About moi~

I think it's time to introduce myself to all my fans out there. It seems that this blog is getting more popular with repeat readers coming back for more of my almost daily rants. Heh..

I was born on the 5th of May 1981 (Which means I am only 24 this year, will still remain to be 24 the year after next and so on and so forth) and my name is Nor Idayu. (Nor = Nur = Light & Ayu = Beautiful. So the meaning behind my name is the 'Light Of Beauty' ROFL!!!). I am a part-time supermodel with an uncanny resemblance to Angelina Jolie. I just joined the X-Men a few months back, and right now I am being trained by Professor X to learn to control my telekinetic power. ;p~ *yeah, it's lame.. I know.. Bleah~~*

I grew up in Kallang Bahru but now I am staying in Ubi with my in-laws. Kallang will always have a special place in my heart because it was my playground and held so much fond childhood memories. Like, whenever it rains heavily and a tiny field next to my block is flooded, I will instantly recall the time when my friends and I collected a few hundreds of tadpoles there. We were hoping to make a few bucks by selling them after they turn into little froggies but they died the next day. I love splashing around barefooted in the mud, without a care in the world. That was until my mom screamed at me from the 3rd floor to go home and shower. Hahahaha..

Remember the old-fashion playground? Not the new colourful wimpy ones that they have now but the real deal. The ones filled with sand and hard concrete shaped like funny looking animals? I love those! There were a few of them around Kallang and my favourite was the one behind my block. There was a lot of tyres hung around the playground for kids to swing around like little Tarzans. We made it even better by putting a long wooded plank in between these tyres to connect them together. This method will create a huge swing, and we all would sat on the planks. Some of the brave ones (i.e me) will sit on the ends of the plank to swing it higher and higher till one of us fall down and die......

Just kidding!

Yes there were lots of bloody bruises and cuts but we just laughed it off. No one came home crying to get their parents to scold us. No parents have to make a big hoo-haa of it in the newspapers. You know why? Because we were tougher and are a lot cooler than the new generations. Hah! But it's really hard to be cool & tough when you are bending down and your mom was trying to remove a wooden splinter from your butt as a result from playing with wooden planks found near a contruction site.

Ok ok.. I've digressed.

Back to my introduction. I am the third child. The eldest is my Sis (Along), followed by my Bro (Abang Ngah), Me and lastly is my Lil Sis (Busu).
My mom is a homemaker cum traditional masseuse. She provides pre & post-natal massages as well. Ladies only. But if men are interested, I can refer you to my Dad. He uses the rolling pin (it's studded with rusty nails for added pleasure) though, so if you are into pain and torture, let me know okay?

My Dad currently works as a security guard in some condominium. He had retired from his another security guard job in Cisco but he can't rest yet. Funny how I used to dislike my father while I was a teenager but now I find him to be very endearing. I do love him very much but of course, it's not shown openly. He is a very hardworking man and selfless, taking overtimes to put all of us through tertiary educations. From the look on his face, I know he is tired from working so hard all his life.

Along, the eldest of us all, is the smallest. Hahaha.. Seriously! She's married, a homemaker and have 4 wonderful daughters. My favourite is Huda, so don't tell the rest, okay. ;p~ Anyway, I love babies. Once a new baby comes along, I will definitely fall in love all over again.
Her hubby is the infamous Abang Yunos from Themephotography. My wedding photos were sponsored by him and it was fantastic! (Mainly because the bride was gorgeous lah). Their princesses are Nadhira (Lolong), Haziqah (Ngangah), Nabila (Kak Cik) & Huda. They are a bunch of makcik kaypo and are so kecohrables & adorable. My eardrums are still ringing from the effect of their shrill voices. I personally think that all three of them can beat the X-Men Siren's superpower anytime anywhere. Hahaha.. I love them to bits! As you can read from my previous post, Along is expecting her 5th child. A son. Syukur Alhamdulillah~ Can't wait to see him in October. InsyaAllah~

Abang Ngah? He is just my annoying & irritating big brother. And he is still the same now even though he is 30 years old. He's the biggest among us and his tummy can rival my Sis (who is currently 4 months pregnant). I used to call him 'Beruang' because he was a big brute and very clumsy which really reminded me of the grizzly bear. He is also married and have a son with Kak Reena. We (as in me and bro) can't seem to see eye-to-eye with each other and will always try to annoy and irritate one another. Heh.. A lot of my girlfriends used to have a crush on him, so I can say that he is good-looking *OMG! I can't believe I just said that!* or they seriously should have their eyes checked. Kak Reena is my sweet sister-in-law who also have helped me a lot. She is very different from me because she is always very organised, well-prepared and uses colour-coordinated stuffs. Unlike me, the unorganised & messy chick.

The last person on my list will be Busu. Presently she's studying in Temasek Poly (my old school) and pursuing an IT diploma. She is 17 years old this year. I used to be close to her when she was in primary school but we drifted apart after that. As much as I wanted her not to end up jaded, cynical and broken like me, I would also like her to go out and explore the world to make her own judgement. I just hope that she will excel in whatever she puts her mind in.

My personal dislikes?
I can't stand stupid people. Let me define what I consider stupid before you people start hollering hokkien expletives to me.

If you can't spell, you are not stupid by default.
If you can't spell and have no intentions to improve yourself, then you are a moron.
If you can't spell and have no intentions in improving yourself and when I pointed out the error to you, you starts to spew weak & stupid reasons to defend your mistakes............... then you are a bloody moron. No one can help you unless you pull yourself out of that sh*thole you've dug up for yourself..
I know the difference between a typo and an obvious spelling error, thank you very much. By the way, I know I am not perfect either, so let me know if I've made any spelling or grammar mistakes in my posts and I'll be eternally grateful.

I can't stand road hoggers who hog the over-taking lane. If you think that by driving on that lane within the legal speed limit of 90kmph is sufficient, then you are dead wrong. Arghhhhh!
OTHER VEHICLES NEED TO USE THAT LANE FOR OVERTAKING! THAT IS WHAT THAT LANE IS FOR, YOU IDIOT! THAT LANE IS NOT FOR YOU TO CRUISE LEISURELY!! STOP HOGGING THAT &^%$ING LANE, YOU OBNOXIOUS MORON!
I will not hesitate to flash my dainty little middle finger at you once my hubby overtakes you dangerously on your left! The usual culprit seems to be taxi drivers and tai-tais driving luxury sedan.

