Still trying to pick up the pieces..

It still hurt a lot to talk about Arwah Mak..

I really wanted to type about what had happened coz blogging for me is some sort of a therapy. Writing about things that had happened in my life seems to help me make sense of it all..

But this event, it’s like picking on a scab of a wound that is trying to heal.

I miss her so much..

Do me a favour.. If you still have a mother, give her a kiss for me.. A real kiss with a solid hug. Shower her with love even if you don’t normally do that..

Do this for me coz I can’t do it anymore. :’(

Thank you.

I miss her..

Mak passed away on the 14/04/09 at 11.54am. We are still coping with her not being around anymore. Missed her so much and I managed to secure the head scarf that she used on the day that we sent her to the hospital. Her scent still lingers on it and I've been taking deep whiff of it whenever I miss her. I have to accept that she is finally at peace.

Innalillahi Wainnalillahi Rojiun..

I redha..

On 16 May 2006, I posted this blog entry. It was typed especially with Mak on my mind.

The 3-letter word that means so much to me..

She goes by many names..

You can call her Aminah, Mazni, Ani, Mak Ngah or Mak Long..

But I am just glad and lucky to call her Mak..

Not mummy or mama.. Just this 3-letter word that means so much to me..

I was only 14.

As a teenager, I know that I was a constant pain in your neck..

Not only was I rebellious.. I was a petulant kid and full of angst.

I was angry with the whole world and the pressure to conform to my so-called bestfriends' expectations drove me crazy.

I was unhappy with everything.. My allowance, my homeworks, my teachers, my siblings, my body, my face, my tiny little 3-room flat..

And I thought I was being cool, hating everybody and everything..

I can still vividly recall the day when we had a fight..

The day when you tried to discipline me, I screamed,'I hate it! I am so fed-up! Why did you even give birth to me?!!'..

The look on your face made me think twice of what I'd just said. Your face crumpled up but no tears came out. You just kept quiet and walked away, leaving me speechless and remorseful..

Later on when everything had calmed down, you came to me and explained that every child that came out from your womb is a product of love from both you and Ayah. You said that every parents hope to give their child a better life. Giving birth to us was a joyful thing for you. You proudly said that you will be happy to go through all of it again if you have to. You painstakingly explained to me that the life that we are living right now are what both of you can afford to give to us at that moment....

I didn't take into account that you'd taken up a part-time job to clean rich people's house to help Ayah with the bills and also to make our life a little better with the extra income.

I didn't realised at that time that the smaller the house, the closer our family became. And being middle-income doesn't mean that the quality of life I am living is third-class. In fact, it was a gold-class standard of living that made me into what I am right now. But I was too blind to see. A blind and an ignorant teenager who only cared about herself.

I hate to admit it but I was a messed-up little girl..

When I was a toddler, I was diagnosed with a skin disease that made some areas of my skin to be white. White as snow...

The doctor said that it was due to lack of pigmentation.. I was like an unfinished portrait because the artist had ran out of paint.

My brother used to poke fun of me by saying that I've contracted the disease from Michael Jackson.

But Mak, you were the one who brought me to a skin specialist, trying to get rid of the disease to make your daughter whole again. No matter how hard I tried to resist the treatments, you still persevere and coaxed me gently.

I hated the alcohol solution that you rubbed on my white skin. I hated the time when I had to sit still and sun myself in the kitchen after school as adviced by the doctor. I hated the huge blisters that formed on my skin when I overexposed it to the sun. I hated the ugly scars that were left behind when the blisters have healed. I hated the sleepless nights that I've endured because of the pain. I hated the days when I was unable to walk because of the pain. I hated all the years when I was ridiculed & abused by my schoolmates due to my funny skin disease. How I hated it when I heard paranoid mothers telling their kids not to play with me, because they are afraid their kids might contract my disease. I hated it so much that I didn't think twice when I gulped down 8 panadols to kill myself when I was only 6!

But what I didn't remember was that you were there beside me.. patiently & tirelessly nursing me back to health. And I've somehow forgotten how hard you have tried to console me when I came home crying, unable to take it anymore.. I've forgotten how you yourself had sleepless nights when I was in pain. How you'd wrung your hand in despair, not knowing how to lessen your daughter's agony and tears.. It was a futile attempt to treat my skin problem and seeing how much money was wasted on those treatments that were not working, I just give up. Now I am more in peace with myself and accepted my condition as it is. And I am extremely lucky to have an understanding husband who loves me unconditionally, just like you did..

Mak.. I've read countless sad poems & stories, telling me how they've regretted not cherishing their own mothers when they were still alive. And I just can't stop the tears welling up in my eyes when I read them, reminding me time & time again not to take you for granted.

The fact that you are living on borrowed time and the fact that I am now a married woman, busy with my own daily tasks only made it worst for me.

