Our conversation this morning:
Me: Alysha, it is my birthday today..
Alysha: Yay! Happy birthday Ibu..
Me: Can you guess how old I am?
Alysha: Hmm.. 18?
Me: *chuckle* guess again..
Alysha: 14.. And a half?
Me: *laughed out loud* No.. I am way older than that..
Alysha: Oh ok.. I know I know.. You are a 100 years old..
Me: Bwahahahaha..
Monday, May 05, 2014
Tuesday, January 22, 2013
Insyallah..
Alysha: Ibu, I want to be a scientist when I grow up.. just like Princess Bubblegum (Adventure Time)
Me: That sounds like a fantastic plan.. :D
Me: That sounds like a fantastic plan.. :D
Wednesday, December 12, 2012
INTJ: My personality type.. Keeping this for future references..
INTJs are analytical problem-solvers, eager to improve systems and processes with their innovative ideas. They have a talent for seeing possibilities for improvement, whether at work, at home, or in themselves.
INTJs have a hunger for knowledge and strive to constantly increase their competence; they are often perfectionists with extremely high standards of performance for themselves and others. They tend to have a keen interest in self-improvement and are lifelong learners, always looking to add to their base of information and awareness.
INTJs live in a world of abstraction and theory, and may sometimes be absentminded in their preoccupation with concepts. Often intellectual, they enjoy analysis and complex problem-solving, and are much less comfortable with the illogical and unpredictable nature of other people and their emotions. They may not want to bother with people who they do not perceive to be their intellectual equals.
INTJs are perceptive about systems and strategy, and often understand the world as a chess board to be navigated. They want to understand how systems work, and how events proceed: the INTJ often has a unique ability to foresee logical outcomes. They enjoy applying themselves to a project or idea in depth, and putting in concentrated effort to achieve their goals.
INTJ in the Population
INTJ is the third rarest type in the population, and the rarest type among women (with ENTJ). INTJs make up:
•2% of the general population
•3% of men
•1% of women
Popular Hobbies
Popular hobbies for the INTJ include reading, cultural events, taking classes, appreciating art, computers and video games, and independent sports such as swimming, backpacking, or running marathons.
Famous INTJs
Famous INTJs include Hillary Clinton, Al Gore, Bill Gates, Dwight Eisenhower, Alan Greenspan, Ulysses S. Grant, Stephen Hawking, John Maynard Keynes, Ayn Rand, Isaac Asimov, Lewis Carroll, Cormac McCarthy, and Sir Isaac Newton.
Interesting facts about the INTJ:
•On personality trait measures, score as Discreet, Industrious, Logical, Deliberate, Self-Confident, and Methodical
•Among types least likely to suffer heart disease and cardiac problems
•Least likely of all the types to believe in a higher spiritual power
•One of two types with highest college GPA
•Among types with highest income
•Personal values include Achievement
•Of all types, least likely to state that they value Home/family, Financial security, Relationships & friendships, and Community service
•Overrepresented among MBA students and female small business owners
•Commonly found in scientific or technical fields, computer occupations, and legal professions
Thursday, November 08, 2012
Kindness is more than deeds. It is an attitude, an expression, a look, a touch. It is anything that lifts another person. ~ Waleed Basyouni
When the Internet was rife with stories of how impossible it is to earn $7k as a taxi driver in Singapore, I got reminded of a kind Malay taxi driver with whom I had encountered more than 10 years ago.
This was the time when Arwah Mak was still alive and had to be sent to the private dialysis centre in Bedok very early in the morning (We had to reach there by 7.30am in the morning!), 3 times a week. Ayah worked at night and he will fetch her after work and I was tasked to send her to the centre in the morning before going to work. I remembered that I was on my first job after graduation at that time, and I was always late since I had to travel from Bedok to Ayer Rajah.
Anyway, it was quite a challenge at that time as she was always light headed and weak. Buses and MRT were totally out of the question as I cannot risk her falling. So we had to rely on taxis for transportation.
Life was rather pitiful for me back then. Before Arwah Mak can start on her dialysis, we had to fork out around $100 for each session; this was before she was accepted for NKF subsidies. My parents never expected me to pay for it, but I insisted to pay whenever possible, even for the taxi fares. As a result, I was always broke, heh.
One faithful morning, it was just a few days before payday and I was really struggling financially, to the point that I had to skip lunches and relied on the free drinks and biscuits in the company pantry. :p~ We met a pleasant Malay taxi driver who was friendly and chatty. We talked about general stuffs, which I cannot remember and once we reached the centre, he immediately saw that I was sending Arwah Mak for dialysis and told us that the ride was on him. Free of charge.
I almost cried. :’)
I do not know if it was because of the lack of nutrition / sleep (I had to OT till late at night to earn extra $$), or the kindness shown by him. We have lived in an uncaring meritocratic society for so long, where selfishness is rewarded and being kind is shown as a weakness, it is very rare to meet such a person in Singapore. They do exist, but are extremely uncommon.
He shooed us (gently of course, because I was quite adamant in paying the fare) and gave me a kind smile. And I have been kicking myself ever since for forgetting to take note of his license plate. I wasn’t able to repay his kindness, but I have been trying my best to pay it forward. Always paying it forward.. :)
Kindness is more than deeds. It is an attitude, an expression, a look, a touch. It is anything that lifts another person. ~ Waleed Basyouni
This was the time when Arwah Mak was still alive and had to be sent to the private dialysis centre in Bedok very early in the morning (We had to reach there by 7.30am in the morning!), 3 times a week. Ayah worked at night and he will fetch her after work and I was tasked to send her to the centre in the morning before going to work. I remembered that I was on my first job after graduation at that time, and I was always late since I had to travel from Bedok to Ayer Rajah.
Anyway, it was quite a challenge at that time as she was always light headed and weak. Buses and MRT were totally out of the question as I cannot risk her falling. So we had to rely on taxis for transportation.
Life was rather pitiful for me back then. Before Arwah Mak can start on her dialysis, we had to fork out around $100 for each session; this was before she was accepted for NKF subsidies. My parents never expected me to pay for it, but I insisted to pay whenever possible, even for the taxi fares. As a result, I was always broke, heh.
One faithful morning, it was just a few days before payday and I was really struggling financially, to the point that I had to skip lunches and relied on the free drinks and biscuits in the company pantry. :p~ We met a pleasant Malay taxi driver who was friendly and chatty. We talked about general stuffs, which I cannot remember and once we reached the centre, he immediately saw that I was sending Arwah Mak for dialysis and told us that the ride was on him. Free of charge.
I almost cried. :’)
I do not know if it was because of the lack of nutrition / sleep (I had to OT till late at night to earn extra $$), or the kindness shown by him. We have lived in an uncaring meritocratic society for so long, where selfishness is rewarded and being kind is shown as a weakness, it is very rare to meet such a person in Singapore. They do exist, but are extremely uncommon.
He shooed us (gently of course, because I was quite adamant in paying the fare) and gave me a kind smile. And I have been kicking myself ever since for forgetting to take note of his license plate. I wasn’t able to repay his kindness, but I have been trying my best to pay it forward. Always paying it forward.. :)
Kindness is more than deeds. It is an attitude, an expression, a look, a touch. It is anything that lifts another person. ~ Waleed Basyouni
Tuesday, October 23, 2012
She's 5!!
My one and only child, Alysha Nadya, is now 5 years old. Please bear with me while I record her achievements in here, to ail my failing memory. I noticed that other people are recalling things that she had previously did or went through but I cannot, for the life of me, remember any of it.
Me – “She had chicken pox before she was 1? Really? I don’t think so. You must have mistaken.”
People – “Yes she did. I remember she had small rashes forming on her body. She had fever and all.”
Me – “Chicken POX?? Are you kidding me? That’s a major illness. I would have remembered that! I didn’t remember any trip to the doctor for this? No scars at all.”
People – “Yeah, you forgot. You didn’t bring her to the doctor. She got well on her own because it was a small episode.”
Me – “Wow. Just wow.” -_____-
She is now able to read books suitable for level 1 readers, speak out her mind clearly, understand simple arithmetic and helping me out in simple household chores. She is able to spell out simple words just by listening to how it is pronounced.
She can bathe and settle her toilet businesses on her own, but she still needs reminders to flush and wash her hands.
Her bubbly personality can be off the chart / bouncing off the wall at home or familiar places, but still remain reserve when around strangers. That’s good.. Stranger danger..
She’s funny, witty and so full of life. Her favourite line, “Please Ibu, can I play with you?” Never fail to make me feel guilty.
She’s generous when it comes to younger kids, like sharing toys and letting them have their way most of the time. Occasionally, I caught her looking helpless when younger kids snatched stuffs out of her hand or beat her, it breaks my heart but I always go to her and complimented her on the way she handled the situations.
Older kids usually love to indulge her, which leads to her bullying them. I always put a stop to that behaviour when I found out. I don’t want her to grow up being a brat or a bully.
She sleeps in her own bed, only crash our bed when she is sick, able to feed herself (but lazy), still drinks from the milk bottle (which I threatened will post the video of her doing it in FaceBook if she still doesn’t stop, jokingly of course), loves Mr Bean, Adventure Time, Tom and Jerry Show, Regular Show, Pink Panther, SpongeBob Squarepants, The Roadrunner show, Dora the Explorer and Go Diego Go!
She has her own computer which she will use to play educational and fun interactive games on the Internet. Sometimes, she used it to watch her favorite cartoons on YouTube. Or doodles on Microsoft Paints.
A few months ago, she created her own book with a few pieces of A4 papers, folded into half and scotch taped together. She drew the front cover and her book follows the Arabic style, which opens and starts from the back, like the Quran. LoL~
She made a great effort to write some random letters and draw images to illustrate the story. As such, every time she opens the book to read the story out loud to me, it changes every single time. That’s the beauty of it. The readers of her book have to made things up as they go along. And when it’s my turn to read her book, she will patiently listen to how I creatively wove the story to fit the images and scribbles. Priceless moments.
About writing, now and then she gets confused and writes her letters from right to left. I supposed it is because she is schooled in a Madrasah Kindergarten which teaches Arabic words to kids.
Speaking of Madrasah, the positive aspect of it is that they teach kids about Islamic values; Akhlaq, learn the basic Doas and easy Surahs apart from the normal academic ones.
Health wise, she has bouts of bronchitis every couple of months. Usually when she is down with the normal illness such as cold, flu or viral infections, the bronchitis will hitch a ride on them. She has to rely on the ventolin spray to keep it under control, only when it is necessary. No worries though, the kind doctor and other experienced parents told me that she will outgrow it when she is older. Insyallah. Other than that, she’s pretty healthy and active, Alhamdulillah. Had to be coerced to eat her vegetables, which is normal for kids her age. She loves fruits of any kind and prefers fish and chicken over other types of meat.
Me – “She had chicken pox before she was 1? Really? I don’t think so. You must have mistaken.”
People – “Yes she did. I remember she had small rashes forming on her body. She had fever and all.”
Me – “Chicken POX?? Are you kidding me? That’s a major illness. I would have remembered that! I didn’t remember any trip to the doctor for this? No scars at all.”
People – “Yeah, you forgot. You didn’t bring her to the doctor. She got well on her own because it was a small episode.”
Me – “Wow. Just wow.” -_____-
She is now able to read books suitable for level 1 readers, speak out her mind clearly, understand simple arithmetic and helping me out in simple household chores. She is able to spell out simple words just by listening to how it is pronounced.
She can bathe and settle her toilet businesses on her own, but she still needs reminders to flush and wash her hands.
Her bubbly personality can be off the chart / bouncing off the wall at home or familiar places, but still remain reserve when around strangers. That’s good.. Stranger danger..
She’s funny, witty and so full of life. Her favourite line, “Please Ibu, can I play with you?” Never fail to make me feel guilty.
She’s generous when it comes to younger kids, like sharing toys and letting them have their way most of the time. Occasionally, I caught her looking helpless when younger kids snatched stuffs out of her hand or beat her, it breaks my heart but I always go to her and complimented her on the way she handled the situations.
Older kids usually love to indulge her, which leads to her bullying them. I always put a stop to that behaviour when I found out. I don’t want her to grow up being a brat or a bully.
She sleeps in her own bed, only crash our bed when she is sick, able to feed herself (but lazy), still drinks from the milk bottle (which I threatened will post the video of her doing it in FaceBook if she still doesn’t stop, jokingly of course), loves Mr Bean, Adventure Time, Tom and Jerry Show, Regular Show, Pink Panther, SpongeBob Squarepants, The Roadrunner show, Dora the Explorer and Go Diego Go!
She has her own computer which she will use to play educational and fun interactive games on the Internet. Sometimes, she used it to watch her favorite cartoons on YouTube. Or doodles on Microsoft Paints.