There's also a group of people that I really dislike. I refer to these individuals as 'Toxic Turd' due to the fact that most of the things that came out of their mouth are foul-smelling words that is delivered to hurt the recipient's feeling.
Let me give you a fine example: Aisah gave me this blouse that is black & white, with huge sleeves that kinda look 'Japanesey' (Got such word?). I like it very much, wore it to work a few times and received compliments for it. But there's this toxic turd at work who said, 'Eh, you wear that tablecloth to work again ah?'. Obviously, she's jealous that she can't fit into this tablecloth because of all the disgusting lard hanging around her body. Me, being all so gracious & nice, just smiled at her and looked away. But you can imagine the turmoil going around in my head. I came up with hundreds of witty and sarcastic rebuttals to bombard her and render her speechless. One of my favourites was, 'Gosh [insert toxic turd's name here] , don't tell me you are pregnant AGAIN? How far along are you? 8 months?'. Ouch~
I honestly believe that these toxic individuals are placed on earth with a sole purpose to bash up and crush your self-esteem & self-worth. What to do when you encounter these turds? You can always counter-attack their comments by coming up with an equally painful remarks about their appearance, or you can just ignore them and let them be.

Once again, I got carried away and bore my beloved readers with such a lengthy post.

Au revoir~

Another death within a week..

Remember when I blogged that someone's mother had fallen down in the bathroom and was warded in the ICU?

Well, she didn't make it. She passed away last Saturday night and her funeral was held on Sunday afternoon.

Inna Lillahi Wa Inna Ilayhi Rajioun~

Sigh.. And it's only the 12th day of June.
Aisah told me that her colleague's daughter's baby died after it was delivered. I am using the term 'it' because I am not sure of the baby's sex.. I can't imagine the mother's anguish after finding out that the baby is dead after delivering it. *sob* *sob* She must have been crushed..

However, here are some good news to cheer me up~
After the funeral yesterday, we drove to Kallang to visit my parents. Mom's left eye have recovered fully. Alhamdulillah~ She can see clearly through it and it's not red anymore. Nor does it hurt any longer.
My sis and nieces were there as well, which made the visit even more joyful. I missed Huda soooooo much~ Hehehe.. She's so cute and so well behave. How on earth did my sis train her to be like that? Hub can just pick her up to cuddle her and she didn't freak out. And I love the way hub handle her.. *Sigh wistfully* I wish I can just bring her home with me. Tempting sia~~ To kidnap my own niece?? Hahaha.. Let's hope she can fit in my purse.

Another good news is that the gender of my sis's baby is known already. IT'S A BOY! Oh boy oh boy oh boy! *chuckles*
I think Abg Yunos must have been jumping for joy once he heard the news. That's because I myself nearly jumped out of my chair last friday when the kids msn me about it! We didn't really say anything much after the news that my sis was pregnant again broke out. When my aunt confided in me that she had a dream that the baby is a girl, she cautioned me not to tell my sister. Everyone had their lips tightly sealed, in case they are going to be disappointed again. It's not that baby boys are better than baby girls, but I can understand why someone who already have 4 daughters would yearn for a son.
But the question is, how my sis is going to handle all the 5 kids? With 2 babies? I'll be glad if she allow me to take care of 1 of it.. Especially Huda.. *grins* She's such a joy to be with!

Another thing.. I don't think it's a good news.. and I don't think it can be categorised under bad news either. It really depends lah..
I think my little sister have a boyfriend. *scratch head* But she denied it and insist that he's just a friend. Like duh~~~ *roll eyes* She must have thought that I was just born yesterday.
.. Been there, done that ..
Me & hub saw them under the block, sitting and talking at the bench downstairs. But she brought along 2 of my nieces as chaperones. Lol!
I am worried. I have tonnes of advices to give to her but I know that if I am not careful, it might fall onto deaf ears.

I hope she reads my blog, though.

Ila, here are my words of wisdom.. Chet! macam betul jer aku ni ;p~

Be smart, gal.. I know that I haven't been the best role model but at least let my painful experiences be a lesson to you.
Men will always say things that you wanted to hear. They'll whisper sweet nothings into your ears that will make you believe things they wanted you to believe. The truth is, they may have other plans in their sick & twisted little minds. There are loads of wolves dressed in sheeps' clothing. Be wary of these wolves, dear~..

But then again, bear in mind that not all men are like that.. There are some who will respect you and will never take advantage of you. Men who will take 1 step at a time, never rushing you and helping you to make sense of strange things that happens in life because they see the world from the other side of the river and they understand things that we women never will. These men are considered to be rare gems and it is up to you to see & judge for yourself.

I can't and will never be able to control what you say or do.
Kau dah besar, nak~ Pepandai lah kau jaga diri..
Because I'd been where you are right now and the more I was controlled, the more I rebelled. And that is the last thing I want you to do.
I just hope that you are smart enough not to repeat my mistakes. I'd wasted a lot of time, energy and money on useless guys who........... are really not worth it at all *Grrr.. those @#$&%!*

Anyway, I am not saying that you can't make any mistakes at all.
Go forth and explore.. It's been historically proven that human learn a lot more from their own errors than from other people's experiences. The trick is, to know why it happens and not to repeat them..
Sis, I want you to know that you can always approach me for help or advices. If you think that by confiding in bestfriends are going to help you, well.. think again. My ex-bestfriends' bad advices were the ones that always landed me into trouble previously. Although I can't blame them 100% because they meant well.

Contrary to what you may have believed, I am actually an easy-going and open-minded sister. I've spent a lot of time being with colourful people from all blocks of life, that nothing you say or do can ever make my jaw drop in awe/disgust/shame/envy. Let's hope that would never happen, ok? It's a different ball game altogether when sh*t happens to your own flesh and blood. Heh~
Oh ya, just want to let you know that talking to you nowadays have become a tad more tolerable ever since we don't live under the same roof anymore.

Hahaha..
Sad but true..

Tata for now~~

Inna Lillahi Wa Inna Ilayhi Rajioun

~Inna Lillahi Wa Inna Ilayhi Rajioun~
:: We are from Allah and to Allah we shall return ::

A life was lost yesterday..
What a waste.. Such a waste..

I mourn for you..
I mourn for your lost love..
I mourn for your lost son..
I mourn for your lost brother..
I mourn for your lost friend..
I promised myself that I would not cry..
When I see all of you breaking down and cry from the pain and the guilt..
I just couldn't stop myself.. It's only natural..
But all the tears in the world is not going to make him come back again..

I heard so many voices yesterday..
'He's so young..'
'He's so stupid..'
'He's so romantic..'
'He's so brave..'
'What a moron..'
'What he is trying to prove..'
I bite my tongue and reserve my comments..
Who am I to judge your actions?
No one knows what really happened.. only you..
We can only speculate what you'd done to yourself based on the series of events that look like a huge jigsaw puzzle to us..

I just hope that you will finally find the peace that you've been looking for..
I shall pray for you.. May Allah forgive you.
Amin.

:: RIP ::
1978 ~ 2006

Who is afraid of the dark?

