keep me company.. Which is a lot of difference because I used to enjoy the silent calming atmosphere in my old home.

I love the way my parents' bedroom looked like in the afternoon when the sun is shining onto the bed from the opened window. I love to lie down on their bed right where the sun is shining on because it's warm and it makes me feel like I am lying next to my mother. And whenever I used to lie down on my parents' bed to take a nap, there is this smell that comforted me. I can't describe the smell to you but I guess you can experience it yourself when you just take a deep whiff of a towel that was washed and hung to dry in the sun.

And if I were to smell something similar somewhere else, I feel like I am being transported back into that room with the sun shining on that bed. Then the feeling of emptiness / happiness / sadness will sometimes overwhelm me that it can bring tears to my eyes. But it depends on my mood at that time.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Analysis of my handwriting..

2006-06-07T18:24:00.000+08:00

I took a test to analyse my handwriting and here is my result. Surprisingly, a lot of it describe me kinda accurately. Especially about the procastinating, me being sarcastic and the sharp 'm' part. The truth hurts.. but I guess it's ok. I already know that I am the Queen of Procrastination. Lol!

For a graphologist, the spacing on the page reflects the writer's attitude toward their own world and relationship to things in his or her own space. If the inputted data was correct Ayu has left lots of white space on the all four borders of the paper. Ayu fills up just the center area of the page. If this is true, then Ayu has a particular shyness toward people and a fear of moving too fast in any direction. In some cultures, respecting people, rules, and adhering to protocol are ways of life. The right side of the page represents the future and the left side represents the past. Ayu seems a bit stuck in the middle, afraid to take action. Ayu seems to have a fear of looking bad or of crossing boundries. It will be easy to work with Ayu on a team, because Ayu will usually follow the rules. However, this desire to respect the boundries can often be construed as a lack of confidence and people will walk over Ayu if she is not careful.

Ayu has a healthy imagination and displays a fair amount of trust. She lets new people into her circle of friends. She uses her imagination to understand new ideas, things, and people.

Ayu is very self-sufficient. She is trying not to need anyone. She is capable of making it on her own. She probably wants and enjoys people, but she doesn't "need" them. She can be a loner.

Ayu has a tendency to put things off, Ayu procrastinates. She sometimes pretends to be busy, so she will not have to do whatever she is putting off. She is often late to appointments or deadlines. This usually leads to a great amount of effort at the last minute to meet the deadline. Procrastination is an important factor as it relates to her output on the job or at school. Remember, Ayu will put it off until later. Procrastination is easily overcome through a simple stroke adjustment in the handwriting.

Ayu is sarcastic. This is a defense mechanism designed to protect her ego when she feels hurt. She pokes people harder than she gets poked. These sarcastic remarks can be very funny. They can also be harsh, bitter, and caustic at the same time.

Ayu is a practical person whose goals are planned, practical, and down to earth. This is typical of people with normal healthy self-esteem. She needs to visualize the end of a project before she starts. she finds joy in anticipation and planning. Notice that I said she plans everything she is going to do, that doesn't necessarily mean things go as planned. Ayu basically feels good about herself. She has a positive self-esteem which contributes to her success. She feels she has the ability to achieve anything she sets her mind to. However, she sets her goals using practicality-- not too "out of reach". She has enough self-confidence to leave a bad situation, yet, she will not take great risks, as they relate to her goals. A good esteem is one key to a happy life. Although there is room for improvement in the confidence catagery, her self-perception is better than average.

Because Ayu has sharp needle pointed 'm' and 'n' humps, she has a very sharp mind. She instantly sizes up situations, making instant decisions. She thinks and evaluates circumstances very rapidly. Many people with this type of mind are geniuses, thus she may be seen as highly intelligent. Ayu is often irritated by slow talkers or slow thinkers. If she drives, she gets irritated by slow drivers in the fast lane. She quickly becomes bored when being taught on the level of the slowest student in class. She may be on problem number three when the rest of the class is on problem one. Ayu is curious and very active. In fact, in school she might have been a trouble maker because she thought so much faster than the other kids, she finished her work first, thus having plenty of time on her hands to make trouble!