A few months ago, she created her own book with a few pieces of A4 papers, folded into half and scotch taped together. She drew the front cover and her book follows the Arabic style, which opens and starts from the back, like the Quran. LoL~
She made a great effort to write some random letters and draw images to illustrate the story. As such, every time she opens the book to read the story out loud to me, it changes every single time. That’s the beauty of it. The readers of her book have to made things up as they go along. And when it’s my turn to read her book, she will patiently listen to how I creatively wove the story to fit the images and scribbles. Priceless moments.
About writing, now and then she gets confused and writes her letters from right to left. I supposed it is because she is schooled in a Madrasah Kindergarten which teaches Arabic words to kids.
Speaking of Madrasah, the positive aspect of it is that they teach kids about Islamic values; Akhlaq, learn the basic Doas and easy Surahs apart from the normal academic ones.
Health wise, she has bouts of bronchitis every couple of months. Usually when she is down with the normal illness such as cold, flu or viral infections, the bronchitis will hitch a ride on them. She has to rely on the ventolin spray to keep it under control, only when it is necessary. No worries though, the kind doctor and other experienced parents told me that she will outgrow it when she is older. Insyallah. Other than that, she’s pretty healthy and active, Alhamdulillah. Had to be coerced to eat her vegetables, which is normal for kids her age. She loves fruits of any kind and prefers fish and chicken over other types of meat.
Friday, September 21, 2012
Kissy Kissy my busyuk mashem!
Dear Alysha,
When I feel weary from my daily grind at work, one of the things that can perk me up are the memories of kissing you, smelling your hair.. sometimes they smell fruity fresh but most of the times, they are 'mashem'.. I can't get enough of that and these are the things that kept me going.. day after day.
Thank you for being in my life and making it sweeter.. I love you so much!
When I feel weary from my daily grind at work, one of the things that can perk me up are the memories of kissing you, smelling your hair.. sometimes they smell fruity fresh but most of the times, they are 'mashem'.. I can't get enough of that and these are the things that kept me going.. day after day.
Thank you for being in my life and making it sweeter.. I love you so much!
Monday, July 02, 2012
I love you the world..
Dear Alysha.. my sweet little daughter who is almost 5 years old..
One of the sweetest moment we had was last week when you replied to my usual 'I love you's with 'I love you, too'..
Me: I love you more..
You: I love you more and more..
Me: I love you most!
You: I love you the world..
Awww.. that's it. No words can describe my feelings at that moment. Ayah, who was feeling a tad jealous has asked you, 'How about me? No love for Ayah?' And you just smile cheekily and said 'Yes, I love u too Ayah..'
I love you both so much!
One of the sweetest moment we had was last week when you replied to my usual 'I love you's with 'I love you, too'..
Me: I love you more..
You: I love you more and more..
Me: I love you most!
You: I love you the world..
Awww.. that's it. No words can describe my feelings at that moment. Ayah, who was feeling a tad jealous has asked you, 'How about me? No love for Ayah?' And you just smile cheekily and said 'Yes, I love u too Ayah..'
I love you both so much!
Tuesday, March 06, 2012
Is it true?
Is it true that only the good will die young? The bad will go on living a very long life, cursed to see their loved ones perish one by one. To get weaker and helpless as you get older. The younger generation looking at you with their eyes full of pity as you lay there soiling your diapers, can't even feed yourself, can't even communicate coherently. And by then, you will be begging for sweet merciful death, for that eternal peace, only to be denied time and time again, as this will be your punishment in life for being bad.
Monday, March 05, 2012
Iqra'
Just the other day, a friend of mine commented that she's amazed at the kinda stuffs that I read.
E.g. While waiting for the my huge ass report to generate, I'll glanced over my smartphone to continue reading about the current news in Singapore. Or was googling (Google is my BFF) some random stuffs to add on to my over-worked brain. Whenever I hit something good, I usually search for a share button to add to my Facebook wall.. haha.. I am Miss Smarty-pants. At least I don't quote trivias while with friends.
She was amazed because she told me that she won't be able to read such long 'boring' stuffs, unless it is celebrity gossips or beauty magazines with lots of pictures.
Anyway, my addiction to books started while I was in primary school and now, my dream was to have my own mini library in the house with all my favorite authors like Stephen King, Terry Pratchett, JRR Tolkien, Anne Rice.. and many many more..
And Alysha already has her own section with her own favorites.. :D
In Islam, the word Iqra' is a command to Read! The first revelation to Prophet Muhammad s.a.w, was "Read, in the name of thy Lord who created, man from a clot. Read, for your Lord is most Generous, who teaches by means of the pen, teaches man what they know not," (al-'Alaq: 1-5)
This is what I love about Islam.. How else can you seek knowledge other than reading?
So go forth and start picking something up to read.
E.g. While waiting for the my huge ass report to generate, I'll glanced over my smartphone to continue reading about the current news in Singapore. Or was googling (Google is my BFF) some random stuffs to add on to my over-worked brain. Whenever I hit something good, I usually search for a share button to add to my Facebook wall.. haha.. I am Miss Smarty-pants. At least I don't quote trivias while with friends.
She was amazed because she told me that she won't be able to read such long 'boring' stuffs, unless it is celebrity gossips or beauty magazines with lots of pictures.
Anyway, my addiction to books started while I was in primary school and now, my dream was to have my own mini library in the house with all my favorite authors like Stephen King, Terry Pratchett, JRR Tolkien, Anne Rice.. and many many more..
And Alysha already has her own section with her own favorites.. :D
In Islam, the word Iqra' is a command to Read! The first revelation to Prophet Muhammad s.a.w, was "Read, in the name of thy Lord who created, man from a clot. Read, for your Lord is most Generous, who teaches by means of the pen, teaches man what they know not," (al-'Alaq: 1-5)
This is what I love about Islam.. How else can you seek knowledge other than reading?
So go forth and start picking something up to read.
Monday, September 19, 2011
To pierce or not to pierce..
Being a parent means making decisions for your kids when they are too young to make it themselves.
Alysha is gonna be 4 next year, which means that for the past 4 years, we have been asked, countless of times on why we have not pierced her ears.
On the first week of her life on planet Earth, she had already received gold earrings as a gift. Sort of a welcome gift.. OF PAIN! LoL~
Ok, the ultimate reason we have been putting it off is because, as some of you already know, she went through traumatic experience twice. Both sides of her thighs were burnt by hot iron and a few months later, her chest was scalded by hot soup. These nasty incidents left 3 scars on her skin, which serves as a reminder to me of the ordeal that she had went through. Every single time I bathe and clothe her, these scars just scream at my failure as a mother to protect her from harm. Allah has presented her to me, free from defects, not even a single mole on her skin. But now when she is under my care... Tsk tsk tsk Ayu..
And now that her birthday is looming again, we are bracing ourselves for these questions.
'She'll look like a girl'
'She'll look prettier'
Seriously people, stop insulting my child with these reasonings. She's perfect the way she is now.
Friday, June 24, 2011
Just keeping this for future references.. :)
Q. What about testimonials? Can’t personal experience demonstrate what works?
A. “Testimonials” are personal accounts of someone’s experiences with a therapy. They are generally subjective: “I felt better,” “I had more energy,” “I wasn’t as nauseated,” “The pain went away,” and so on. Testimonials are inherently selective. People are much more likely to talk about their “amazing cure” than about something that didn’t work for them. The proponents of “alternative” methods can, of course, pick which testimonials they use. For example, let’s suppose that if 100 people are sick, 50 of them will recover on their own even if they do nothing. So, if all 100 people use a certain therapy, half will get better even if the treatment doesn’t do anything. These people could say “I took therapy X and my disease went away!” This would be completely honest, even though the therapy had done nothing for them. So, testimonials are useless for judging treatment effectiveness. For all we know, those giving the testimonial might be the only people who felt better. Or, suppose that of 100 patients trying a therapy, 10 experienced no change, 85 felt worse, and 5 felt better. The five who improved could quite honestly say that they felt better, even though nearly everyone who tried the remedy stayed the same or got worse!
Monday, March 14, 2011
Tanpa dirimu aku merasa hilang..
Dedicated to the loves of my life.. Azmi & Alysha..
Aku ingin menjadi mimpi indah dalam tidurmu
Aku ingin menjadi sesuatu yg mungkin bisa kau rindu
Karena langkah merapuh tanpa dirimu
Oh karena hati tlah letih
Aku ingin menjadi sesuatu yg selalu bisa kau sentuh
Aku ingin kau tahu bahwa ku selalu memujamu
Tanpamu sepinya waktu merantai hati
Oh bayangmu seakan-akan
Kau seperti nyanyian dalam hatiku
Yang memanggil rinduku padamu
Seperti udara yg kuhela kau selalu ada
Hanya dirimu yg bisa membuatku tenang
Tanpa dirimu aku merasa hilang
Dan sepi, dan sepi
Selalu ada, kau selalu ada
Selalu ada, kau selalu ada
Aku ingin menjadi mimpi indah dalam tidurmu
Aku ingin menjadi sesuatu yg mungkin bisa kau rindu
Karena langkah merapuh tanpa dirimu
Oh karena hati tlah letih
Aku ingin menjadi sesuatu yg selalu bisa kau sentuh
Aku ingin kau tahu bahwa ku selalu memujamu
Tanpamu sepinya waktu merantai hati
Oh bayangmu seakan-akan
Kau seperti nyanyian dalam hatiku
Yang memanggil rinduku padamu
Seperti udara yg kuhela kau selalu ada
Hanya dirimu yg bisa membuatku tenang
Tanpa dirimu aku merasa hilang
Dan sepi, dan sepi
Selalu ada, kau selalu ada
Selalu ada, kau selalu ada
Friday, December 31, 2010
Islam is AWESOME!
Ermm hello..
Hehehehe.. It's been so long since I last post anything here.
Again, so many things had happened in my life. In the last hours of 2010, I have decided that it's time to move on and not dwell on it. Pfft.. Like real. Maybe I'll just blog about it some other time. ;p~
Some of you may know me as an avid reader. To me, there's nothing I love most than to just curl up in bed and spend it reading a good book. Ok ok.. I also love spending time with my family.. and.. I love food.. and sleeping.. and doing nothing.. and playing games..
Fine.. Reading is one of my most favouritest thing to do.. OK?
Anyway, in the office, when there's nothing to do.. I love to surf the web for something to read. It makes me look like I am busy researching work-related stuffs. Especially when I grimaced my face while reading something gross.
At this moment, my favourite haunt is Cracked.com. --> http://www.cracked.com/
In the untrained eye, at first glance, it may appear tacky and sort of obscene. But as I dived further, I found out that it is really informative, in a funny-sarcastic-inyourface kinda way. I am addicted to it.
Here is one of the articles that I had just read and I am dying to share it with you guys.
5 Ridiculous Things You Probably Believe About Islam
Warning: Ok, I know there are a lot of 'F' words in there. Sorry. :)
Excerpt from the article :
Hehehehe.. It's been so long since I last post anything here.
Again, so many things had happened in my life. In the last hours of 2010, I have decided that it's time to move on and not dwell on it. Pfft.. Like real. Maybe I'll just blog about it some other time. ;p~
Some of you may know me as an avid reader. To me, there's nothing I love most than to just curl up in bed and spend it reading a good book. Ok ok.. I also love spending time with my family.. and.. I love food.. and sleeping.. and doing nothing.. and playing games..
Fine.. Reading is one of my most favouritest thing to do.. OK?
Anyway, in the office, when there's nothing to do.. I love to surf the web for something to read. It makes me look like I am busy researching work-related stuffs. Especially when I grimaced my face while reading something gross.
At this moment, my favourite haunt is Cracked.com. --> http://www.cracked.com/
In the untrained eye, at first glance, it may appear tacky and sort of obscene. But as I dived further, I found out that it is really informative, in a funny-sarcastic-inyourface kinda way. I am addicted to it.
Here is one of the articles that I had just read and I am dying to share it with you guys.
5 Ridiculous Things You Probably Believe About Islam
Warning: Ok, I know there are a lot of 'F' words in there. Sorry. :)
Excerpt from the article :
Here's another one. (Ok, I had to censor some bit, coz it's my blog and I said so.. Guess which one was it? Kids, if you would like to know, click on that link above to read the whole thing.)Muhammad laid out some pretty progressive rules of warfare, and medieval Muslims out-niced the Christians in battle by a landslide.
Especially since Muhammad personally issued "a distinct code of conduct among
Islamic warriors" that included:No killing of women, children or innocents
-- these might include hermits, monks or other religious leaders who were deemed
noncombatants;No wanton killing of livestock or other animals;
No burning or destruction of trees and orchards; and
No destruction of wells.
And historically, they have a hell of a track record. Science and math as we know it wouldn't even exist without Islam. The Islamic Golden Age caused a revolution in virtually every field of human thought, during which they freaking invented algebra -- and advanced everything from geography and exploration to the arts, architecture, philosophy, urban development, medicine and health.
Friday, August 20, 2010
A good reminder for me..
Western Teenage Girl
This is an insightful and personal account of why a Western teenage girl would reject the ‘wonders’ of fashion, and want to cover herself in the hijab (veil).