Last night, hub played a mean trick on me. He was acting all creepy and looked at me in a scary way. I was watching Seinfeld on Starworld when he switched the TV off. We were teasing each other earlier on and he had hidden the TV remote control. So I just walked over to the TV and turn it on by using the buttons on it.
After that, he switched the TV off from the main switch, gave me a creepy smile and rolled his eyes (to show the white side of his eyes). I hate it whenever he did that kinda thing because it reminded me of my mean older brother who love to frighten me when I was a little girl.
When I ignored him and went to the toilet, he switched off the lights while I was inside! I quickly ran out of the bathroom and sat on the bed because I was afraid of the dark. He then proceeded to give me that same creepy smile and switched off ALL the lights in the bedroom. The only light that was available came from the PC green LED. The green LED flashes on and off continuously on hub's face and it also gave the dark room a creepy atmosphere. Hub kept on looking at my face with no expression on his face and it really frightened the hell out of me. *faint* I can't believe that I am afraid of my own husband.
I couldn't move my legs. My heart was beating very fast. I panicked so I did the most sensible thing I could think of at that moment...................................................................................

that is to cover my face with a pillow to avoid Azmi's creepy face and ...
....
....
....
cried like a little wussy! Hahahaha.. I felt so silly after everything was over. See, I told you that I am a scaredy cat!

Of course he apologised. His reason for doing that to me? He thought that I can face my fear and get it over with. So that he don't have to accompany me to the kitchen when I have to make myself a cup of milo in the middle of the night. Hahahahaha..

I can't help it lah. I have an hyperactive imagination. In the dark, with my poor night vision, I will imagine that the beige-coloured towel that is draped onto the computer chair is a lady in white looking at me with her bloodshot eyes. The terror can grip me so hard that I couldn't move a single muscle. This new fear started to plague me ever since I move to Ubi. When I was staying in Kallang, I could walk around in the dark even when the whole house was only illuminated by the stars in the sky. I know every bumps and every cracks in every corner of that house. I enjoyed being alone at night and could go to the bathroom without even turning on the lights.

Sigh..

Maybe I haven't really adjusted myself to this Ubi house. It's my first time staying in a big house whereas all my life I am used to a 3-room flat. In Ubi, I feel like I am being watched and I hated the deafening silence when I am all alone. I have to turn on the TV or the mp3 player to keep me company.. Which is a lot of difference because I used to enjoy the silent calming atmosphere in my old home.

I love the way my parents' bedroom looked like in the afternoon when the sun is shining onto the bed from the opened window. I love to lie down on their bed right where the sun is shining on because it's warm and it makes me feel like I am lying next to my mother. And whenever I used to lie down on my parents' bed to take a nap, there is this smell that comforted me. I can't describe the smell to you but I guess you can experience it yourself when you just take a deep whiff of a towel that was washed and hung to dry in the sun.

And if I were to smell something similar somewhere else, I feel like I am being transported back into that room with the sun shining on that bed. Then the feeling of emptiness / happiness / sadness will sometimes overwhelm me that it can bring tears to my eyes. But it depends on my mood at that time.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Analysis of my handwriting..

I took a test to analyse my handwriting and here is my result. Surprisingly, a lot of it describe me kinda accurately. Especially about the procastinating, me being sarcastic and the sharp 'm' part. The truth hurts.. but I guess it's ok. I already know that I am the Queen of Procrastination. Lol!

For a graphologist, the spacing on the page reflects the writer's attitude toward their own world and relationship to things in his or her own space. If the inputted data was correct Ayu has left lots of white space on the all four borders of the paper. Ayu fills up just the center area of the page. If this is true, then Ayu has a particular shyness toward people and a fear of moving too fast in any direction. In some cultures, respecting people, rules, and adhering to protocol are ways of life. The right side of the page represents the future and the left side represents the past. Ayu seems a bit stuck in the middle, afraid to take action. Ayu seems to have a fear of looking bad or of crossing boundries. It will be easy to work with Ayu on a team, because Ayu will usually follow the rules. However, this desire to respect the boundries can often be construed as a lack of confidence and people will walk over Ayu if she is not careful.

Ayu has a healthy imagination and displays a fair amount of trust. She lets new people into her circle of friends. She uses her imagination to understand new ideas, things, and people.

Ayu is very self-sufficient. She is trying not to need anyone. She is capable of making it on her own. She probably wants and enjoys people, but she doesn't "need" them. She can be a loner.

Ayu has a tendency to put things off, Ayu procrastinates. She sometimes pretends to be busy, so she will not have to do whatever she is putting off. She is often late to appointments or deadlines. This usually leads to a great amount of effort at the last minute to meet the deadline. Procrastination is an important factor as it relates to her output on the job or at school. Remember, Ayu will put it off until later. Procrastination is easily overcome through a simple stroke adjustment in the handwriting.

Ayu is sarcastic. This is a defense mechanism designed to protect her ego when she feels hurt. She pokes people harder than she gets poked. These sarcastic remarks can be very funny. They can also be harsh, bitter, and caustic at the same time.

Ayu is a practical person whose goals are planned, practical, and down to earth. This is typical of people with normal healthy self-esteem. She needs to visualize the end of a project before she starts. she finds joy in anticipation and planning. Notice that I said she plans everything she is going to do, that doesn't necessarily mean things go as planned. Ayu basically feels good about herself. She has a positive self-esteem which contributes to her success. She feels she has the ability to achieve anything she sets her mind to. However, she sets her goals using practicality-- not too "out of reach". She has enough self-confidence to leave a bad situation, yet, she will not take great risks, as they relate to her goals. A good esteem is one key to a happy life. Although there is room for improvement in the confidence catagery, her self-perception is better than average.

Because Ayu has sharp needle pointed 'm' and 'n' humps, she has a very sharp mind. She instantly sizes up situations, making instant decisions. She thinks and evaluates circumstances very rapidly. Many people with this type of mind are geniuses, thus she may be seen as highly intelligent. Ayu is often irritated by slow talkers or slow thinkers. If she drives, she gets irritated by slow drivers in the fast lane. She quickly becomes bored when being taught on the level of the slowest student in class. She may be on problem number three when the rest of the class is on problem one. Ayu is curious and very active. In fact, in school she might have been a trouble maker because she thought so much faster than the other kids, she finished her work first, thus having plenty of time on her hands to make trouble!

Diplomacy is one of Ayu's best attributes. She has the ability to say what others want to hear. She can have tact with others. She has the ability to state things in such a way as to not offend someone else. Ayu can disagree without being disagreeable.

Ayu is secretive. She has secrets which she does not wish to share with others. She intentionally conceals things about herself. She has a private side that she intends to keep that way, especially concerning certain events in her past.