I miss you, Mak.. And I love you even more..

If only you knew.. If only you can feel how much I love you by the way I kissed you goodbye everytime I am leaving for my new home in Ubi.

I wished that I can turn back the time and take back all the tears & heartaches I've caused you and replace it with your smiles & laughter, day after day..

I wished that I can shoulder the burden that you are carrying right now because of both of your kidneys.

I wished that I can drop all my current responsibilities and be there for you like the way you have been there for me previously but I can't. I am really sorry..

Mak, no matter how hard you mask your pain, I can clearly see through you. I know that you are hiding all these because you don't want us to worry about you. Now I am the one wringing my hand, trying to find ways to make you comfortable while you are plugged to that machine that is helping me prolong your life..

Mak, I want you to know that I admire your strength, your willfulness, your silent dignity, your beauty, your independence, your resourcefulness, your selflessness, your wisdom and your ability to accept and endure what life have thrown in your path.

If one day I may become a mother myself, I know it will be hard for me to stand as equal as you.

I prayed fervently that you will be by my side forever but I know that it's just wishful thinking. A fool's hope.

What I can do right now is pray for God to grant me more time to undo all the damages that I'd done in the past. And the strength to carry on when you are finally at peace..

PS: I took 1 whole day to type the post above because I have to stop once in a while to stop the tears from welling up in my eyes. And in the middle of it, I gave my mom a call to ask how she's been and promise her that I will be going to pay her a visit this Saturday.

Sigh.. Miss her so much~

Mak in MICU

Friends, please help pray for my mom. Her condition has worsened and she's currently residing in SGH MICU.
Mak's heart stopped this afternoon but the doctors in SGH A & E managed to resuscitate her. She's breathing with the help of machines, her blood pressure is so low even with medications and they are monitoring her situation closely.

The doctors just asked us to be prepared.

Ya Allah.. Please give us strength to go through with this.

'Ayah Bu too..'

I was ecstatic last night. Something wonderful happened.. I wish that I've recorded that precious moment on the video..

It got me floating on cloud nine the whole night..

Sigh.. You must have been thinking what the heck am I rambling on about. Heh.. Well.. Yesterday as I was playing with Alysha, I asked her for a hug.

'Come Alysha, come and hug Ibu.'

As usual, she gave me a tight hug and pat me gently on my back. And as usual too, I will give her a big kiss and said, 'I love you' to her.. Normally, she will reply with some baby talk..

But this time, she replied with 'Ayah bu..'

I was kinda surprised, so I said, 'Oh.. Alysha cakap (said) 'Ayah' and 'Ibu'?.. So clever..'

But suddenly I felt it and then I realised that she had just said, 'I love you'!!!

I was so shocked at this that I just carried her off her feet and twirl her around the room while laughing out loud. Oh baby.. Did you just said 'I love you' to Ibu?

Ayah bu too, darling..

Just blogging about this again today got me so high on love.. I think today is going to be a wonderful day..

PS: Hubby was quite unhappy to miss out on this. And I didn't manage to get Alysha to repeat her performance again for his viewing pleasure. Serve him right for choosing to watch the TV instead of spending time with us. ;p~ Haha..

Alysha Nadya

It's been quite a long time since I blog about my lil Alysha.. It's just that I am having difficulty putting all my thoughts into words right now. She went through a lot of milestones and I am having problems catching up with her.

Every day, she always comes up with something new to surprise me. But there is a little part of me that is asking her to slow down and then there will be other parts of me that just can't wait to see what else she will do tomorrow.

Sigh.. My little baby.. Looking at the past videos when she was just a helpless little bud brought tears to my eyes (It's so easy to make me cry nowadays..). She's blooming so beautifully into a flower. It's happening too fast..

This is the latest video of her creating one of her famous masterpiece on mahjong paper.. Hehehe..

She's wearing a sweet little pink tudung.. with shorts..

Lol~

The things you can get away with if you are just a 15 mth old toddler..

And then here's another picture of the lil makcik in the trolley basket. We were on the way to the supermarket to buy some groceries. Heeehee..

It was our 3rd year anniversary yesterday.. and we didn't get much sleep. And here's why..

Alysha gave us an unforgettable anniversary present. The night before the big day, actually, now that I have time to think about it, it was ON the big day itself as I remembered the time was 12 am. I was just about to go to bed when I heard her coughing. It's the kind of cough that every mother dread to hear, where it always end with a dry heave (I am not sure how to describe it but it's the action that you normally do when you are about to  throw up). And then she will cough some more and if I am fast enough, I will be able to get her to the toilet in time.

I didn't.

She vomited out the content of her stomach on her pillows and mattress. Just when I thought that it was over and wanted to carry her to the bathroom, she let out the rest of it on the way there.. There was half digested food on Alysha, on the bed, pillows, floor, bath mat, laundry basket.. and on me.. yay~!