I probably do not fit into the preconceived notion of a “rebel”. I have no visible tattoos and minimal piercing. I do not possess a leather jacket. In fact, when most people look at me, their first thought usually is something along the lines of “oppressed female”. The brave individuals who have mustered the courage to ask me about the way I dress usually have questions like: “Do your parents make you wear that?” or “Don’t you find that really unfair?”
A while back, a couple of girls in Montreal were kicked out of school for dressing like I do. It seems strange that a little piece of cloth would make for such a controversy. Perhaps the fear is that I am harboring an Uzi machine gun underneath it! Of course, the issue at hand is more than a mere piece of cloth. I am a Muslim woman who, like millions of other Muslim women across the globe, chooses to wear a hijab. And the concept of the hijab, contrary to popular opinion, is actually one of the most fundamental aspects of female empowerment. When I cover myself, I make it virtually impossible for people to judge me according to the way I look. I cannot be categorized because of my attractiveness or lack thereof. Compare this to life in today’s society: We are constantly sizing one another up on the basis of our clothing, jewelry, hair and makeup. What kind of depth can there be in a world like this?
Yes, I have a body, a physical manifestation upon this Earth. But it is the vessel of an intelligent mind and a strong spirit. It is not for the beholder to leer at or to use in advertisements to sell everything from beer to cars. Because of the superficiality of the world in which we live, external appearances are so stressed that the value of the individual counts for almost nothing. It is a myth that women in today’s society are liberated. What kind of freedom can there be when a woman cannot walk down the street without every aspect of her physical self being “checked out”? When I wear the hijab I feel safe from all of this. I can rest assured that no one is looking at me and making assumptions about my character from the length of my skirt. There is a barrier between me and those who would exploit me.
I am first and foremost a human being, one of the saddest truths of our time is the question of the beauty myth and female self-image. Reading popular teenage magazines, you can instantly find out what kind of body image is “in” or “out” . And if you have the “wrong” body type, well, then, you’re just going to change it, aren’t you? After all, there is no way you can be overweight and still be beautiful. Look at any advertisement. Is a woman being used to sell the product? How old is she? How attractive is she? What is she wearing? More often than not, that woman will be no older than her early 20s, taller, slimmer, and more attractive than average, and dressed in skimpy clothing. Why do we allow ourselves to be manipulated like this? Whether the 90s woman wishes to believe it or not, she is being forced into a mould. She is being coerced into selling herself, into compromising herself. This is why we have 13-year-old girls sticking their fingers down their throats to vomit and overweight adolescents hanging themselves.
When people ask me if I feel oppressed, I can honestly say no. I made this decision of my own free will. I like the fact that I am taking control of the way other people perceive me. I enjoy the fact that I don’t give anyone anything to look at and that I have released myself from the bondage of the swinging pendulum of the fashion industry and other institutions that exploit females. My body is my own business. Nobody can tell me how I should look or whether or not I am beautiful. I know that there is more to me than that. I am also able to say no comfortably when people ask me if I feel as if my sexuality is being repressed. I have taken control of my sexuality. I am thankful I will never have to suffer the fate of trying to lose / gain weight or trying to find the exact lipstick shade that will go with my skin colour. I have made choices about what my priorities are and these are not among them.
So next time you see me, don’t look at me sympathetically. I am not under duress or a male-worshiping female captive from those barbarous Arab deserts. I’ve been liberated!
By Sultana Yusufali (a 17-year-old high school student)
Published in Toronto Star Young People’s Press
Copied frm
http://islam4parents.com/2008/09/western-teenage-girl/#more-114
This is an insightful and personal account of why a Western teenage girl would reject the ‘wonders’ of fashion, and want to cover herself in the hijab (veil).
I probably do not fit into the preconceived notion of a “rebel”. I have no visible tattoos and minimal piercing. I do not possess a leather jacket. In fact, when most people look at me, their first thought usually is something along the lines of “oppressed female”. The brave individuals who have mustered the courage to ask me about the way I dress usually have questions like: “Do your parents make you wear that?” or “Don’t you find that really unfair?”
A while back, a couple of girls in Montreal were kicked out of school for dressing like I do. It seems strange that a little piece of cloth would make for such a controversy. Perhaps the fear is that I am harboring an Uzi machine gun underneath it! Of course, the issue at hand is more than a mere piece of cloth. I am a Muslim woman who, like millions of other Muslim women across the globe, chooses to wear a hijab. And the concept of the hijab, contrary to popular opinion, is actually one of the most fundamental aspects of female empowerment. When I cover myself, I make it virtually impossible for people to judge me according to the way I look. I cannot be categorized because of my attractiveness or lack thereof. Compare this to life in today’s society: We are constantly sizing one another up on the basis of our clothing, jewelry, hair and makeup. What kind of depth can there be in a world like this?
Yes, I have a body, a physical manifestation upon this Earth. But it is the vessel of an intelligent mind and a strong spirit. It is not for the beholder to leer at or to use in advertisements to sell everything from beer to cars. Because of the superficiality of the world in which we live, external appearances are so stressed that the value of the individual counts for almost nothing. It is a myth that women in today’s society are liberated. What kind of freedom can there be when a woman cannot walk down the street without every aspect of her physical self being “checked out”? When I wear the hijab I feel safe from all of this. I can rest assured that no one is looking at me and making assumptions about my character from the length of my skirt. There is a barrier between me and those who would exploit me.
I am first and foremost a human being, one of the saddest truths of our time is the question of the beauty myth and female self-image. Reading popular teenage magazines, you can instantly find out what kind of body image is “in” or “out” . And if you have the “wrong” body type, well, then, you’re just going to change it, aren’t you? After all, there is no way you can be overweight and still be beautiful. Look at any advertisement. Is a woman being used to sell the product? How old is she? How attractive is she? What is she wearing? More often than not, that woman will be no older than her early 20s, taller, slimmer, and more attractive than average, and dressed in skimpy clothing. Why do we allow ourselves to be manipulated like this? Whether the 90s woman wishes to believe it or not, she is being forced into a mould. She is being coerced into selling herself, into compromising herself. This is why we have 13-year-old girls sticking their fingers down their throats to vomit and overweight adolescents hanging themselves.
When people ask me if I feel oppressed, I can honestly say no. I made this decision of my own free will. I like the fact that I am taking control of the way other people perceive me. I enjoy the fact that I don’t give anyone anything to look at and that I have released myself from the bondage of the swinging pendulum of the fashion industry and other institutions that exploit females. My body is my own business. Nobody can tell me how I should look or whether or not I am beautiful. I know that there is more to me than that. I am also able to say no comfortably when people ask me if I feel as if my sexuality is being repressed. I have taken control of my sexuality. I am thankful I will never have to suffer the fate of trying to lose / gain weight or trying to find the exact lipstick shade that will go with my skin colour. I have made choices about what my priorities are and these are not among them.
So next time you see me, don’t look at me sympathetically. I am not under duress or a male-worshiping female captive from those barbarous Arab deserts. I’ve been liberated!
By Sultana Yusufali (a 17-year-old high school student)
Published in Toronto Star Young People’s Press
Copied frm
http://islam4parents.com/2008/09/western-teenage-girl/#more-114
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
Hey lil sister~
It's almost 12am now. I tried going to sleep, tossing around on my bed but my head was so full of.. stuffs.. I used to keep a blog to let things out of my chest once in a while. It's just my way to clear out my thoughts.
It's my little psycho-therapy to keep myself sane, because you know what? Once you typed out your problems, it just seems trivial and nonsensical. You don't even have to publish it, just stringing it into sentences and arranging them in little paragraphs can make things look orderly and manageable.
It's so rare nowadays for me to be able to sit down at home to type out my innermost thoughts and feelings. There are always things to do, games to play, books to read and I just get so exhausted, the only thing I want to do is to shut my brain and watch tv. Or just lay on my bed. Sigh.. I can't seem to keep myself awake after 1am too. Gosh.. I'm really getting old.
A couple of months ago, I came across my lil sister's blog and it shocked me beyond words..
There was this post, it was dedicated to me.. It was so sweet and I was so flattered.. Heh.
But there are also others.. Well, let's just say that I was glad she cancelled her blog. And I can also read her Facebook even though she put it as private. Don't ask me how. It's a trade secret~
My sweet little sister. She's the youngest and the fairest. You know how in the fairy tales, the last prince or princess was always the prettiest or the handsomest or the fairest blah blah blah.. Errmm.. Yeah.. That kinda happen in our family. Bleah~ Must be due to some diluted royal blood in us or something. Hehehe..
Anyway, the reason for tossing and turning this evening was because I kept remembering the time I consoled my lil sister when she dropped Abg Ngah's camera. I can't remember when but I think she was very young. You see, Abg Ngah lend his camera to her and told her to really take care of it. And Abg Ngah can be kinda uptight when it comes to the wellbeing of his property. I am a bit vague when it comes to what made it fall but I was probably involved in it. The camera dropped, I laughed evilly, picked it up and shake it. There was some weird rattling sound and I was just about to say, 'Padan muka!' (Serves you right!) when I saw the look on her face.
Oh man.. She looked so crushed and so scared, my sisterly love just welled up. I hugged her and told her that it's ok, everything will be alright. I promised her that I won't tell Abg Ngah and I will help her to cover it up. Hehehe.. You see, the lies I was willing to tell because I just couldn't bear seeing her so scared and hurt.
All those years flown by. We have grown apart, went our separate ways. Only talking when necessary.
It was years later when I hugged her again. This time was when Arwah Mak passed away. While I was being consoled by my hubby, in the midst of my tears and sadness, I saw the same little girl that I used to hug and console her. Her face looked so crushed and scared, her whole life has just came crashing down.
I know her life will never be the same again and I had to do something to save her. At that time, she was about to start on her nursing course in NYP. If she has the same problem I had with Ayah when I was her age, I can't let her be. So I talked to hubby, Alhamdulillah, he gave me the green light to ask her to stay with us. At least she can concentrate on her studies and her school is nearer to my home. She really just need to concentrate on her studies. Nothing else.
So it hurt me really bad when people started asking me, why don't I let her stay with Ayah? Or 'Why let Ayah stay alone?'. I have reasons for doing things the way it is. There is really no need for outsiders to come and question our decisions. It's already hard enough as it is, please don't come and make it even harder.
Now she's here for more than a year. We are back to square one again. Hubby asked me the other day, why can't I just talk to her. I was stumped. Ermm.. I am really bad at conversations (really really bad.. think 'really long uncomfortable silences'). Especially with her. All the time when I start to open my mouth to talk, I'll end up being so tense and it's so awkward. Sigh.
I just wish that she will open up more with us, you know, like the way she is with her friends. I guess I am guilty too, all the uncomfortable silences that we have. But one thing for sure, although I don't show it, I do love her.. very much. I just want her to know that every action that I do now, is because I care for her and also for her own good. Try not to hate us so much. :)
Ya Allah, please guide her to the right path and protect her from harm.
It's my little psycho-therapy to keep myself sane, because you know what? Once you typed out your problems, it just seems trivial and nonsensical. You don't even have to publish it, just stringing it into sentences and arranging them in little paragraphs can make things look orderly and manageable.
It's so rare nowadays for me to be able to sit down at home to type out my innermost thoughts and feelings. There are always things to do, games to play, books to read and I just get so exhausted, the only thing I want to do is to shut my brain and watch tv. Or just lay on my bed. Sigh.. I can't seem to keep myself awake after 1am too. Gosh.. I'm really getting old.
A couple of months ago, I came across my lil sister's blog and it shocked me beyond words..
There was this post, it was dedicated to me.. It was so sweet and I was so flattered.. Heh.
But there are also others.. Well, let's just say that I was glad she cancelled her blog. And I can also read her Facebook even though she put it as private. Don't ask me how. It's a trade secret~
My sweet little sister. She's the youngest and the fairest. You know how in the fairy tales, the last prince or princess was always the prettiest or the handsomest or the fairest blah blah blah.. Errmm.. Yeah.. That kinda happen in our family. Bleah~ Must be due to some diluted royal blood in us or something. Hehehe..
Anyway, the reason for tossing and turning this evening was because I kept remembering the time I consoled my lil sister when she dropped Abg Ngah's camera. I can't remember when but I think she was very young. You see, Abg Ngah lend his camera to her and told her to really take care of it. And Abg Ngah can be kinda uptight when it comes to the wellbeing of his property. I am a bit vague when it comes to what made it fall but I was probably involved in it. The camera dropped, I laughed evilly, picked it up and shake it. There was some weird rattling sound and I was just about to say, 'Padan muka!' (Serves you right!) when I saw the look on her face.
Oh man.. She looked so crushed and so scared, my sisterly love just welled up. I hugged her and told her that it's ok, everything will be alright. I promised her that I won't tell Abg Ngah and I will help her to cover it up. Hehehe.. You see, the lies I was willing to tell because I just couldn't bear seeing her so scared and hurt.
All those years flown by. We have grown apart, went our separate ways. Only talking when necessary.