Ayu uses judgment to make decisions. She is ruled by her head, not her heart. She is a cool, collected person who is usually unexpressive emotionally. Some may see her as unemotional. She does have emotions but has no need to express them. She is withdrawn into herself and enjoys being alone. The circumstances when Ayu does express emotions include: extreme anger, extreme passion, and tremendous stress. If someone gets her mad enough to tell her off, she will not be sorry about it later. She puts a mark in her mind when someone angers her. She keeps track of these marks and when she hits that last mark she will let them know they have gone too far. She is ruled somewhat by self-interest. All her conclusions are made without outside emotional influence. She is very level-headed and will remain calm in an emergency situation. In a situation where other people might get hysterical, she has poise. Ayu will work more efficiently if given space and time to be alone. She would rather not be surrounded by people constantly. In a relationship, she will show her love by the things she does rather than by the things she says. Saying "I love you" is not a needed routine because she feels her mate should already know. The only exception to this is if she has logically concluded that it is best for her mate to hear her express her love verbally. Ayu is not subject to emotional appeals. If someone is selling a product to her, they will need to present only the facts. They should present them from a standpoint of her sound judgment. She will not be taken in by an emotional story about someone else. She will meet emergencies without getting hysterical and she will always ask "Is this best for me?"

People that write their letters in an average height and average size are moderate in their ability to interact socially. According to the data input, Ayu doesn't write too large or too small, indicating a balanced ability to be social and interact with others.

I got this from Songde's blog. So if you want to get your handwriting analysed, just click on this link --> http://www.handwritingwizard.com/main.phtml
My advice to you before you attempt to take the test is to write a few paragraphs on a piece of blank paper.

BUZZzzzzz...

I've been a busy little bee lately. Been buzzing around in the office and at home. So many things have happened and yet I can't find the time to write about it.

Let me recall..
30/05/06 - While I was at work, I received an sms from Pak Busu saying that my grandfather had fall down and his head was bleeding profusely. If you can refer to the previous post about how someone I know is in a coma because of a fall, you can imagine how I freaked out when I read that message. Then when I called him on the phone, he sounded like he was in a panic. Gosh.. It was another 30 mins before I could go home. Couldn't think straight. My elder sister sms the same thing to me. They tried contacting my brother but his handphone was off. So I called Azmi and tell him that we need to rush to Lakeside after work to see Atok.
He was finally wheeled to the clinic and thank God nothing bad happened. He just needed a few stitches on his head for the cut. Everyone was there except for my mom. She needed to rest at home because she was supposed to have an operation the next day.

31/05/06 - Mom went for cataract operation on her left eye. It was supposed to be a simple operation but end up my mom kept on vomitting hours after she was operated on. Luckily me and hub was there to help her. The nurse had to give her a special injection to keep the food down but it didn't work. She kept throwing up whatever the nurse gave to her. So we decided to just hurry up and bring her back home. On the way back, she nearly vomitted in hub's car.
But after eating a bowl of porridge, the vomitting bouts stopped and then I let her lie down and rest. Cian mak..
As for me, dah lah penat kat spital belom hilang, then I have to clean the house in Kallang and cook and make sure everything was ok before I left for Ubi. Mom said that this operation is more painful than the one performed on her right eye. We brought this up to the doctor but she can't find anything abnormal. After a few days later, Mom said that it's feeling a bit better so there was no need to worry.

01/06/06 - 05/06/06
My partner was on leave, so I was kept on my toes at work. Due to the heavy workload, migraine managed to sneak in to give me hell. Gulped down 2 tabs of Pacofen with 2 cups of coffee to keep myself sane and alive.

The weekend was relaxing for me though. We stayed at home lazing around, doing laundry and playing games on the xbox. We were supposed to send my grandfather to JB but my aunt cancelled it at the last minute. There was a wedding dinner of hub's friend to attend to but we didn't go since he have to be on standby for a server migration at work. Haiz...
We didn't even go to my dad's relatives' wedding in JB because of this. So we just send our regards to them through my mom.

Oh ya.. Kak Hafizah finally getting married on 27th Aug this year. I am so excited for her. Hehehe. I can't wait to go to her wedding in KL because I heard her wedding theme is going to be almost the same as mine.
And then there's another wedding to attend to in Melaka during the same month. *scratch head*
This one must attend because the bride is Cik Nor's youngest sister. Cik Nor and her family had helped me a lot during my wedding by providing me with the yummy dodol as wedding favours to my guests. I really appreciated all their help so it means I have to 'rewang' for this wedding. It's been so long since I really get my hands dirty during a wedding. The last time I really helped out was for Abang's wedding. That was like eaons ago. And I didn't really help much because it was held during my poly exam period and I had to rush off to make time to study.

Fuh! So many weddings to attend to.. ;p~

Signing Off~~

Empathy..

Have you ever experienced a moment of intense sadness and vulnerablility that it rendered you speechless?

I did.

Last Sunday.

Let me tell you why...

A close family friend of my in-laws was in a comatose stage when she fell down while bathing on Saturday. Her daughter was the one who discovered her in the morning. So on Sunday, we went to pay her a visit.
I don't really know the details behind her illness but when I saw her lying on the hospital bed with all the equipments attached to her.. I don't think I want to know the details.

I don't know why I felt so affected by all of it.
I don't really know her. I even send her daughter (who is a member of a forum but I've never met her before) a PM to tell her how sorry I am about her mom's situation. Maybe it's because of me being too emotional. I feel for people's pain. For e.g. if I were to watch somebody pinch my hubby's nose really really hard, I can feel my nose twitch and it kinda hurt.
I still can't forget the scene from Hannibal where the guy's head was cut open to reveal the brain while he was still alive.. Yikes.... My scalp tingles whenever I recall that scene in my mind.
Or the scene in Saw where the doctor have to saw off his own feet in order to rescue his family.. *shudder*

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Well, now that I've mentioned Hannibal & Saw, let me tell you something about myself..
I can never watch a horror movie alone. I really hate to admit that I am such a scaredy cat.. Hehehe..
Azmi have such a wild time scaring me out of my wits sometimes. Arrghh!
And I don't have the guts to play Doom3 again on the Xbox. I got hubby to buy it for me but the game have been sitting on the shelf ever since there was an incident where I nearly peed in my pants while playing it. Dang! Those zombies really give me the creep.. Hahaha..

Sshhh.. Let it be our little secret ok?

I think I better stop here before I spill out more unsavoury secrets about myself to you guys.. ;p~

Why?

Some people ask me why I don't allow any commenting on my blog. The reason is simple. I don't have the time to moderate/read it.
I don't even have time to update my blog regularly.
And I've seen lots of examples around me where readers abuse this function and use it as a medium for attacking the authors. bleah~~

So if you feel that you have something to say to me, just drop me an email at idayunor@hotmail.com
I do make a point to check my emails almost everyday and I'll try to set aside some time from my busy schedule to reply to my fans' emails.. Hahaha..