Diplomacy is one of Ayu's best attributes. She has the ability to say what others want to hear. She can have tact with others. She has the ability to state things in such a way as to not offend someone else. Ayu can disagree without being disagreeable.

Ayu is secretive. She has secrets which she does not wish to share with others. She intentionally conceals things about herself. She has a private side that she intends to keep that way, especially concerning certain events in her past.

Ayu uses judgment to make decisions. She is ruled by her head, not her heart. She is a cool, collected person who is usually unexpressive emotionally. Some may see her as unemotional. She does have emotions but has no need to express them. She is withdrawn into herself and enjoys being alone. The circumstances when Ayu does express emotions include: extreme anger, extreme passion, and tremendous stress. If someone gets her mad enough to tell her off, she will not be sorry about it later. She puts a mark in her mind when someone angers her. She keeps track of these marks and when she hits that last mark she will let them know they have gone too far. She is ruled somewhat by self-interest. All her conclusions are made without outside emotional influence. She is very level-headed and will remain calm in an emergency situation. In a situation where other people might get hysterical, she has poise. Ayu will work more efficiently if given space and time to be alone. She would rather not be surrounded by people constantly. In a relationship, she will show her love by the things she does rather than by the things she says. Saying "I love you" is not a needed routine because she feels her mate should already know. The only exception to this is if she has logically concluded that it is best for her mate to hear her express her love verbally. Ayu is not subject to emotional appeals. If someone is selling a product to her, they will need to present only the facts. They should present them from a standpoint of her sound judgment. She will not be taken in by an emotional story about someone else. She will meet emergencies without getting hysterical and she will always ask "Is this best for me?"

People that write their letters in an average height and average size are moderate in their ability to interact socially. According to the data input, Ayu doesn't write too large or too small, indicating a balanced ability to be social and interact with others.

I got this from Songde's blog. So if you want to get your handwriting analysed, just click on this link --> http://www.handwritingwizard.com/main.phtml
My advice to you before you attempt to take the test is to write a few paragraphs on a piece of blank paper.

BUZZzzzzz...

2006-06-07T15:51:00.000+08:00

I've been a busy little bee lately. Been buzzing around in the office and at home. So many things have happened and yet I can't find the time to write about it.

Let me recall..
30/05/06 - While I was at work, I received an sms from Pak Busu saying that my grandfather had fall down and his head was bleeding profusely. If you can refer to the previous post about how someone I know is in a coma because of a fall, you can imagine how I freaked out when I read that message. Then when I called him on the phone, he sounded like he was in a panic. Gosh.. It was another 30 mins before I could go home. Couldn't think straight. My elder sister sms the same thing to me. They tried contacting my brother but his handphone was off. So I called Azmi and tell him that we need to rush to Lakeside after work to see Atok.
He was finally wheeled to the clinic and thank God nothing bad happened. He just needed a few stitches on his head for the cut. Everyone was there except for my mom. She needed to rest at home because she was supposed to have an operation the next day.

31/05/06 - Mom went for cataract operation on her left eye. It was supposed to be a simple operation but end up my mom kept on vomitting hours after she was operated on. Luckily me and hub was there to help her. The nurse had to give her a special injection to keep the food down but it didn't work. She kept throwing up whatever the nurse gave to her. So we decided to just hurry up and bring her back home. On the way back, she nearly vomitted in hub's car.
But after eating a bowl of porridge, the vomitting bouts stopped and then I let her lie down and rest. Cian mak..
As for me, dah lah penat kat spital belom hilang, then I have to clean the house in Kallang and cook and make sure everything was ok before I left for Ubi. Mom said that this operation is more painful than the one performed on her right eye. We brought this up to the doctor but she can't find anything abnormal. After a few days later, Mom said that it's feeling a bit better so there was no need to worry.