Hubby (he was watching TV in the living room) came to the rescue and helped clean up the mess while I tried to calm myself down. My baby seems to look relieved instead of sick. Temperature was normal. She was not fussy. Instead, she was cheerful. Phew~

So off we went to the kitchen so that I will be able to fill her tiny tummy again with food. I fed her with nestum and gave her a little milk so that she won't feel hungry in the middle of the night. By this time, both me and hubby was exhausted and the bedroom smell a bit funky.  But little miss chatterbox decided that she wanted to play instead. Bleah~

I think it was only after 2am then she was able to  wind down and get back to sleep.

Yawn.. Zzzzz..

Does Coca-Cola supports Israel?

Another rumour..

'This information is not true, but has been circulated by ill-informed or ill-intentioned third parties. The Coca-Cola Company is not political, and does not support individual countries, governments or political or religious causes.'

Coca-Cola - Contact Us - Middle East Rumors

Rumor Response: Starbucks Statement re: Support of Israel

See..! It's just a rumour.. And this article is quite recent as it is dated 5th Jan 2009.. 

Rumor Response: Starbucks Statement re: Support of Israel

Boycott Watch - Breaking a myth: McDonald's does not support terrorists

This article is dated 7th Oct 2004 but I guess it's still the same. It would be crazy for them to go back and support the Israel now since the rest of the world is watching them.

Boycott Watch - Breaking a myth: McDonald's does not support terrorists

To boycott or not to boycott.. That is the question..

War.. All these while I try not to think about the Israeli-Palestinian conflict. Tried to avoid reading the papers about it and trying my best to avoid watching the news about it.

Until that faithful day, someone else was holding up the newspaper in front of me.. The image of a man carrying a dead baby girl in his arms, running away from a smoke-covered building was on the front page.. It felt like someone had punched me in the face. That girl! She must have been Alysha's age. I could have cried right there and then if I was not in a crowded MRT.

I can't get the image out of my head. The baby was covered in blood. The look on the man's face. It was so heartbreaking. Is she his daughter? What if that happens to me? How would I had reacted if I were to be in that position?

Ya Allah.. I don't think I will be able to take it.

And then it struck me. If it were to happen to me.. If I were to lose my family members in these atrocities.. To lose everything and everyone whom I love.. To have nothing else to live for.. I would be totally devastated and would never think twice about strapping a bomb to my body.. What else is there in store for me?

It's so simple to stand back and say, 'Peace, No War' with your fingers showing the peace sign and a silly grin on your face. But it's another thing when you are the one who is facing all these.

To others, they are terrorist..

To themselves, they are freedom fighters..

-------------------------------------------------------

Someone sent me an SMS to boycott US products (McDonald's & Starbucks).. But I work for a US company.. How? Resign? In this bad economy climate? Go on a strike? What if I get jailed? And then fired from my job? Am I a lesser Muslim for working in a US company? Taking my monthly paycheck from them?

And wait a minute.. Why the sms stresses on McDonald's & Starbucks only? Isn't this for all American companies? How about Coke? Pepsi? Maybelline? Johnson & Johnson? Microsoft? Nestle? Just to name a few.

And how do I go about with this boycott? Stop using and buying their products? But my PC is currently running on Windows which is by Microsoft. How can I function like this? How How How?

Is this boycott really helping? Or will I just be a drop of water in the ocean?

I read further and saw that in Malaysia, some 2000 Muslim restaurants will remove Coca-cola from their menus as a boycott.  Ok, hopefully the upper management in Coca-cola will wake up because of this boycott as they see their profits start plummeting down. And then what? Will this start a chain of event that will get the US to stop supporting Israel? Let me just tell you this --> Somebody is probably sneaking off to the 7-Eleven store in order to get their coke 'fix'.

Well.. Maybe we feel better if we are doing something for our brethren in Palestine by boycotting these companies. It helps to provide a nice warm glow to our hearts and we can safely say, 'At least I am doing something!'..

But alas.. The reality is that these boycotts never really work. And I not pulling your leg.. Go on.. Go and Google about this boycotting business and see if it is able to bring in any changes at all other than to hit these companies at their pocket.

Not only that, if this boycott seems to continue, then these companies bottomline are gonna get hit, then jobs are at risk. So, who gets the crap? It's ordinary people like me (who is working in a US company, let me remind you again..) who will probably get laid off.

So.. Spare a thought for our friends, relatives who are working in the companies that you are boycotting. Unless you are ready to spare a change for them in the future..

What if..

A few nights ago, I asked Azmi, 'What if I gave birth to Alsyha in a remote kampung last year? I could have died!'

Then I jokingly added, 'And become a pontianak.. ' Because I can't stand the look of his face when I asked him that. Hehe..