Another long post~~~

I just realised that I've typed out the previous entry in English. Hmmm.. Why ah? And I can't imagine letting my mom read it. Heehehe.. Malu ah nak feeling2 ni..
But I will let her read it one day..

Hub said the other day that he had developed an application for his company and it will be patented under his name. Which means a lawyer will have to be there and hub will have to sign some documents to say that no one can copy/make use of it without his permission. Gee.. It all sound sooooooo grown-up.. Hahahaha..

I feel so damn proud of him! He have went a long way to be where he is right now and he's not even a poly graduate. ;p~

Now moving on to something else..
Here's a lyric that I want to share..

Depeche Mode - Somebody

I want somebody to share
Share the rest of my life
Share my innermost thoughts
Know my intimate details
Someone who'll stand by my side
And give me support
And in return
She'll get my support
She will listen to me
When I want to speak
About the world we live in
And life in general
Though my views may be wrong
They may even be perverted
She'll hear me out
And won't easily be converted
To my way of thinking
In fact she'll often disagree
But at the end of it all
She will understand me
Aaaahhhhh....
I want somebody who cares
For me passionately
With every thought
With every breath
Someone who'll help me see things
In a different light
All the things I detest
I will almost like
I don't want to be tied
To anyone's strings
I'm carefully trying to steer clear of
Those things
But when I'm asleep
I want somebody
Who will put their arms around me
And kiss me tenderly
Though things like this
Make me sick
In a case like this
I'll get away with it
And in a place like this
I'll get away with it
Aaaahhhhh....

Beautiful lyric but the song is hideous.. Well, this is my opinion.. Sorry if I've offended any Depeche Mode fans out there.
Anyway, when I was a kid, I found one of my neighbour's portfolio in my brother's cupboard. She wrote this lyric on the front page in gorgeous cursive handwriting and it made quite an impression on me. And it kinda made me want to be the woman described in that song. Lol! And I was only a kid, mind you..
I want to be someone who will listen to other people's views but will not be swayed nor converted. (Some people might misunderstood it as being stubborn)
I want to be able to hear my friends' deepest, darkest secrets.. no matter how perverted, skewed or sick and I would never judge them for it.
I want to be able to hold my own views on some things and will stand up for whatever I strongly believe in. (Even though I got into a lot of trouble in the past because of this)

Some men can't stand to be in the company of a woman who are more confident, intelligent and educated than them. And some of the elders think that it's such a waste of time & money to educate girls because they are going to end up cooking & cleaning for their husbands. Arrrghhh..!

I am glad that my mom don't think like these people. She's the one who encouraged me to finish my studies and to go on continuing it instead of just being content with what I have right now. Being uneducated herself, she had experienced first hand of how difficult life can be without education. I admire how she pushed herself to take up massage lessons even when she was faced with a lot of obstacles and objections from the people around her. One of her advice to me was,
'Don't rely 100% on people around you. Even family members. They might turn around and refuse to help you when you are in need. Learn to stand on your own 2 feet and learn to take initiatives instead of waiting around for help that will never come. This is where a solid education will be useful to you. '

Of course she said it in Malay and I also don't remember her exact words. Heehee.. ;p~
My dad also supports her views on this and worked really hard to provide money for our educations.

A few months ago, I heard from a nenek (not related to me lah), who had offended me tremendously by saying, 'Nenek cakap jgn marah eh? Anak dara zaman dulu tak macam sekarang. Dorang dulu bleh masak, jahit baju, kemas rumah.. Tak kluar rumah merayap.... '
I was so pissed off and I nearly screamed at her ---> 'HALLO NENEK! SAYA CAKAP JGN MARAH OK! ANAK DARA ZAMAN DULU BOLEH PROGRAM C++ TAK? BOLEH BAWAK KENDERAAN TAK? BOLEH REPAIR COMPUTER TAK? BOLEH DESIGN WEBSITE TAK?!!

Instead, I just said,'Dulu lain nek, tak boleh samakan dengan sekarang. Polis sekarang mana ada pakai seluar pendek lagi..'
She didn't look very happy with my reply but we changed the topic to something else.

Sigh..

I don't know why I was so angry with her. I know she can't be blamed because she came from a different generation where women will stay at home, do housework and are content with a basic education in school. After they find a suitable candidate for a husband, they will get married, be a housewife and a mother.

I think I have to explain why I don't know how to sew and why my cooking skills are limited.
From the time I was 5 years old, I was sent to school. This will continue on and on till I graduate. Then after I graduated, I went on to get a job and work till I die.. Where got time to learn all those skills that the previous generations have prided themselves to master? Like sewing, I don't see the need to invest my energy in it when I buy clothes off the rack.. No doubt, I can still repair torn shirts or whatever.. But to learn how to sew an impressive set of curtains for the house?.. No thank you. I can pay someone to do it for me. Ya, I know I can save loads of money by doing it myself but let me say this to you --> You can always earn back the money that you've lost. But how about time, darling?

With the time that I've saved by paying someone else to do it for me, I can do so many other things that I'll enjoy. Heh..

Oklah.. I'll end my post now..

Gee.. I don't know how I can type out such a long boring post.. and at work some more.. Hehehe..

The 3-letter word that means so much to me..

She goes by many names.. You can call her Aminah, Mazni, Ani, Mak Ngah or Mak Long..
But I am just glad and lucky to call her Mak..
Not mummy or mama.. Just this 3-letter word that means so much to me..

I was only 14.
As a teenager, I know that I was a constant pain in your neck..
Not only was I rebellious.. I was a petulant kid and full of angst.
I was angry with the whole world and the pressure to conform to my so-called bestfriends' expectations drove me crazy.
I was unhappy with everything.. My allowance, my homeworks, my teachers, my siblings, my body, my face, my tiny little 3-room flat..
And I thought I was being cool, hating everybody and everything..

I can still vividly recall the day when we had a fight..
The day when you tried to discipline me, I screamed,'I hate it! I am so fed-up! Why did you even give birth to me?!!'..
The look on your face made me think twice of what I'd just said. Your face crumpled up but no tears came out. You just kept quiet and walked away, leaving me speechless and remorseful..
Later on when everything had calmed down, you came to me and explained that every child that came out from your womb is a product of love from both you and Ayah. You said that every parents hope to give their child a better life. Giving birth to us was a joyful thing for you. You proudly said that you will be happy to go through all of it again if you have to. You painstakingly explained to me that the life that we are living right now are what both of you can afford to give to us at that moment....

I didn't take into account that you'd taken up a part-time job to clean rich people's house to help Ayah with the bills and also to make our life a little better with the extra income.
I didn't realised at that time that the smaller the house, the closer our family became. And being middle-income doesn't mean that the quality of life I am living is third-class. In fact, it was a gold-class standard of living that made me into what I am right now. But I was too blind to see. A blind and an ignorant teenager who only cared about herself.