01/06/06 - 05/06/06
My partner was on leave, so I was kept on my toes at work. Due to the heavy workload, migraine managed to sneak in to give me hell. Gulped down 2 tabs of Pacofen with 2 cups of coffee to keep myself sane and alive.

The weekend was relaxing for me though. We stayed at home lazing around, doing laundry and playing games on the xbox. We were supposed to send my grandfather to JB but my aunt cancelled it at the last minute. There was a wedding dinner of hub's friend to attend to but we didn't go since he have to be on standby for a server migration at work. Haiz...
We didn't even go to my dad's relatives' wedding in JB because of this. So we just send our regards to them through my mom.

Oh ya.. Kak Hafizah finally getting married on 27th Aug this year. I am so excited for her. Hehehe. I can't wait to go to her wedding in KL because I heard her wedding theme is going to be almost the same as mine.
And then there's another wedding to attend to in Melaka during the same month. *scratch head*
This one must attend because the bride is Cik Nor's youngest sister. Cik Nor and her family had helped me a lot during my wedding by providing me with the yummy dodol as wedding favours to my guests. I really appreciated all their help so it means I have to 'rewang' for this wedding. It's been so long since I really get my hands dirty during a wedding. The last time I really helped out was for Abang's wedding. That was like eaons ago. And I didn't really help much because it was held during my poly exam period and I had to rush off to make time to study.

Fuh! So many weddings to attend to.. ;p~

Signing Off~~

Empathy..

2006-05-29T13:05:00.000+08:00

Have you ever experienced a moment of intense sadness and vulnerablility that it rendered you speechless?

I did.

Last Sunday.

Let me tell you why...

A close family friend of my in-laws was in a comatose stage when she fell down while bathing on Saturday. Her daughter was the one who discovered her in the morning. So on Sunday, we went to pay her a visit.
I don't really know the details behind her illness but when I saw her lying on the hospital bed with all the equipments attached to her.. I don't think I want to know the details.

I don't know why I felt so affected by all of it.
I don't really know her. I even send her daughter (who is a member of a forum but I've never met her before) a PM to tell her how sorry I am about her mom's situation. Maybe it's because of me being too emotional. I feel for people's pain. For e.g. if I were to watch somebody pinch my hubby's nose really really hard, I can feel my nose twitch and it kinda hurt.
I still can't forget the scene from Hannibal where the guy's head was cut open to reveal the brain while he was still alive.. Yikes.... My scalp tingles whenever I recall that scene in my mind.
Or the scene in Saw where the doctor have to saw off his own feet in order to rescue his family.. *shudder*

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Well, now that I've mentioned Hannibal & Saw, let me tell you something about myself..
I can never watch a horror movie alone. I really hate to admit that I am such a scaredy cat.. Hehehe..
Azmi have such a wild time scaring me out of my wits sometimes. Arrghh!
And I don't have the guts to play Doom3 again on the Xbox. I got hubby to buy it for me but the game have been sitting on the shelf ever since there was an incident where I nearly peed in my pants while playing it. Dang! Those zombies really give me the creep.. Hahaha..

Sshhh.. Let it be our little secret ok?

I think I better stop here before I spill out more unsavoury secrets about myself to you guys.. ;p~

Why?

2006-05-24T15:33:00.000+08:00

Some people ask me why I don't allow any commenting on my blog. The reason is simple. I don't have the time to moderate/read it.
I don't even have time to update my blog regularly.
And I've seen lots of examples around me where readers abuse this function and use it as a medium for attacking the authors. bleah~~

So if you feel that you have something to say to me, just drop me an email at idayunor@hotmail.com
I do make a point to check my emails almost everyday and I'll try to set aside some time from my busy schedule to reply to my fans' emails.. Hahaha..

Another long post~~~

2006-05-19T10:51:00.000+08:00

I just realised that I've typed out the previous entry in English. Hmmm.. Why ah? And I can't imagine letting my mom read it. Heehehe.. Malu ah nak feeling2 ni..
But I will let her read it one day..

