I haven't blog for a while. Been very busy lately. Sigh..
Oh ya~ I've started donning the hijab and have been receiving lots of unwanted comments from around me. Some of the comments can be a little too insensitive that I really feel like giving them the infamous 'birdie'.. My patience with these people are beginning to stretch a little too thin and I can just explode right there in front of their faces. What some of them need is a good 'bitch-slap' from me! Muahahaha..
Some of them are curious as to why I started wearing them. I just replied to them that it's too personal for any Tom, Dick or Harry to just know about it. And besides, it's really none of their business.
Previously, a lot of people thought that I don't cover my aurat because I am vain. Sigh..
I hate it when people jump to conclusions just like that. Oh come on~ I have frizzy hair that refused to stay the way I desired it to be. Wearing a tudung would be like a relief to me if I were to be vain. It's so easy to just hide my dry, rebellious hair from trying to style it. Arrghh.. Anyway, I know I look good wearing a tudung. What the hell.. I look even better wearing it than NOT wearing it. Nevertheless, I don't want the reason for me to cover my aurat to be a vain one. Because physical beauty never last. It'll fade away and what remains behind will be my faith, inner beauty & my inner strength.
A lot of people close to me have been asking me to wear one for quite sometime but I resisted because I realised that if I were to succumb to such pressure from them, it won't be something that comes from within. It will always be remembered as, "I did it because somebody said I should". So it's not a sincere act on my part.
I know it's compulsory. Like duh~~
The thing is, I've seen a lot of women who made a mockery of wearing a tudung. It's really shameful that I feel embarrassed to be associated with them. It's really hilarious when one of such women actually lectured me about wearing it. Haiz..
They cover their head.. but they still continue to gossip..
They cover their head.. but they still wear tight clothes that show the curves on their bodies..
They cover their head.. but still their heart habour dark intentions..
They cover their head.. but they don't pray..
They cover their head.. but they behave worst than a whore..
And then they feel that it's their God given rights to tell me to wear one. And chastised me when I pointed out all these points to them. Their reply? "Hey, at least I am covered!"
What the &^%$?
Fine..
I admit this is a sensitive issue for muslim women. Some of them like to sweep this under the rug instead of discussing it with me because, the points that I brought up ARE valid. Some even labelled me as old-fashioned for thinking like that~
Some women said that my lifestyle won't change when I start wearing a tudung. They said I can continue going to swimming lah, go roller blading lah.. etc etc.. But when I checked again, I realised that these claims contradict each other.
Yes you can go swimming. But only if the place is only for ladies and it's not in the public where the men can see you.
Why so strict?
Some will say, "Islam tidak memberatkan umatnya.." And then they put on the tudung, long sleeve t-shirt, long pants.. and dive into the mixed public swimming pool..
What they don't know is that, when their clothes are wet, they cling to you like a second skin and every inch of your body is exposed like as if you are naked. Bleah~~ No difference from watching Baywatch.. Really~~~
Then some said, "Islam is moving forward. Mengikut arus kemodenan."
But what was stated in the Quran?
Surah an-Nur verse 31 clearly states,
"And say to the faithful women to lower their gazes, and to guard their private parts, and not to display their adornment except what is apparent of it, and to extend their headcoverings (khimars) to cover their bosoms (jaybs), and not to display their adornment except to their husbands, or their fathers, or their husband's fathers, or their sons, or their husband's sons, or their brothers, or their brothers' sons, or their sisters' sons, or their womenfolk, or what their right hands rule (slaves), or the followers from the men who do not feel sexual desire, or the small children to whom the nakedness of women is not apparent, and not to strike their feet (on the ground) so as to make known what they hide of their adornments. And turn in repentance to Allah together, O you the faithful, in order that you are successful."
(Shamelessly copied from http://www.muhajabah.com/surah-an-nur.htm)
What is it about the verse above that can be modernised? We can't even show the curves on our bodies and have to wear loose clothing. Sigh...
And I haven't even touch on what my non-muslim friends have commented. That would take forever seh~
Most of the time I'll just ignore their questions because some of them are meant to mock me & my religion.
And then ah.. Some people can live all their live side-by-side with a muslim and yet still be ignorant about Islam. I mean, they ask really ignorant questions! Macam nak kena smack~
The reason why I decided to wear tudung is...
It's a long story.. so bear with me..
On 24/06/06, my mom was warded in the ICU in Tan Tock Seng. She had difficulty breathing due to the build-up of fluid in her lungs.
When I saw that sms from Busu, in my heart I panicked. Oh no oh no oh no oh no~
Then the thoughts of losing her seemed so real. I can't help but think about the Lina's mom who passed away while she was in the ICU.
Along and family, Ayah and all of us rushed down to TTSH. Because of state she was in, no one was allowed in to see her. So the rest of them left for home that evening but my in-laws and my hubby stayed with me because the doctor wanted to have a word with me.
It was nearly eight when the doctor came. I also get to see her as well. She was unconcious, with all kinds of tubes inserted into her. It wasn't a sight that I was ready for. I almost broke down in tears seeing her like that.
I kissed her dearly on the forehead and fought back the tears. She was sedated because it would be very painful for her if she's awake. Her hands were cold and she stirred when I tried to massage some warmth into her. I would had traded half my life with God, everything I have.. just so that she won't be in that position.. To make it even worst, the doctor told me that her heart was not beating regularly. It was very weak.
The nurse passed me her belongings to take home. Her blouse and bra was cut open. And there was blood splattered on my mom's bag.
That night, as I washed the blood from my mom's bag in the bathroom, the dam burst. I couldn't stop crying. A million scenarios kept on playing on my head.. What if this.. What if that..
I remembered that I've never prayed so hard in my life. I prayed to God to lessen her burden. I prayed that if she was meant to be taken away from me, I asked God for the strength to let her go.
And then, I made a small niat, that I will start donning the hijab when my mom's condition had stabilised and taken out from that dreaded ICU.
And lo & behold~~
The next morning, my dad called and said that she was taken to a normal ward. I was so relieved with that piece of news that whatever my dad said after that didn't really register in my brain. Hehehe.. I didn't even copied down the location of the ward.
When I told hub of my niat, he seemed pleased with me. He said he supported my decision. That morning, when I wake up feeling so weak and drained but when I heard the news, I feel re-energised. Hub was really amused with my behaviour.
So, that's the story behind the new me~
I know I may not be wearing it perfectly, but I am still in the process of learning.
Everyday I ask for forgiveness from Allah, because although I am covered physically, I have lots of photos that show otherwise. I pray for Allah to understand and give me more time.
And also, if I've offended some of the readers with this post, I am truly sorry..
Tapi kan..
Saper yang makan cili, dia lah yang terasa pedas nyer~
;p~
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