I hate to admit it but I was a messed-up little girl..
When I was a toddler, I was diagnosed with a skin disease that made some areas of my skin to be white. White as snow...
The doctor said that it was due to lack of pigmentation.. I was like an unfinished portrait because the artist had ran out of paint.

My brother used to poke fun of me by saying that I've contracted the disease from Michael Jackson.
But Mak, you were the one who brought me to a skin specialist, trying to get rid of the disease to make your daughter whole again. No matter how hard I tried to resist the treatments, you still persevere and coaxed me gently.

I hated the alcohol solution that you rubbed on my white skin. I hated the time when I had to sit still and sun myself in the kitchen after school as adviced by the doctor. I hated the huge blisters that formed on my skin when I overexposed it to the sun. I hated the ugly scars that were left behind when the blisters have healed. I hated the sleepless nights that I've endured because of the pain. I hated the days when I was unable to walk because of the pain. I hated all the years when I was ridiculed & abused by my schoolmates due to my funny skin disease. How I hated it when I heard paranoid mothers telling their kids not to play with me, because they are afraid their kids might contract my disease. I hated it so much that I didn't think twice when I gulped down 8 panadols to kill myself when I was only 6!

But what I didn't remember was that you were there beside me.. patiently & tirelessly nursing me back to health. And I've somehow forgotten how hard you have tried to console me when I came home crying, unable to take it anymore.. I've forgotten how you yourself had sleepless nights when I was in pain. How you'd wrung your hand in despair, not knowing how to lessen your daughter's agony and tears.. It was a futile attempt to treat my skin problem and seeing how much money was wasted on those treatments that were not working, I just give up. Now I am more in peace with myself and accepted my condition as it is. And I am extremely lucky to have an understanding husband who loves me unconditionally, just like you did..

Mak.. I've read countless sad poems & stories, telling me how they've regretted not cherishing their own mothers when they were still alive. And I just can't stop the tears welling up in my eyes when I read them, reminding me time & time again not to take you for granted.

The fact that you are living on borrowed time and the fact that I am now a married woman, busy with my own daily tasks only made it worst for me.
I miss you, Mak.. And I love you even more..
If only you knew.. If only you can feel how much I love you by the way I kissed you goodbye everytime I am leaving for my new home in Ubi.
I wished that I can turn back the time and take back all the tears & heartaches I've caused you and replace it with your smiles & laughter, day after day..
I wished that I can shoulder the burden that you are carrying right now because of both of your kidneys.
I wished that I can drop all my current responsibilities and be there for you like the way you have been there for me previously but I can't. I am really sorry..

Mak, no matter how hard you mask your pain, I can clearly see through you. I know that you are hiding all these because you don't want us to worry about you. Now I am the one wringing my hand, trying to find ways to make you comfortable while you are plugged to that machine that is helping me prolong your life..

Mak, I want you to know that I admire your strength, your willfulness, your silent dignity, your beauty, your independence, your resourcefulness, your selflessness, your wisdom and your ability to accept and endure what life have thrown in your path.
If one day I may become a mother myself, I know it will be hard for me to stand as equal as you.
I prayed fervently that you will be by my side forever but I know that it's just wishful thinking. A fool's hope.

What I can do right now is pray for God to grant me more time to undo all the damages that I'd done in the past. And the strength to carry on when you are finally at peace..

PS: I took 1 whole day to type the post above because I have to stop once in a while to stop the tears from welling up in my eyes. And in the middle of it, I gave my mom a call to ask how she's been and promise her that I will be going to pay her a visit this Saturday.

Sigh.. Miss her so much~

Yada yada yada..

Warning~~ Long post ahead~

Hub's birthday went by without a glitch. ;p~
We went to watch MI3 by utilising the free movie tix given by my company for my b'day. It's a good movie but I don't understand the twist.. *scratch head* Bleah~~
But it doesn't matter coz I loike Tom Cruise~~. He's 40 and yet he still look so good. Hehehe.
And he kinda remind me of someone I know in Starhub.

Let's move on to other things..

My current weight is now 55kg. I can now do 2 sets of 50 push-ups and 2 sets of 20 crunches.. (now I know why it's called 'crunches', because your face crunched up in a funny way as you try to endure this torturous form of exercise..).
As for my arms, hub recommended me to continue me bench-pressing 5kg till I can feel the pain on both of my arms. I still remember the day I said 'Huh? So little?' when he placed 2.5kg on each side of the bar. He laughed and said that he wanted me to tone my muscles instead of making me bulky. And then when I was on the 2nd set, ah kau~~ I felt as if my arms have turned to jelly. It was as if the 5kg suddenly became 50kg! There was a time that I cried out in pain and nearly dropped the weight onto my OWN FACE! Yikes!!
Lucky hub was there to rescue me..
Tu lah, anggek sangat kan? Padan muka aku.. Hehehe.. ;p~

Oh yeah~~ I defeated Azlan in a short race from the lift to our house, which is a good 50m distance and he lost.. Hahaha.. I am surprised at the short spurt of energy that I have and I didn't even lie on the floor gasping for air when I reached the door.
MIL didn't know of course.. I am sure she will 'geleng her kepala' seeing how her DIL is behaving like a kid. LoL!

Ok.. One more thing to update here..
We went to Kampung Chai Chee Restaurant last Saturday. Busu treated all of us for dinner since she sold her old house and will be moving to a new one in Sembawang. All of hub's relatives were there. Service was good. They even gave away a few stalks of fresh flowers to the mothers in our group since it was a day before Mother's Day. I personally recommend you guys to buy the Black Pepper Crab. Syiook babe~ Bila tengah makan, telinga goyang2.. Tak ingat dunia when you eat it.. Hehe..

I received funny looks when I gave the Shark Fin Soup a pass. They thought that I don't like to eat fish. Hah! WRONG!
Here's a random fact about me --> I don't eat Shark Fin Soup~
I don't eat it because I've seen how many sharks have died unnecessarily & cruelly to provide us with that dish. As far as I am concerned, the bowl that contains that dish looks like it's filled with blood. Anyway, it's bloody unhealthy to eat it. It's laced with mercury, which do not have any benefit to one's health at all!!! Well... other than making men sterile. So guys, if you are planning not to have anymore kids, go on and indulge yourself in this dish. Muahahahaha..
Here's a few links regarding the mercury level in case you all don't believe me.
http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2002/07/31/world/main517011.shtml
http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?file=/g/archive/2003/01/20/urbananimal.DTL
http://www.jamiebaldwin.co.uk/bbc%20nature/BBC%20-%20Nature%20News%20-%20Shark%20fin%20mercury%20claims%20damage%20restaura.htm

I particularly like the way this Malaysian author wrote this article.. http://thestar.com.my/lifestyle/story.asp?file=/2006/1/29/lifefocus/13243353&sec=lifefocus

Here's a few excerpt from that same article which I find to be quote-worthy:

'To make the soup, the fins are cooked for hours until the cartilage separates into needles. Shark fin soup is basically boiled cartilage! The fins have little real nutritional value. They may have texture, but don’t offer much taste. It’s the broth – made of pork, chicken and mushrooms or whatever – that gives taste.
So the fins cost a bomb, have no taste and offer no health benefits. Plus, there’s a terrible ecological toll – we are eating sharks to extinction!'