You see.. A friend of mine, Shamsaath, gave birth to a beautiful son last month.

When we (Suba was there too) came for a visit, she relate her labour stories to all of us. There was a part when the topic was about epidural (coz Sham was saying that she didn't take it.. Hurray for her!) and someone chipped in and said 'It's all mind over body..' As if we asked for his opinion. Bleah~

Note : All the pictures that was taken by hubby during this visit are all blurry, so no pictures are available...

I can't stop thinking about this. Again and again, the image of me lying there on the bed, thrashing and praying as the pain just kept on coming every minute.. Willing myself not to give in and take the dreaded epidural injection.

Then the midwife came and told me that the baby is in distress and that I have to go through emergency c-section if my cervix refuse to open. She advised me to take the epidural injection as the last resort.. 

So there you go.. If on 23rd October 2007, I were to 'mind over body' and refuse to take that injection, I would have a scar on my tummy right now. Even worst, if I were to give birth a 100 years ago, I could have died because of my non-cooperative cervix, the midwife have to cut open my tummy to save my baby and my hubby will have to re-marry. To think that the 'mind over body' comment comes from a man who have never given birth before is completely and utterly insensitive. You are lucky that you are not my hubby coz you'll never hear the end of it.. Lol~

It's time to take your medicine.. Say 'Aaah...'

I got this from theonlinecitizen.com

PM Lee prescribes bitter medicine - again

Saturday, 29 November 2008, 7:53 am 1,798 views

Andrew Loh / Deputy Editor

In February this year, I wrote a piece titled, Bitter medicine prescription - with a little spin thrown in. It was in response to the Parliamentary debate on the budget. Nine months later, we revisit the comments and remarks by some People’s Action Party (PAP) Members of Parliament (MP) made in February and in 2007.

In the earlier article, I asked:

With the cost of living increasing at an alarming rate and inflation breaching record levels, one wonders when Singaporeans will get to “enjoy” the fruits of this so-called “golden era”.

Well, it looks like we will have to wait a little while longer because, just today – 28 November – Prime Minister Lee Hsien Loong said that “there is still bitter medicine to be taken” (CNA), echoing what he said in 2007 with regards to the GST hike:

“Is it better to take your medicine sooner or stretch it out? Take medicine once or two times? I prefer to take my medicine early…” he said then. (CNA)

Then as now, he did not say how long more Singaporeans will have to swallow such “bitter medicine”, of course. But all projections say that the current downturn will last between two to three years. So, that gives us an idea of how much longer the “doctor” will have to prescribe his everlasting “bitter pills”.

But wait.

Were we not told of all the nice things that will happen to us if we took our “bitter medicine” in 2007? During the debate in Parliament on the Budget (and the GST hike) that year, various PAP MPs defended the Government.

MP for Ang Mo Kio GRC, Lee Bee Wah, was reported by the Straits Times thus:

On Ms Lim’s criticism of the timing of the GST hike, she said it was better to raise the tax now while the economy was doing well, rather then wait till things took a turn for the worse. Using a Hokkien phrase, she warned against ‘looking for a toilet only when one needs to pass motion’, a comment that evoked laughter from the House. (Link)

I think Singaporeans are the ones looking for the toilet now, with the bitter pill seemingly a laxative, rather than any actual relief.

Various PAP MPs all had very high praises for the budget then – calling it ‘comprehensive and forward-thinking’, ‘good-intentioned’, one which was ‘made in heaven’, ‘inclusive and a landmark Budget’, ‘pragmatic, innovative and exemplary’, a ‘viable alternative to welfare’, ‘generous and forward-looking’.

Dr Fatimah Lateef was ecstatic, almost in a trance, one would think, in her praise:

Let me share with her (NCMP Sylvia Lim) that nowhere else in the world can you get a Budget which includes love and compassion in abundance as this one.

Well, as they say, love and compassion won’t fill your stomachs.

And so more “bitter medicine” is needed – even after more than a year.

More “bitter medicine” and “bitter pills” for Singaporeans, of course, in case you’re still wondering. For the ministers, they have not-so-bitter medicine for themselves. In fact, just two months after that Parliamentary debate, ministers had the first of their scheduled 3-step pay hike in April 2007. The second rise came in January this year (2008).

What about Singaporeans?

Well, we saw record inflation – and a whole host of costs increases across the board; everything from rice to petrol, bus fares to milk powder. What Singaporeans experienced was a relentless rising cost of living in Singapore. Have a look at the list here but be careful, it might make you puke out the bitter medicine our white-shirted doctors are prescribing.

But lets be serious.

Dear Prime Minister, Singaporeans have taken bitter medicine for more than a year now – since you yourself prescribed it in Parliament in 2007 and you said that “once we have done it, we can move on.” (CNA)

Well, where are we moving on to now? More bitter pills?