It was years later when I hugged her again. This time was when Arwah Mak passed away. While I was being consoled by my hubby, in the midst of my tears and sadness, I saw the same little girl that I used to hug and console her. Her face looked so crushed and scared, her whole life has just came crashing down.
I know her life will never be the same again and I had to do something to save her. At that time, she was about to start on her nursing course in NYP. If she has the same problem I had with Ayah when I was her age, I can't let her be. So I talked to hubby, Alhamdulillah, he gave me the green light to ask her to stay with us. At least she can concentrate on her studies and her school is nearer to my home. She really just need to concentrate on her studies. Nothing else.
So it hurt me really bad when people started asking me, why don't I let her stay with Ayah? Or 'Why let Ayah stay alone?'. I have reasons for doing things the way it is. There is really no need for outsiders to come and question our decisions. It's already hard enough as it is, please don't come and make it even harder.
Now she's here for more than a year. We are back to square one again. Hubby asked me the other day, why can't I just talk to her. I was stumped. Ermm.. I am really bad at conversations (really really bad.. think 'really long uncomfortable silences'). Especially with her. All the time when I start to open my mouth to talk, I'll end up being so tense and it's so awkward. Sigh.
I just wish that she will open up more with us, you know, like the way she is with her friends. I guess I am guilty too, all the uncomfortable silences that we have. But one thing for sure, although I don't show it, I do love her.. very much. I just want her to know that every action that I do now, is because I care for her and also for her own good. Try not to hate us so much. :)
Ya Allah, please guide her to the right path and protect her from harm.
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
I seriously need to go for a vacation!!!!!!!!!!
My work is so stressful now that I just got promoted (twice in less than 2 months!!) in NCS. I get to lead an awesome team of 12 people and I am now handling government projects, one of them will probably cause me sleepless nights.
I get to train newbies, go for onsite meetings, interview candidates.. etc etc..
I can't divulge further details as these are all classified information. Signed the Official Secret Act and all that.. ;p Hehehe.. Sound mysterious, no? LoL~ I love new challenges!
I am just waiting for my assistant to return from his 3-week reservist, and then I can finally go for my break.. Question now is.. WHERE TO GO? I have Jetstar vouchers that I have to utilise within 3 months. Hmm.. Decision decision..
I get to train newbies, go for onsite meetings, interview candidates.. etc etc..
I can't divulge further details as these are all classified information. Signed the Official Secret Act and all that.. ;p Hehehe.. Sound mysterious, no? LoL~ I love new challenges!
I am just waiting for my assistant to return from his 3-week reservist, and then I can finally go for my break.. Question now is.. WHERE TO GO? I have Jetstar vouchers that I have to utilise within 3 months. Hmm.. Decision decision..
Saturday, April 10, 2010
Why I don't believe in ghosts..
Most people close to me will know that I am scared to watch scary movies. Normally I'll try to avoid it as much as I can, but it's Azmi's favourite kinda movie. So sometimes, I have no choice. ;p
I will probably just watch it in a small screen or with most of my face being hidden behind something soft like my hubby's hand or a cushion. It's degrading, but I really don't care.
And then after that, I will probably have nightmares and sleepless nights because of that stupid movie.
But..
In real life, I know that ghosts doesn't exist. Yeah, in Islam, there's no such thing as a soul of a person getting revenge on his murderer. It is even impermissible to believe in such a thing. Because, when a person passed away, he will enter a different world known as Alam Al-Barzakh, preparing to account for all his deeds. It's a place in transition before the coming of the Day of Reckoning.. jeng jeng jeng..
So it will be hard to believe that the soul have time to take revenge or settle his unfinished business.
So there.. I've said it. Dear Muslim Brothers and Sisters, it is now up to you to stop this nonsense. I have had enough of listening to true ghost stories based on your own encounter or friend's friend's brother-in-law's sister's experience.
I am not finished yet....
In Islam, there exist the realm of the unseen. This is the place where jinn, creations of Allah, live in a world parallel to us.
Regarding the jinn’s origin, it is mentioned that:
“Indeed, We have created man from dried clay of black smooth mud. And We have
created the jinn before that from the smokeless flame of the fire.” [Al Hijr
15:26-27]
Like ourselves, Allah has created and has required the jinn to worship Him.
“I did not create the jinn and mankind except to worship Me.” [Al Dhariyat 51:56]
However, jinn do possess some powers and abilities that distinguish them from us, which include taking on a different physical form, like that of a human, for instance. Some jinn, like us, abuse the powers and capabilities given to them by Allah. One of the several ways that these jinn manipulate their powers is through visions.
Some people possess abilities to see them. Some, like me, goes on with our daily activities, blissfully unaware of their existence. Even if they are in the same room. Those who can see them may be convinced that this vision are real and are indeed the souls of the departed, trying to tell us something. And this is exactly what the jinn is trying to do: lead us astray – from our beliefs and the truth.
So how to we deal with this creation of Allah?
It is recommended that we recite the Holy Quran regularly in our homes and keep ourselves clean. The prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said:
“Indeed, the shaytan flees from the house in which Surah Al Baqarah is recited.” [Tirmidhi]
“Cover your utensils and tie your water skins, close your doors, and keep your children close to you at night, as the jinn spread out at such times.” [Bukhari]
Of course not all jinn are naughty and mischievous in nature. There also exist those whom we call, jinn Islam. Because just like us, jinn will also be held accountable for their deeds on the Day of Judgment.
My next blog topic will be about dreams.. Insyallah..
Monday, March 22, 2010
Alysha's hair
We spent countless months.. agonizing over the fate of her hair.
We wondered.. will it ever grow?
We shield our baby from mean and cruel comments about her hair.. Sigh..
And when it does grow, it was well worth it!
Her hair was perfect! It looks like Mak Busu's hair when she was a baby, with her dark golden curls..
It has little springs in there, that just reminds me of her bubbly personality.
It's fine and delicate.. it's shiny and smells so good..
That's Alysha Nadya.. My baby and my life..
* 3 blog posts in a day! Hehehe.. *
We wondered.. will it ever grow?
We shield our baby from mean and cruel comments about her hair.. Sigh..
And when it does grow, it was well worth it!
Her hair was perfect! It looks like Mak Busu's hair when she was a baby, with her dark golden curls..
It has little springs in there, that just reminds me of her bubbly personality.
It's fine and delicate.. it's shiny and smells so good..
That's Alysha Nadya.. My baby and my life..
* 3 blog posts in a day! Hehehe.. *
Alysha Nadya at 27 months..
Alysha has been such a joy to play with and talk to nowadays.
Sometimes we have no idea what she is blabbering about and will just make things up on our own.
Hehehe..
Having her has changed my life tremendously. When I was childless, you can say that I was fearless and full of nonsense. But now, I see life so full of danger and difficulties.
It is such a huge challenge, trying to balance things up so that she will grow up to be a smart and independent being!
Like, you can't help feeling protective and running to smother her with hugs and kisses for every little thing that she encounters. Or knowing when to stand my ground and not let her have that little snack before her dinner.
Being a mother, oooh.. it can make me tear out my hair in frustration! On one side, am I being a bad mother for letting her learn that it hurts if she place her hands near the hot mug OR should I stop her from touching the hot mug?
I am trying my best to be a good mother. It's really hard.. I want to give her the best clothes and expensive branded stuffs but I know that she will just wear it for a couple of months and all will just go to waste.
Anyway, my parents didn't indulge us in branded goods when we were young. And we grew up a-OK. We let Alysha wear hand me downs clothes because it helps us save loads of $$. To tell you the truth, the branded stuffs that Alysha has was gifts from other people! Yikes! Double-income parents NOT buying branded items? Are you kidding me? LoL~ Yeah, we just buy normal clothes for her. She's gorgeous, she looks perfect just wearing a $10 dress.. and yeah.. we are cheapskate parents.
I rather invest on books, toys and educational videos for her. I rather that we plant this feeling of being simple & sensible instead of hungering for these unnecessary branded goods, unless, of course if it is worth your $$. I hope we are doing it right, though.
You see, when it comes to children, buying them clothes that they are going to outgrow in 2 months are just not worth it. It's not like adults, where $200 shoes is going to last for yeaaaaaars..
Take me for example, the only branded bag that I have was from hubby. It was a wedding gift, 4 years ago. A wallet that was also a gift is still being used. A little worn out, but it's going to be good for a couple more years. I hope.
Yes, I am a little boring. I tried to jump into the branded bandwagon, but the sensible person in me just hate spending $400 for a bag that look like the $40 counterfeit one at pasar malam.
We may look for branded names in electronic gadgets, but to spend $200 with a huge brand plastered on my shirt, bleah.. What? I am spending $$ to advertise for you?
*roll eyes*
Sometimes we have no idea what she is blabbering about and will just make things up on our own.
Hehehe..
Having her has changed my life tremendously. When I was childless, you can say that I was fearless and full of nonsense. But now, I see life so full of danger and difficulties.
It is such a huge challenge, trying to balance things up so that she will grow up to be a smart and independent being!
Like, you can't help feeling protective and running to smother her with hugs and kisses for every little thing that she encounters. Or knowing when to stand my ground and not let her have that little snack before her dinner.
Being a mother, oooh.. it can make me tear out my hair in frustration! On one side, am I being a bad mother for letting her learn that it hurts if she place her hands near the hot mug OR should I stop her from touching the hot mug?
I am trying my best to be a good mother. It's really hard.. I want to give her the best clothes and expensive branded stuffs but I know that she will just wear it for a couple of months and all will just go to waste.
Anyway, my parents didn't indulge us in branded goods when we were young. And we grew up a-OK. We let Alysha wear hand me downs clothes because it helps us save loads of $$. To tell you the truth, the branded stuffs that Alysha has was gifts from other people! Yikes! Double-income parents NOT buying branded items? Are you kidding me? LoL~ Yeah, we just buy normal clothes for her. She's gorgeous, she looks perfect just wearing a $10 dress.. and yeah.. we are cheapskate parents.
I rather invest on books, toys and educational videos for her. I rather that we plant this feeling of being simple & sensible instead of hungering for these unnecessary branded goods, unless, of course if it is worth your $$. I hope we are doing it right, though.
You see, when it comes to children, buying them clothes that they are going to outgrow in 2 months are just not worth it. It's not like adults, where $200 shoes is going to last for yeaaaaaars..
Take me for example, the only branded bag that I have was from hubby. It was a wedding gift, 4 years ago. A wallet that was also a gift is still being used. A little worn out, but it's going to be good for a couple more years. I hope.
Yes, I am a little boring. I tried to jump into the branded bandwagon, but the sensible person in me just hate spending $400 for a bag that look like the $40 counterfeit one at pasar malam.
We may look for branded names in electronic gadgets, but to spend $200 with a huge brand plastered on my shirt, bleah.. What? I am spending $$ to advertise for you?
*roll eyes*
Random~
We keep hitting speedbumps.. one after another.. Sigh..
Well, the road to success is never easy..
Insyallah, we are going to make it.
I just remembered something that someone said.. loooong time ago.
Food for thought, eh?
Well, the road to success is never easy..
Insyallah, we are going to make it.
I just remembered something that someone said.. loooong time ago.
A good and honorable man would never let his mom, daughter, sister, girlfriend or wife wear slutty, revealing clothes.
Food for thought, eh?
Meoooooooow~
Just a few days ago..
Ibu: What do you wanna be when you grow up?
Alysha: *full of confidence* CAT!
Ibu trying to hold in her laughter..
Ibu: So what does cat eat?
Alysha: Bread..
Ibu: Where does cat lives?
Alysha: Trees..
I guess it's because she saw a few stray cats lounging near the trees when we go visit Atok's house at Kallang.
Hehehehe.. Cute..
Ibu: What do you wanna be when you grow up?
Alysha: *full of confidence* CAT!
Ibu trying to hold in her laughter..
Ibu: So what does cat eat?
Alysha: Bread..
Ibu: Where does cat lives?
Alysha: Trees..
I guess it's because she saw a few stray cats lounging near the trees when we go visit Atok's house at Kallang.
Hehehehe.. Cute..
Saturday, March 13, 2010
Life is so unpredictable..
Life is so unpredictable.. One moment you are sad, then another moment you are bouncing off the walls with happiness.
One day you are down with love and then the next day you are on cloud nine. Or when you feel so exhausted from work that all you want to do is just to shutdown, but the moment you see your daughter's face, you decided that you are not that tired after all.
Another good example is when you feel so full of hope and inspired by the goodness of this particular human this week, and then when you read about other monsters that existed in the world, you just feel so homicidal.
Life is just funny that way and sometimes, I can't help but laugh along with it or cry at the helplessness of it all..
Last year, Allah tested me with so many things. I lost Arwah mak, my good health and my job. Things just got from bad to worst because I indulged myself in self-pity.
Alhamdullilah.. Things got better for me this year. Whatever that doesn't kill me, will just make me stronger. What is life without challenges, eh?