'The claims that shark fin soup is an energy tonic or increases potency have no scientific basis.
In fact, the reverse may be true. Long-term shark fin consumption could even cause sterility in men because of mercury contamination.
Mercury, used industrially for making plastics and batteries, pollutes many rivers and seas. Many species of fish are affected but mercury content is much higher in sharks. At the top of the food chain, sharks ingest all toxic material consumed by smaller fish. A Thai government survey found seven of 10 shark fin samples to be contaminated.
For this reason, the United States Environmental Protection Agency has advised pregnant women not to eat shark meat. Britain’s Food Standards Authority has also warned against serving it to children.
Mercury, by the way, is known to affect the nervous system. It was once used in the process of making hats, but drove hat makers mad – thus, the phrase “mad as a hatter”.'

'But the real tragedy in shark fin soup is the way in which the fins are procured. Typically, fishermen cut the fins off and throw the sharks back into the water, because the meat has little value. As sharks need fins to swim and must move to get oxygen, the mutilated sharks then bleed to death or drown. Divers have discovered huge shark graveyards.'

'Every year, some 100 million sharks are killed, says conservation group Wild Aid. Hong Kong alone imported the fins of 28 million sharks in 1999.'

'Unlike many other fish, sharks reproduce slowly. They take years to reach sexual maturity – 30 years for the sand bank shark. Some sharks only produce two young in a breeding cycle. Depleted shark populations take a long time to recover, if they can recover at all.
Sharks have been around for the past 400 million years. They are the predators at the top of the ocean’s food chain. If they were to become extinct, it is not known how this would affect the ocean’s ecology in the long term. Now tell me, is that bowlful of prestige really worth this?'

Don't try to tempt me by saying how delicious it is.. because I KNOW! I've eaten it before when I was young, stupid and uninformed. Shark fins itself are tasteless but it was transformed into a delicious dish when the rest of the ingredients are added in. Duh~~
If I've offended you with the above paragraph, I apologise. It's just that I am very passionate about animals. I hate to see them caught by fishermen, have their fins cut off and thrown back into the sea to DIE just so that human beings get to eat a small part of their body. It's such a waste. Will talk more about my passion in one of my future postings.. I sure do hope that what I've written above might change your opinion on eating that dish.
And also I hope that you will remember what I've wrote in here the next time you are about to dig in into a bowl of boiled shark fin soup.

Ok ok.. back to the dinner outing..
And as usual, his aunts were asking me if i dah ada. They didn't know what happened to me last week actually coz I didn't really tell anyone about it except for a few people. So I just replied "InsyaAllah. Belom ada rezeki lah. Doa2 kan lah eh?" To which they replied "InsyaAllah" and proceeded to look like they pity me. Grr...

Thanks gals.. For the kinky gifts..

Now I know that I have very horny and kinky friends, who gave me & hubby (since his b'day is only 5 days away from me) kinky gifts to spice up our sex life.. Lol!

Thanks ar~ It's spicy enough for me liao.. Scared later too spicy, I cannot take it.. Hehe..

And it also gives me an idea on what to give hubby for his b'day..
Nope, not gonna type it all here.. There are underage kids reading this blog anyway..
I am just tell you this -----> it's got something to do with chocolate-cherry scented warming massage oil.. Yummy!

My Sis-in-law & brother gave me a groovy looking ring.. I love it and I am wearing it right now.

Oh ya.. I had a few lovely surprises on my b'day.. There was a delivery of a large bouquet of gorgeous red roses and pink tulips (my fav.....!) at 3pm. My colleagues came over to hand-deliver it to me since I was on the phone. When I saw it, I was shocked and speechless for a few seconds.. Heh. The customer on the other line was like,'Hello.. Hello.. Are you there?'.. LoL~

So sweet kan? Sighhhhhhhhhhhhhh....... That was before I read the card that was attached to the flowers.. After that, I was blushing endlessly.. ;p~
So malu......... Some of my colleagues was giving me naughty winks and smiling weird smiles at me.. ;p~

Another lovely surprise was when I thought we were having a romantic dinner, just the two of us until I accidentally read the sms in his handphone. We were on the way to the restaurant when I was fiddling innocently with his O2 mini. It showed that he was planning with our friends to surprise me. Too bad, I read the sms and ruin the surprise.. Hehe..

I'll rate that day as Best B'day Day ever~~

Happy b'day to me.. Happy b'day to me..
Happy b'day to meeee...

Happy b'day to me...

Hubby woke me up this morning by wishing me a very Happy B'day with a kiss.. If anyone were to ask me what's my b'day wish was, I'll tell them that it have already came true.. I am falling in love all over again..
Ish.. Kalau aku tau, dah lama aku kawen.. Hahaha..

Sigh.. I am floating in marital bliss... On cloud nine... Waking up every morning with a smile on my face...

Ok ok.. I'll stop all that mushy2 stuffs ok.. So you guys can stop gagging already.. ;p~

I am happy to report that I don't have flabby arms anymore. When I wave goodbye, I don't have any extra jiggling sensation.. It's well defined and toned.
And I can do 50 push ups without even breaking into a sweat. (I can vaguely recall the day when I nearly fainted when I tried to finish 20 push-ups. Macam nak terputus tali perut!)
It's only a matter of time before all the babats dissolves to reveal my stomach muscles. ;p~

We have been utilising the gym regularly now with my hubby as personal trainer. I feel stronger and more confident of my body.. Even my body posture have improved tremendously.

Oh ya.. Thanks to all who wishes me Happy B'day.. Just wanna remind you guys that I am still 24.. And don't you ever forget that!

Hehehehe.. ;p~

I am bored.. Really bored..

Really really really bored...

B O R E D !

PS : It's my birthday tomorrow.. Another year older.. Big deal.. Bleah~
If any of you guys are thinking of buying me a gift, I really don't mind getting books called 'Sorcery' or 'The Light Fantastic' by Terry Pratchett. Hehehe.. *hint* *hint* *nudge* *nudge*

Why I go berserk the other day.......

Here's an explanation over my crazy action the other day.

There are days when I am an angel. A saint. Pure. Innocent. Compassionate. Loving. Cuddly.