Channel NewsAsia, on November 2008, reported you as having said:

Mr Lee said that while there is still bitter medicine to be taken, the Singapore government has put a bit more sugar coating on the pill. (CNA)

Dear Prime Minister, “sugar coating”?

You asked in 2007:

Is it better to take your medicine sooner or stretch it out? Take medicine once or two times?

Dear Prime Minister, I am beginning to feel that your medicine is not very good – or effective. They only seem to make your “patients” dependent on your prescriptions. You seem to take some morbid pleasure in using the term “bitter medicine” too. You have used it twice in two years.

Prime Minister, the very fact that you keep using the terms “bitter medicine” and “bitter pills” show me the insensitivity which you seem to display towards what Singaporeans are going through.

Perhaps you and your team should try and taste some of the bitter medicine you dish out so happily to Singaporeans.

Or perhaps Singaporeans should prescribe some bitter pills for you and your team – at the next General Elections.

Perhaps then, we can all be rid of such neverending sugar-coated bitter pills.

After all, under your leadership, all that Singaporeans seem to be doing these past years is swallowing bitter stuff – while at the same time, being told by you and your Government how exceptional a government you are and how Singapore is in a ‘golden period’.

Someone, certainly, is being fooled.

PM Lee prescribes bitter medicine - again : The Online Citizen - a community of singaporeans

Phewww...

Udah selesai semuanyaaaaa... Hehehe.. This is what my helper will say..

It has been really hectic this past couple of months. What with the moving to a new house, Hari Raya, Alsyha's 1st birthday bash, open house, housewarming, Nor's wedding and getting a helper.

All of the above went pretty well.. Alhamdulillah.. Of course there are hiccups along the way, but it was promptly dealt with..

I hope I did not offend anybody while I was out buzzing about. Honestly, I was soooooooooooooooooooo busy that there are days I just feel like hugging my baby all day instead of going to work. I needed 4-5 cups of coffee to keep me vertical all day. And once I hit the bed, nothing can wake me up.

I really miss doing nothing all day. I miss waking up at 11am. I miss going out with my family for fun. I miss watching movie uninterrupted. I miss hanging out with my friends and talk nonsense all day.

Now it's all work work work, chores, cooking, cleaning, laundry.. But sometimes, Alysha help to keep me grounded and keep me sane. She forces me to drop what I am doing and play with her. Or put her to sleep. We sang songs, read books, splash water while bathing even though I have 150 lines report to complete. In my mind, these moments are only going to be here for a while, the report can always be done later while she's asleep. So that explains the amount of coffee I drank per day.

You see, my sweet boss allow me to work from home whenever it is inconvenient to come to the office. The perks will be that I can wake up a little later, no mad peak hour rush, do my work in my pajamas, pray in the comfort of my bedroom.. But with Alysha around, she insists that I focus on her instead. So I get most of my work done while she takes her nap.

Here is the link to the pictures that Along took on Alysha's birthday party ----> http://thenurlibrary.fotopages.com/?entry=1714535&back=http://thenurlibrary.fotopages.com/?page=0

I didn't manage to snap any picture at all since I kept getting distracted throughout the event. I still can't believe that she is already ONE! It seems like only yesterday I brought her home from KKH. **sob** **sob**

The birthday girl..

Thanks for all who attended to Alysha's birthday party cum Hari Raya Open house cum Housewarming bringing cool gifts.. I hope you guys had fun on that day. But it sure can't beat Along's prezies.. She made a 2009 Calendar using Alysha's pictures from the day she was born till recently and a Winnie the Pooh bear bag. With sweet captions on those pictures. It was the sweetest and most thoughtful gift Alysha had ever received.. Thanks kak!! Gonna bring it to the office to use (and showoff) since Alysha is still too young to understand the concept of months.. Heehee..

On to Nor's wedding, it went smoothly.. Alhamdulillah.. She's still in Bali.. Honeymooning.. hehehe..Will be back this Sunday. There are some glitches on those 2 days but it was not so bad. The pictures aren't ready yet.. will share it here with you all once it is ready..

Previously whenever people asked me when I am going for number 2, I just stare at them like as if they are from another planet. Now? I'll just ask them to ask Nor when she's gonna have her numero UNO! Muahahaha.. Now it's her turn to stare at me like I am 1 crazy woman. Bleah~

Ok, I've finally gotten a domestic helper. Ya ya.. I know, I used to be against the idea of getting a maid. Especially after watching the youtube video of a maid abusing a baby. Ish.. scary lah.

But after weighing all the options, pros & cons.. I am left with no choice. It took me & Azmi such a long time, surveying for a suitable agent and maid till at last we found one. Kak Ogy has been really helpful to me. Even her payment terms are very flexible after I've confided in her about my current predicament. So off she went to Malang in East Java and got me a maid who had worked in Saudi Arabia.