Hub said the other day that he had developed an application for his company and it will be patented under his name. Which means a lawyer will have to be there and hub will have to sign some documents to say that no one can copy/make use of it without his permission. Gee.. It all sound sooooooo grown-up.. Hahahaha..

I feel so damn proud of him! He have went a long way to be where he is right now and he's not even a poly graduate. ;p~

Now moving on to something else..
Here's a lyric that I want to share..

Depeche Mode - Somebody

I want somebody to share
Share the rest of my life
Share my innermost thoughts
Know my intimate details
Someone who'll stand by my side
And give me support
And in return
She'll get my support
She will listen to me
When I want to speak
About the world we live in
And life in general
Though my views may be wrong
They may even be perverted
She'll hear me out
And won't easily be converted
To my way of thinking
In fact she'll often disagree
But at the end of it all
She will understand me
Aaaahhhhh....
I want somebody who cares
For me passionately
With every thought
With every breath
Someone who'll help me see things
In a different light
All the things I detest
I will almost like
I don't want to be tied
To anyone's strings
I'm carefully trying to steer clear of
Those things
But when I'm asleep
I want somebody
Who will put their arms around me
And kiss me tenderly
Though things like this
Make me sick
In a case like this
I'll get away with it
And in a place like this
I'll get away with it
Aaaahhhhh....

Beautiful lyric but the song is hideous.. Well, this is my opinion.. Sorry if I've offended any Depeche Mode fans out there.
Anyway, when I was a kid, I found one of my neighbour's portfolio in my brother's cupboard. She wrote this lyric on the front page in gorgeous cursive handwriting and it made quite an impression on me. And it kinda made me want to be the woman described in that song. Lol! And I was only a kid, mind you..
I want to be someone who will listen to other people's views but will not be swayed nor converted. (Some people might misunderstood it as being stubborn)
I want to be able to hear my friends' deepest, darkest secrets.. no matter how perverted, skewed or sick and I would never judge them for it.
I want to be able to hold my own views on some things and will stand up for whatever I strongly believe in. (Even though I got into a lot of trouble in the past because of this)

Some men can't stand to be in the company of a woman who are more confident, intelligent and educated than them. And some of the elders think that it's such a waste of time & money to educate girls because they are going to end up cooking & cleaning for their husbands. Arrrghhh..!

I am glad that my mom don't think like these people. She's the one who encouraged me to finish my studies and to go on continuing it instead of just being content with what I have right now. Being uneducated herself, she had experienced first hand of how difficult life can be without education. I admire how she pushed herself to take up massage lessons even when she was faced with a lot of obstacles and objections from the people around her. One of her advice to me was,
'Don't rely 100% on people around you. Even family members. They might turn around and refuse to help you when you are in need. Learn to stand on your own 2 feet and learn to take initiatives instead of waiting around for help that will never come. This is where a solid education will be useful to you. '

Of course she said it in Malay and I also don't remember her exact words. Heehee.. ;p~
My dad also supports her views on this and worked really hard to provide money for our educations.

A few months ago, I heard from a nenek (not related to me lah), who had offended me tremendously by saying, 'Nenek cakap jgn marah eh? Anak dara zaman dulu tak macam sekarang. Dorang dulu bleh masak, jahit baju, kemas rumah.. Tak kluar rumah merayap.... '
I was so pissed off and I nearly screamed at her ---> 'HALLO NENEK! SAYA CAKAP JGN MARAH OK! ANAK DARA ZAMAN DULU BOLEH PROGRAM C++ TAK? BOLEH BAWAK KENDERAAN TAK? BOLEH REPAIR COMPUTER TAK? BOLEH DESIGN WEBSITE TAK?!!

Instead, I just said,'Dulu lain nek, tak boleh samakan dengan sekarang. Polis sekarang mana ada pakai seluar pendek lagi..'
She didn't look very happy with my reply but we changed the topic to something else.