One day you are down with love and then the next day you are on cloud nine. Or when you feel so exhausted from work that all you want to do is just to shutdown, but the moment you see your daughter's face, you decided that you are not that tired after all.
Another good example is when you feel so full of hope and inspired by the goodness of this particular human this week, and then when you read about other monsters that existed in the world, you just feel so homicidal.
Life is just funny that way and sometimes, I can't help but laugh along with it or cry at the helplessness of it all..
Last year, Allah tested me with so many things. I lost Arwah mak, my good health and my job. Things just got from bad to worst because I indulged myself in self-pity.
Alhamdullilah.. Things got better for me this year. Whatever that doesn't kill me, will just make me stronger. What is life without challenges, eh?
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Islam is wonderful, but I can't stand the Muslims
I have Christian colleague who is currently facing a problem.
Well.. It is a huge problem to him but I was kinda happy when he told me of his problem.
Now, don't think of me as a sadistic person who likes to hear of people's misfortune.. His wife who was working in Dubai became a Muslim a couple of months back. I am happy because we have a new ummah joining our growing religion but a little sad because this means that their marriage will be voided. The wife don't even want to think about 'Civil Marriage' which is of course not recognised in Islam.
What will happen to their little son?
I gently proded him to read about Islam, maybe this will open his heart to join us but he turned the question back to me 'Would you convert to Christianity?'
Astarghfirullah!
Of course not! So he calmly replied back,'Then how can I?' And also I don't blame him..
You see, whenever he asked about Islam, he will normally asked about the part where it is permissible for a Muslim men to beat his wife. Or the part where Muslim men are allowed to have 4 wives. Or why Muslim women have to wear tudung. I tried my best to explain to him but usually the questions asked would made me feel defensive. Can you imagine explaining 'siwak' to someone who don't understand what that is? A wooden toothbrush?
The recent news of burning Churches and Mosques in Malaysia just made it worst for me.
'Why do the Muslims in Malaysia don't want other religions uses Allah?' He asked me the other day.
Because they don't want the Muslims to be confused and accidentally convert to Christianity was the answer given in the news.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A quick google search in Wikipedia - Allah
Wouldn't it be nice if they have thought that by using the word 'Allah' in other religions will in turn make even more people convert to Islam?
Anyway.. While searching for more articles to show my colleagues about the beauty in Islam, I stumbled upon this website.
Masyallah.. These are the 2 paragraphs that will describe my predicament exactly
Here's the link --> http://www.islamfortoday.com/malik01.htm
Well.. It is a huge problem to him but I was kinda happy when he told me of his problem.
Now, don't think of me as a sadistic person who likes to hear of people's misfortune.. His wife who was working in Dubai became a Muslim a couple of months back. I am happy because we have a new ummah joining our growing religion but a little sad because this means that their marriage will be voided. The wife don't even want to think about 'Civil Marriage' which is of course not recognised in Islam.
What will happen to their little son?
I gently proded him to read about Islam, maybe this will open his heart to join us but he turned the question back to me 'Would you convert to Christianity?'
Astarghfirullah!
Of course not! So he calmly replied back,'Then how can I?' And also I don't blame him..
You see, whenever he asked about Islam, he will normally asked about the part where it is permissible for a Muslim men to beat his wife. Or the part where Muslim men are allowed to have 4 wives. Or why Muslim women have to wear tudung. I tried my best to explain to him but usually the questions asked would made me feel defensive. Can you imagine explaining 'siwak' to someone who don't understand what that is? A wooden toothbrush?
The recent news of burning Churches and Mosques in Malaysia just made it worst for me.
'Why do the Muslims in Malaysia don't want other religions uses Allah?' He asked me the other day.
Because they don't want the Muslims to be confused and accidentally convert to Christianity was the answer given in the news.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A quick google search in Wikipedia - Allah
Allah (Arabic: الله, Allāh, Turkish: Allah, IPA: [ʔalˤːɑːh] (
Wouldn't it be nice if they have thought that by using the word 'Allah' in other religions will in turn make even more people convert to Islam?
Anyway.. While searching for more articles to show my colleagues about the beauty in Islam, I stumbled upon this website.
Masyallah.. These are the 2 paragraphs that will describe my predicament exactly
'My Islam sees in the prophet endless examples of forgiveness and tolerance, yet my friends see the mindless enforcement of rigid laws and eccentric punishments. I sometimes explain, but could just as well tell tales of Shari'a court corruption and injustice. My Islam insists on individual freedom, there is no compulsion, no priests are needed, and except for piety all men are equal. I kneel before no man, though I will kneel in prayer beside any, and my wealth and privilege is permitted, though charity is to be preferred, and the prophet chose to die a pauper.
My friends can understand and be drawn to such principles, but unless they can see this utopia in a more tangible form than my theories they are surely destined to remain cynical about their possible fulfillment. As long as I can't show them examples of Muslims living in a way they consider preferable to their own, I won't worry too much about their conversion. They see my Islam as a pipe dream, and who knows, perhaps they are right. The task is of course even harder when the friends concerned are women, as the clichéd platitudes of Islamic freedom and equality mean nothing when such highly visible inequities and oppression are impossible to hide.'
Please.. Let me cut and paste the whole thing here so that you can enjoy it as much as I did..
Here's the link --> http://www.islamfortoday.com/malik01.htm
Islam is wonderful, but I can't stand the Muslims
"Why should I try to convert my non-Muslim friends when I often prefer them to the Muslims that I know? How will being Muslim change their lives for the better if they already display more of the Islamic virtues than most of the Muslims they are likely to meet?"
By British convert to Islam, Michael A. Malik.
There was a white face in the mosque. You don't see very many, so I went over and asked if he was a Muslim, “I used to be, but not any more.” he said, “I thought Islam was wonderful, but I couldn't stand the Muslims”. What could I say except “I know how you feel”;. Most converts do.
Of course one meets some special individuals in encounters with the ummah, but how is it possible that in the Muslim world they seem so few and far between? Does my being a cultural alien mean that I am inherently less capable of understanding Islam, or is it just that I don't understand my fellow Muslims? Why is it that a trip to the mosque so often leaves me closer to despair than hope? Why do I so rarely feel enlightened and uplifted after conversation with my fellow Muslims, yet so often offended by their behaviour, frustrated by their mindless approach to truth, and enraged by the inadequacy of the Islam they expect me to accept? How often I have felt like giving it all up.
Fortunately I was a Muslim for four years before going to the Muslim world and meeting those who feel that Islam belongs to them by birthright, so I early on formed a relationship with God which served to armour me against the ummah. The first time I went into a mosque in a Muslim country, the first thing to happen was that someone tried to throw me out. Now they weren’t to know that I was a Muslim but they didn't even ask. When I told them, in fact, the first thing they did ask was “Sunni or Shi’a?”, so if I'd picked the wrong one they would probably have thrown me out anyway. I thoroughly confused them when I said I didn't care, however, and eventually they let me stop and pray.
First impressions last a long time, they say, but many years after having learned by experience the best way to get in, pray, and get out without harassment, it still seems that in a strange mosque a strange face is more likely to be greeted with hostility than welcome.
The man in the editor's office was obviously a Muslim, so the brusque arrogance of his manner should not have come as a surprise. It did little, however, to incline me towards composing a careful answer, too much effort was required to remain courteous, and it seemed more like a challenge than a question. “And how many of your people have you converted?” he said, but I suspect the answer was more complex than he really wanted to hear.
“Converted to what?” is the first response. Islam presumably, yet here we have a huge assumption that we both agree on what that is. Why should I try to convert my non-Muslim friends when I often prefer them to the Muslims that I know? How will being Muslim change their lives for the better if they already display more of the Islamic virtues than most of the Muslims they are likely to meet? I share what I have found when they show Interest, but like me they often look at the Muslim world and wonder what we have in common. They find it hard to see living examples of the principles of which I speak.
I came to Islam through a search for Truth, but I found that in practice most Muslims give the truth a very low priority, and I can still be shocked by their facility for saying whatever they think suits the conversation best. Along with truth goes trustworthiness, surely an Islamic virtue, yet travelling through the Muslim world I met Muslims eager to sit down and discuss breaking an agreement not two minutes after sealing it with a pious recitation of Al Fatiha [first chapter of the Quran]. And closer to home how distasteful it is to belong to a community so notorious with regard to paying bills.
How about Mercy and Compassion - those words now repeatedly on my Muslim lips. In three years of travelling through the Muslim world, hardly a day passed without some stranger feeling he ought to instruct me in the principles of Islam. In all that time, in all these casual encounters, not only was mercy never given pride of place, but I actually don't recall it ever having been given a place at all. It is not necessary for my friends to look to the Muslim heartlands, when at home the Muslim example can be confused with “My Beautiful Launderette”.
But they see the Muslim heartlands every evening an TV, with their dictators and demagogues thick on the ground, oppressive and unjust societies, poverty and ignorance. There is no point in telling friends that Islam is a complete way of life. That it is a way to achieve joy and fulfillment in this life, hope and trust when approaching the next, and the perfect basis for a tolerant and peaceful society for all humanity. What can I answer when someone says “Show me!” - “Point to a Muslim country you can use as an example.”
My Islam sees in the prophet endless examples of forgiveness and tolerance, yet my friends see the mindless enforcement of rigid laws and eccentric punishments. I sometimes explain, but could just as well tell tales of Shari'a court corruption and injustice. My Islam insists on individual freedom, there is no compulsion, no priests are needed, and except for piety all men are equal. I kneel before no man, though I will kneel in prayer beside any, and my wealth and privilege is permitted, though charity is to be preferred, and the prophet chose to die a pauper.
My friends can understand and be drawn to such principles, but unless they can see this utopia in a more tangible form than my theories they are surely destined to remain cynical about their possible fulfillment. As long as I can't show them examples of Muslims living in a way they consider preferable to their own, I won't worry too much about their conversion. They see my Islam as a pipe dream, and who knows, perhaps they are right. The task is of course even harder when the friends concerned are women, as the clichéd platitudes of Islamic freedom and equality mean nothing when such highly visible inequities and oppression are impossible to hide.
Since I came back to this country there has been much talk in the Muslim community about an “identity crisis”. But the business successes of their family networks show that Muslims have no problem in identifying themselves with other Muslims, they just have trouble in identifying themselves with anything recognisable as Islam. In fact it seems that most Muslims would rather have as little to do with Islam as possible from the moment they are old enough to avoid it.
“Brother, let me tell you the most important thing in Islam”, said the stranger who had cornered me in a Lahore coffee bar. Far from agog, I waited to hear what it might be, though experience had taught me that it was unlikely to include any of the five pillars, truth or tolerance, or the like. “The most important thing in Islam” he said “is that your wife covers her head”, a view of Islam which I had heard often from many Muslim men. In other words the most important thing in the practice of Islam is to get your wife to do it, or your children, or your grandfather, or anybody but yourself!
Back in Britain I listened to the Muslim wails. “We are losing our children! By the time they leave school they are strangers, lost to us and to Islam! What can we do?” My usual response was often faced with dismay – “I can say what I think you should do, but it's unlikely that you will do it, because it involves changing yourselves. It involves changing the way you understand your Islam”. This is not suggesting wholesale innovation, as it might seem to imply, but quite the reverse. “It is necessary to revive that Muslim community which is buried under the debris of the manmade traditions of several generations, and which is crushed under the weight of those false laws and customs which are not remotely related to Islamic teachings, and which, in spite of all this, calls itself the ‘world of Islam’” (Qutb - Milestones). It's time to get back to the real thing - and I don't mean coca cola.
As I waited to begin my talk to the gathering of young Muslims I engaged in conversation with the group. A nice, quiet, attentive, well-mannered lot I thought. Then time to begin, but the mike wasn't working, and they waited “Testing! Testing! 123...” for while. Rather than just read numbers, it seemed more appropriate to read some Qur’an - after all, I was going to be talking about prayer. To my amazement, the first words of Fatihah seemed to fall in the room like a grenade, turning the group into a rabble. Punches flew, people rolled on the floor, conversations were attempted back and forth across the room, and Fatihah was generally taken as Time Out. If these were the ones at a Muslim conference, what on earth would the Muslim youth who weren't there have been like?
Now it's not that I'm a one for excessive displays of reverence, I see my religion more in a practical kind of way, but this was , which the Prophet called the best of the chapters of the Qur'an, and which Al-Ghazali called the key to Paradise. These words are not recited in every rakat of prayer without good reason. The outward displays of reverence, such as venerating a Qur'an, placing it high up and wrapped away, cannot do justice to the awe and wonder this surah deserves. But if a Muslim does not have a reason for this reverence which satisfies his understanding, the outward displays become hollow and easy to discard.
At the exhibition, the school kids of all ages were milling around looking at the World of Islam. As they tried to find the answers for their question sheets it was clear that Muslim kids knew little more than all the rest. No wonder our young people are losing their Islam. They have received so little to start off with. From out of the crowd around the Qur'an, one boy said to the teacher “I can read that!”, and proceeded to do so - more fluently than I could have done myself. The teacher was obviously highly impressed, but then asked the obvious question, “What does it mean?”, and the boys satisfaction turned to wry embarrassment. “I don't know”, he shrugged, and that was the end of that.