So far so good.. Alhamdulillah.. She's worked with me for the past 1 week. Alysha has yet to bond with her but I can see that it's improving. Her main priority is to take care of Alysha and secondly is to do household chores. Since I am someone who is not so particular in doing chores, I tend to close one eye when it comes to how she does it. As long as it's clean, I am fine. A lot of people seems to be disagreeing with the way I am handling my helper. But come on.. Would you like to be treated that way in a foreign country? Someone mentioned that I shouldn't allow her into my bedroom, but in my house, my bedroom is connected to Alysha's room. So it doesn't make any sense for me to tell her not to come into my room. Moreover, she bathe Alysha in my bathroom, which is convenient since all of the stuffs is in there. She has enough sense in her NOT to come into my bedroom when Azmi is in there. And I do not see the logic that she would not respect me if I let her come into the masterbedroom. How is it that her respect for me will be gone once I let her step into my boudoir? What's the connection?

Sigh..  So I make sure that I treat her with as much kindness, respect and concern as I would like to be treated if I were to be in her shoes. If she betrayed my trust, there will be counseling. If that fails, then it's goodbye..

The reason she came here to work is because her dad is seriously ill. I can empathise with her situation. When she looked at Mak, she said Mak reminds her of her dad. Anyway, I am too soft-hearted to be cruel. Hehehe.. It's probably genetically coded into my DNA.

Ok lah. I don't want to jinx it all by saying too much. This has been a very long post. Hope to start updating it frequently again. Till then, au revoir~

Happiness is being married to your best friend..

I am truly happy.. Alhamdulillah..

You are my super duper BFF.. A place where I am 1000% comfortable and just be myself.. No pressure, stress-free.. And now we are blessed with a lovely daughter..

I love you.. shoooooooo much~

 

Muacks~

Melayu oh melayu..

In the forum, I debated with a lot of forummers pasal Malaysian politics. Tapi disebabkan I sokong the opposition party, naturally, I was almost beaten to death by UMNO supporters over there. Even my intellectual friend, Deviant, has abandoned me there.. he told me that he has given up coz dia dah penat. And he is someone who has a Master Degree in 'some socio-politic thingie'!

Let me set this straight. I took an interest purely as a form of amusing myself while at work. But I was hooked on it as things started getting so complicated and so interesting. I started engaging people on a debate, especially when I know that they are staunch UMNO supporters. Most of the time, I let things slide off because the debate started getting too heated up and too emotional (we are talking about Ayah, Mak, Mak Long -- all of them support UMNO when it was led by Mahathir Mohamed). They don't understand why I keep on promoting Anwar Ibrahim. Hahaha..

But I realised, a lot of Malays are like this. They love to follow.. 'Ikut-ikutan'.. Bila tanya kenapa tak mahu sokong Anwar, they tell me that dia ni ejen yahudi lah, ejen US lah, Anwar gila kuasa, Anwar is the reason why Malaysia tengah huru-hara sekarang. Bleah~

Tapi mereka cuma cakap ajer, takde bukti.. Bila suruh tunjuk bukti, they will melencong to other topics or show examples from other countries that have nothing to do with whatever that is being discussed. Whereas, I, will do my darndest to prove them otherwise with paragraphs from newspaper articles, reputable blogs.

Ketuanan Melayu tu salah. This so-called rights has only benefit people on the top. Yang golongan2 miskin, papa kedana masih juga ketinggalan.

Universiti untuk kaum Bumiputera? This will only churn out graduates (yang dah naik lemak sebab asik kena spoon-fed) who are unable to compete in the real world with bangsa lain.

Cubalah berfikiran terbuka.. think outside the box.. even if that means you have to move out of you comfort zone.. Jangan senang sangat diperbodoh2kan.

Ok.. this brings me to one of my pet peeves.. Bila orang hantar email, baca dan pahamkan kandungannya. Lepas tu, check sahih atau pun tidak sebelum email itu di'forward'kan.

I can't believe that even now, we still have people forwarding emails that have already been proven to be hoax! Why can't you just do a simple search using Google before pressing that 'Forward' button? Do you see Hotmail closing down? Friendster? Or Bill Gate claiming to give thousands of dollars to people who forward emails to their friends?

Masyallah..

AND pleaseeeeeee... don't forward me any chain letters.. coz I've never forwarded any of these emails before and nothing bad had happened to me because of that. I believe that Allah would never let bad luck to happen to me just because I did not forward that 'sad love story' to 5 people in my mailing list.

I think they've confused it with another religion..

You know, I was referring to the one that is always being portrayed in court TV where a witness will have to say with his/her hands on a Bible and say 'I swear to tell the truth, the whole truth.. blah blah blah..'?

