A good reminder for me..

Western Teenage Girl

This is an insightful and personal account of why a Western teenage girl would reject the ‘wonders’ of fashion, and want to cover herself in the hijab (veil).

I probably do not fit into the preconceived notion of a “rebel”. I have no visible tattoos and minimal piercing. I do not possess a leather jacket. In fact, when most people look at me, their first thought usually is something along the lines of “oppressed female”. The brave individuals who have mustered the courage to ask me about the way I dress usually have questions like: “Do your parents make you wear that?” or “Don’t you find that really unfair?”

A while back, a couple of girls in Montreal were kicked out of school for dressing like I do. It seems strange that a little piece of cloth would make for such a controversy. Perhaps the fear is that I am harboring an Uzi machine gun underneath it! Of course, the issue at hand is more than a mere piece of cloth. I am a Muslim woman who, like millions of other Muslim women across the globe, chooses to wear a hijab. And the concept of the hijab, contrary to popular opinion, is actually one of the most fundamental aspects of female empowerment. When I cover myself, I make it virtually impossible for people to judge me according to the way I look. I cannot be categorized because of my attractiveness or lack thereof. Compare this to life in today’s society: We are constantly sizing one another up on the basis of our clothing, jewelry, hair and makeup. What kind of depth can there be in a world like this?

Yes, I have a body, a physical manifestation upon this Earth. But it is the vessel of an intelligent mind and a strong spirit. It is not for the beholder to leer at or to use in advertisements to sell everything from beer to cars. Because of the superficiality of the world in which we live, external appearances are so stressed that the value of the individual counts for almost nothing. It is a myth that women in today’s society are liberated. What kind of freedom can there be when a woman cannot walk down the street without every aspect of her physical self being “checked out”? When I wear the hijab I feel safe from all of this. I can rest assured that no one is looking at me and making assumptions about my character from the length of my skirt. There is a barrier between me and those who would exploit me.

I am first and foremost a human being, one of the saddest truths of our time is the question of the beauty myth and female self-image. Reading popular teenage magazines, you can instantly find out what kind of body image is “in” or “out” . And if you have the “wrong” body type, well, then, you’re just going to change it, aren’t you? After all, there is no way you can be overweight and still be beautiful. Look at any advertisement. Is a woman being used to sell the product? How old is she? How attractive is she? What is she wearing? More often than not, that woman will be no older than her early 20s, taller, slimmer, and more attractive than average, and dressed in skimpy clothing. Why do we allow ourselves to be manipulated like this? Whether the 90s woman wishes to believe it or not, she is being forced into a mould. She is being coerced into selling herself, into compromising herself. This is why we have 13-year-old girls sticking their fingers down their throats to vomit and overweight adolescents hanging themselves.

When people ask me if I feel oppressed, I can honestly say no. I made this decision of my own free will. I like the fact that I am taking control of the way other people perceive me. I enjoy the fact that I don’t give anyone anything to look at and that I have released myself from the bondage of the swinging pendulum of the fashion industry and other institutions that exploit females. My body is my own business. Nobody can tell me how I should look or whether or not I am beautiful. I know that there is more to me than that. I am also able to say no comfortably when people ask me if I feel as if my sexuality is being repressed. I have taken control of my sexuality. I am thankful I will never have to suffer the fate of trying to lose / gain weight or trying to find the exact lipstick shade that will go with my skin colour. I have made choices about what my priorities are and these are not among them.

So next time you see me, don’t look at me sympathetically. I am not under duress or a male-worshiping female captive from those barbarous Arab deserts. I’ve been liberated!

By Sultana Yusufali (a 17-year-old high school student)

Published in Toronto Star Young People’s Press

Copied frm
http://islam4parents.com/2008/09/western-teenage-girl/#more-114

Hey lil sister~

It's almost 12am now. I tried going to sleep, tossing around on my bed but my head was so full of.. stuffs.. I used to keep a blog to let things out of my chest once in a while. It's just my way to clear out my thoughts.
It's my little psycho-therapy to keep myself sane, because you know what? Once you typed out your problems, it just seems trivial and nonsensical. You don't even have to publish it, just stringing it into sentences and arranging them in little paragraphs can make things look orderly and manageable.
It's so rare nowadays for me to be able to sit down at home to type out my innermost thoughts and feelings. There are always things to do, games to play, books to read and I just get so exhausted, the only thing I want to do is to shut my brain and watch tv. Or just lay on my bed. Sigh.. I can't seem to keep myself awake after 1am too. Gosh.. I'm really getting old.

A couple of months ago, I came across my lil sister's blog and it shocked me beyond words..
There was this post, it was dedicated to me.. It was so sweet and I was so flattered.. Heh.
But there are also others.. Well, let's just say that I was glad she cancelled her blog. And I can also read her Facebook even though she put it as private. Don't ask me how. It's a trade secret~

My sweet little sister. She's the youngest and the fairest. You know how in the fairy tales, the last prince or princess was always the prettiest or the handsomest or the fairest blah blah blah.. Errmm.. Yeah.. That kinda happen in our family. Bleah~ Must be due to some diluted royal blood in us or something. Hehehe..

Anyway, the reason for tossing and turning this evening was because I kept remembering the time I consoled my lil sister when she dropped Abg Ngah's camera. I can't remember when but I think she was very young. You see, Abg Ngah lend his camera to her and told her to really take care of it. And Abg Ngah can be kinda uptight when it comes to the wellbeing of his property. I am a bit vague when it comes to what made it fall but I was probably involved in it. The camera dropped, I laughed evilly, picked it up and shake it. There was some weird rattling sound and I was just about to say, 'Padan muka!' (Serves you right!) when I saw the look on her face.
Oh man.. She looked so crushed and so scared, my sisterly love just welled up. I hugged her and told her that it's ok, everything will be alright. I promised her that I won't tell Abg Ngah and I will help her to cover it up. Hehehe.. You see, the lies I was willing to tell because I just couldn't bear seeing her so scared and hurt.

All those years flown by. We have grown apart, went our separate ways. Only talking when necessary.
It was years later when I hugged her again. This time was when Arwah Mak passed away. While I was being consoled by my hubby, in the midst of my tears and sadness, I saw the same little girl that I used to hug and console her. Her face looked so crushed and scared, her whole life has just came crashing down.
I know her life will never be the same again and I had to do something to save her. At that time, she was about to start on her nursing course in NYP. If she has the same problem I had with Ayah when I was her age, I can't let her be. So I talked to hubby, Alhamdulillah, he gave me the green light to ask her to stay with us. At least she can concentrate on her studies and her school is nearer to my home. She really just need to concentrate on her studies. Nothing else.

So it hurt me really bad when people started asking me, why don't I let her stay with Ayah? Or 'Why let Ayah stay alone?'. I have reasons for doing things the way it is. There is really no need for outsiders to come and question our decisions. It's already hard enough as it is, please don't come and make it even harder.

Now she's here for more than a year. We are back to square one again. Hubby asked me the other day, why can't I just talk to her. I was stumped. Ermm.. I am really bad at conversations (really really bad.. think 'really long uncomfortable silences'). Especially with her. All the time when I start to open my mouth to talk, I'll end up being so tense and it's so awkward. Sigh.
I just wish that she will open up more with us, you know, like the way she is with her friends. I guess I am guilty too, all the uncomfortable silences that we have. But one thing for sure, although I don't show it, I do love her.. very much. I just want her to know that every action that I do now, is because I care for her and also for her own good. Try not to hate us so much. :)

Ya Allah, please guide her to the right path and protect her from harm.