Now our young people are not stupid. Muslims have a better academic record than most groupings, as a glance at the honours board of your local school will show. The teacher's response was a common sense question, one that anyone might have expected in the situation. The embarrassment came from the common sense questions that remained unspoken, “Then why did you learn it?”, “What use is it to you?”, “Is this a skill without a purpose?” The teacher implicitly understood that these are questions you do not ask, and neither it seems do Muslims. It is as though Muslims are afraid that Islam can't stand up to common sense questions, yet Fatihah alone can satisfy whatever intellectual demands are put upon it and still remain inexhaustible. Are we passing on the key to the door of paradise, and forgetting to explain how you use it to open the lock.
If young Muslims are not shown the full richness of Islamic knowledge, we must not be surprised if they show more interest in fields where there seems further to explore. It will take some time before mosques are again centres of learning in all its aspects, places of research, experimentation and debate concerning our understanding of God and Creation. But when western educated young Muslim adults begin to search for their spiritual roots, God willing, they will uncover the means of reinvigorating the ummah, and leading them in the example of the Companions. If our Islam is not like theirs, filled with a sense of awe, wonder and excitement, can we really be doing justice to the service of Allah.
In such a situation, we will find new Muslims drawn towards the mosque. At the moment, amidst the ummah they are more likely to find Islam expressed as a cultural adjunct, where even the five pillars are avoided. But if the pillars are treated as unnecessary then what is needed to be Muslim, and if they are necessary how many Muslims are there in the ummah?
This goes to the heart of the conversation question, as we need to know what is essential for a person to be considered Muslim. Do Muslims in fact expect more from a convert than they do from those born in their cultures? How little does a westerner have to do before Muslims accept him as Muslim, and how far can he stray from their cultural norm before they consider him a disturbing intrusion and would rather that he stayed away? Is the reason there are not more converts because they would disturb the status quo?
But our effect on our surrounding society is a mirror to our behaviour and how well we represent Islam. We must live in a way that seems preferable and then at least partially satisfy the expectations of the inquisitive. Once upon a time, Islam spread like wildfire. In a few short years the Message spread to Morocco and to China. Millions welcomed the good news, and quickly shaped their lives around it.
Now Islam may be fast growing in the third world regions, but here in the West Muslims face a peculiar reaction to their invitations to join them in their faith, as almost nobody wants anything to do with it. If the message we are passing on no longer seems to have the same effect, is it not time to consider if we just have a communications problem, or whether we ourselves are abusing the message? Fortunately we still have the original - all we have to do is understand it!
Sunday, January 24, 2010
Pwincess Alysha's first day of school..
Sometimes you just got to stop and smell the crayon..
Hubby drew a picture of her on the left but Alysha decided that she wanted blue eyes.. and with matching blue lipsticks.. LoL~
She started her PCF pre-nursery class on 4th January 2010. Here are some pictures of her in class.. The main reason we didn't enrol her in madrasah classes is because it's so far away and we would have to hire a transport for her. Personally, I don't think that is safe. What if the bus-driver is a pedophile, who will molest kids on the bus? What if his assistance is also his partner in crime?
I don't know, people might think that I am over-reacting but I have heard too many stories of young children in the news.. As much as possible I am trying to minimize such things from occurring in my life.
As you can see, her uniform is still not ready yet so she's wearing home clothes instead.
'What's going on?'..
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Just took off her shoes and getting comfortable in class...jpg)
Playing with colourful wooden blocks..
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Learning how to share toys with her new classmates...jpg)
'Eh eh.. Lahapnyer kau makan telur tu..'So far so good... Yay~
We have been very happy and excited with her progress in school. One thing for sure is that she's very independent now.
Almost every task, she will wanna do it on her own.. When washing her hand, she wants to do it herself. She can put on her own shoes and socks (Although sometimes it's incorrect.)
Wanna feed herself, can be relied to throw stuffs into the dustbin (very useful for me)
The good thing about kids her age is that they WANT to be helpful.. Hehe.. I can use her to pass msg to other ppl in the family when I am too lazy to go out of the room (Sometimes it's the wrong msg so I still have to walk out and do it myself).. I can ask her to take my HP in my living room.. So in a way, it kinda negate the whining part..
Yes I know I know.. I am using her but I am also trying to cultivate helpful characteristics into her. Just make sure that you say 'Please' and 'Thank you' after every order..
Saturday, January 02, 2010
AN OPEN LETTER TO HER PARENTS By Maryam Jameelah
My New Year resolution is to be a better Muslim.. which will automatically make me a better person, a better wife, a better daughter, a better mother, a better sister, a better friend, a better employee and a better neighbour.. Insyallah..
Here's something to start the year with..
AN OPEN LETTER TO HER PARENTS
By Maryam Jameelah
[Maryam Jameelah, a well-known convert from Judaism to Islam wrote an open letter to her parents.]
Dear Mother and Father,
I have now been living in Pakistan for more than twenty years during which time you have acquired an entire additional family of loved-ones there, adding much to your happiness. You have reached a ripe age, thank God, living longer in good health than I had ever expected. You have read all my books and Islamic literature I have sent you with a broad and open mind. Therefore you need no introduction to the subject I wish to discuss with you now and nothing I have to say will seem strange and new to you.
I wonder if you realize fully how very fortunate you are. So long as you can keep in reasonable health and are able to take care of yourselves, you can continue to enjoy a pleasant life. But do you ever think of the tragic faith of those hundreds of thousands of other older Americans, the victims of chronic illness and infirmities, who crowd to over-flowing hospitals and nursing homes (which are really charnel houses), the old-age homes and the senile wards of mental institutions? And do you ever think of those still greater numbers of older people who are widowed and live their lonely lives confined to their dingy rooms in constant fear of muggings, physical attacks and robberies by juvenile delinquents who prey on the old and infirm with no remorse or fear of punishment? The maltreatment of older people is a direct result of the collapse of the home and extended family. Does your elder sister - my aunt Rosalyn, a great-grandmother lovingly sheltered in a close and adoring family and a happy home, ever think how lucky she is and how few of her advanced age in America are left like her?
You must know that society in which you were brought up and have lived all your life is in a state of rapid disintegration on the brink of collapse. Actually the decline in our civilization was evident as far back as World War I but at that time few people except some intellectuals and artists were aware of what was happening. But since the end of World War II and especially during the last two decades, the rot has reached such a stage of advanced decay that nobody can any longer ignore it.
The moral anarchy in the absence of any respected, fixed standards of behavior and conduct, the obsession with perverted sex over the entertainment media, the mistreatment of older people, the divorce rate which has climbed so high that among the new generation, an enduring, happy marriage is becoming rare, child abuse, the destruction of the natural environment, the prodigious waste of scarce and valuable resources, the epidemic of veneral diseases and mental disorders, drug addiction, alcoholism, suicides as leading cause of death, crime, vandalism, corruption in the government and contempt for the law in general - all of this has a cause.
The cause of this is the failure of secularism and materialism and the absence of absolute, transcendental theological and moral values. Deed does in the final analysis depend upon creed because if the intention is wrong, the work always suffers.
No doubt that it may bore you to read this. You will protest that if you are not theologians, philosophers or sociologists, then why bother about such "deep" matters when they do not seem to be of any direct concern to you? After all, you are happy and content living just as you are. You only wish to enjoy life right now, live entirely in the present and accept each day as it comes. If life is a journey, is it not foolhardy only to be concerned with pleasant and comfortable accommodations along the way and never to think about the journey's end? Why were we born? What is the meaning and purpose of life, why must we die and what will happen to each of us after death?
Father you have told me more than once that you cannot accept any traditional religion because you are convinced that theology conflicts with modern science. Science and technology have indeed given us much information about the physical world, provided us with abundant comforts and conveniences, increased efficiency and discovered remedies for many diseases that used to be fatal. But science does not and cannot tell us about the meaning of life and death. Science tells us "how" but it never answers the question "why"?. Can science ever tell us what is right and what is wrong? What is good and what is evil? What is beautiful and what is ugly? And to whom are we accountable for what we do? Religion does.
Today America is in many ways a repetition of ancient Rome in the terminal stages of her decline and fall. Thinking people know that secularism has failed to be a sound foundation of our social order. They are anxiously searching in other directions for a solution to the crisis but do not know yet where to find it. This is not of concern only to a few sociologists. The disease of national disintegration directly affects you and me and each one of us.
During its most critical period, ancient Rome adopted Christianity as its salvation and henceforth the Church dominated Europe for more than a thousand years. This put an end to many of the worst social and moral evils of decadent Rome and greatly raised the moral and spiritual standards of the people. Unfortunately during the formative period of its history, the Church compromised with paganism and secularism, adopting an elaborate priesthood and incomprehensive theology which could not resist the impact of the renaissance, the revival of the natural sciences and the radical secularism of the French Revolution. While Christians in Europe and America have deserted their faith wholesale leaving the churches almost empty, the missionaries continue to represent the vanguard of western imperialism and exploitation in Asia and Africa.
After Christianity, the Jews comprise the second largest religious group in America who dominate politically, and economically, as well exercising considerable control over the media. But Judaism has always been parochial and tribal, seldom welcoming converts. It is not and has never been a universal faith. The Zionist movement which resulted in the establishment of the state of Israel, is the secular expression of Jewish nationalism and tribalism. The dreadful atrocities committed by the Israelis in occupied Palestine, the unprovoked aggression in Lebanon and adjacent areas and attempted genocide of the Palestine Arabs, depriving them of all human and political rights, is the logical result of this same narrow parochial outlook. This is the reason why even the most orthodox of the rabbis refuse to believe that Israel can do any wrong and uncritically support everything she does. These glaring moral and spiritual defects automatically disqualify Judaism as the faith of the future.
The Muslims comprise the third and fastest growing faith in America today. No longer is Islam confined to remote regions of the deserts and jungles of Asia and Africa. No longer is Islam foreign to the American scene. There are more than three million Muslims in America today and their numbers are increasing fast. There are thousands of students from all Muslim countries studying in American universities, and well-educated, highly-trained Muslims are busily at work in all professions. In the last two decades, hundreds of native-born American converts have swelled their ranks. At first most of the converts were black people who found in Islam, dignity, honor, self-respect and racial brotherhood as did Malcolm-X, but in recent years more and more white converts of European origin, searching for guidance in all the affairs of their formally chaotic lives, have also embraced Islam, making many sacrifices and enduring much hardships to do so. Few of them are fortunate as I am to have loving parent like you. Most of them suffer severe frictions with their non-Muslim parents and relatives. Today churches and synagogues are almost deserted but the newly-built mosques and Islamic centers, springing up in every important American city and town, are attracting rapidly growing numbers. Most of the new Muslims in America are young, intelligent and well-educated. What attracts so many young Americans to Islam?
Americans today, both young and old, are desperately searching for guidance. They know from bitter experience that the personal freedom and opportunities they as Americans enjoy are meaningless and self-destructive without reliable guidance, direction and purpose. Secularism and materialism are powerless to provide any positive or constructive moral values for Americans either individually or collectively. That is why after Christianity and Judaism have failed them, more and more people in America today are turning towards Islam. In Islam as new Muslims, they find a sane, healthy, clean and honest life. And for Muslims, everything does not come to an end at death. They look forward to an Eternity of bliss, peace and perfect happiness (in the Hereafter).
This Guidance found in the Holy Qur'an and the recorded words and deeds of the Holy Prophet Muhammad, upon whom be peace, is not only for foreign races in some far-away corner of the East, centuries ago. Here are to be found the solutions to all economic, social, moral and political problems which face us right here in the West today. Furthermore, Islam is not cold, remote and impersonal. Muslims have complete faith in a very personal God who not only created, sustains and rules the universe but also loves and deeply cares about the fate of each of us. The Holy Qur'an tells us that God is nearer to everyone of us than our jugular veins!
Since the Holy Qur'an is divine revelation, it cannot and will never be changed. Because it is perfect, it cannot be improved, revised or reformed. Since Muhammad, upon whom be peace, is the final Prophet, his guidance can never be superseded by any other. The Qur'an and Sunnah are addressed to all peoples, in every country of the West as well as the East. Since it is relevant for all times, in all places, it can never become obsolete or out-of-date.
You are both of very advanced age and there is so little time left. Yet it is not too late if you act now. If your decision is positive, your ties with your loved ones in Pakistan will not only be by blood but also in faith. You cannot only love them in this world but be all together with us forever in eternity.
If your decision is negative, I am very much afraid that your happy, comfortable and pleasant life will very shortly come to an end. As soon as the inevitable occurs, it is too late for remorse and regrets. The punishment will be terrible from which there is no refuge and no escape.
It is as your daughter who loves you and hopes to the end that you will be spared this fate. But the decision rests entirely with you. You have complete freedom to accept or reject: Your future depends upon the choice you make now.