Apa dah jadi dah.. This practice of swearing on the Quran has degraded the Quran into another plaything for Muslims in Malaysia. Allah did not bring down the Quran for such purpose but for mankind to seek guidance and learn from it.

A quote from Malaysia Today -->

'Nevertheless, how valid is this swearing on the Quran, which Saiful conducted in the Federal Territory Mosque? Does such a thing exist in Islam? Apparently not, according to Perlis Mufti Dr. Mohd Asri Zainul Abidin, PAS President Abdul Hadi Awang, PAS Spiritual Leader Nik Aziz Nik Mat, PAS Deputy Spiritual Leader Dr Haron Din, and the host of other Islamic scholars regarded as authorities on Islam by most Malays. Anyway, even before Saiful pulled off his little circus stunt, and even before these scholars commented on the spectacle, I had already said that there is no such thing in Islam and is the act of deviant Muslims.'

In case you are wondering what I am blabbering about, it's about what's going on in Malaysia right now. There is this university dropout, Saiful Bukhari, who has accused Anwar Ibrahim of sodomy and the de facto leader of PKR has been charged in court. In 1998, he was accused of the same thing, get beaten up by a POLICEMAN while being detained, got severe back injury due to that and THEN in the end, the court threw out the sodomy charge because of lack of evidence.

In Saiful's sumpah, he said that he was forcefully sodomised. What I don't understand is how 61-year old man with a bad back who can force himself on a 23-year old man who is bigger and stronger than him? Not once, but a few times.. on days that Anwar Ibrahim was having a meeting with 5 people.. And a report leaked from a private hospital showed that Saiful was checked and the doctor has stated that no penetration has occurred..

It.simply.defy.logic.

Hitler & ERP woes..

This video got me laughing histerically..

9 months, 2 weeks and 6 days old..

How time flies when you are having fun! I still can't believe that she's going to be 1 year old in 2 months time..

Milestone :

- Alysha was tricked into standing on her own when I handed her a toy while she was standing by the bed. At first she hold the toy with one hand, but she got curious and let go of the other hand that was holding onto the bed to hold the toy with 2 hands. Naturally, I was so ecstatic by this and I started clapping my hands and exclaimed,'Woah.. Pandai lah anak ibu diri sendiri!' When she realised what happened, she got excited, laughed and then fall on her butt. Lol~!

- Another time she did that, I called her from a few feet away, she tried to move her feet to walk to me but fall flat on her butt again. ;p~

- One tiny little teeth peeking out below. That explains the crankiness and her excessive droolings which she generously shared it with us by wiping it on our shirts when she was carried.

- Can wave bye-bye, make kissing noises and other baby talk like 'babababa'.. etc etc, pout her lips and wrinkle her nose when I say 'Busyuk ah!'..

- Azmi was so happy when Alysha said 'Ayayayaya' (Ayah means Father in Malay).. Well, that was until she started referring everything and everyone with that.. Hahahaha.. I am still trying to teach her 'Ibu'.. There was once she started with 'I' and ended with a raspberry 'buuuuuuuu'.. Still work in progress..

- Points at stuffs/people that she knows. When we ask 'Alysha, mana bird?', she will look up and point to the bird that my father in law keep in the cage in the living room. When I make cat sound, 'Meow', she will look down and try to find a cat. Same goes for her Ayah, Nenek, Atok and Pak Bucu.. When we ask her, she will try to find and point at the person.

- I always play flashcard with her. Now she can differentiate which one is 'Cat', 'Dog' and 'Ball'.. So clever~!

- Will comfort us when we pretend to cry by lovingly placing her head next to our cheeks. Sometimes she will also use her hands to 'sayang-sayang' our face and babble some baby talks. I can't resist kissing her when she do this.

- She's quite sociable. When we were out shopping, she had no qualms at being carried by a friendly salesman who adores her. While waiting to be checked at polyclinic, she will cheekily smile or poke at the bangla sitting in front of us.

One incident that I can never forget, we were sitting in the doctor's office and I was holding her, the doctor was writing stuffs in Alysha's file when my baby used her finger to poke at the doctor. When the doctor turned to look at her, Alysha laughed so happily that the doctor can't help but to also laughed at her playfulness (she was quite stern when we first came in but after that, the doctor can't stop smiling. She said that Alysha is a very friendly baby). Not only that, in that same moment, Alysha turned and plant me a big sloppy kiss on my left cheek. I was floored by her performance on that day. If only I can record it. Since Azmi was waiting outside the doctor's office, he was extremely jealous when I told him what happened inside. Until now, he kept asking Alysha to give him a kiss but she have not given him yet. Bleah~

But she's not always friendly to stranger. I don't know what she looked for, but she will cry if some people try to carry her. E.g., she will cry when Azmi's aunt tried to carry her but she won't cry when it was the uncle's turn. I notice that she is more willing to be with male stranger than with female stranger. But not all the time.