Sigh..

I don't know why I was so angry with her. I know she can't be blamed because she came from a different generation where women will stay at home, do housework and are content with a basic education in school. After they find a suitable candidate for a husband, they will get married, be a housewife and a mother.

I think I have to explain why I don't know how to sew and why my cooking skills are limited.
From the time I was 5 years old, I was sent to school. This will continue on and on till I graduate. Then after I graduated, I went on to get a job and work till I die.. Where got time to learn all those skills that the previous generations have prided themselves to master? Like sewing, I don't see the need to invest my energy in it when I buy clothes off the rack.. No doubt, I can still repair torn shirts or whatever.. But to learn how to sew an impressive set of curtains for the house?.. No thank you. I can pay someone to do it for me. Ya, I know I can save loads of money by doing it myself but let me say this to you --> You can always earn back the money that you've lost. But how about time, darling?

With the time that I've saved by paying someone else to do it for me, I can do so many other things that I'll enjoy. Heh..

Oklah.. I'll end my post now..

Gee.. I don't know how I can type out such a long boring post.. and at work some more.. Hehehe..

C'est La Vie~!

Just keeping this for future references.. :)

Tanpa dirimu aku merasa hilang..

Islam is AWESOME!

A good reminder for me..

Hey lil sister~

I seriously need to go for a vacation!!!!!!!!!!

Why I don't believe in ghosts..

Alysha's hair

Alysha Nadya at 27 months..

Random~

Meoooooooow~

Life is so unpredictable..

Islam is wonderful, but I can't stand the Muslims

Pwincess Alysha's first day of school..

AN OPEN LETTER TO HER PARENTS By Maryam Jameelah

Will be continued..

About Ayah..

Vacation in Malaysia.. 13th June to 17th June (Part 1)

Still trying to pick up the pieces..

I miss her..

Mak in MICU

'Ayah Bu too..'

Alysha Nadya

Does Coca-Cola supports Israel?

Rumor Response: Starbucks Statement re: Support of Israel

Boycott Watch - Breaking a myth: McDonald's does not support terrorists

To boycott or not to boycott.. That is the question..

What if..

It's time to take your medicine.. Say 'Aaah...'

Phewww...

Happiness is being married to your best friend..

Melayu oh melayu..

I think they've confused it with another religion..

Hitler & ERP woes..

9 months, 2 weeks and 6 days old..

I am fat.. but you're ugly.. and I can diet..

Judging Ayu..

What does 'Gedegeng' means, Alysha?

Precious moments..

Here I am again..

Testing!

** bang head on table **

Alysha's 1st trip to the zoo..

Laughing Fart..

Alysha Nadya @ 3 months 3 weeks and 3 days old..

2026 Featherweight Boxing Champion..

Anak Ayah~

Stress Reliever II

Specially for Subathra..

Baby Alysha @ 1 month, 2 weeks and 4 days old..

You can stand under my umbrella..ella ella ella eh eh eh..

Government by taxation..

Merdeka!!

My stress reliever..

Chubby cheeks..

Breastfeeding benefits

Alysha Nadya Bte Muhammad Azmi..

Tick tock tick tock..

Where's the Fast Forward button?

A rant from an emotionally-charged pregnant woman..

Funny..

Toughest job in the world~

Hello world~~~!

Sweet reminiscence..

Hubby's 2nd wife.. Uhuhuhu

Still under house-arrest..

Hahahahahahahahaha..

Goodbye first trimester..

Your security will be at risk and our women will become maids in other people's countries..

All-Day Sickness..

Hee Hee..

Feelin' Queasy..

Sick~

7% GST..

19% of paedophiles have images of children 3 years or younger..

Just some random stuffs...

A quickie~

Have a blessed Ramadan..

See what's been keeping me bz lately..

bang head on table

Ehem Betty Crocker in the making.. Or Martha Stewart perhaps~?