All my love and best wishes.
Your devoted daughter,
Sd/-
(Maryam Jameelah).
(Courtesy: The Universal Message). Also see Iqra: The Islamic Journal, Nairobi, Rabi-ul-Awwal 1407, November 1986, p35-37.
Here's something to start the year with..
AN OPEN LETTER TO HER PARENTS
By Maryam Jameelah
[Maryam Jameelah, a well-known convert from Judaism to Islam wrote an open letter to her parents.]
Dear Mother and Father,
I have now been living in Pakistan for more than twenty years during which time you have acquired an entire additional family of loved-ones there, adding much to your happiness. You have reached a ripe age, thank God, living longer in good health than I had ever expected. You have read all my books and Islamic literature I have sent you with a broad and open mind. Therefore you need no introduction to the subject I wish to discuss with you now and nothing I have to say will seem strange and new to you.
I wonder if you realize fully how very fortunate you are. So long as you can keep in reasonable health and are able to take care of yourselves, you can continue to enjoy a pleasant life. But do you ever think of the tragic faith of those hundreds of thousands of other older Americans, the victims of chronic illness and infirmities, who crowd to over-flowing hospitals and nursing homes (which are really charnel houses), the old-age homes and the senile wards of mental institutions? And do you ever think of those still greater numbers of older people who are widowed and live their lonely lives confined to their dingy rooms in constant fear of muggings, physical attacks and robberies by juvenile delinquents who prey on the old and infirm with no remorse or fear of punishment? The maltreatment of older people is a direct result of the collapse of the home and extended family. Does your elder sister - my aunt Rosalyn, a great-grandmother lovingly sheltered in a close and adoring family and a happy home, ever think how lucky she is and how few of her advanced age in America are left like her?
You must know that society in which you were brought up and have lived all your life is in a state of rapid disintegration on the brink of collapse. Actually the decline in our civilization was evident as far back as World War I but at that time few people except some intellectuals and artists were aware of what was happening. But since the end of World War II and especially during the last two decades, the rot has reached such a stage of advanced decay that nobody can any longer ignore it.
The moral anarchy in the absence of any respected, fixed standards of behavior and conduct, the obsession with perverted sex over the entertainment media, the mistreatment of older people, the divorce rate which has climbed so high that among the new generation, an enduring, happy marriage is becoming rare, child abuse, the destruction of the natural environment, the prodigious waste of scarce and valuable resources, the epidemic of veneral diseases and mental disorders, drug addiction, alcoholism, suicides as leading cause of death, crime, vandalism, corruption in the government and contempt for the law in general - all of this has a cause.
The cause of this is the failure of secularism and materialism and the absence of absolute, transcendental theological and moral values. Deed does in the final analysis depend upon creed because if the intention is wrong, the work always suffers.
No doubt that it may bore you to read this. You will protest that if you are not theologians, philosophers or sociologists, then why bother about such "deep" matters when they do not seem to be of any direct concern to you? After all, you are happy and content living just as you are. You only wish to enjoy life right now, live entirely in the present and accept each day as it comes. If life is a journey, is it not foolhardy only to be concerned with pleasant and comfortable accommodations along the way and never to think about the journey's end? Why were we born? What is the meaning and purpose of life, why must we die and what will happen to each of us after death?
Father you have told me more than once that you cannot accept any traditional religion because you are convinced that theology conflicts with modern science. Science and technology have indeed given us much information about the physical world, provided us with abundant comforts and conveniences, increased efficiency and discovered remedies for many diseases that used to be fatal. But science does not and cannot tell us about the meaning of life and death. Science tells us "how" but it never answers the question "why"?. Can science ever tell us what is right and what is wrong? What is good and what is evil? What is beautiful and what is ugly? And to whom are we accountable for what we do? Religion does.
Today America is in many ways a repetition of ancient Rome in the terminal stages of her decline and fall. Thinking people know that secularism has failed to be a sound foundation of our social order. They are anxiously searching in other directions for a solution to the crisis but do not know yet where to find it. This is not of concern only to a few sociologists. The disease of national disintegration directly affects you and me and each one of us.
During its most critical period, ancient Rome adopted Christianity as its salvation and henceforth the Church dominated Europe for more than a thousand years. This put an end to many of the worst social and moral evils of decadent Rome and greatly raised the moral and spiritual standards of the people. Unfortunately during the formative period of its history, the Church compromised with paganism and secularism, adopting an elaborate priesthood and incomprehensive theology which could not resist the impact of the renaissance, the revival of the natural sciences and the radical secularism of the French Revolution. While Christians in Europe and America have deserted their faith wholesale leaving the churches almost empty, the missionaries continue to represent the vanguard of western imperialism and exploitation in Asia and Africa.
After Christianity, the Jews comprise the second largest religious group in America who dominate politically, and economically, as well exercising considerable control over the media. But Judaism has always been parochial and tribal, seldom welcoming converts. It is not and has never been a universal faith. The Zionist movement which resulted in the establishment of the state of Israel, is the secular expression of Jewish nationalism and tribalism. The dreadful atrocities committed by the Israelis in occupied Palestine, the unprovoked aggression in Lebanon and adjacent areas and attempted genocide of the Palestine Arabs, depriving them of all human and political rights, is the logical result of this same narrow parochial outlook. This is the reason why even the most orthodox of the rabbis refuse to believe that Israel can do any wrong and uncritically support everything she does. These glaring moral and spiritual defects automatically disqualify Judaism as the faith of the future.
The Muslims comprise the third and fastest growing faith in America today. No longer is Islam confined to remote regions of the deserts and jungles of Asia and Africa. No longer is Islam foreign to the American scene. There are more than three million Muslims in America today and their numbers are increasing fast. There are thousands of students from all Muslim countries studying in American universities, and well-educated, highly-trained Muslims are busily at work in all professions. In the last two decades, hundreds of native-born American converts have swelled their ranks. At first most of the converts were black people who found in Islam, dignity, honor, self-respect and racial brotherhood as did Malcolm-X, but in recent years more and more white converts of European origin, searching for guidance in all the affairs of their formally chaotic lives, have also embraced Islam, making many sacrifices and enduring much hardships to do so. Few of them are fortunate as I am to have loving parent like you. Most of them suffer severe frictions with their non-Muslim parents and relatives. Today churches and synagogues are almost deserted but the newly-built mosques and Islamic centers, springing up in every important American city and town, are attracting rapidly growing numbers. Most of the new Muslims in America are young, intelligent and well-educated. What attracts so many young Americans to Islam?
Americans today, both young and old, are desperately searching for guidance. They know from bitter experience that the personal freedom and opportunities they as Americans enjoy are meaningless and self-destructive without reliable guidance, direction and purpose. Secularism and materialism are powerless to provide any positive or constructive moral values for Americans either individually or collectively. That is why after Christianity and Judaism have failed them, more and more people in America today are turning towards Islam. In Islam as new Muslims, they find a sane, healthy, clean and honest life. And for Muslims, everything does not come to an end at death. They look forward to an Eternity of bliss, peace and perfect happiness (in the Hereafter).
This Guidance found in the Holy Qur'an and the recorded words and deeds of the Holy Prophet Muhammad, upon whom be peace, is not only for foreign races in some far-away corner of the East, centuries ago. Here are to be found the solutions to all economic, social, moral and political problems which face us right here in the West today. Furthermore, Islam is not cold, remote and impersonal. Muslims have complete faith in a very personal God who not only created, sustains and rules the universe but also loves and deeply cares about the fate of each of us. The Holy Qur'an tells us that God is nearer to everyone of us than our jugular veins!
Since the Holy Qur'an is divine revelation, it cannot and will never be changed. Because it is perfect, it cannot be improved, revised or reformed. Since Muhammad, upon whom be peace, is the final Prophet, his guidance can never be superseded by any other. The Qur'an and Sunnah are addressed to all peoples, in every country of the West as well as the East. Since it is relevant for all times, in all places, it can never become obsolete or out-of-date.
You are both of very advanced age and there is so little time left. Yet it is not too late if you act now. If your decision is positive, your ties with your loved ones in Pakistan will not only be by blood but also in faith. You cannot only love them in this world but be all together with us forever in eternity.
If your decision is negative, I am very much afraid that your happy, comfortable and pleasant life will very shortly come to an end. As soon as the inevitable occurs, it is too late for remorse and regrets. The punishment will be terrible from which there is no refuge and no escape.
It is as your daughter who loves you and hopes to the end that you will be spared this fate. But the decision rests entirely with you. You have complete freedom to accept or reject: Your future depends upon the choice you make now.
All my love and best wishes.
Your devoted daughter,
Sd/-
(Maryam Jameelah).
(Courtesy: The Universal Message). Also see Iqra: The Islamic Journal, Nairobi, Rabi-ul-Awwal 1407, November 1986, p35-37.
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
Will be continued..
To my dearest and loving readers out there..
Please please please bear with me. I know that I have been neglecting to update this blog for so long. The reason is that my home PC is down at the moment and we are still putting in $$ to buy a new one.. :)
Blogging on Azmi's work laptop is no fun and he kept wanting to see what I am typing about him, so yeah, no privacy at all. Urrghh..
Will resume the not-so-normal transmission in a while.
Stay tune.
Sorry~
** Fyi, I am looking at Alysha right now. She's pasting blue shiny little stars onto her face.. LoL~ **
Please please please bear with me. I know that I have been neglecting to update this blog for so long. The reason is that my home PC is down at the moment and we are still putting in $$ to buy a new one.. :)
Blogging on Azmi's work laptop is no fun and he kept wanting to see what I am typing about him, so yeah, no privacy at all. Urrghh..
Will resume the not-so-normal transmission in a while.
Stay tune.
Sorry~
** Fyi, I am looking at Alysha right now. She's pasting blue shiny little stars onto her face.. LoL~ **
Sunday, August 02, 2009
About Ayah..
The man who I used to dislike in my teenage years is now breaking my heart.. Him who had to put up with me, clothe and fed me is now making me cry again.. Just by saying 'Ayah dah makan maggi tadi sebelom datang sini..'
Sigh.. Ayah is now staying alone in Kallang coz I took Suhaila to live with me. It's just my way of helping him so that he won't be so stressed with Suhaila alone at home all the time.
He's been very quiet yesterday during kenduri tahlil for arwah Mak. I wonder what was he thinking about.. Kinda worried though.. I really wish that I could take care of him. :(
Sigh.. Ayah is now staying alone in Kallang coz I took Suhaila to live with me. It's just my way of helping him so that he won't be so stressed with Suhaila alone at home all the time.
He's been very quiet yesterday during kenduri tahlil for arwah Mak. I wonder what was he thinking about.. Kinda worried though.. I really wish that I could take care of him. :(
Thursday, July 16, 2009
Vacation in Malaysia.. 13th June to 17th June (Part 1)
I haven't been blogging for a while. It seems that nowadays I don't feel like writing anything anymore. So many things have been happening to me, but I think now is not a good time to write about them all. Anyway, my blog is being read by a lot of people and I might risk hurting their feelings.
Well.. Let's talk about something light.. Shall we?
Last June school holidays, we had a vacation in Malaysia. Ayah & Suhaila, Along & family, Abg Ngah & family and us had a blast of a time there.
I never would have thought that I would have so much fun vacationing with my family. It was one of the best vacation ever. Surely one for the memory book!
We booked a villa in A'Farmosa waaaaaaaay in advance, hoping & praying that arwah Mak would be able to enjoy this with us.. probably we had this nagging feeling that it would be her last as she has not been in her best of health for the past few months before she passed away. We even planned the vacation to fit nicely into her dialysis schedule.
So the villa was already booked and paid in full. I was glad that we carried on with our plan instead of cancelling it as it showed that we really really needed it because there was that much needed bonding between our family members. We are also trying to keep Ayah's mind occupied as much as possible, not only during our vacation, but even now..
Hmm.. I wanted to talk about something light.. :) But I can't stop thinking about our loss..
Before I started crying again.. Here are our vacation photos.. Courtesy of Along & Family..
Oh ya.. I've been bugging Abg Yunos to snap a studio shot of Alysha for sooo long and he offered to take outdoor shots of my lil pwincess during our trip.. I think it's not ready yet.. I can't wait to see the result!
Without further ado..
Here we are.. The very first photo at our meetup point..
Here is a pic of Zafir drooling.. So cute.. I am sooooo gonna show this photo to his future gf.. Hahaha..
Ayah dozing off..
Here's a picture of our villa and the private pool.. I miss soaking in that pool!
Here's another shot of the villa..
Alysha staring at nothing.. LoL~
The 2 'A's in their own private world.. Alysha & Aiman..
Huda and Nabila..
Getting ready to play Captain Ball in the pool.. We made up our own rules as we play along and that includes pulling each others' shirts, splashing water on the face continuously so that the player can't see what's going on, trying to bribe the referee (Nabila)... Haha.. It was the best! After the game, our eyes were red because of splashing.. Poor Abg Yunos got kicked in the face and hit his rib by the side of the pool..