Here are some pictures of my chubby cheeks..

Ok.. Now on to other stuffs. My house is now 40% complete. We will be moving to our new home on 30 Aug 2008.. Just 2 days before the fasting month. And then we will have only 1 month to unpack before Raya comes..

Pressure seh..

I am fat.. but you're ugly.. and I can diet..

I know there's a flaw on the above statement. Coz I can imagine the person will retort back with 'There's such thing as plastic surgery, you know?'... *rofl*

I mean, so what if  you are skinny? Are you putting me down so that you can feel better about yourself?

And whatever happen to being voluptuously sexy? Curves in the right places? Remember black & white movies used to show sex sirens with hourglass silhouettes?  The kind that men used to drool after? Marilyn Monroe, Normadiah, Saloma used to grace our TV sets with their tight-fitting dress, figure hugging kebayas that flaunted their assets. Teenage girls aspired to be like them. What happen to all that?

And look at Salma Hayek, see how NOT skinny she look? (Some folks would probably call her fat.. But I have lots of male friends who adore her..)

Or you can google out Monica Belucci..

Anyway, let me define myself. I am not FAT. I am rubenesque (go check that word out in a dictionary). My BMI index is NORMAL which means I am a healthy and NORMAL woman. You skinny people are the ones who should be ashame of yourself for being abnormal. Hahaha.. Just kidding! Besides, I have big bone. When I starve myself to lose weight, I will look gaunt and unhealthy with bones sticking out of my body. Believe me, I've been there and done that. Just take a look at my wedding pictures. I was at my skinniest. My cheeks were sunken in and pale, feeling tired and faint all the time because of the lack of food and I was always sick. The reason for me to go through all that misery? To ensure that I can fit into my wedding costumes. I was such a silly girl. ;p~

Even Azmi was very unhappy about it at that time. Perhaps that was why he kept putting food into my plate after we are married. Or insisted that we eat heavy meals after 10pm. *chuckles* So at that time when I put on weight and people commented on me, my usual reply was, 'Aku gemok pasal laki aku kasi aku makan banyak2'  LOL! Alhamdulillah! I am blessed to have such a loving husband who doesn't have a skewed perspective of beauty. Whenever I confided in him that so and so called me fat, he laughed out loud and pointed out the flaws in that person's character or physical appearance to cheer me up. For e.g, 'At least your mouth doesn't smell as bad as his!'..

I used to ask myself why I can't look like Kate Moss. You know, waif-like, very fragile-looking little thing. Then I realised, human being comes in all sizes.. Like big bone, broad shoulder, small waisted (aka hourglass), pear shaped, ruler shaped, etc etc.. So due to my big bone structure, if I were work out like crazy, I'll probably end-up looking like the Amazon women. Heh.

I worry for my daughter's self-esteem in the future. Already, there are so many people saying that she's fat or she's going to be fat when she grows up. They poke fun at her and she's only 8 months old. *roll eyes*

Judging from the comments that I've gotten from this website ---> http://www.bfdblog.com/page/3/

'Forty-two percent of girls ages 13-17 and 27 percent of women ages 35-49 answered they would rather be thin and stupid than overweight and smart.'

I can't help but wonder.. Will Alysha be able to take all the ridicules, rude comments and crude fat jokes if she turns out to be overweight in the future. As I've said in my previous post, I love chubby babies. Before I had a Alysha, I was always looking forward to meet Huda (Along's fourth daughter) coz she was such a cute, chubby baby! I love to take a deep sniff on their neck and hair. The smell is simply awesome! Alas~~~ my chubby Alysha had lost some of her chubbiness due to her being so active. Tapi pipi tetap maintain.. Hehehehe.. Oh darling, ibu misses you so much. Can't wait to fly back home..

Judging Ayu..

This is for a certain someone..

Some people thought that they are wise enough to judge me after knowing me for a short period of time. Hah! Even my bestfriends who had known me for almost 15 years, barely scratched the surface.. same goes to my hubby who had known me for almost 10 years.

A few years ago, someone called me an enigma. I am not sure if that counts as a compliment or an insult but I am sure it is true since it came out from the mouth of a very wise old man.

So... Darling, I can only say this to you.. --> There are so many things about me that you don't know. I doubt if you even WANT to know. Therefore you can stop being such a 'know-it-all' and stop spewing things about me coz you do not have a clue of who I am. You are just making a fool of yourself. You are still young, you have lots to learn.. and judging a book just by it's cover can only get you into trouble. Open up your mind.. Go and explore the world. And then you will realise that you are just being childish and silly.

:P~

What does 'Gedegeng' means, Alysha?

Watch the video with the volume on..

Seriously, what does it mean?

And why is it so funny?

Why oh WHY!!! The suspense is killing me..