And sometimes I can be really mean, cold-hearted and really really cruel. Ooooh.. Not to forget, I love a good schadenfreude. (Haha.. I've always wanted to use that word! Thanks to a special someone for introducing me to it.)

Why am I like that? Don't ask me, I don't even know.. Hehehe..

Someone told me that these are the traits of a psychopath.. Har Har Har.. Very farnie ah~ You know who you are..

Anyway, I only divulge my deepest, darkest secret with the selected few people.. These are the people who I know would never judge me for my action and could never ever blackmail me with my secrets due to the fact that I KNOW WHAT THEY HAVE DONE IN THE PAST! *insert evil laugh here*

Just kidding~!


I am truly running out of ideas on what to write in this blog. Arrghhh..

Some people are soooooo lucky~

Yeah.. Some people are born lucky.. They have the ability to eat & enjoy all the food that I love and still look like a supermodel.. Haha..

Unfair isn't it?

Sigh..

PS: Yes.. I am talking about you, Kak Mas.. I am sooooo jealous of your figure.. Bleah~.. ;p~

To Turkey and back again..

Nothing much to update. We went for our honeymoon in Turkey on the 22/03/06. It was a 10-day trip with a fantastic tour guide. It's not as if I don't want to relive the memories by typing it all in here but I am kinda lazy and couldn't be bothered.

Hahaha..

The only thing that really burnt into my brain (& heart) is how a leather jacket that cost as much as half of my salary was ruined when my dear hubby hand-washed it and wrung it dry..

Arrghh.. I've told him not to wring it but he said that the crease will go away once it's dry.

Well, it didn't go away.

When he surfed the web to find some solutions, one of the website clearly informed us that we are not supposed to wring it. So now the jacket is left in the cupboard till we have the time to send it to the dry-clean to have it ironed. The only thing that made me feel better about the jacket incident was that hubby washed & wrung his own jacket too.. Lol.. Padan muka.. ;p~

I'm a lean mean eating machine..

I don't know what is wrong with me. I am constantly hungry and constantly craving for food. I know that I am NOT pregnant. So it's must have been because of this vitamin supplement that I've been eating since a month ago. It's from GNC, and it contains all kind of 'good stuffs' like royal jelly, some bee pollen and watever watever..

I am eating 3 full meals a day.. *gasp* which is a far cry from the 1 meal a day while I was single. Heran tak? I only ate lunch last time but I don't always feel hungry. Instead, pb was always having difficulty to ask me to have a decent meal with him. I was always skipping dinner & breakfast. But I definitely don't remember the hunger pang that I am having right now. Geeeez.. what's happening? It's embarrassing to salivate when you overhear what your colleagues is going to have lunch.. *slaps forehead*

Don't even think of asking me to weigh myself right now!! I'll only end up feeling depressed and ugly and bloated and fat and hating myself. Arrrghhh.. I loathed looking at myself in the mirror while naked and looking for fats and bulges on my butts and tummy. I am so tempted to go to a pharmacy to get those 'miracle' drugs to help me but but but.. the side-effects is horrible..! Well, I guess I have to get rid of all this blubber the old fashion way.. *sob* *sob* Anyway, I am still trying to get hubby to train me using his gym set. Can't wait to start working out with him as my trainer.. Hehehehe..

Kinda true about me.. Heee heee..

You are an Enchantress.. somewhat an enigma, you would love to change the world. You hold strong views and, would love nothing more, to use your magic to change the world around you.When in conversation, you listen, take on their comments, and fantasise how you could improve things. Quite the idealist, you think you have all the answers, whether for right or wrong.You hold your intellect high, and believe you can change the world! In a relationship, you need a partner of high intellect. The world and you, often seems at odds, with you frequently seeing things from a different pointof view. You have a connection with nature, often stating, that things will take their natural course. Nevertheless, secretly, you would like to use nature to your own ends. Your good points are that you are intelligent, instigative and thoughtful and your bad points are, you can be single-minded, misled and remorseless. You feel that your superior knowledge should astound everyone around you; and you wish for respect from your peers.

The sad and sorry tale of a blue lobster..

My parents have 2 fish tanks where they keep an assorted array of marine animals.of all of it, I can only identify goldfish, ikan betok, freshwater lobsters and guppies. and i have completely no idea what's the rest.

anyway, I thought that I'll divert my attention from my daily nonsensical rant and talk about this special lobster that lives in my parents' aquarium.

one gloomy monday morning, I was abt to go to the toilet and suddenly, to my surprise, there's a tiny little blue lobster near the porcelain cistern. Initially, I thought it was a scorpion but was relieved to see that it was a harmless lobster. I can't imagine the horror if my inquisitive little kitten were to see it first. the poor little bugger would be shred into pieces. LOL!

my mum promptly picked it up and put it back in the aquarium. she herself have absolutely no idea how it escapes for it's impossible for it to propel itself (like in finding nemo) as there's nowhere it could propel from. and it's one of the mystery that i m determined to solve. heh.. but that will probably be the topic of another posting.

today's topic will be about why he would want to escape..

the aquarium.. bursting with life.. and food are plentiful from above.

your fate are being decided by the gods that looked at you daily from the other side of the glass. will there be food today? will the tank be cleaned tomorrow? will the lights be switched on this evening? will the pump be replaced once it's faulty?

being a lobster, i don't think u can do much except for eating and defending yourself by not being other species meal. it's a fish-eat-fish world in that tank and thank god that u've not seen what i've seen. but then again, life is comfortable. food comes in regular interval and the tank is clean most of the time. so what more can the lobster ask for? what prompts him to leave such a comfortable environment and embark on a potentially fatal adventure?

does the lobster felt suffocated by all these? does he feel that he is ready for something more, that's y he planned that elaborate scheme to escape from the fish tank?

does he feel that enough is enough, and that he is ready to face whatever challenges there is outside of this fishtank; even if it means being brutally chewed into pieces by a cute, cuddly but gigantic kitten?

does he think that beyond the tank, he will be able to find the ocean?

funny to say this but i feel sorry for that little rebel. i understand how it feels like to get out of your comfort zone to search for something better. with more challenge. only to find that my search is fruitless.

i imagined myself as the lobster, walking around each corner of my house, trying to get a glimpse of the ocean. to get the fresh taste of saltwater. and when i m cold and dreary, starving and weak, my mom's loving hand scooped me out, cleaned me under running tap water and put me back in the aquarium.

and here i am.. back to square 1 again.. hee hee..

oh ya.. just for info, it's a freshwater lobster.

but i was too lazy to retyped my story to change it. it was towards the end of the story that i realised it. sorry.

anyway, since it's a freshwater lobster, if he managed to walk out of my house, go down 3 flights of stairs and walked 500m.. he would have achieved his dreams as my house is situated near the river. ;p~