Here we are.. Getting ready for our seafood dinner at..........
.. Ikan Bakar Anjung Muara, Sungai Duyong Melaka..
Here's Abg Ngah.. just being his usual 'normal' self.. :)
From left : Huda, Lolong, Aiman, Alysha and Ngangah..
After our dinner, we went to Mak Bibik's house..
Ayah and his cucus..
The little stowaway sneaking into the back of Along's car..
Alysha and Kak Uda..
The next night, we went to the fun fair.. Located within the resort itself..
Here's a picture of Mak Busu trying out rodeo..
Ibu & Alysha riding into the sunset..
Along & Abg Long in the buggy. Yeah, we had to wear rubbish bags over our clothes to protect it from being dirty. The tracks were suspiciously muddy coz it hadn't been raining that day..
That's a picture of me & Azmi taken by Along.. She turned around and managed to snap it.. Both of us were trying to overtake the slowpokes in front of us.. Heh..
We managed to cut through them when my crazy hubby drove onto the huge puddle of water.. Yeah, we got totally drenched.. It was my first mud-bath experience and I don't even have to go to the spa to get it.. ;p.. It was craaaaaaazy but totally totally FUN!!
One of the most memorable part of our vacation.. Playing War Game using PaintBall!!
This is a picture of us doing the 'Oh-Som' (I don't know how to translate that.. But it's a way of splitting team by showing our palm or the back of our hands to divide a group of even number of players equally into 2).. Look at Azmi! Look at the excitement on his face.. LoL~ The result is that me, Azmi and Abg Yunos is in 1 group. Suhaila, Abg Ngah and Ayah as our opposing team.
Me, Azmi and Abg Yunos were wearing black on the left.. Look at Abu Sayyaf in the middle.. LoL~ The little group pose before killing each other off in the battle field..
Taking our positions before the war starts..
Ready.. 3.. 2.. 1.. GO!!
.. And then the blood (well.. it's just paint lah) started to flow.. (Yeap.. That's me taking cover behind the barrel on the left side of the picture)
That's Abg Ngah.. running to grab the flag before getting shot down by us!
Hahahahaha.. That's my team.. In black.. In various poses.. Priceless!!
The black team WON the war!!..
Battle weary, we started exiting the battle field. Full of bruises, but it doesn't matter.. coz we WON!
Me and my darling hubby~
Ayah tersayang..
A picture of us..
I'll post the rest soon.. There's a part 2 to this post..
Well.. Let's talk about something light.. Shall we?
Last June school holidays, we had a vacation in Malaysia. Ayah & Suhaila, Along & family, Abg Ngah & family and us had a blast of a time there.
I never would have thought that I would have so much fun vacationing with my family. It was one of the best vacation ever. Surely one for the memory book!
We booked a villa in A'Farmosa waaaaaaaay in advance, hoping & praying that arwah Mak would be able to enjoy this with us.. probably we had this nagging feeling that it would be her last as she has not been in her best of health for the past few months before she passed away. We even planned the vacation to fit nicely into her dialysis schedule.
So the villa was already booked and paid in full. I was glad that we carried on with our plan instead of cancelling it as it showed that we really really needed it because there was that much needed bonding between our family members. We are also trying to keep Ayah's mind occupied as much as possible, not only during our vacation, but even now..
Hmm.. I wanted to talk about something light.. :) But I can't stop thinking about our loss..
Before I started crying again.. Here are our vacation photos.. Courtesy of Along & Family..
Oh ya.. I've been bugging Abg Yunos to snap a studio shot of Alysha for sooo long and he offered to take outdoor shots of my lil pwincess during our trip.. I think it's not ready yet.. I can't wait to see the result!
Without further ado..
Here we are.. The very first photo at our meetup point..
Here is a pic of Zafir drooling.. So cute.. I am sooooo gonna show this photo to his future gf.. Hahaha..
Ayah dozing off..
Here's a picture of our villa and the private pool.. I miss soaking in that pool!
Here's another shot of the villa..
Alysha staring at nothing.. LoL~
The 2 'A's in their own private world.. Alysha & Aiman..
Huda and Nabila..
Getting ready to play Captain Ball in the pool.. We made up our own rules as we play along and that includes pulling each others' shirts, splashing water on the face continuously so that the player can't see what's going on, trying to bribe the referee (Nabila)... Haha.. It was the best! After the game, our eyes were red because of splashing.. Poor Abg Yunos got kicked in the face and hit his rib by the side of the pool..
Here we are.. Getting ready for our seafood dinner at..........
.. Ikan Bakar Anjung Muara, Sungai Duyong Melaka..
Here's Abg Ngah.. just being his usual 'normal' self.. :)
From left : Huda, Lolong, Aiman, Alysha and Ngangah..
After our dinner, we went to Mak Bibik's house..
Ayah and his cucus..
The little stowaway sneaking into the back of Along's car..
Alysha and Kak Uda..
The next night, we went to the fun fair.. Located within the resort itself..
Here's a picture of Mak Busu trying out rodeo..
Ibu & Alysha riding into the sunset..
Along & Abg Long in the buggy. Yeah, we had to wear rubbish bags over our clothes to protect it from being dirty. The tracks were suspiciously muddy coz it hadn't been raining that day..
That's a picture of me & Azmi taken by Along.. She turned around and managed to snap it.. Both of us were trying to overtake the slowpokes in front of us.. Heh..
We managed to cut through them when my crazy hubby drove onto the huge puddle of water.. Yeah, we got totally drenched.. It was my first mud-bath experience and I don't even have to go to the spa to get it.. ;p.. It was craaaaaaazy but totally totally FUN!!
One of the most memorable part of our vacation.. Playing War Game using PaintBall!!
This is a picture of us doing the 'Oh-Som' (I don't know how to translate that.. But it's a way of splitting team by showing our palm or the back of our hands to divide a group of even number of players equally into 2).. Look at Azmi! Look at the excitement on his face.. LoL~ The result is that me, Azmi and Abg Yunos is in 1 group. Suhaila, Abg Ngah and Ayah as our opposing team.
Me, Azmi and Abg Yunos were wearing black on the left.. Look at Abu Sayyaf in the middle.. LoL~ The little group pose before killing each other off in the battle field..
Taking our positions before the war starts..
Ready.. 3.. 2.. 1.. GO!!
.. And then the blood (well.. it's just paint lah) started to flow.. (Yeap.. That's me taking cover behind the barrel on the left side of the picture)
That's Abg Ngah.. running to grab the flag before getting shot down by us!
Hahahahaha.. That's my team.. In black.. In various poses.. Priceless!!
The black team WON the war!!..
Battle weary, we started exiting the battle field. Full of bruises, but it doesn't matter.. coz we WON!
Me and my darling hubby~
Ayah tersayang..
A picture of us..
I'll post the rest soon.. There's a part 2 to this post..
Friday, April 24, 2009
Still trying to pick up the pieces..
It still hurt a lot to talk about Arwah Mak..
I really wanted to type about what had happened coz blogging for me is some sort of a therapy. Writing about things that had happened in my life seems to help me make sense of it all..
But this event, it’s like picking on a scab of a wound that is trying to heal.
I miss her so much..
Do me a favour.. If you still have a mother, give her a kiss for me.. A real kiss with a solid hug. Shower her with love even if you don’t normally do that..
Do this for me coz I can’t do it anymore. :’(
Thank you.
Thursday, April 16, 2009
I miss her..
Mak passed away on the 14/04/09 at 11.54am. We are still coping with her not being around anymore. Missed her so much and I managed to secure the head scarf that she used on the day that we sent her to the hospital. Her scent still lingers on it and I've been taking deep whiff of it whenever I miss her. I have to accept that she is finally at peace.
Innalillahi Wainnalillahi Rojiun..
I redha..
On 16 May 2006, I posted this blog entry. It was typed especially with Mak on my mind.
She goes by many names..
You can call her Aminah, Mazni, Ani, Mak Ngah or Mak Long..
But I am just glad and lucky to call her Mak..
Not mummy or mama.. Just this 3-letter word that means so much to me..
I was only 14.
As a teenager, I know that I was a constant pain in your neck..
Not only was I rebellious.. I was a petulant kid and full of angst.
I was angry with the whole world and the pressure to conform to my so-called bestfriends' expectations drove me crazy.
I was unhappy with everything.. My allowance, my homeworks, my teachers, my siblings, my body, my face, my tiny little 3-room flat..
And I thought I was being cool, hating everybody and everything..
I can still vividly recall the day when we had a fight..
The day when you tried to discipline me, I screamed,'I hate it! I am so fed-up! Why did you even give birth to me?!!'..
The look on your face made me think twice of what I'd just said. Your face crumpled up but no tears came out. You just kept quiet and walked away, leaving me speechless and remorseful..
Later on when everything had calmed down, you came to me and explained that every child that came out from your womb is a product of love from both you and Ayah. You said that every parents hope to give their child a better life. Giving birth to us was a joyful thing for you. You proudly said that you will be happy to go through all of it again if you have to. You painstakingly explained to me that the life that we are living right now are what both of you can afford to give to us at that moment....
I didn't take into account that you'd taken up a part-time job to clean rich people's house to help Ayah with the bills and also to make our life a little better with the extra income.
I didn't realised at that time that the smaller the house, the closer our family became. And being middle-income doesn't mean that the quality of life I am living is third-class. In fact, it was a gold-class standard of living that made me into what I am right now. But I was too blind to see. A blind and an ignorant teenager who only cared about herself.
I hate to admit it but I was a messed-up little girl..
When I was a toddler, I was diagnosed with a skin disease that made some areas of my skin to be white. White as snow...
The doctor said that it was due to lack of pigmentation.. I was like an unfinished portrait because the artist had ran out of paint.
My brother used to poke fun of me by saying that I've contracted the disease from Michael Jackson.
But Mak, you were the one who brought me to a skin specialist, trying to get rid of the disease to make your daughter whole again. No matter how hard I tried to resist the treatments, you still persevere and coaxed me gently.
I hated the alcohol solution that you rubbed on my white skin. I hated the time when I had to sit still and sun myself in the kitchen after school as adviced by the doctor. I hated the huge blisters that formed on my skin when I overexposed it to the sun. I hated the ugly scars that were left behind when the blisters have healed. I hated the sleepless nights that I've endured because of the pain. I hated the days when I was unable to walk because of the pain. I hated all the years when I was ridiculed & abused by my schoolmates due to my funny skin disease. How I hated it when I heard paranoid mothers telling their kids not to play with me, because they are afraid their kids might contract my disease. I hated it so much that I didn't think twice when I gulped down 8 panadols to kill myself when I was only 6!
But what I didn't remember was that you were there beside me.. patiently & tirelessly nursing me back to health. And I've somehow forgotten how hard you have tried to console me when I came home crying, unable to take it anymore.. I've forgotten how you yourself had sleepless nights when I was in pain. How you'd wrung your hand in despair, not knowing how to lessen your daughter's agony and tears.. It was a futile attempt to treat my skin problem and seeing how much money was wasted on those treatments that were not working, I just give up. Now I am more in peace with myself and accepted my condition as it is. And I am extremely lucky to have an understanding husband who loves me unconditionally, just like you did..
Mak.. I've read countless sad poems & stories, telling me how they've regretted not cherishing their own mothers when they were still alive. And I just can't stop the tears welling up in my eyes when I read them, reminding me time & time again not to take you for granted.
The fact that you are living on borrowed time and the fact that I am now a married woman, busy with my own daily tasks only made it worst for me.
I miss you, Mak.. And I love you even more..
If only you knew.. If only you can feel how much I love you by the way I kissed you goodbye everytime I am leaving for my new home in Ubi.
I wished that I can turn back the time and take back all the tears & heartaches I've caused you and replace it with your smiles & laughter, day after day..
I wished that I can shoulder the burden that you are carrying right now because of both of your kidneys.
I wished that I can drop all my current responsibilities and be there for you like the way you have been there for me previously but I can't. I am really sorry..
Mak, no matter how hard you mask your pain, I can clearly see through you. I know that you are hiding all these because you don't want us to worry about you. Now I am the one wringing my hand, trying to find ways to make you comfortable while you are plugged to that machine that is helping me prolong your life..
Mak, I want you to know that I admire your strength, your willfulness, your silent dignity, your beauty, your independence, your resourcefulness, your selflessness, your wisdom and your ability to accept and endure what life have thrown in your path.
If one day I may become a mother myself, I know it will be hard for me to stand as equal as you.
I prayed fervently that you will be by my side forever but I know that it's just wishful thinking. A fool's hope.
What I can do right now is pray for God to grant me more time to undo all the damages that I'd done in the past. And the strength to carry on when you are finally at peace..
PS: I took 1 whole day to type the post above because I have to stop once in a while to stop the tears from welling up in my eyes. And in the middle of it, I gave my mom a call to ask how she's been and promise her that I will be going to pay her a visit this Saturday.
Sigh.. Miss her so much~
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